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Thursday, December 12, 2013

SLLOTD: Bend Over

Posted by on Thu, Dec 12, 2013 at 4:20 PM

Originally posted January 14, 2010

I am a 34-year-old straight, single female. My fantasy is to be blindfolded, bent over a table/couch/whatever, and fucked by whoever happens to walk by. I realize this would have to take place in a safe environment, but most sex clubs or parties tend to be for swingers, specifically couples. There's a sex club nearby that looks like it might cater to my fantasy, but can I just walk in off the street and bend over? Do I need to go a few times first and talk to people? That kind of kills the fantasy of it, really. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Take A Number

My response after the jump...

You could probably walk into a sex club and bend over—lord knows some gay men do just that—but it would be a bad idea.

But you can realize your fantasy, TAN, and here's how: Most swingers clubs permit couples and single women to attend parties (sorry, single guys). Go to a few parties, keep your pants on, introduce yourself around, find a couple or two whom you click with. Share your fantasy with your new friends and ask if they might be interested in helping you realize it.

And your fantasy is totally realizable—I've seen very similar ones realized once or twice—but the only way to realize your fantasy safely is with a couple of trusted friends hovering nearby. You need someone there who's making sure that men who take advantage of you in your bent-over-and-blindfolded state have condoms on and don't attempt to do anything other than what you've consented to.

Sometimes realizing a fantasy requires a little suspension of disbelief, TAN, so you'll just have to pretend your guardian angels aren't there watching out for you. And if part of what makes the fantasy so hot is being a helpless sex object in a room full of strangers, you can always go with your friends to a different sex club, one where you don't know anyone but that your new friends checked out for you in advance.


Comments (29) RSS

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Urgutha Forka 1
I rarely call fake, but this one really seems fake to me.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on December 12, 2013 at 4:57 PM · Report this
stirwise 2
@1: Why? It seems like a common enough fantasy.
Posted by stirwise on December 12, 2013 at 5:14 PM · Report this
No way is it fake.
Posted by Valkyrie on December 12, 2013 at 5:21 PM · Report this
What seems fake about it?
"And your fantasy is totally realizable—I've seen very similar ones realized once or twice..."
And, more to the point, so what?
Good advice.
Posted by Park on December 12, 2013 at 5:30 PM · Report this
This one didn't seem so fake to me, but it did make me laugh uproariously for some reason. I guess because it sounds like a premise for a "candid camera" youtube video.

Of course, followed by the usual good practical advice from Dan.
Posted by cracked on December 12, 2013 at 6:10 PM · Report this
undead ayn rand 6
I don't know if it's fake (could go either way) , but depending on how the clubs are managed, she should either go for one of the "newbie" classes at the club where they describe how the club works, etc. Or at least call/write the management. Or check their calendar for those sort of "anything goes" nights.
Posted by undead ayn rand on December 12, 2013 at 6:45 PM · Report this
I'm with Urgutha. It's just too much like what a 50-year-old dude would write about HIS fantasy. Maybe he gets off on the letter-writing. Or maybe he wants to know which club to go to in order to be "whoever happens by" and gets to do the fucking.

Yeah, even fake letters can be helpful for the readership, but real female LWs of intense fantasies are typically more conflicted about realizing it IRL.
Posted by DAVIDinKENAI on December 12, 2013 at 6:47 PM · Report this
AFinch 8
I really wonder about fake or not...I've never met a woman who really wanted to make this fantasy a reality but I've met plenty who had the fantasy...found the image/idea hot. There is something in the gap there between fantasy and reality, presumably safety (STDs, etc.). Very hot though.
Posted by AFinch on December 12, 2013 at 7:18 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 9
It seems fake to me because:

1. While many women may have this fantasy, I suspect very, very few of them want to realize it. Of those who do, they are probably already sexually liberated enough to know how/where to do it without having to ask Dan. This LW knows about sex clubs/swinger clubs and knows there's one nearby. That seems at least somewhat experienced to me.

2. This seems much more like a male fantasy, written from a male perspective (even the sign-off seems masculine). That is, a male fantasy to be fucking some blindfolded submissive stranger.

But what the hell do I know? Dan's the expert here. It just sounded fake to me from beginning to end. I'm sure I could be wrong.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on December 12, 2013 at 8:37 PM · Report this
I'm not ready to deem this one fake - not enough lascivious details from a one-handed typist. Assuming it's genuine (I've heard similar from several people), LW definitely wants to have someone trustworthy to watch her back/rear.

Rather than having a guardian angel though, have a pimp/manager - ie: the person who "brought" you and who "gets to share you with whomever they want" (meaning that you discuss ahead of time if there is anyone you wouldn't want to have access, someone they deem creepy, etc. and your manager will veto on your behalf as part of the scene).

