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Sunday, December 29, 2013

Slog Bible Study: 2 Kings 2:23-24

Posted by on Sun, Dec 29, 2013 at 9:51 AM

2 Kings 2:23-24

Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!”

So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.



Comments (39) RSS

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Fifty-Two-Eighty 1
Good. Damned whippersnappers should have respected their elder. It's just too bad it doesn't happen today.

And get off of my lawn.
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty on December 29, 2013 at 9:57 AM · Report this
Do NOT fuck with us baldheads. The end.
Posted by COMTE on December 29, 2013 at 10:01 AM · Report this
This is my favorite bible story.
Posted by ratzkywatzky on December 29, 2013 at 10:15 AM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 4
So there were at least forty-two youth (they don't mention how many were unmauled), and they were helpless against two bears? What a bunch of weenies.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay on December 29, 2013 at 10:16 AM · Report this
This is obviously a coded message about the meaning of life.
Posted by SundayHunts on December 29, 2013 at 10:18 AM · Report this
Knat 6
Clearly it was more important to God to include this story in his book of eternal wisdom, rather than "Thou Shalt Not Rape" or "Thou Shalt Not Abuse Children" or "Ignore all that ridiculous shit about witches and ghosts and angels, clearly that's all fictional."
Posted by Knat on December 29, 2013 at 10:21 AM · Report this
MacCrocodile 7
@2 - Ugh. Just go up already. Baldhead.
Posted by MacCrocodile on December 29, 2013 at 10:25 AM · Report this
TVDinner 8
Proof that Male Pattern Baldness leads to sociopathy. Probably all the UV rays penetrating the skull.
Posted by TVDinner http:// on December 29, 2013 at 10:41 AM · Report this
Max Solomon 9
Them crazy, them crazy
We gonna chase those crazy
Baldheads out of town.

Posted by Max Solomon on December 29, 2013 at 10:44 AM · Report this
Pretty certain these bears were not any relation to the Chicago Bears, who are going to get their asses kicked today.
Posted by Chicago Fan on December 29, 2013 at 10:51 AM · Report this
Like male bears don't maul youths.
Posted by originalcinner on December 29, 2013 at 10:57 AM · Report this
Dr. Z 12
Clearly this story has deeper hidden meaning because 42 = 6 * 7 and we all know what that means don't we? (Or is it 2 * 3 * 7?)

Anyway, it's the End Times!
Posted by Dr. Z on December 29, 2013 at 11:09 AM · Report this
IndicaDogwalk 13
The youths should have been careful - they might have offended him - he might have really been a baldhead.
Posted by IndicaDogwalk on December 29, 2013 at 11:17 AM · Report this
rob! 14
SROTU's wet dream (one of them).
Posted by rob! on December 29, 2013 at 11:22 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 15
Too bad THE LORD hadn't invented Joan River's Bald Spot Cover.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on December 29, 2013 at 11:31 AM · Report this
venomlash 16
THIS IS A REPEAT. Heck, it might have been the first SLOG Bible Study. Get your shit together, Goldy.
Posted by venomlash on December 29, 2013 at 11:39 AM · Report this
It's even worse because the proper translation is not "youth", it's "little boys". Bears eating little boys.
Posted by sarah70 on December 29, 2013 at 12:06 PM · Report this
this passage was already used as a slog bible study--in fact it was the first slog bible study--posted on june 5, 2011.…

have you run out of bible verses already for slog bible study???
Posted by glen keenan on December 29, 2013 at 12:23 PM · Report this
delirian 19
@17: It's okay. God could see into their souls and decided they needed to go to hell. So it's bears killing bad little boys who deserved to be punished. You don't have to feel bad for anyone who is killed, murdered, raped, enslaved, tortured, or anything else in the Bible because God can look into their souls and see if they deserved it (except for the times that God is playing games with the Devil and fucking with the innocent for fun). So relax, it is all good. These were 42 little Hitlers (and don't ask why God didn't have a bear eat the real Hitler, you heretic!).
Posted by delirian on December 29, 2013 at 12:52 PM · Report this
wow, beat dead horses much goldy?

