Jeff Bezos Told the Earth's Atmosphere and Citizenry to Brace for a New Species of Giant Electronic Insects in Maybe Four or Five Years: But don't worry, they're "autonomous," he said last night on television. Oh yeah, and if everyone really, really wants 'em real, real bad, we could technically get them in two years. Why again? Why should we fill the air with bird robots carrying kitty litter and DVDs? Because capitalism! If you need me I'll be having a panic attack.

I'm Sorry, Did I Call Them Bird Robots? As this behind-the-scenes 60 Minutes segment makes clear, they're called "octocopters." Forgive me. Octocopters is their name. That's reassuring, right? Swarms of octocopters. One CBS guy says they're "out of The Jetsons." CBS guy misspoke. They're out of a Batman directed by the reanimated corpse of Hitchcock. Don't miss Jeff Bezos saying, excitedly: "It's a symphony of people, it's a symphony of software, it's a symphony of robots now that we're starting to put in place."

New York Times Makes a Good Point About Filling the Skies with Octocopters: "If Amazon could do it, so presumably could Walmart and the many other retailers trying to do same-day delivery. It might bring a whole new meaning to the phrase 'e-commerce wars.'

Amazon Can't Legally Do This—Yet! As Eli Sanders points out, "At present, it's illegal to use drones for commercial purposes in the United States." He also has photographic evidence of someone getting cut up by drone blades.

Hey Amazon, If Efficiency Is Really, Like, the Most Important Thing, You Know There Are More Efficient Ways to Get Things to People, Right?


In Non-Octocopter News, Someone Allegedly Stole Victoria Clipper Yesterday: When he was arrested by a SWAT team, he reportedly said he "only wanted to go to West Seattle." If only he had a human-size octocopter.

Yet Another Scoop Courtesy of Edward Snowden: "Australia's surveillance agency offered to share information collected about ordinary Australian citizens with its major intelligence partners, according to a secret 2008 document leaked..." Specifically, "medical, legal or religious information."

"The Economy Does Much Better When a Democrat Is in the White House" The Washington Post digs into some theories.

U.S. Supreme Court Doesn't Have Time for Liberty University's Bitching About Obamacare: The Christian college founded by Jerry Falwell will not get its day in court.

That Commuter Train Derailing in New York: They're still trying to figure out what happened.

Adam Moss Is a Genius, So As Long As He's Still in Charge, It'll Be Fine: But man, it's sad to see New York magazine going down to every other week. If you're not familiar, New York is one of the best damn magazines out there. The great Frank Rich left the New York Times a couple years back to work for New York, among many other talents New York has attracted in recent years.

HIV Infections Are on the Rise Again Because Unprotected Gay Sex Is on the Rise Again: "What twenty-year-old man, enjoying his first moments of sexual adventure, is going to be scared because, ten years before he was born, people like me saw gay men writhe and vomit and die on the streets where he now stands?"

Olympic Diver Comes Out: As bi.

It's About to Get Super Cold: "Winter weather will come plunging down from British Columbia on Monday, bringing with it a week of frigid temperatures." What to do? Well, you should eat a bunch of soup, obviously. And you should get a hot tub and invite me and Emily over. Or you should go up to the Bella Luna coed spa in Lynnwood, where Brendan was seen naked recently, or if you're looking for a stronger hippie vibe (and natural beauty) you should go to Doe Bay, where Brendan was also seen naked recently. Or fill up on local craft liquors. Or you could rub Icy Hot on yourself, but that's an activity reserved for the true masochists.