As a representative in the state house, Dave Upthegrove... zzzzzzzzzzz. Fucking county council races. IS ANYBODY READING THIS? Nobody cares about the fucking county council—and no one cares about dull-as-derp Upthegrove—but we're stuck in these motherfucking endorsement meetings and where's our bong, anyway? Yeah, yeah, Upthegrove wants to help update FEMA flood maps and he loves transit and some other crap. But we suspect the real deal is that Upthegrove is running to escape the dysfunctional legislature, where he only makes $42,000 a year, and work instead for the county council, which is equally dysfunctional but pays $135,000 a year.
Riddle us this shit: Do you even know what King County does? If so, you're in like the top zillionth percentile of people who can tolerate boring shit. Upthegrove's opponent, Andy Massagli—who didn't even show up for our meeting (neither did Stranger publisher Tim Keck), even though we have a sweet bong (it's Keck's bong, actually)—responded to a recent transit riders' survey by stating that mass transit should be funded by "an alcohol or gang tax [which] would target the riding demographic beautifully." Or, hey, how about a 100 percent asshole tax? We could fully fund transit around here with the money we'd raise just off Tim Eyman, Richard Conlin, Reagan Dunn, and this Massagli douchebag. Vote Upthegrove.