Slog Music

Music, Nightlife,
and Drinks

Friday, December 20, 2013

It's Been Fun.

Posted by on Fri, Dec 20, 2013 at 2:00 PM

Dear Slog,

My bags are packed. I've donated Hell's Lending Library™ to a pack of illiterate orphans because nobody should ever read its contents, my Rolodex was used to light a very peppy hobo trash fire, and my hunk of Dan Savage's hair—what The Stranger considers to be a signing bonus—I have donated to the garbage. Today is my last day at The Stranger.

I am quitting my job to do a liver's worth of damage on a beach somewhere before pursing other life goals, like volunteering on Rob Ford's re-election campaign or becoming a cigarette girl on a Disney cruise ship. Or giving birth to an actual demon.

What I'm saying is, I have a lot of ambition and the world is full of people who aren't going to embarrass themselves.

I've worked for The Stranger for one-third of my life, first as an intern for Dave Schmader, then as everyone's Worst Enemy, and then these past four years as a news writer. I have enjoyed mostly every minute of it (excluding the minutes when Dom was singing or Goldy was talking or the bathrooms weren't working). I'll miss this job and my coworkers, who are a rare breed of functional freaks. I'll also miss having the liberty to write any goddamn thing I please and have my opinions challenged by smart people (and mocked by idiots).

Thanks, Slog, for helping me grow a body's worth of calluses. It's made me a better thinker and a better writer, and I'm grateful.

If you ever need to get in touch—say, for help mocking your enemies, which is all I'm officially qualified to do—you can find me on Twitter.


Comments (101) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
Thanks, Cienna and have fun on the beach!
Posted by sea98103 on December 20, 2013 at 2:09 PM · Report this
jseattle 2
Sorry to see this but congratulations and best of luck
Posted by jseattle on December 20, 2013 at 2:10 PM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 3
Adios amigo. Thanks for kicking ass.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on December 20, 2013 at 2:11 PM · Report this
NotSean 4
Fare thee well.
Posted by NotSean on December 20, 2013 at 2:11 PM · Report this
Mary P. Traverse 5
You will be sorely, sorely missed, Cienna! I MISS YOU ALREADY.
Posted by Mary P. Traverse on December 20, 2013 at 2:12 PM · Report this
But who will take over as Feminist Killjoy? We'll miss you - good luck, Cienna!
Posted by Luckier on December 20, 2013 at 2:16 PM · Report this
this guy I know in Spokane 7
What everybody has said so far. Sorry to see you go / thanks / all the best.
Posted by this guy I know in Spokane on December 20, 2013 at 2:16 PM · Report this
TomJohnsonJr 8
Goddammit goddammit goddammit goddammit. Happy for you, of course, certain as can be that whatever turn you take will be amazing, but how fucking shitty for us readers here. Following the bejabbers out of you on Twitter. Goddammit.
Posted by TomJohnsonJr on December 20, 2013 at 2:17 PM · Report this
Lissa 9
Oh Cienna I will miss you so much. I've enjoyed your work and your humor, and your steely sense of self. I wish you all the best. You rock.
I'm sorry you won't get to see the Christmas card I made for you guys at the Stranger!
Posted by Lissa on December 20, 2013 at 2:20 PM · Report this
freesandbags 10
Vaya Con Dios! You have been a gem on these funny, perverted pages! Unplug and have a few cold drinks on some warm sand.
Posted by freesandbags on December 20, 2013 at 2:21 PM · Report this
I'm sorry to see you go. I enjoyed your posts. Good luck and have fun!
Posted by swing state voter on December 20, 2013 at 2:23 PM · Report this
Cornichon 12
You will be missed.
Posted by Cornichon on December 20, 2013 at 2:23 PM · Report this
Oh crap!!!

Best of luck with whatever comes next, but you will be missed.
Posted by gnossos on December 20, 2013 at 2:24 PM · Report this
That actually made me tear up. Cienna, you're one of my very favorite people that I don't actually know in real life.
Posted by Cappelletti on December 20, 2013 at 2:25 PM · Report this
originalcinner 15
oh noes! now I haz a sad.

