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Friday, January 17, 2014

A Douche In the Life

Posted by on Fri, Jan 17, 2014 at 4:15 PM

Did the company that made this video—Infinity Augmented Reality—imagine that this promotional video would make people hate glassholes less?


Comments (53) RSS

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I'll just wait until the glasses comes in contacts and have night vision and then I can sneak into the bartenders bed room when she's asleep at night and try on her bras and panties HA!
Posted by Catonaleash on January 21, 2014 at 9:26 PM · Report this
undead ayn rand 52
@8: "Google Glass is not going to fail because of inherent problems but because the people who are most strongly attracted to it are the exact kind of people that everyone else wants to fuck off and die. The evangelists are their own worst enemies."

Yep. I love tech and socialization, but Glassholes tend to be NPD or the sort that think it's some sort of "peacocking" and get VERY ANNOYED when you don't care as much as they want you to.
Posted by undead ayn rand on January 20, 2014 at 8:46 AM · Report this
I think it looks cool.

Terminator vision.

I'm mediocre at being human, so being a cyborg would probably be an upgrade.

I don't give a shit that the actor has flat affect and voice, and that the hot bartender behaved in a highly implausible manner. It is a damned commercial, so of course the hot female's behavior was implausible.
Posted by Functional Atheist on January 19, 2014 at 3:56 PM · Report this
@48: Exactly! Everyone will have one. Or at least know exactly what it does.

Tony Stark's/Ironman's suit is cool because he has the only one. Because he's a billionaire. And fictional.

iPhones do amazing things that were impossible for anyone only a few years ago. But we can only afford them because tens of millions are manufactured. These future goodies would give you the douche's super powers in the present but time travel is impossible. We know time travel will remain impossible because no iPhone, tricorder or .458 round has ever been found in coprolite (fossilized dino poo).
Posted by DAVIDinKENAI on January 19, 2014 at 2:43 PM · Report this
Knat 49
Any doubt as to whether this guy is an insufferable douche evaporated the moment he stepped into that Ferrari. The ADR for his voice was so flat and fake that it made me think he was a psychopath, too.
Posted by Knat on January 19, 2014 at 11:33 AM · Report this
This commercial also acts as through douche is the only person with those glasses, and no one else has ever even heard of them. It's the ultimate douche fantasy, the idea that he's got some advantage that no one else has. The reality is that everyone will have similar technology available, so douche wound't be fooling anybody. That bartender would just collect his tips and file his face away in her AR system as yet another creeper.

Personally, I can't wait for augmented reality. As someone who is terrible about matching faces to names, I'd love to have something that can remind me someone's name when I see them. But the rest of the bio/dossier stuff is just creepy.

Also, I want the feature that paints crosshairs around people's heads and writes "target acquired" at the bottom of my field of vision. That would make meetings much more tolerable.

I wonder if that Cabernet Blanc had a faint note of roofie.
Posted by mlb on January 19, 2014 at 11:31 AM · Report this
They never show the guy's face... it's Mudede. right?
Posted by guest999999999 on January 18, 2014 at 4:54 PM · Report this
south downtown 46
The Seattle "new urbanists" probably creamed their shorts over this one. Though he should have been living in an aPodment...
Posted by south downtown on January 18, 2014 at 3:23 PM · Report this
So when his voice-analyser thing tells him she's creeped out and pissed off, he'll be okay with that, yes?
Posted by Green Lizard on January 18, 2014 at 3:16 PM · Report this
I'm reminded of the initial promise of personal computers, as envisioned by the people inventing them. For example, your fridge would be a computer! It would order more food whenever it noticed food getting low. It would be a lady thing. No one uses that, but as a means to exchange and look up recipes computers are very useful. The geeks inventing stuff (and I say this as a geek) tend to be terrible at envisioning how regular people could use their invention. The whole "It becomes easy to pick up girls, because you can look up their zodiac sign!" and "You will be a pool shark!" read as the fantasy of the socially awkward, when actually this will allow cool people to be even cooler somehow, and dorks even dorkier.
Posted by IPJ on January 18, 2014 at 3:02 PM · Report this
thatsnotright 43
It appears that the target audience for technology like this is composed of social and emotional illiterates. Nothing the glasses do is particularly compelling to me. I can visualize what my outfit will look like as I choose my clothes. I know how to choose food that makes up a nutritious diet. I can make small talk with a stranger and know how to enjoy the games I play without always winning. Glasses need to do more than a common phone to win me over.
Posted by thatsnotright on January 18, 2014 at 2:10 PM · Report this
Yeah, Fnarf @8 basically said everything.

As an aside- I can't believe an actual, real woman would go to some customer's house right after a bartending shift. If it were me, I'd be tired, my feet would be hurting, and I would need an evening in my PJ's just to recharge from all that effort of interacting with customers all day.

I HATE it when guys try to get me to come over the same day they met me. It just comes across as so entitled- like, OBVIOUSLY I don't have any other plans for the evening, in his mind. Even if I initially wanted a guy to ask me out, asking me to hang out that same day is basically a guarantee that I'll never see him again. Because I actually, you know, like to make plans in advance.

