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Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Here's Rand Paul's Response to the Teabaggy Response to the Republican Response to the State of the Union

Posted by on Tue, Jan 28, 2014 at 11:03 PM

Rand Paul opened and closed the completely unnecessary third conservative response to the State of the Union by talking up Ronald Reagan. Because it wouldn't be a Republican speech without invoking Mr. Deficit. "Let me say from the outset I'll work with the president" and Democrats to solve America's economic problems, Paul said. He then couldn't help himself: "That said," he will only work with people who properly understand "the cause of joblessness." The problem? Obviously, it is that "government is inherently bad" at finding businesses that succeed. He cited Solyndra and failed to mention Tesla. He talked about the "billions" lost in the "war on poverty," which is a claim that really needs some citation. (Ha ha ha, like Rand Paul ever gives citation!)

The thing that drives me nuts about Rand Paul is his fake folksy affectations, which come across like he spent a long time watching video of Bill Clinton and decided to engage in a career-long parody of Clintonian mannerisms. "It's not that government's inherently stupid," Paul said. Then he allowed for an overlong pause and added with a forced chuckle: "Although it's a debatable point." Paul praised "the democracy of the market" throughout his speech. "Government spending sounds great," Paul says, but welfare makes "people feel hopeless." The problem, according to him, is that people hate government dependency, but they can't break free because "Big Government gives them no exit."

Here's the thing: Of the three Republican responses, Paul's was the best, by far. It sounded the most like a speech, and though it was stitched together entirely of platitudes lifted from an Ayn Rand novel, Paul didn't come across like a robot or a creepy Utahn in his delivery. He didn't talk about anything real, but he talked capably about nothing. It's by virtue of his ability to sound almost kind of like a human being when he's speaking that he's become one of the leading lights of the Republican Party. I'm a little disappointed that he didn't include a reference to Gattaca anywhere in his speech, though.


Comments (9) RSS

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Will in Seattle 1
Well, the DNA does what the RNA wants, especially after a Transcriptase chaser "slipped" in.
Posted by Will in Seattle on January 28, 2014 at 11:19 PM · Report this
"It's by virtue of his ability to sound almost kind of like a human being when he's speaking that he's become one of the leading lights of the Republican Party."

What a perfect, albeit depressing, statement.
Posted by sarah70 on January 29, 2014 at 12:06 AM · Report this
Ok so there were 3 Republican responses to the SOTU address.

Such a unified party.

An odd cross between a Hallmark card and a Lifetime movie.

The Jabberwocky guy.

And the eternal Sophomore.

Yeah that is a political party in fine shape.
Posted by Machiavelli was framed on January 29, 2014 at 12:30 AM · Report this
Nelson Bradley 4
And yet, people VOTE THEM INTO OFFICE...
Can I get a W T F ?
Posted by Nelson Bradley on January 29, 2014 at 6:13 AM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 5
Republicans are horrible people. And Republican stoners are the worst.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay on January 29, 2014 at 7:08 AM · Report this
"He didn't talk about anything real, but he talked capably of nothing." Your average republican in a nutshell, ladies and gentlemen.
Posted by treehugger on January 29, 2014 at 8:14 AM · Report this
@4...Waco Tango Foxtrot!
Posted by elbowman on January 29, 2014 at 8:45 AM · Report this
venomlash 8
I know you were just trying to make a cheap GATTACA reference, but what you said was fuckstupid.
Posted by venomlash on January 29, 2014 at 11:14 AM · Report this
Frank Blethen's vodka distiller 9
Hey Randy nice wig
Posted by Frank Blethen's vodka distiller on January 29, 2014 at 2:31 PM · Report this

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