Have fun in your new life, Cienna. You were awesome here, and will no doubt be awesome wherever you go.
Posted by originalcinner on December 20, 2013 at 2:25 PM · Report this
Sorry to lose your voice in the paper and blog but wishing you much success and badassery in your future.
Posted by I Love IPA on December 20, 2013 at 2:29 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 17
Ah, what a disappointment for us slog/stranger regulars, but good news for you! Have fun, we will miss you.
Posted by Matt from Denver on December 20, 2013 at 2:31 PM · Report this
reverend dr dj riz 18
girl, bye.
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on December 20, 2013 at 2:33 PM · Report this
Good luck, Cienna. You will be sorely missed. You've done some amazing work at the Stranger.

bookworm (aka Marc M)

Posted by bookworm on December 20, 2013 at 2:34 PM · Report this
You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me 20
For what it's worth, this idiot will miss having you to mock...
Not that you need it, but, good luck! Even your questionable ideas failed to obscure your obvious talents, so I'm sure your future is bright.
Posted by You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me on December 20, 2013 at 2:35 PM · Report this
Karlheinz Arschbomber 21
Just do what's right for you. Most of the time. You did a great job here, keep it up.
Posted by Karlheinz Arschbomber on December 20, 2013 at 2:36 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 22
Goodbye! I hope you win a gigantic payout in the lottery some day!
Posted by Urgutha Forka on December 20, 2013 at 2:41 PM · Report this
From a selfish perspective, this is truly disappointing. Cienna, your writing cracks me up on a regular basis, and I've found you, more often than most other reporters, in attendance and reporting from various events around town about which I cared enough to attend.

Good luck with whatever you're moving on to.
Posted by Phil M on December 20, 2013 at 2:42 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 24
Go on! Get out of here! I never liked you anyway!

Posted by MacCrocodile on December 20, 2013 at 2:45 PM · Report this
Goddamnit, I miss you already.
Posted by Jen Graves on December 20, 2013 at 2:46 PM · Report this
gttrgst 26
Now that you've taken the Stranger to Best Newspaper Evah it's good to see you cash out and retire. You'll be missed. Will Cienna's Mom still be available for consultation, feces identification and otherwise?
Posted by gttrgst on December 20, 2013 at 2:46 PM · Report this
dnt trust me 27
You've labeled me as an ass Cienna, but hope you take my "Farewell and Good Luck" as genuine. You can probably still join us sheep in future comment threads!
Posted by dnt trust me on December 20, 2013 at 2:52 PM · Report this
Fnarf 28
The fuck is this shit?


How can you do this to us? It's just wrong. Come over here so I can kick your bottom for even thinking about leaving us. Dammit!

If you change your mind I will give you some candy!

Seriously, Cienna, you're terrific and as Jen says we have already started to miss you.

Wait, Cienna who? (Have I covered all the stages of grief yet?)
Posted by Fnarf on December 20, 2013 at 2:52 PM · Report this
MrBaker 29
The advice I give to everyone, I've taken myself, I give to you.

Leave like somebody is chasing you, don't look back. If you drop something running away, leave it, unless it's money or keys to your escape to the future.
Thanks, now go.
Posted by MrBaker on December 20, 2013 at 2:52 PM · Report this
wisepunk 30
Posted by wisepunk on December 20, 2013 at 2:52 PM · Report this
yelahneb 31
The Stranger's loss for sure. You're the best, Cienna!
Posted by yelahneb on December 20, 2013 at 2:54 PM · Report this
raku 32
:-( You are definitely one of the main reasons I've enjoyed reading The Stranger. You'll be missed a lot. I hope for everyone's sakes that you get a writing gig with a big audience in the future if that's what you want to do. I regret not commenting "thank you" enough on your great pieces.

Also, downer time - if The Stranger is hiring a new replacement writer, please consider diversity as your primary objective to keep your relevance in Seattle. I hope your interview process looks like this:…
Posted by raku on December 20, 2013 at 2:57 PM · Report this
south downtown 33
Best Wishes Cienna!

