Official Chinese news outlets say the country's record-breaking air pollution has made Chinese people smarter, funnier, more egalitarian, and, um, better protected from missile attacks.
On Monday the website of the state broadcaster CCTV published a list of five "unexpected benefits" brought by the smog.
It said the haze had unified Chinese people, as they found solidarity in their complaints; equalised them, as both rich and poor people were vulnerable to its effects; enlightened them, as they realised the cost of rapid growth; and "made Chinese people more humorous", as smog-related jokes proliferated on the internet.
It had also helped to educate people, it said. "Our knowledge of meteorology, geography, physics, chemistry and history has progressed."
The Global Times, a nationalist tabloid published by the Communist party's official People's Daily, added one more advantage: the smog could bolster China's military defences by affecting guided missile systems.
"Smog may affect people's health and daily lives. But on the battlefield it can serve as a defensive advantage in military operations," it said. The article buttressed its argument with a list of historical precedents, such as Serbian soldiers burning tyres to impede Nato planes.
Some of the media links are no longer working, but as of this writing, the CCTV page is still up. According to a crappy Google translate, "Even foreigners also joined in the fun, create a 'Beijing cough' of the disease... Haze inspired the Chinese people's sense of humor, humor is a source of strength to overcome the haze."
That's right. Just laugh your wheezes away!
Please remember this the next time a government starts grumbling about whether an independent press is more trouble than it's worth.