look, we get it. bible thumpers are mockable. the bible is silly. anyone who's literal about it is an ass. point made. and remade, and remade, and remade.

why not now mock some other religions? or make up some new and creative way of mocking Christians?
Posted by same schtick with which to beat horse on December 29, 2013 at 12:54 PM · Report this
delirian 21
@20: I don't know, maybe it is because other religions don't have the power to restrict the rights of women and gays where The Stranger contributors live? And maybe it is because these assholes base their arguments off of obscure passages written in the Bronze Age from this very book? Sorry, but if Christianists are going to try use their book as the basis to govern everyone's lives, then they had damn well be willing to have the stupid parts of the book read back to them.
Posted by delirian on December 29, 2013 at 1:02 PM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 22
I like Slog Bible Study. It's sort of like church, only not so boring, and I don't have to put on a girdle or drink awful coffee afterwards.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay on December 29, 2013 at 1:26 PM · Report this
Female bears. You hear that, people? There is nothing gay about this passage! Nothing gay at all!
Posted by I have always been... east coaster on December 29, 2013 at 1:30 PM · Report this
Goldy 24
@16 @18 Haven't you ever been to church or synagogue? It's all repeats. And I've been repeating verses for more than a year.
Posted by Goldy on December 29, 2013 at 1:52 PM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 25
Hell, that's all we did. Repeating is how brainwashing works.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on December 29, 2013 at 1:57 PM · Report this
Another tragic miscommunication, since the youths' remarks were misinterpreted. Biblical scholars now agree that they were really saying something like "How's your day going so far?"
Posted by spock on December 29, 2013 at 2:00 PM · Report this
stinkbug 27
Peter Jackson could turn this verse into an awesome trilogy.
Posted by stinkbug on December 29, 2013 at 2:14 PM · Report this
You Christians get upset about everything, even when it's not in "your" book. II Kings is the Joo book. We Joos will make fun of it, thank you.
Posted by sarah70 on December 29, 2013 at 2:44 PM · Report this
rob! 29
@26: *fist bump*
Posted by rob! on December 29, 2013 at 3:22 PM · Report this
venomlash 30
@24: Hey, at least we read the whole thing before we start over.
Posted by venomlash on December 29, 2013 at 4:38 PM · Report this
@16 Slog Bible Study is like Finnegan's Wake and we've reached the point where we're back at the beginning.

(Come to think of it, references to baldyheads and two female bears sounds like something out of Finnegans Wake).
Posted by bobbyjoe on December 29, 2013 at 4:54 PM · Report this
*Jesus wept*
Posted by Machiavelli was framed on December 29, 2013 at 5:05 PM · Report this
Jeebuz people, it's been nothing BUT repeats for the last 1900 years or so....
Posted by COMTE on December 29, 2013 at 5:17 PM · Report this
this guy I know in Spokane 34
@22 you are marvelous.
Posted by this guy I know in Spokane on December 29, 2013 at 5:36 PM · Report this
@24, isn't it time for one of the parshas that talk about how to build the Temple? Let's see what people can make of that.
Posted by sarah70 on December 29, 2013 at 10:28 PM · Report this
An oldie, but a goodie.

What does it mean when rams get mauled by seahawks?
Posted by RonK, Seattle on December 30, 2013 at 11:58 AM · Report this
dwightmoodyforgetsthings 37
@36- At first Pete Carrol was gonna beat the shit out of his kid, but then God scheduled the Rams at the last minute?
Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings on December 30, 2013 at 6:46 PM · Report this
Are there bears in the middle east? Would it have been a Syrian Brown Bear?
Posted by Drew2u on December 31, 2013 at 4:49 AM · Report this
sissoucat 39
@6 Knat

Yep. Very telling about what "God" thought important in society : old men and their hair.

@spock : lovely !
Posted by sissoucat on January 1, 2014 at 1:16 PM · Report this

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