Posted by south downtown on December 20, 2013 at 2:57 PM · Report this
originalcinner 34
Whose dog am I going to write in on future ballot papers now?
Posted by originalcinner on December 20, 2013 at 2:57 PM · Report this
merry 35
Yeah, huh, like, HELL NO. No FUCKIN way, unh-unh. YOU HAVE NOT CLEARED THIS WITH ME.

Goddam. First Lindy, then Megan, now Ciennnnnaaaaa ?!?!? I DON'T FUCKIN THINK SO, MISSY!!

Shit sticks on toast. Say it ain't so, Joe! Aw fuckity fuck. Oh congratulations or whathefuckever.

sulk sulk sulk

I know, I know - when it's time to go, it's time to go. You just BETTER be getting to work on that NOVEL you didn't promise us you'd write - you know the one, starring various bits of your wacky family, through your own personal skewed-n-lovely lens?? Yeah, you right (write).


Good luck, Cienna M - She's a color and a city, and... she's gone. BUT SHE'LL BE AROUND. Thank you for all your work, I've enjoyed everything I've read by you, and I'll be looking for more in the future.

Oh yeah - I'll be looking. :-)
Posted by merry on December 20, 2013 at 2:59 PM · Report this
kim in portland 37
Best wishes!
Posted by kim in portland on December 20, 2013 at 3:00 PM · Report this
Save travels, and be great.
Posted by Warren Terra on December 20, 2013 at 3:01 PM · Report this
dwightmoodyforgetsthings 39
"Yet here, Madrid? Aboard, aboard, for shame!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail,
And you are stay'd for. There- my blessing with thee!
And these few precepts in thy memory
Look thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportion'd thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar:
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them unto thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg'd comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel; but being in,
Bear't that th' opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man,
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are most select and generous, chief in that.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all- to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell. My blessing season this in thee!" - Shia LeBeouf
Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings on December 20, 2013 at 3:06 PM · Report this
First Megan, now you. What the hell is happening at The Stranger!

I've been watching Stranger writers come and go as far back as Kathleen Wilson. (That was her name?) Josh Feit. Erica C. Sean Nelson. That Parenthetical Girls guy. Bradley Steinbrewhatever. Sandeep Kaushik (or something). Mistress Matisse (who got pretty good as she wrote more columns). The guy writing stuff for SPD now. There's a bunch. And that ombudsman guy who died. (Ha ha.) It always feels like a sinking ship. No different now!

I always enjoyed your writing, Cienna, or at least your style. You always had good posts for Slog. (And you had the best name!) And it sounds like you don't have a good reason to leave! (e.g. You're not moving to Tennessee with a husband, or anything.) I know you're keeping your privacy, but... Anyway. I know that it's a job, not a life sentence. Hopefully you're stepping to something better.
Posted by floater on December 20, 2013 at 3:08 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 41
We're going to miss you!
Posted by keshmeshi on December 20, 2013 at 3:08 PM · Report this
Veinna Madrid? Never heard of her. And what kind of crazy name is that? Obvious fake. Wait - what? Cienna Madrid? Never heard of her either.
Posted by Dan Savage on December 20, 2013 at 3:09 PM · Report this
mikethehammer 43
Yeah, best wishes.
Posted by mikethehammer on December 20, 2013 at 3:10 PM · Report this
The Establishment 44
We'll miss you. Your coverage of various issues has always been thoughtful and well-written. Good luck in your future endeavors, and don't forget about us!
Posted by The Establishment on December 20, 2013 at 3:11 PM · Report this
venomlash 45
Gonna miss your writing.
Also, "callus" is the patch of toughened skin. "callous" is an adjective denoting a lack of empathy. Take note.
Posted by venomlash on December 20, 2013 at 3:14 PM · Report this
The way Dan Savage expresses his pain is by being insulting. Typical guy.
Posted by floater on December 20, 2013 at 3:15 PM · Report this
I can't imagine the Stranger without you, and though I will be very sorry to see you go (and it looks like Anna is inconsolable) I also know it's time for you to spread your wings. Best of luck in whatever it is you do next, even if you are leaving all of us in the lurch by taking off!
Posted by junipero on December 20, 2013 at 3:16 PM · Report this
seatackled 48
So in your drunken stupors you fell behind on your desk calendar and just tore off the March 31 page, right? Right?
Posted by seatackled on December 20, 2013 at 3:17 PM · Report this
Good luck Cienna.

