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Sunday, January 19, 2014

Slog Bible Study: Ezekiel 23:19-20

Posted by on Sun, Jan 19, 2014 at 6:00 AM

Ezekiel 23:19-20
Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.


Discuss.

 

Comments (31) RSS

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1
She promised that she wouldn't tell anyone about me!
Posted by Clayton on January 19, 2014 at 6:16 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 2
Sex between consenting adults should not be the government's concern or a crime of any kind. Even in exchange for money.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on January 19, 2014 at 6:28 AM · Report this
sirkowski 3
MLP fanfic.
Posted by sirkowski http://www.missdynamite.com on January 19, 2014 at 6:36 AM · Report this
seatackled 4
Goldy should have jumped ahead two books to Ezekiel 25:17:

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you.
Posted by seatackled on January 19, 2014 at 6:36 AM · Report this
5
Haha- I love filing through the different translations each week. Dig this one: http://mobile.biblegateway.com/passage/?…
Posted by UberAlles on January 19, 2014 at 6:41 AM · Report this
Matt from Denver 6
Proof that Tijuana donkey shows were sanctioned by the Good Book.
Posted by Matt from Denver on January 19, 2014 at 6:50 AM · Report this
seatackled 7
@2

There are appropriate times and places for sex between consenting adults and there are certain pairings of consenting adults that should be regulated if not criminalized. Doctor-patient, judge-lawyer, professor-student. supervisor-subordinate, on the street, in a restaurant kitchen, at a school, while on duty, etc.
Posted by seatackled on January 19, 2014 at 6:53 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 8
@7 Penalized, not criminalized.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on January 19, 2014 at 7:06 AM · Report this
seatackled 9
@8

Oh, okay, I think I get it. You're referring to the actual sex itself, which would be okay (not criminal) if circumstances were different, such as if the teachers did it away from school grounds instead of the classroom or if the judge and lawyer quit their jobs or recused themselves or waited till after the trial. Prostitution, by contrast, is considered a crime even if it's between consenting next-door neighbors done in the privacy of one of their homes. So yes, penalized under certain circumstances, not criminalized.
Posted by seatackled on January 19, 2014 at 7:23 AM · Report this
10
Sounds like this girl knew how to have a good time. What a pleasant passage.
Posted by I have always been... east coaster on January 19, 2014 at 7:27 AM · Report this
bracted pedicularis 11
@5 Seems more like an impression than a translation. Like someone was trying to write down what they barely remembered from reading the Bible long, long ago.
Posted by bracted pedicularis on January 19, 2014 at 7:40 AM · Report this
12
Who knew Egyptians were so equine? Maybe Moses led the Jews out of Egypt due to feelings of inadequacy compared to the local johns?
Posted by Chicago Fan on January 19, 2014 at 8:12 AM · Report this
dnt trust me 13
The 11th Commandment:

NO NONSENSICAL OUTRAGE.

ONLY "More Outrage"

OBEY!

See the movie.
Posted by dnt trust me on January 19, 2014 at 8:23 AM · Report this
Dr. Z 14
Hey, didn't we study the donkey dicks verse already?
Posted by Dr. Z on January 19, 2014 at 8:24 AM · Report this
Theodore Gorath 15
If anyone was wondering about what Ezekiel 25:16-17 (KJV) actually says:

"Therefore thus saith the Lord God; Behold, I will stretch out mine hand upon the Philistines, and I will cut off the Cherethims, and destroy the remnant of the sea coast.

And I will execute great vengeance upon them with furious rebukes; and they shall know that I am the Lord, when I shall lay my vengeance upon them."

The Pulp Fiction "Bad-Ass" version is just something Tarantino basically made up. Works well for the scene/character though.

