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Tuesday, September 17, 2013

SL Letter of the Day: Honorary Centaur Fetishist

Posted by on Tue, Sep 17, 2013 at 5:21 PM

I'm a 31-year-old straight divorced male. I am tallish and of average size, though not particularly strong or muscular. I am also a hardcore sub who is particularly attracted to large, physically strong but still very feminine women who can pin me down, wrestle with me, and dominate me during foreplay and intercourse. The problem is that these women tend to be attracted to larger, physically stronger men. The women who are attracted to me tend to be smaller and weaker and don't really do it for me. I recently ended a relationship with a wonderful, pretty, smart, loving woman at least in part because of this sexual incompatibility. The other problem is that though I desire a somewhat unconventional sex life, I want a thoroughly normal rest of my life, marriage, kids, etc, and also a partner who is a nerdy intellectual like myself. And I often find that women willing and able to satisfy my kink either don't want that normal life or I don't want it with them. Too make things even more complicated, I'm Jewish and would prefer to marry another Jew or someone who would be willing to convert or at least raise kids Jewish.

Am I being too picky? What should I compromise on, sex or something else? Or should I find a "normal" or "vanilla" woman who allows me to occasionally see pro-dommes? (I have done that in the past.) Those women are very hard to find too. Feeling very lost.

Fears Eternal Sexual Turmoil

My response after the jump...

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Can we talk about centaur fetishists for a second?

I'm obsessed with centaur fetishists. There have been times when I've written and talked so much about centaur fetishists that people have gotten the impression that I'm a centaur fetishist myself. Not true. While I wouldn't kick the crazy-eyed centaur in that Old Spice ad out of my barn—who on earth would?—I'm not into centaurs. People who are into centaurs talk/obsess about centaurs. But I don't talk/obsess about centaurs. Because it's centaur fetishists that fascinate me, not the half-human/half-horses they wanna ride in on.

And here's what I find fascinating about centaur fetishists: it's the existential dilemma—the curse—of longing for an impossible partner. There are people out there who pine for centaurs, people who long for centaurs, people who insist that they can only find sexual and emotional fulfillment tangled up in the arms and legs of a centaur... and those people are basically fucked, right? Because there's no such thing as a centaur. A centaur fetishist will never bump into a cute centaur at an airport bar or spot a hot centaur running on a treadmill at their gym. Because centaurs don't exist. And that's gotta suck, right?

You, sir, are the 31-year-old, divorced, sub, straight male equivalent a centaur fetishist.

Your lists of "wants" and "disqualifiers" are so long that your chances of finding love are almost as slim as a centaur fetishist's chances. Because it's not enough to find a woman who gets off on dominating you in a very particular way. She also has to be physically strong... but still very feminine. She has to be nerdy and she has to be intellectual and she has to want marriage and kids and she has to be Jewish or want to be Jewish or willing to pretend she wants to be Jewish and she has to want kids and she has to want to raise her kids Jewish. A smaller and weaker Jewish girl with a dominant streak? She won't do. A taller and stronger shiksa girl with a submissive streak? She won't do. A cheerleader type with a subscription to US Magazine who gets off on dominating your during intercourse? She won't do.

Yes, FEST, you're being too picky. Remember: settling down requires some settling for. No one gets everything he wants in a partner. Hold out for everything you want—tall, strong, feminine, nerdy, Jewish, intellectual, sexually dominant—and you're going to wind up lonelier and more frustrated than your average centaur fetishist. Look for someone who brings most of what you want to the table—or the wrestling mat—and be willing to compromise.

 

Comments (67) RSS

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rob! 1
I'd settle for a naked ride on that centaur.
Posted by rob! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZBdUceCL5U on September 17, 2013 at 5:35 PM · Report this
nocutename 2
I like that centaur because he's resourceful. I am always short on storage space and shelf space and would love to use my back/ass as a shelf.
Posted by nocutename on September 17, 2013 at 5:41 PM · Report this
3
I do think FEST has a chance of finding a Jewish nerdy intellectual chick who has some sexual deviance of her own and would be willing to come to an arrangement about satisfying their needs in creative ways – ie, yes, occasionally seeing a pro-domme. In fact, if he marries a submissive bisexual Jewish nerdy intellectual chick (of which there are quite a few), they may be able set up a regular arrangement with a buff, large, sexy shiksa pro-domme. Like a Shabbos goy, but with wrestling and flogging sessions.
Posted by EricaP on September 17, 2013 at 5:42 PM · Report this
harmonyak 4
But...he knows that. He knows he's being too picky. He was asking what to compromise on.
Posted by harmonyak on September 17, 2013 at 6:00 PM · Report this
nocutename 5
@EricaP: Recently, there was a comment thread following a letter in which a man confessed that he had never been attracted to his girlfriend and couldn't stand to have sex with her. He was reluctant to break up mostly because he feared the loss of some mutual friends. The best thing he could say about this girlfriend was that his dog liked her. Dan said something about two ways relationships could function, and you pointed out that there was a third way--that people could stay together despite having no sexual interest in each other and they could each have their sexual needs met elsewhere. Many of us thought you seemed to be suggesting that they negotiate an open relationship, but you maintained that you were simply reminding Dan of another option he hadn't mentioned, but which you knew he was aware of.

I'm curious, because based on my reading of your letter here, you seem to be advising this man to seek out a partner to whom he has no sexual attraction whatsoever, telling him that then he can negotiate an open relationship/marriage, wherein he gets his sexual needs met outside.