and with that, the SLOG becomes even more gender imbalanced in its contributors. Approaching 3:1 ratio M:F even.
Posted by ChefJoe on December 20, 2013 at 3:18 PM · Report this
Joe Szilagyi 50
You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave. Don't leave!
Posted by Joe Szilagyi on December 20, 2013 at 3:18 PM · Report this
sperifera 51
Godspeed to you Cienna. I'm certain that you will be successful in whatever endeavor you take up next. You certainly have made the world a better place by offering your twist on whatever is going on, and I'm going to miss you on Slog. Time to start paying attention to the Twitter again, I guess!
Posted by sperifera on December 20, 2013 at 3:18 PM · Report this
Clara T 52
Best of luck to you Sierra. You won't soon be forgotten.
Posted by Clara T on December 20, 2013 at 3:19 PM · Report this
Josh Bis 53
Good luck; missing you already from this soggy non-beach.
Posted by Josh Bis on December 20, 2013 at 3:22 PM · Report this
YOU'LL BE BACK, or I'm not in the denial phase of grieving!
Posted by Bethany Jean Clement on December 20, 2013 at 3:22 PM · Report this
Best of everything, I always liked your stuff, Take Care and great luck
Posted by Merchant Seaman on December 20, 2013 at 3:23 PM · Report this
Well, this is certainly a bummer. However, I wish you well in your future endeavors! May 2014 be a wonderful year (for you and everyone).

(But seriously, you were my favorite.)
Posted by MLM on December 20, 2013 at 3:25 PM · Report this
Gern Blanston 57
I will miss your come hither looks and your winsome smile.
Posted by Gern Blanston on December 20, 2013 at 3:26 PM · Report this
Posted by Anna Minard on December 20, 2013 at 3:29 PM · Report this
Good luck in your next thing! You'll be missed...

But you are taking your disgusting travel mug with you, right?

Posted by Mr. Happy Sunshine on December 20, 2013 at 3:30 PM · Report this
Best of luck in the fourth third of your life, Cienna. You'll be missed around here.
Posted by Eric from Boulder on December 20, 2013 at 3:43 PM · Report this
I'm with @35 -- I wanna see Cienna's novel, and I've already promised her we'll run excerpts of it. The only consolation I have is that Cienna turned in an amazing feature a few weeks ago that we haven't had the space to run yet. It'll run in January. Here's an excerpt:

"I don't believe in ghosts for the same reason I don't believe in God: I'm no fun. Still, I'm embarrassed to say that for a while, I imagined my tiny house was haunted. Sometimes there'd be a soft scraping or tiny knocks at the windows, but whenever I opened the door or lifted a blind, no one was there. One evening at about dusk, I was reading on the couch when I heard footsteps on the roof. Pacing, just above my head. I jumped up and ran outside. There was no ghost on my roof, just a raccoon eating a cat."
Posted by Christopher Frizzelle on December 20, 2013 at 3:44 PM · Report this
This news gives me the sadz :-( Best of luck and please do guest columns in the future!
Posted by wxPDX on December 20, 2013 at 3:54 PM · Report this
Kyle Fleck 64
I will always remember that the first thing you ever said to me was "Who are you?!" when I was slumming around the office because of construction. It's my new favorite greeting, WAY better/more interesting than the common "How are you?" Good luck in all your future endeavblah.
Posted by Kyle Fleck on December 20, 2013 at 3:58 PM · Report this
Cienna Madrid 66
Aw, everyone is being so nice. I should quit every week!

