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Wednesday, January 8, 2014

America's Fake Cheese Tanks Are Running Dangerously Low

Posted by on Wed, Jan 8, 2014 at 1:49 PM

E.J. Schultz at Ad Age writes:

Kraft Foods Group is grappling with a Velveeta shortage just as the dip season kicks into full gear

"Given the incredible popularity of Velveeta this time of year, it is possible consumers may not be able to find their favorite product on store shelves over the next couple of weeks," Kraft spokeswoman Jody Moore said in an email. "Our retail customers are aware of the situation and we expect it to be a short-term issue."

It would be a shame if America had to experiment with real cheese on Super Bowl Sunday.

Meanwhile, canned soup sales are flat globally. It's like I don't even recognize our processed foods industries anymore.

 

Comments (36) RSS

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Max Solomon 1
it's fake. there is no shortage.

this is marketing and you just did their work for them for free.

fuck.

velveeta.
Posted by Max Solomon on January 8, 2014 at 2:02 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 2
I always take food advice from a guy with his mouth stuffed full of spring rolls.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on January 8, 2014 at 2:13 PM · Report this
biffp 3
It seems like a stupid stunt, but it was on every morning show this morning. It would take colossally bad management to not have your preservative-laden product available at the time of maximum demand. It's obviously false, but idiot nation will talk about through to the Super Bowl. Ugh.
Posted by biffp on January 8, 2014 at 2:15 PM · Report this
theophrastus 4
This is the very last opportunity to send me a dollar <insert PO box>
Posted by theophrastus on January 8, 2014 at 2:22 PM · Report this
fletc3her 5
I can't believe people actually buy Velveeta.
Posted by fletc3her on January 8, 2014 at 2:22 PM · Report this
6
You can always make your own Velveeta - you just need a bunch of old cheese, some paraffin wax, and some baby oil.
Posted by Pope Buck I on January 8, 2014 at 2:25 PM · Report this
Fnarf 7
One package Velveeta, one can Ro-tel chopped chiles and tomatoes, nuke until warm and soft. Stir. Open bag of tortilla chips or, better, Fritos. Plonk down on the sofa and watch Rock Hudson movies until paradise occurs (usually about the time of the first pan across somebody's kitchen).
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on January 8, 2014 at 2:26 PM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 8
I buy Velvetta once a year, during the holiday season, to prepare this

http://www.charlesphoenix.com/2011/12/fr…

The holiday season is over until November. Thus, I do not care.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay http://www.danlangdon.com on January 8, 2014 at 2:30 PM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 9
This is like the Great Twinkie scare. Suddenly the market will be flooded with oozing fake cheeses again.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on January 8, 2014 at 2:30 PM · Report this
Fifty-Two-Eighty 10
I love cheese. Haven't eaten Velveeta in more than 40 years. And I'm not about to start now.
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty http://www.nra.org on January 8, 2014 at 2:37 PM · Report this
raku 11
Fake cheese like Daiya or cashew butter is wonderful and pretty healthy. Velveeta is real cheese & milk which is why it's so gross and unhealthy.
Posted by raku on January 8, 2014 at 2:49 PM · Report this
Kinison 12
How much did The Stranger make for taking part in this experiment in marketing?
Posted by Kinison http://www.holgatehawks.com on January 8, 2014 at 2:51 PM · Report this
13
How can something made of discarded trimmings of every other cheese kraft makes be anything besides cheese?
Posted by drewm1980 on January 8, 2014 at 2:53 PM · Report this
treacle 14
"Dip season"?? vomit!

Either it's fake marketing like y'all mention,
or it's one more creeping sign of the slow boil we frogs are encountering as we cook our Earth with hydrocarbons and overpopulation.

Either way: DOOOM!
Posted by treacle on January 8, 2014 at 3:01 PM · Report this
15
As for canned soup sales plummeting, maybe that's why I found a bunch of Campbell's "gourmet" style in plastic pouches at the 99 cent store.

The tomato and smoked gouda, not bad, but the curry was better.
Posted by judybrowni on January 8, 2014 at 3:07 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 16
@ 7, as you know I'm already suspicious of your palate, but that confirms it.

Except for rum. I just got some Barbancourt 8 year reserve, and although it's got kind of a mustiness to it, it's pretty darn good.
Posted by Matt from Denver on January 8, 2014 at 3:10 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 17
@ 11, being vegan means going through a lot of mental gymnastics to persuade yourself that your fake replacements (soy or almond "milk," most tofu things that aren't tofurkey (I love tofurkey), cashew "cheese," etc) are even as good as meat and dairy, let alone "better."

I fully accept your lifestyle choice, and the foods you need to eat in order to get your complete proteins and B vitamins, but I draw the line at propaganda and lies about how that crap tastes.
Posted by Matt from Denver on January 8, 2014 at 3:15 PM · Report this
reverend dr dj riz 18
@8 *trembling*
god cat. do people EAT that ? and when they don't, what do you do with it ?
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on January 8, 2014 at 3:32 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 19
@8 - That is revolting and when is your next party?
Posted by MacCrocodile http://maccrocodile.com/ on January 8, 2014 at 3:42 PM · Report this
raku 20
17- It's of course my opinion about taste (fact about health). You don't need to worry about "complete proteins" as a vegan, that's a relic of the 70's. But good vegan food is undeniably good. Vegan chefs won against all meaty chefs on food network shows recently - Cupcake Wars and Chopped (whatever that is).