Posted by Theodore Gorath on January 19, 2014 at 8:25 AM · Report this
NotSean 16
Hey, it's racist. ( and a repeat )
Posted by NotSean on January 19, 2014 at 8:35 AM · Report this
17
yup, a repeat from jun 26, 2011: http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archive…
Posted by glen keenan on January 19, 2014 at 8:43 AM · Report this
18
funny--both this & the onion horoscopes have been repeating themselves.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-ho… = http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-ho…

http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-ho… =
http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-ho…

et al.

what's next? only reruns of "car talk"???
Posted by glen keenan on January 19, 2014 at 8:49 AM · Report this
19
Since when did prostitutes start picking out clients based on their genital size rather than trying to lure based on wallet size?
Posted by ChefJoe on January 19, 2014 at 8:58 AM · Report this
RainMan 20
I wonder if the fundamentalists who want Bible reading in public schools would be willing to read this passage out loud to a classroom full of seventh graders.
Posted by RainMan on January 19, 2014 at 9:31 AM · Report this
originalcinner 21
Are many women impressed by emission size? The passage was clearly written by a man, from a male perspective. Like the entirety of the bible.
Posted by originalcinner on January 19, 2014 at 9:32 AM · Report this
22
It's funny how some communities out there push to ban books (Sherman Alexie for example) then they will turn around, go home and preach the bible and all it's whore mongering, donkey fucking glory to their children.
Posted by Arturo Bandini on January 19, 2014 at 9:34 AM · Report this
23
@22 Yeah, but nobody actually reads the Bible.
Posted by Ken Mehlman on January 19, 2014 at 9:50 AM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 24
@4,
Say "what" again!
I dare you!
I double dare you motherfucker!
Say "what" one more goddamned time!!
Posted by Urgutha Forka on January 19, 2014 at 9:51 AM · Report this
25
@20 and 22

My born-again brother used to tell my mother that she could only have play-dates with his son if she agreed to teach him a bible verse each time. Once she was in a rush because brother was about to come pick grandson up, so she opened the bible at random and taught grandson the first thing she saw: "You have only to say the word and I shall give you anything you desire, even unto the half of my kingdom."

Later that night, brother called her and said, "When I ask you to teach him a bible verse, I want you to teach him something that Jesus said, not something that Herod said."

Turns out that Herod says this to Salome right before she says, "I want the head of John the Baptist on a silver plate."
Posted by Clayton on January 19, 2014 at 9:51 AM · Report this
Dr. Z 26
I will kiss your mouth, John the Baptist!

Salome's Last Dance is the only Ken Russell film I ever liked, even if some of the Oscar Wilde segments are a bit clunky.
Posted by Dr. Z on January 19, 2014 at 10:01 AM · Report this
seattlestew 27
with all the sexytime talk in the bible, you'd almost think humans have been into it since the dawn of man... 6,000 years ago, that is.
Posted by seattlestew on January 19, 2014 at 10:27 AM · Report this
this guy I know in Spokane 28
@19 - maybe "prostitute" would be more equivalent to "skank" in today's English? Or maybe she just really, really liked her job.

@21 - is the "good for your complexion" thing for real, or just something guys made up so the ladies would submit to facials?
Posted by this guy I know in Spokane on January 19, 2014 at 12:05 PM · Report this
29
There are some hot passages in Song of Solomon. "Your breasts are like two young roes that are twins, that feed among the lilies."
Posted by Pope Buck I on January 19, 2014 at 3:38 PM · Report this
Cracker Jack 30
@5: I think this translation ends all discussion.

http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?tit…
Posted by Cracker Jack on January 20, 2014 at 6:12 AM · Report this
sissoucat 31
@30 From your link :

"11 And teh youngr sister saw this but wantd to be bigger ho then oldr sister. It wuz on lik donky kong.12 So she gots her sisters blak book an findeds all the mens who made teh nastee with her sister. An she sayd "HAI U R HOTT LETS MAK OUT"13 An I sees that she is lik her sister. Becuz they iz lik teh ho. An now she iz durty. Lik a ho.14 But she wuld gets honry at pikshurs of mens in red.15 An she gots turnd on by theyr belts and theyr hats and teh red, becuz red is teh awesom.16 An soes she hads her girlfrenz tell the mens in red where to hav gud time.17 An teh mens in red did things to her. And she did things to herslf with teh mens in red. And then lots of mens in red tuk turns doing things to her. And then she was lik eww gross."

Absolutely lovely. Thanks so much for this enjoyment !
Posted by sissoucat on January 21, 2014 at 10:58 AM · Report this

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