Posted by Cienna Madrid on December 20, 2013 at 4:32 PM · Report this
seandr 67

That's a major bummer. Rainbow pirate bunny may be smiling on the outside, but he's frowning on the inside.

I wish you the best. Write us occasionally, will you?
Posted by seandr on December 20, 2013 at 4:40 PM · Report this
Eva Hopkins 68
Oh Cienna, NO. I gotta go on & do whatever great things you're gonna do, but all your writings will be deeply missed.

& yeah..feminist killjoy. ;) Are Bethany & Mary gonna step up to those shitkicker shoes? ;) Is it even possible? Your writing was how I was finally able to convince a couple of nonbelivin' pals that street harassment - "smile, baby" - was a Thing.

Alas, alack.
Posted by Eva Hopkins on December 20, 2013 at 5:12 PM · Report this
treacle 69
Awww man, I'm gonna miss Ms. Cienna "McCrankypants" Madrid. Dammit. Well, it was inevitable I guess. I can't imagine who they'll get to *try* to replace you.
It's been fun! Thanks for the feminist-snark! Have a great next-chapter-of-life! Best of luck!
Posted by treacle on December 20, 2013 at 5:13 PM · Report this
rob! 70
Foo. This is not good news to come home to.

I'm drained of words (the obligatory holiday vocal/written greetings do that to me) but not of sentiment.

I am sorry to see you go, and wish you the very best.
Posted by rob! on December 20, 2013 at 5:19 PM · Report this
You will be very much missed.
Posted by Lack Thereof on December 20, 2013 at 5:25 PM · Report this
rob! 72
Oh, and calluses. I'm gonna pretend VL didn't get there first. :ϸ
Posted by rob! on December 20, 2013 at 5:26 PM · Report this
You will be missed!
Posted by crone on December 20, 2013 at 5:28 PM · Report this
Simone 74
Will miss you even though I don't know you. Just make sure you leave behind your coffee mug. Preferably in Goldy's desk if he has one.
Posted by Simone on December 20, 2013 at 5:32 PM · Report this
TVDinner 75
You're going to Idaho to speak to the chickens, aren't you? C'mon, Madrid. You can tell us.
Posted by TVDinner http:// on December 20, 2013 at 5:35 PM · Report this
No one will ever match your gift for ledes. Good luck in the rest of the world, and if you're ever in/passing through Chicago, get in touch and I'd be delighted to buy you a drink, ribs, Cubs tickets, or some other Chicago-centric gift.
Posted by Chicago Fan on December 20, 2013 at 5:38 PM · Report this
Rhysling 77
Say it ain't so!

You are an outstanding writer. Wherever you land, I look forward to reading you for many years to come.
Posted by Rhysling on December 20, 2013 at 5:52 PM · Report this
Renée Krulich (Nay) 78
I'll miss my easy access to Cienna. <3 <3 <3
Posted by Renée Krulich (Nay) on December 20, 2013 at 6:09 PM · Report this
Damn girl, I'm going to miss your voice around here! Good luck!
Posted by JenV on December 20, 2013 at 6:45 PM · Report this
Cascadian Bacon 80
Seems like the rats have been fleeing a this sinking ship of fools lately.