I'll take good fake cheese against real Velveeta cheese any day, any purpose though.

Mac & Yease. http://www.veganricha.com/2013/09/spicy-…
Cashew cheese pizza. http://vedgedout.com/2013/03/11/individu…
Daiya cheesy nachos. http://www.xpsdelivers.com/blog/?p=2668
Posted by raku on January 8, 2014 at 4:10 PM · Report this
21
@14: Frogs jump out when the water gets warm and don't get boiled. On the other hand, if you toss them in when it's already boiling, they die.
Posted by Hanoumatoi on January 8, 2014 at 4:11 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 22
@ 8, Charles Phoenix! A Denver cultural institution.
Posted by Matt from Denver on January 8, 2014 at 4:12 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 23
@ 20, propaganda about health. The FACT is that most American omnivores eat way too much meat and dairy. But in moderate amounts, and from ethical sources where the animals are allowed to eat what they would naturally (e.g., not corn), aren't drugged to the gills with antibiotics, and are given space to roam and be healthy, there are no greater chances at obesity, heart disease, or cancer for such omnivores than there are for vegans.

So.... moderation, and ethically sourced meat and dairy = healthy as you, if not healthier. Fact.

(Note: this assumes all other things, from family health history to alcohol and drug intake are equal. Alcoholic, chain smoking vegans aren't healthy people.)
Posted by Matt from Denver on January 8, 2014 at 4:22 PM · Report this
Karlheinz Arschbomber 24
First, the Colorado weed shops run out of product.

Now, Velveeta is on allocation.

What's next, Mountain Dew?
Posted by Karlheinz Arschbomber http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arschbombe on January 8, 2014 at 4:42 PM · Report this
ɥsɐןɯouǝʌ 25
I'm more worried about the Sriracha shortage.
Posted by ɥsɐןɯouǝʌ on January 8, 2014 at 4:47 PM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 26
Riz dear, I wouldn't touch it - even after a bottle of Chardonnay. But it's fun, isn't it?

And afterwards? Why, that's why we have yard waste bins..
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay http://www.danlangdon.com on January 8, 2014 at 4:58 PM · Report this
undead ayn rand 27
Velveeta in small amounts does make a nice emulsifier for a "traditional" cheese dip.

Besides, nothing wrong with the occasional wit Wiz from Calozzi's (Al's the best.)

@23: "where the animals are allowed to eat what they would naturally (e.g., not corn), aren't drugged to the gills with antibiotics, and are given space to roam and be healthy, there are no greater chances at obesity, heart disease, or cancer for such omnivores than there are for vegans."

Cancer, obesity, and heart disease might be stymied from moderation, but the quoted portion is just another form of propaganda.
Posted by undead ayn rand on January 8, 2014 at 5:38 PM · Report this
Sargon Bighorn 28
Velveeta? I thought that was one of the millions of Hindu Gods.
Posted by Sargon Bighorn on January 8, 2014 at 5:43 PM · Report this
29

“I can’t believe people actually buy Velveeta."

They’re called the “lower classes”. Normally sloggers adore them, it’s just there culture they hate.
Posted by Fourme d'Ambert on January 8, 2014 at 5:45 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 30
@ 27, pastured animals make for meat, milk and eggs with drastically reduced amounts of cholesterol, compared to the products if feedlot farming. That's a fact.
Posted by Matt from Denver on January 8, 2014 at 6:06 PM · Report this
31
Velveeta - where the packaging says (or at least used to say) "processed cheese food".
Are they trying to convince the public that processed cheese is actually a food?
Gross!
Posted by StuckInUtah on January 8, 2014 at 7:29 PM · Report this
madamecrow 32
I had no idea there was a "dip season." I thought the world enjoyed a variety of dips and spreads year-round.
Posted by madamecrow on January 8, 2014 at 8:38 PM · Report this
33
CHEESE FIGHT
Posted by Machiavelli was framed on January 8, 2014 at 8:58 PM · Report this
sperifera 34
The Velveeta of my youth is not the Velveeta of today. It morphed into something horrible. Luckily along the way I discovered Pecorino, Vacheran, Mimolette, et al. Can't. Eat. Junk. Cheese.

All made of of delicious milk - with rennet.

(cashew cheese? Tasty on it's own, but *nothing* like the real thing)
Posted by sperifera on January 8, 2014 at 10:02 PM · Report this
35
@31 You mean we are supposed to eat that stuff? I thought that the fact it was processed cheese food meant it was food for processed cheese.
Posted by Romial on January 11, 2014 at 1:19 PM · Report this
undead ayn rand 36
@34: It's the same thing as ye olden Velveeta, for the most part.

I enjoy expensive cheese and junk cheese, just much less of the latter and less often. It's the mediocre stuff in between that's insulting and gross.
Posted by undead ayn rand on January 11, 2014 at 1:31 PM · Report this

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