I don't know exactly how the LW swings on other kink/roleplay options (this works well with a bottom into power play), but something like this is a good way to incorporate a trusted person into the scene in character without having to sacrifice any sexiness. In fact, it could even add to the exhibitionism with some commentary by the manager if LW is into that (if this person enjoys voyeurism while also being trustworthy, then it's a perfect match). That also allows for use of safe words as a signal for when LW is ready to pack up and go home; the manager can help get LW out of there safely without too much social friction.
Posted by MemeGene on December 12, 2013 at 11:53 PM · Report this
Ya know what? Fake question or not this is still good information. I have a somewhat similar fantasy that (unfortunately) has only been filled once. 7 years ago and I still dream about it! Lol. You need to know someone in the area that is going to be your "spotter". That's what makes this kind of thing a reality. I've even seen a friend experience the same type of fantasy fulfillment with the same group. He was a good spotter. Unfortunately he now lives on the opposite coast and I have yet to find a replacement I feel safe with. The only clubs I have been to were in Germany so swinging stateside is still strange to me. Harder to find here in my opinion.

@Urgutha and @David
One more thing, how is that a masculine sign off? I usually sign off that way, polite and professional. Just because the letter isn't filled with should I or shouldn't I angst doesn't make it masculine. It means that the person is after facts, not coddling. Not all women are conflicted about what they want. Sometimes they (read I) just want to run it by someone in the know to tell me I'm not crazy and putting myself in any more danger than expected.
Posted by DChristi77 on December 13, 2013 at 12:07 AM · Report this
I think all of the comments claiming this is fake are actually... FAKE COMMENTS. I just blew your mind. You're welcome.
Posted by IamSOfake on December 13, 2013 at 6:50 AM · Report this
OK, Stranger women: I met a woman through lovelab and we're both in a hot-spouse situation (with as 'go ahead' from our respective spouses). We met last week, chemistry is great, but due schedule and time limitations, no chance to "get a room" yet. She emailed me saying I have great hands and what looks to be a good body under those clothes. She asked me to write something to think about while she's in bed recovering from the flu. So I did. I want your honest opinion: how did I do?

"(blush) I HAVE thought about these hands now that you mention it, about where they were and where they might go.  They were very comfortable resting on your hips, in the curve of your back, my long arms pulling you in closer...I'd like to trace those curves with my big hands again, around your belly to your sides. Perhaps my thumbs would follow the arc of your rib cage down and around to the sides of your spine.  I've thought about your hands too, clasped behind my neck, your breath hot on my shoulder, then your fingers tracing my obliques outward and down my long torso to my waist.  Maybe teasing a bit by pulling me to you, then back up to my shoulders, my neck, under my arms to the shoulder blades.  I've thought about this, yes.  I've thought about my lips beneath your ear, behind the turn in your jawline, of hearing your breath shiver, seeing your chest rising and falling quickly, of you responding to my touch in familiar ways.  Of that gentle turn beneath your arms, where your ribs meet the crease of your breasts, of where our hands, ourhungry bodies, go next.  Yes.  All of it.

What do YOU think about?"
Posted by ctmcmull on December 13, 2013 at 7:22 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 14
If you've ever seen one of those daytime court shows, there are plenty of people who do the next best/worst thing and get drunk, pick somebody up, and take them home to fuck.
This seems so damned dangerous- I know people who have been murdered and/or stabbed and robbed- that bending over in a club seems almost safe.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on December 13, 2013 at 7:29 AM · Report this
15 Comment Pulled (Trolling) Comment Policy
I highly recommend the CSPC. They will assign a monitor for your scene and they can advertise your event to other patrons and list your hard limits and preferences (e.g. no anal, no barebacking, no impact, no hairpulling, or YES hairpulling, YES anal, whatever) to potential ravagers.

If you don't want to spring for a membership, you can email them and you could probably get a guest pass and just pay the event fee. For this type of scene, I recommend the monthly (every 4th Sunday) Myself party, which is masturbation themed and brings in a lot of straight men. As a newcomer you will have to attend the mini-orientation before the event, though.

Good luck!
Posted by Devour on December 13, 2013 at 9:34 AM · Report this
@11, DChristi77: You're right, it could be a woman aware of her fantasies, having decided to take the next step, and who is seeking information / second opinions about how to do it safely. Absolutely, it could be.

It seems to me that the odds are against it. The scene, while hot to some women (including you?), is hot to more men. The lack of angst is suggestive (not conclusive). The asking for more info could be legitimate or it could be asking Dan for masterbatory fodder.

As to your own dilemma (finding a wing man / spotter), I keep reading about all these cuckold fetishists who can't scratch that itch because the woman in their life just won't go there. Could a fetlife search hook you up with someone who REALLY wants to be the cuck and whom you could groom / vet through increasingly edgy scenes?
Posted by DAVIDinKENAI on December 13, 2013 at 9:43 AM · Report this
@13 why would our thoughts matter? Did she like it?
Posted by EricaP on December 13, 2013 at 10:33 AM · Report this
This has been my fantasy since I was thirteen. Anaïs Nin wrote one or two similar stories and there’s at least one version that I remember in Nancy Friday.

