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Friday, December 27, 2013

The Hipsterization of Human Resources

Posted by on Fri, Dec 27, 2013 at 1:44 PM

This is a rejection letter a friend of mine recently received...

Dear M...

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but unfortunately…
(Are you sitting? I think you should sit.)

… you have not been selected. Don’t take it personally! In this cruel game of life, everyone feels left out at one time or another (some more than others, but that’s just the way the stale cookie crumbles). It doesn’t mean we didn’t like you (we did!). It just means someone else blew our minds with their crazy ninja skills, and we couldn’t help but hire someone with crazy ninja skills. It’d be like someone offering us a unicorn ride and us saying “nah, I think we’ll just walk.”

I wish you the best of luck in your job search!

Best regards...

Human Resource...

My friend is not a unicorn; my friend is just a walk.


Comments (28) RSS

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Pithy Name 1
Sounds like your friend dodged a bullet.
Posted by Pithy Name on December 27, 2013 at 2:13 PM · Report this
the horror
Posted by duncan98117 on December 27, 2013 at 2:14 PM · Report this
I agree with @1 and I hope your friend finds a different job soon with less of the ninja unicorn bullshit.
Posted by rainbird on December 27, 2013 at 2:17 PM · Report this
Sargon Bighorn 4
This letter came from a Human Racehorse department? Who are these children running HR departments. Must have been from a bike messenger company.
Posted by Sargon Bighorn on December 27, 2013 at 2:18 PM · Report this
Aurora Erratic 5
Ugh. So condescending. Could they the rejectee offer the dignity of keeping it professional?
Posted by Aurora Erratic on December 27, 2013 at 2:20 PM · Report this
Funny, the more overproduced that letter is, the less personal it seems.
Posted by unpaid reader on December 27, 2013 at 2:22 PM · Report this
Gern Blanston 7
I hate douche bag job postings that are looking for "ninjas" or "rockstars." Grow the fuck up.
Posted by Gern Blanston on December 27, 2013 at 2:23 PM · Report this
r.chops 8
Was this friend actually applying for a position at a ninja company?
Because they do require ninja skills, I hear.

Anyway, life's just a game and you either get a unicorn ride or a stale cookie.
Best regards.
Posted by r.chops on December 27, 2013 at 2:35 PM · Report this
Beware ninjas in the workplace:…
Posted by unpaid reader on December 27, 2013 at 2:37 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 10

Pick your poison. There are a lot of douchebaggy job postings these days. My favorite is when they're clearly saying "you're going to be expected to eat shit and like it". Hey, sign me up!
Posted by keshmeshi on December 27, 2013 at 3:04 PM · Report this
gttrgst 11
@1 Or a throwing star.
Posted by gttrgst on December 27, 2013 at 3:21 PM · Report this
fletc3her 12
@10 That's kind of how I read the letter. When they are looking for a "ninja" they are looking for somebody who will devote their life to the company in exclusion of everything else.
Posted by fletc3her on December 27, 2013 at 3:46 PM · Report this
JonnoN 13
Any rejection letter is better than silence, which is what most companies provide in my experience.
Posted by JonnoN on December 27, 2013 at 4:00 PM · Report this
@13, maybe I'm jaded enough that rejection letters and silence were equivalent to me as far as I'm concerned.

What I really didn't like is when an employer would call you to tell you that you weren't hired or you're not on the list of finalists---at least give me a time frame before hand as far as when you're going to make a decision and when the time comes and I'm not going to get gig nor remain a candidate in the running, leave me the f*ck alone.
Posted by neo-realist on December 27, 2013 at 4:18 PM · Report this
raku 15
"Ninja" or "rockstar" means young wealthy white guys only need apply.
Posted by raku on December 27, 2013 at 4:43 PM · Report this
Original Andrew 16
I'm definitely in the Your Friend Dodged a Bullet camp. If their rejection letters are that flippant and frankly disrespectful, then imagine what working for those whackadoodles must be like.

A friend and I were recently lamenting that the only places that seem to be hiring are the ones that have high turnover because the managers are completely fucking crazy.
Posted by Original Andrew on December 27, 2013 at 4:51 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 17
@15 - To be fair, that's what most job listings secretly mean.
Posted by MacCrocodile on December 27, 2013 at 5:09 PM · Report this
I think it's worth publicizing the name of the company, as a warning to other jobseekers.
Posted by shabadoo on December 27, 2013 at 7:22 PM · Report this
@17, or pretty white females.
Posted by neo-realist on December 27, 2013 at 7:24 PM · Report this
The LW should be beaten into unconsciousness with a large fish.
Posted by Machiavelli was framed on December 27, 2013 at 7:27 PM · Report this
NotSean 22
I thought it was funny. None of you are ninja-team material.
Posted by NotSean on December 27, 2013 at 9:03 PM · Report this
Your friend wasn't left hanging like so many other people. What is it you're complaining about again?
Posted by treehugger on December 27, 2013 at 9:07 PM · Report this
Unregistered User 25
@13 I was going to ask, people get rejection letters?
Posted by Unregistered User on December 28, 2013 at 9:11 AM · Report this
Did this have something to do with The 47 Ronin ? ? ?

This shit is sooo perplexing. . . .
Posted by sgt_doom on December 28, 2013 at 11:03 AM · Report this
Charles Mudede 27
By the way, the letter is very real. i know who wrote it and for which company.
Posted by Charles Mudede on December 28, 2013 at 11:46 AM · Report this
@27 Then why are you keeping it secret? Embarass these assholes.
Posted by Solk512 on December 28, 2013 at 1:29 PM · Report this
Cascadian Bacon 29
Well I guess "socialist pseudo-intellectual that pals around with half baked retarded racist like Charles Mudede" does not look good on a resume. Nor does a degree in Workers History, Women’s Studies or some other Liberal Arts BS.

Embarass them for what? Having a sense of humor?

Someone else was a better fit for the postiion, so it goes.
Posted by Cascadian Bacon on December 28, 2013 at 4:48 PM · Report this
-B- 30
The letter was not just a letter to say the person didn't get the job it was a put down. He was told someone had way better skills than he did and it was rubbed in. Being told someone has better skills is ok but how about giving some insight into what skills this person might need or improve. Basically a rejection letter should just be that and end there but if there is some other information that would be helpful for the applicant to upgrade there skills then make a suggestion, professionally.

The skills that are really lacking are tact on behalf of this so called human resource person.
But I have noticed that Human Resource culture in businesses has become a place littered with people that have learned to sudo help and usually there is one nutcase that can't be fired that rules the roost.
So lets just say this letter is from a HR nutcase that likes to demean people to feel empowered and not really be a RESOURCE to any human.
Posted by -B- on December 30, 2013 at 8:45 PM · Report this

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