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  • Photo by Senior Butt Correspondent Megan Seling

But but but! I can hear you thinking. A column all about butts? Every Monday? Here on Slog? Is this real? It is. Just butt news? No, also news pertaining to butter, butterflies, and buttressing. Welcome. Have a seat.

• A man and his butt were seen hanging from a fence in Seattle's Cal Anderson Park earlier today (photo here) prompting Megan Seling to wonder, "Is his butt stuck to that fence? It looks like he somehow got his butt stuck to that fence..." His butt did not appear to be stuck to the fence. When told his butt was fine, Megan replied, "Oh, good. Thanks for the butt update," inadvertently birthing the idea for this column.

• Congressman Randy Neugebauer, who voted to shut the government down and then yelled at the employee at a federal monument because he and his friends couldn't come in because, again, of the shutdown, which he voted for, was called "an asshole" by Paul Constant today.

• The band Garbage tweeted earlier today, "Why are celebrities showing their bums via selfies on twitter??" This prompted Marina Diamandis of Welsh musical act Marina and the Diamonds to say: "We are living in a very bum-centric world right now". Moments later Diamandis added, "I don't particularly mind this trend." And then: "Remember when ribs and collar bones were in fashion? That was shite." And then: "Everyone's talking out of their arse."

• Lady Gaga's new single comes with a picture of her butt.

• The band The Blow is on its way to Seattle to perform at Neumos tonight. Multiple Stranger critics have weighed in positively about the band's latest. But it was unknown until recently how exactly Khaela and Melissa's butts were being transported to town. Let it be known:


• Critically acclaimed author Gary Shteyngart, the preeminent satirist of American cultural mores, "went bathroom today." Presumably via butt. He did not specify.

• Seattle writer and performer Wesley K. Andrews reports that as of this moment his butt's "a little cold but my car has a seat warmer so that's an option for later."

• Speaking of cars, Erstwhile Stranger staffer Kathleen Wilson and her butt went car shopping this weekend:


• Illustrator Levi Hastings reports, "I worked my butt off to eat some serious poutine" this weekend.

• Comedian Rob Delaney, asked if he has anything to add to the inaugural Butt Update, said his "ass" will be in "tight dungarees" at this show. Get your laughs—while you still can!!

Send news of butts you've kicked, chairs you've sat in, people who are assholes, butter you've tasted, butterflies who've landed on you, and buttresses you have feelings about to me via twitter (or email if you're nasty) to be considered for inclusion in next Monday afternoon's Butt Update, Slog's Cheeky New Butt News Roundupâ„¢.