She’s 34 and hasn’t realized her fantasy yet. Without a partner she’s not sure how to go about this as a single woman, but there’s never a better time than now.

I haven’t realized it yet either. I think I would get way too uptight in a sex club with lots of people to want to go through with the fantasy as written here, but if I had an in-charge partner who would tie me up and blindfold me somewhere more private — say, in my home or in a private room of a sex club — and bring me one or two interested strangers to do me under supervision, I think I would be game. Haven’t met that partner yet.

If this letter were written by a man I would expect it to be written more like, “I’m a hot 19-year old lesbian and I wanted to find out what sex with a man was like so I went to the local sex club, bent over a table and had a great time being done by multiple strangers. Now I want a boyfriend. Would I have to tell him?”

A woman in her mid-thirties wanting to finally take the plunge but not being sure how to go about it safely? I can’t think of anything less-fake sounding. (Well, except a letter from a father of three young children complaining that it’s been six months since he’s had sex and besides, his wife is fat.)
Posted by Alison Cummins on December 13, 2013 at 11:39 AM · Report this
"You need someone there who's making sure that men who take advantage of you in your bent-over-and-blindfolded state have condom"

Come on, you forgot to mention LUBE.
Posted by LML on December 13, 2013 at 11:53 AM · Report this

There's always one lube nazi in the group.
Posted by RoughRoadRider on December 13, 2013 at 12:36 PM · Report this
watchout5 22
It's all good Dan, for all the sexual repression society shows my kind I'm sure there will be no lasting effects from not letting us develop a responsible sexuality. Better to keep things as secretive and as women centric as possible and exclude all the clearly rapist males because they'll never know any better. I mean, it's not like I can handle myself around naked women, I'm forced by my genetics to rape them, if only I had free will.
Posted by watchout5 on December 13, 2013 at 1:57 PM · Report this
Lance Thrustwell 23
@22 - what the hell are you trying to say? God, I'm getting sick of incoherent commenters. Make sense or make tracks.
Posted by Lance Thrustwell on December 13, 2013 at 2:12 PM · Report this
undead ayn rand 24
@21: If they didn't want it, they'd mention that particular fact.
Posted by undead ayn rand on December 13, 2013 at 5:01 PM · Report this
Fake or not is irrelevant.

I concede that probably way more gay males would actually realize this fantasy than straight females, but who cares? Plenty of gay men and straight women have this sort of fantasy, and the advice Dan gave is equally applicable to either, so this letter easily qualifies as a good, practical question and answer for the readership.
Posted by Functional Atheist on December 13, 2013 at 7:23 PM · Report this
Otherwise progressive people are often still attached to quaint, deeply patriarchal ideas about female sexuality, e.g. Women are less sexual then men, more monogamous, more "romantic," need love and commitment before sexuality is possible, etc. Hence the claims that this letter must be fake.

Most of what we think is "true" about female sexuality is due to women, having historically had control over no other commodity than their sexuality (and not always so much control over that, of course), needing to protect that commodity and needing to keep its value high. Therefore sex must be rare, protected, and given only in exchange for security, status, or something of material value. In patriarchy, getting fucked by a group of friends, strangers, or passionate acquaintances has no place. This tells us nothing about the power such an image (or such an experience) could have in the imagination (or the life) of a truly free woman.
Posted by F.A.W. on December 14, 2013 at 3:29 AM · Report this
One more anecdotal data point, I'm a woman and this sounds hot as hell.
Posted by citrine on December 14, 2013 at 6:17 PM · Report this
@19 Thank you. I'm so glad there are men on here who presume to be more attuned to what a woman might/might not want, how she might/might not ask about doing it safely, and how she might/might not SIGN OFF than an actual woman is. Jesus fucking Christ, get over yourselves. Just because the women you know haven't taken this fantasy into reality (as far as you know) doesn't mean some women won't...and chances are if/when they do you ain't gonna hear about it. From my pov (straight woman, early 30s, finally entering my own phase of taking fantasies to reality) this letter sounds like something I would write.
Posted by jujubee80 on December 15, 2013 at 8:11 AM · Report this
I believe 22 feels oppressed by the news that private sex clubs don't need any more straight horny guys than they already have, thus preventing him from "developing a responsible sexuality." Because the rule is all about him being an obvious uncontrolled rapist, and not about the group avoiding a sausage fest.

22, if you were actually told this while being escorted from a sex club, consider it might be about you specifically and not straight single men as a species. The fact that you can't think of a way to develop a responsible sexuality other than sex clubs hints at that.
Posted by IPJ on December 15, 2013 at 10:07 AM · Report this

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