I came out after a number of years of "playing straight." I had two relatively long-term monogamous gay relationships, then converted a friend into a boyfriend. We bought a house, got a dog, and live in the 'burbs. Supposedly, life is good.
I'm a fairly athletic guy, and I got started playing sports partly to overcome my internal homophobia. My partner isn't athletic. He likes to stay home, watch movies, cook with real butter—consequently, he's out of shape. Our relationship is great in that we have a high degree of true honesty between us—he's a trustworthy guy, and I love him and his family.
The issue is that I often feel stuck. I've dealt with some anxiety and am taking medication to help that. I'm a fairly balanced guy, but I still feel the urge to get out and be with other guys I find more attractive. I struggle in that I'm with the guy of my dreams—in every way except that he's bear-shaped and that's not my thing. I've gotten to the point where I don't even want to go out with friends because I'm afraid I'll have a few beers and end up giving in to my own urges to play around with another guy and I don't want to cheat. My partner is generally GGG when it comes to trying new things, but it's not really working. I'm just not attracted to my guy sexually.
Please don't say, "Well, if you don't want to fuck him, you should just move on." I'm looking for some real advice. My partner and I have talked about three-ways, messing around with another couple, things like that. I haven't felt comfortable exploring that area because I think he would have an emotional meltdown if I actually expressed an interest in any other guy.
Seeking A Solution
My response after the jump...
I'm forbidden to offer you the obvious advice—leave the boyfriend because you're not sexually attracted to him—because you would prefer some real advice. And since you're not going to leave, I guess it would be a waste of time to point out that your creeping sense of misery and despair, which has you medicating yourself to stay in this relationship, is only going to get worse. And I can't advise you to sleep around, as that would be cheating. And you can't open the relationship up because your boyfriend, with whom you enjoy a "high degree of honesty," would have an emotional meltdown if you told him the truth about how you're feeling.
So what advice do I have for you? Uh... gee. Start drinking heavily, I guess, because you're really fucked, SAS. Your sexual dissatisfaction and sense of being trapped are only going to grow—until, of course, those feelings are overtaken by feelings of resentment, and soon thereafter you'll be subconsciously sabotaging the relationship in a desperate effort to act on a completely understandable desire: to be intimate with someone who actually turns you on.
Look, SAS, I'm not trying to be an asshole (being an asshole has always come easy). But I want to tell you to leave—to part now on good terms, to accept that this wasn't meant to be, to convert the boyfriend back to a friend—just as you suspected I would. And you ruled that advice out. So I did the best I could under the circumstances.