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Monday, February 3, 2014

The Morning News: Super Bowl Winning, Coca-Cola Hating, and Harry Potter Spouse Swapping

Posted by on Mon, Feb 3, 2014 at 9:15 AM

We all have to dress like this for the rest of the year
  • Andrey Popov/Shutterstock
  • We all have to dress like this for the rest of the year

Beast Mode! 12th Man! I Still Don't Know What These Mean! But I do know how to do math, and it's easy to see that our SUPER BOWL XLVIII-WINNING SEATTLE SEAHAWKS completely trounced the Denver Broncos with a 43—8 win. Partyyyyyyy!

But This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: Along with couch burnings and tiny riots, it appears that some revelers may have damaged the glass in the Pioneer Square pergola.

I'd Like to Teach the World to Shut Up: Coca-Cola's multicultural Super Bowl ad, featuring the national anthem sung in many different languages, pissed off a lot of conservatives. That sound you hear is the sucking absence of my shock.

This Will End Well: Bill Nye, science guy, is going to debate the CEO of the group that made the Creation Museum. You can watch it live, but if you need this debate to sway you maybe you shouldn't?

It's Not a Slutty Shot After All!: There are apparently people who thought the HPV vaccine turned girls into sexed-up fuck machines, so scientists had to waste a bunch of money proving them wrong.

Because Watching a Man Fall From the Edge of Space Wasn't Traumatic Enough: GoPro released new footage of Felix Baumgartner's space jump from the camera attached to his head. This is also a good time to remember that we defunded NASA so much that this little piece of history was sponsored by Redbull instead of, like, our government.

The DREAM is Alive: Listen to 21-year old Carlos Padillo, co-founder of the Washington DREAM Act Coalition, explain how he would be affected by the REAL Hope Act as the senate gears up to pass the act on Friday.

Accio, New Husband: JK Rowling apparently thinks Hermione Granger should have ended up with Harry Potter instead of Ron Weasley. Actually, Hermione should have ditched them both, traveled the world, and used her witchy powers to be the benevolent super queen of the world, because she was the better sorcerer by far.

Student Held in Moscow School Shooting: Another tragedy.

Portland Woman Loses Hand Changing Car Battery: Apparently the hood slammed on her and she was trapped.

Changing the Guard: Microsoft might get a new CEO.

 

Comments (21) RSS

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1
"America the Beautiful" isn't even our national anthem, though I wish it were.
Posted by Thel on February 3, 2014 at 9:19 AM · Report this
2
1) "Beast Mode! 12th Man! I Still Don't Know What These Mean!" So learn. I find it interesting/funny how often Slog writers want to act dumb on sports. Whether you like sports or not, they are part of our culture and well, when you have a hometown team win a major sporting event, it makes you sound just sad.

2) I KNEW that Coke commercial was going to piss off conservatives. Nothing like a little xenophobia to go with your sporting event.
Posted by westello on February 3, 2014 at 9:21 AM · Report this
wisepunk 3
As soon as I saw that coke commercial I said "rednecks across america are freaking out because that song wasn't sung in 'merican!"
Posted by wisepunk on February 3, 2014 at 9:26 AM · Report this
4
Can someone, preferably someone with skydiving experience, explain to me exactly how Felix Baumgartner's space jump was, "Really tough"? I mean, as far as I can tell, he stepped off the platform, fell for a few minutes, then pulled his parachute cord? You could probably train a monkey to do that?

Also, even if NASA had the funding, why would they fund a ego piece for a thrill seeker? Did his stunt advance science in same way? Did it have any effect on our space flight endeavors?
Posted by randoma on February 3, 2014 at 9:29 AM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 5
"If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, then it is good enough for Texas children."
-Rick Perry
Posted by Urgutha Forka on February 3, 2014 at 9:31 AM · Report this
6
What did we learn from Baumgartner's jump? Isn't that the criterion we should use for NASA funding?
Posted by butterw on February 3, 2014 at 9:32 AM · Report this
7
I'm surprised that Coca-Cola and/or their ad agency thought that commercial would play well with football fans.

