SL Letter of the Day: You're Getting... Permission...
by Dan Savage
on Fri, Jan 3, 2014 at 4:09 PM
I have an unpopular but harmless fetish. While courting my now-husband, I made him aware of it and the quite ridiculous extent to which I find it pleasant. He said he was open to trying it out. I also asked if he had any requests of his own (which I actually meant) and he expressed unambiguous delight with the fetish-free status quo. I nodded, not wanting to talk my husband out of such a nice compliment. Now two years into our monogamous marriage, my ever-complimenting husband has implemented it about one-and-a-half times. I recently asked why, and the man of my dreams replied that he is 'just not into it' and far more likely to take up macrame. I pondered this, different strokes for different folks and all that, though he then added that he accepts that I will eventually act on it with another person. He then asked me to pass the salt.
I have no desire to be unfaithful. The fetish in question, which I find more sexual than most or all typical sexual acts, could be acted upon successfully by two fully clothed adults wearing turtlenecks, with little more physical contact than a handshake. Thoughts?
P.S. It's hypnosis, if you're curious.
My response after the jump...
Yes, I was curious—thanks.
My only thoughts are these...
1. You are lucky to live in the age of the Internet, G.
Your chances of finding a like-minded/boned hypnoses fetishist were very, very slim in the pre-Internet era. Back in the bad old days, G, your best bet in the wake of your husband's ain't-gonna-happen-with-me announcement would've been finding a man who wanted to fuck you so badly that he was willing to do a hypnosis scene with you in exchange for full sex. But nowadays you can get online, find someone who is into precisely what you're into, and enjoy your kink without having to remove your turtleneck.
2. Your husband shouldn't have told you he was open to trying out your kink if he wasn't.
Now maybe your husband was open to trying your kink—maybe he was being honest—and it took him 1.5 tries to realize that this kink was somewhere he couldn't go even to please his wife, e.g. erotic hypnosis so squicks him out that he isn't capable of taking pleasure in the pleasure it gives you. But here's another blessing to count: your husband didn't turn around and do what so many other vanilla types have done to their kinky partners. Your husband didn't promise to indulge your kinks before the wedding and then, zero tries and one or two kids later later, inform you that he can't do that kinky thing and then forbid you from doing it with others. ("I know I lied about giving your kinks a try but you're married to me now and you have to be faithful to me and live without your kink—the kink you informed me about before we married—because if you cheat on me, gosh, then you lied when you took your wedding vows! And that's so much worse than my lie, sucker!") Instead your husband told you that he was fine with you exploring your kink with other men and asked you to pass the salt.
3. You're not being unfaithful if you have your husband's consent to explore your kink with other people. Ask him if he meant it, make some ground rules, get online.