But I'm a self-declared introvert. Do other, more conventionally "normal" ladies actually do that? (Not a rhetorical question, I'm actually curious)
Posted by lizza on January 18, 2014 at 12:17 PM · Report this
Phoebe in Wallingford 41
Should this technology ever mature, there would be tremendous implications on health. I see seizures, depression, and more. Thankfully, I'll long dead and buried by then.
Posted by Phoebe in Wallingford on January 18, 2014 at 10:42 AM · Report this
Reaction to "Are you a Gemini?" actually working on a bartender who looks like that:

Reaction to the physics of the pool shot, when the glasses don't control the force of your shot or know anything about the table, cue, etc:
Pool sharks are going to make a fortune fleecing guys who buy these.
And I guess bartenders are going to make a fortune in tips, saying "Gollies, how did you know that? You must be sooooo super smart!"
Posted by IPJ on January 18, 2014 at 10:29 AM · Report this
Ophian 39
@10, one of the biggest problems with this technology is chronic thumb breakage...but to be fair it is deserved.

Posted by Ophian on January 18, 2014 at 10:16 AM · Report this
@35 Maybe somewhere in-between posting orgasm comments on facebook his super glasses should have consulted with a paralegal and drawn up a prenuptial agreement. Or at least went to
Posted by Really Now... on January 18, 2014 at 9:13 AM · Report this
@36 To be honest I hate cell phones. I have a dumb phone, but only because of necessity. So maybe I am a little tech bias when it comes to certain things.

That aside, if you can't see how fucking creepy those glasses are than I'm not going to bother explaining.
Posted by Really Now... on January 18, 2014 at 9:08 AM · Report this
The commercial is so badly made that I struggle to believe it was made in good faith. It's as if someone deliberately tried to do everything to piss of the most people.

But I'm shocked at the negative sentiment to the *product* (and by proxy to Google Glass, to which it is superficially similar). Seriously, guys?
Does anyone remember how everyone used to HATE people with mobile phones when they first came out? When they were a status symbol? It's funny how I heard the same laments about how mobile phones enable stalking etc. Actually, makes perfect sense because these glasses do much less than your phone does right now -- the only difference is that you don't have to take it out of the pocket.
Posted by Ola on January 18, 2014 at 7:41 AM · Report this
Dan rocks for awesome, eclectic clips. This is hilarious.

We can imagine the Savage Love Glass app parody: Glass will superimpose:

"touch nipples"
"move hand to thigh"
"tongue clitoris for 3 to 5 min."
"orgasm! post to Facebook?"
.... cut to 1 year later ....
Married, both wearing glasses. We cut to her Glass view of him -- superimposed image on him says "divorce attorney settlement estimate $15 million, call now?"

Posted by delta35 on January 18, 2014 at 7:02 AM · Report this
It looks like the team that used to make AXE commercials has moved upmarket.
Posted by F.A.W. on January 18, 2014 at 5:56 AM · Report this
Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In 33
7, it appeared 15 years earlier in Neal Stephenson's Snowcrash. Hiro Protagonist has one of those things & is able to scam a top-of-the-line motorbike for basically free.

It's the precursor to the "Badass" sequence, on the best thing Stephenson's ever written.
Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on January 18, 2014 at 1:47 AM · Report this
The first breakthrough app that will make the glasses fly off the shelves will be one that undresses people. They should have shown the bartender naked with a huge slonge through the glasses and then the douche bag still invites her over so she can give him a good ass pounding,
Posted by Catonaleash on January 17, 2014 at 11:36 PM · Report this
That is some amazing acting, right there.
Posted by Joel_are on January 17, 2014 at 10:59 PM · Report this
stinkbug 30

- Why doesn't this guy have a google smart car? I was surprised that he had to do the driving himself.

- Those billiard shots were a bit unspectacular. I was expecting them to have some trick shot where the guy pulls off a crazy shot thanks to the glasses.
Posted by stinkbug on January 17, 2014 at 10:45 PM · Report this
stinkbug 29
"Ratings have been disabled for this video."

Posted by stinkbug on January 17, 2014 at 10:39 PM · Report this
Fnarf 28
The guy is deleting negative comments from the Youtube video too. I called it "the rapist's best friend"; I guess he didn't like that much.
Posted by Fnarf on January 17, 2014 at 9:58 PM · Report this
Aww, is it too much effort for us to take our iphones out of our pockets for most of this stuff now?
Posted by treehugger on January 17, 2014 at 9:28 PM · Report this
tedb310 26
Agree with @21, who did this marketing company convince that this was a good ad???
Posted by tedb310 on January 17, 2014 at 9:15 PM · Report this
@22, because all the models in vogue are chicks without glasses. In this futuristic world where that hot bartender you met earlier that night and "guessed" her zodiac sign was so smitten she comes over to your apartment on her own, all the women are models.
Posted by ChefJoe on January 17, 2014 at 7:26 PM · Report this
raindrop 24
I agree, I second @8 FTW.
Posted by raindrop on January 17, 2014 at 7:26 PM · Report this
"Glassholes!" Great word! Thanks, I can tell that'll come in handy soon enough.

And, @8 totally FTW.
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on January 17, 2014 at 7:24 PM · Report this
And why don't chicks get to have super future glasses?
Posted by Really Now... on January 17, 2014 at 7:12 PM · Report this
All I could think of was; wow, what an over privileged, creepy douchebag with no personality. I think someone needs to fire the marketing team pronto.
Posted by Really Now... on January 17, 2014 at 7:11 PM · Report this
@8: Exactly. The only people I see crowing about it are the Nick Starr NPD crowd.
Posted by give us apps, not personality disorders on January 17, 2014 at 7:03 PM · Report this
Madskillz80 19
He totally murdered that girl.
Posted by Madskillz80 on January 17, 2014 at 6:46 PM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 18
I got bored after 60 seconds. Anything more interesting ever happen there?
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on January 17, 2014 at 6:34 PM · Report this
Posted by STS on January 17, 2014 at 6:19 PM · Report this
Fortunate 16
The ability to simultaneously cyber stalk someone while interacting with them in real life.

Sure, this will all go so well.
Posted by Fortunate on January 17, 2014 at 6:14 PM · Report this
stinkbug 15
I'm creeped out by that guy now! I hope he doesn't visit my dreams tonight.
Posted by stinkbug on January 17, 2014 at 6:00 PM · Report this
BrotherBob 14
I am an old geezer. I want the car and the skinny body. I'll leave the rest
Posted by BrotherBob on January 17, 2014 at 5:44 PM · Report this
@4 I took that to mean that the glasses were identifying and recording what food he ate, which sounds amazing. Being able to automatically and effortlessly analyze your diet for nutrition would be incredible.

@5 You do know that that's not what the actual Google Glasses do, right? This is fantasy: speculation on what might one day be possible. The Google Glasses are way less obtrusive, just a small screen in the corner of your vision. Less distracting, but also less useful.
Posted by RiOrius on January 17, 2014 at 5:39 PM · Report this
Was that an intro scene to an episode of SVU or what?

Also, the driving bit was terrifying just to watch, I can't imagine what it would be like actually driving with all that going on.
Posted by Foonken2 on January 17, 2014 at 5:17 PM · Report this
And he's shitty at parking (1:08)!

I love how they fuzz out the porsche license plate. Cheap bastards.
Posted by hhhh on January 17, 2014 at 5:12 PM · Report this
schmacky 10
Does he pay for his fancy apartment with the money he makes by cheating at pool? Cool! He's like a douchetastic Fast Eddie.
Posted by schmacky on January 17, 2014 at 5:01 PM · Report this
TomJohnsonJr 9
Oh jesus fuck, how terrible we are becoming.
Posted by TomJohnsonJr on January 17, 2014 at 4:56 PM · Report this
Fnarf 8
Fucking hell. Every bartender in the world -- hell, every female -- is going to need a special device just to block this fucking shit.


Google Glass is not going to fail because of inherent problems but because the people who are most strongly attracted to it are the exact kind of people that everyone else wants to fuck off and die. The evangelists are their own worst enemies.
Posted by Fnarf on January 17, 2014 at 4:53 PM · Report this
These glasses are eerily similar to glasses featured prominently in the techno-thriller book 'Daemon' by Daniel Suarez. A great read and either Mr. Suarez is amazingly prescient or this is an example of reality copying art. I highly recommend the book (and the sequel 'Freedom') to (A) anyone intrigued/horrified by these glasses, or (B) are fans of edgy sci-fi.
Posted by screed on January 17, 2014 at 4:51 PM · Report this
Hahahahaha - "Can I offer you a glass of sauvignon blanc, woman whom I just met and invited back to my apartment and who incredibly enough accepted my invitation?" "My favorite [tone: impressed] - I hope it has roofies in it!"
Posted by Centrists Rule the World today on January 17, 2014 at 4:36 PM · Report this
This is the first actual demo I have seen of how invasive and DISTRACTING these glasses are. They should be banned for use while driving.

And as #1 said so well: UGH!
Posted by BG on January 17, 2014 at 4:33 PM · Report this
mikethehammer 4
Holy shit, having the "Egg" and "Lettuce" labels over the food he was eating was just awesome. They should've shown him taking a dump, then looking into the toilet for the "turd" label.
Posted by mikethehammer on January 17, 2014 at 4:31 PM · Report this
the future was made for stalking!
Posted by crasher on January 17, 2014 at 4:23 PM · Report this
Rhoda Skidmark 2
I hate glassholes less than I hate the people who make Infinity Augmented Reality. Does that count?
Posted by Rhoda Skidmark on January 17, 2014 at 4:23 PM · Report this
Posted by SPG on January 17, 2014 at 4:22 PM · Report this

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