All of the commercials last night sucked. You would think the best and brightest of Madison Ave could do better.
Posted by WestSeven on February 3, 2014 at 9:51 AM · Report this
8
@7, I don't see any real evidence that any appreciable number of football fans didn't like it.
Posted by GermanSausage on February 3, 2014 at 9:59 AM · Report this
9
@6 back in the 70s and 80s there were a number of NASA scientists and engineers who wanted to test high altitude sky dives and ejection systems. Potentially it could have saved the lives of the Challenger crew. Plans got scrapped for funding. Had they been given the funding, the jumps would have been considerably more impressive than Baumgartner's little hop.
Posted by GermanSausage on February 3, 2014 at 10:03 AM · Report this
10

I know you'll all want to sign up, so here's the waiting list to lease a 2015 Hyundai hydrogen powered fuel cell vehicle:

https://www.hyundaiusa.com/tucsonfuelcel…

Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe http://_ on February 3, 2014 at 10:06 AM · Report this
diminished 11
so i walked under the pergola this morning on my way into work. no visible damage that i could see

@4 it was tough because at that altitude if he had started spinning it was possible that he could do it at such a high velocity that he could have started to bleed out of all his orifices and die. nasa was extremely interested in this because if they had had the knowledge they gained from this when the challenger shit all went down they could have been prepped to abandon ship and skydive back to earth instead of dying in their ship.
Posted by diminished on February 3, 2014 at 10:11 AM · Report this
Sir Vic 12
The Pioneer Square Pergola has taken damage before, and for far less memorable reasons. Is there really 109 year old glass still in that thing?
Posted by Sir Vic on February 3, 2014 at 10:14 AM · Report this
raindrop 13
Warning: I just got a fake "Microsoft Security Essentials" when I clicked the link the new space jump. It would have downloaded malware had I clicked 'Clean Computer'.

When ever you see these, end that browser session and run your own security software. I suggest MalwareBytes.
Posted by raindrop on February 3, 2014 at 10:31 AM · Report this
14
#6 and #9

The Challenger orbiter did not explode (in fact, most of it did not explode in the sense of combustion, plumes of smoke were due to depressurization of liquid fuels hitting the atmosphere and gassifying) but was torn apart from stress (possibly from the booster and tank tearing off but also because aerodynamically it was designed to do one thing -- surf down on air for a landing.

Also the craft hit the water a relatively slow 200 mph (due to drag as the remaining structure spiraled down. Recently a girl whose parachute failed hit the ground and survived (with broken bones, but still living).

Challenger broke up at 9 miles up, well below Baumgartner's jump of 24 mi!

Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe http://_ on February 3, 2014 at 10:35 AM · Report this
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn 15
I can't even remember what life was like before that guy jumped out of a balloon. The History Channel should so some kind of dramatic recreation of how man lived in those days. If you can even call it living, what they did before the balloon jump changed the course of human history.
Posted by Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn http://youtu.be/zu-akdyxpUc on February 3, 2014 at 11:17 AM · Report this
16
The Lesson of the Super Bowl


As in most things and events in life, there is frequently a lesson to be learned and such was the case with the Super Bowl yesterday at New Jersey's MetLife Stadium.

MetLife, an insurance company, several years back, became an overnight bank holding company in order to access those TARP bailout funds (taxpayer funds), and for no reason other than to access those funds.

Did they use some of those funds to pay bonuses to their senior executives?

Most assuredly, as did Citigroup with their hedge fund manager, Jack Lew, our present secretary of the treasury!

For all we know, Citi might have even paid Lew's entire salary --- plus bonuses --- from those TARP bailout funds, 'cause it's all Cloak & Dollar, baby!

GO HAWKS !!!!!

Posted by sgt_doom on February 3, 2014 at 11:49 AM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 17
Did Slog have nothing about the anti-TPP rally in Westlake on Friday, or did I miss it among all the 'Merican Handball beer-and-pick'em-up-trucks marketing activity over the weekend? Not news if no windows get broken?

Kshama Sawant sent a spokesman. Too bad, I'd have liked to see her live for the first time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZwk4Fm5…
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on February 3, 2014 at 12:14 PM · Report this
18
Dead banksters at firms under investigation and a missing reporter or two:

http://wallstreetonparade.com/2014/02/a-…
Posted by sgt_doom on February 3, 2014 at 12:29 PM · Report this
19
@7 Sounds like you're making generalized and unsupported assumptions about "football fans." Are you really saying all 100 million-plus of them are Fox News-watching, anti-immigrant, mouth-breathing Neanderthals?
Posted by bigyaz on February 3, 2014 at 1:15 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 20
I apologize for thinking we'd only win by 15 points.

My bad.

SEAHAWKS FTW!!!!!!
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on February 3, 2014 at 2:01 PM · Report this
21
@12--Probably not. It was completely rebuilt in 2001 when an errant truck hit it and it smashed all over the ground in a million pieces. The original structure was cast iron, which is very brittle. The renovation salvaged as much of the historic structure as possible, but reinforced it with steel. It's doubtful any of the original glass survived the crash and rebuilding.
Posted by crone on February 3, 2014 at 10:12 PM · Report this

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