Have fun!
Posted by Cascadian Bacon on December 20, 2013 at 7:14 PM · Report this
Sandiai 81
You will be sorely missed.
Posted by Sandiai on December 20, 2013 at 8:27 PM · Report this
What everyone else said- good luck to you and I'll look forward to seeing your byline in the future!
Posted by Duvall-ite on December 20, 2013 at 8:44 PM · Report this
Backyard Bombardier 83
You're a helluva dame, Cienna. I'd say good luck but I'm not thinking you'll need it. I look forward to seeing what you get up to in the future.
Posted by Backyard Bombardier on December 20, 2013 at 9:12 PM · Report this
Goddammit. Gonna miss you. Whatever you do next, may it bring you and those around you, joy. You kick ass, Girl.
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on December 20, 2013 at 9:17 PM · Report this
I'll miss all the things already said, but I also think we NEED someone else to adopt a Vagina costume avatar.
Posted by Hanoumatoi on December 20, 2013 at 9:37 PM · Report this
you will be missed... LOVE your work.
Posted by go bulldogs on December 20, 2013 at 9:52 PM · Report this
Funny - I was just stalking your mom's linked-in account today (she'd been suggested as "someone you might know"). Best of luck, you're a star.
Posted by Bloke on December 20, 2013 at 10:13 PM · Report this
Greg today, Gone tomorrow 89
Have a kick ass life!
Posted by Greg today, Gone tomorrow on December 20, 2013 at 11:15 PM · Report this
Town Hall Seattle 90
Good luck, Cienna! Don't be a stranger!
Posted by Town Hall Seattle on December 20, 2013 at 11:47 PM · Report this
OK, @66 aka Cienna, if we are extra nice, would you quit every week and then come BACK the next week? Only to quit again at the end of that week, and come back the next, into perpetuity or a Seattle fault earthquake, whichever comes first.

If only we were a wealthy bunch of commenters, we could supplement your salary so you might stay. Or actually pay you a salary.
Posted by sarah70 on December 21, 2013 at 12:55 AM · Report this
delirian 93
Good luck in the future. Go write the next great American novel. Y'know, the one with Abe Lincoln riding a grizzly bear? I'd love to know how that story went.
Posted by delirian on December 21, 2013 at 3:33 AM · Report this
emma's bee 94
Awww, this is depressing news to wake up to in our little Slogiverse.

Cienna, you will be so greatly missed. Your posts were obligatory reads for me and, I suspect, other female-gendered persons in particular.

Go spread your awesomeness across the globe, and come back every once in a while to report, will you?
Posted by emma's bee on December 21, 2013 at 8:22 AM · Report this
Have a really good time!!

Sniff sniff. . .
Posted by LuisitaPhD on December 21, 2013 at 9:27 AM · Report this
Here's how upset I am -- I missed the typo!

What everyone said here -- with extra emphasis on losing a great feminist voice.

Posted by bareboards on December 21, 2013 at 10:17 AM · Report this
NaFun 98
I always liked you, your posts, your writing, etc etc ad nausea. Please write something for us once in a while.

Posted by NaFun on December 21, 2013 at 10:24 AM · Report this
smade 99
This is almost as bad as the day Christina Kahrl left Baseball Prospectus.
Posted by smade on December 21, 2013 at 10:30 AM · Report this
seattleeco 100
Noooooo! We'll miss you, Cienna. Looking forward to whatever comes next for you. Enjoy that beach.
Posted by seattleeco on December 21, 2013 at 11:20 AM · Report this
Lissa 101
You see how much you mean to us all Cienna? Even some of the more obstreperous posters have weighed in quite sweetly to wish you well.
Again, best wishes, and don't be a stranger. ( see what I did there?)
Posted by Lissa on December 21, 2013 at 12:24 PM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 102
Crap. Looks like I picked the wrong day to leave town and not read Slog.

+1 to all of the above (or at least to the first thirty I read so far)
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on December 21, 2013 at 3:02 PM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 103
*sob* Who will make Bender vagina-themed avatars the way he likes them now?
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on December 21, 2013 at 3:04 PM · Report this
despicable me 105
Happy Trails to you, Cienna!
Posted by despicable me on December 21, 2013 at 7:19 PM · Report this
spaceapple 107
I will miss your brilliant writing. Best of luck to you!
Posted by spaceapple on December 21, 2013 at 7:44 PM · Report this
Posted by skemmis on December 22, 2013 at 9:43 AM · Report this
Puty 109
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck! God dammit! Also, have a great time in that world out there!
Posted by Puty on December 23, 2013 at 9:37 AM · Report this

Add a comment

Commenting on this item is available only to registered commenters.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC
1535 11th Ave (Third Floor), Seattle, WA 98122
Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy