Dear Trader Joe,

You know I love you, but your salted caramels are terrible. Why is the salt so large-gauge? TOO BIG, Joe! That is cow salt or ice-cream-making salt, not people salt, and certainly not candy salt. And it does not adhere to the candies properly at all (which is a good thing given its wrong size, but still). Further, the filling in these is, well, loose, and also a bit gritty, like an icky butterscotch cream rather than a caramel.

Go to Fran's and have a salted caramel. Then let's talk. Even the bottomless candy-pit that is the offices of The Stranger rejects your salted caramels. I have never seen any form of sugar sit around like this here, and it's unsettling.

I still (of course!) look forward to my next encounter with one of your chiles rellenos. Who knew a frozen chile relleno could be so good?

Yours truly,