I think that both the letter I alluded to from a short time ago, and this one are profoundly different from marriages in which there was an initial sexual attraction which may have waned, or an interest/libido disparity that manifests itself well into the life of a long-term relationship, or in which the partners still have an attraction to and for each other but want either some novelty/variety, or a particular act that the other can't or isn't willing to fulfill, and yet they still have ways of being sexual with each other that satisfy both of them.

I don't understand why you appear to be continuing to suggest that people enter into relationships with partners they aren't attracted to, with the idea of finding sexual fulfillment elsewhere. Surely that does happen, but I hardly think it is the ideal, and the better suggestion is to look for someone who meets most of your needs and be willing to compromise on the others. The opening-in-order-to-meet-needs-unable-to-be-met-by-the-primary-partner may indeed happen, but most of us want to look for a partner we're attracted to, at least initially.
More...
Posted by nocutename on September 17, 2013 at 6:07 PM · Report this
6
@4 Trouble is, there's no absolute truth on what somebody's relationship priorities *should* be. Dude's gotta decide what are really deal-breakers and what aren't, to him, not to Dan or anyone else.

Also, if he's found that the women he likes exist but are generally more attracted to big strong guys, he might consider working out. Can't hurt, right?
Posted by SpaceGirl on September 17, 2013 at 6:08 PM · Report this
AFinch 7
I think EP is right: you can find someone who is willing to strike a deal and you meet each other needs.

I often wonder with people like this if what they really have is a fear of intimacy or commitment - one they're not even consciously aware of - such that they're really saying, "well, if I found someone who met all of these requirements I'd be out of excuses to say no and would have to actually engage."

I just do not personally grok the whole animal/half-animal fetish, BTW.
Posted by AFinch on September 17, 2013 at 6:10 PM · Report this
8
I wonder if there are horses who are centaur fetishists.
Posted by SpaceGirl on September 17, 2013 at 6:11 PM · Report this
AFinch 9
I should say: I meant in the case where they could both at least partially meet each other's needs, not where they are fundamentally looking for something different or are incompatible sexually.
Posted by AFinch on September 17, 2013 at 6:16 PM · Report this
10
This dude should call me.
Posted by lily on September 17, 2013 at 6:17 PM · Report this
Fistique 11
He could always just corner tall girls in elevators at the atheist convention.
Posted by Fistique on September 17, 2013 at 6:25 PM · Report this
12
@5, if he is only attracted to large, physically strong but still very feminine women who are happy to pin him down during sex (LPSBSVFWWAHTPHDDS), then he's in trouble. I was hoping he could enjoy sex with a Jewish nerdy intellectual chick, as long as he had permission to sometimes go see a pro-domme who can toss him around.

If he really is ONLY attracted to a LPSBSVFWWAHTPHDDS, then he better hope she doesn't want to have children. (He can have his children with a nice nerdy set of Jewish lesbians, yes?)

But a LPSBSVFWWAHTPHDDS who also doesn't want children with him, that's probably a centaur. Just as a nerdy Jewish intellectual LPSBSVFWWAHTPHDDS is a centaur.

But, actually here's another idea. He should be open to dating a transwoman. Won't want to bear his children, likely to be bigger than him and able to pin him to the bed, good at acting feminine. And not a centaur. I think we have a winner.

Posted by EricaP on September 17, 2013 at 6:41 PM · Report this
13
@10 - or he could just call you!
Posted by EricaP on September 17, 2013 at 6:41 PM · Report this
14
Unless the word "feminine" is code for "thin", this guy has more options than most guys. Fat women tend to be strong women, if they are at all active. When I went to the gym my Nautilus settings were always very close to men's settings, and on the leg press I was even stronger than some hardcore male bodybuilders. All this guy has to do is locate some tall, fat, Jewish women and start dating around until he finds a bossy one who thinks he's cute. See if she's GGG--if so, have her take a judo class--problem solved. Him wanting marriage is a plus; fat girls often have to deal with the stigma of men who want to have sex with them, but are too embarrassed to want a long-term relationship.
Posted by Marrena on September 17, 2013 at 6:52 PM · Report this
15
"If you think that I'd allow a common masher - now, really, Mama / I have standards where men are concerned / And if you don't mind my saying so -"

"I know all about your standards / And if you don't mind my saying so / There's not a man alive who could hope to measure up / To the blend of Paul Bunyan, Saint Pat and Noah Webster you've concocted for yourself / Out of your Irish imagination, your Iowa stubbornness, and your library full of books!"
Posted by Pope Buck I on September 17, 2013 at 7:02 PM · Report this
16
#4 there's no way Dan can answer that. You have to prioritize what you want and then meet real live human beings.

Then you can know what you will and won't be able to compromise on. Clearly the guy has some strong sexual needs that need to be met, the rest, well....if you asked me what my "type" is, I would say 5'5", Italian, furry, nice ass. My last two husbands have been 6' tall, not Italian and not furry. So there you go.

But connection is connection and ultimately that's what is important when some of the rest has faded down.
Posted by Mike Friedman on September 17, 2013 at 7:05 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 17
At least there's a possibility in the distant future for centaur fetishists to get centaur sex robots.

The people who are really out of luck are the ones who want giants. Like 50' tall women or something. They'd have to wait until something like interactive, tactile holograms exist.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on September 17, 2013 at 7:16 PM · Report this
18
FEST,

I agree with Spacegirl, get thee to the gym. The fact that while you're buffing up you will also be (potentially) meeting buff females couldn't hurt.

Peace
Posted by Married in MA on September 17, 2013 at 7:30 PM · Report this
19
I mean - even "Jewish" makes things kind of hard. Jews are about 2% of the US population. Finding someone Jewish is hard even if you're looking for someone just plain compatible. This is a rather major issue in the Jewish community, with jewdate, and tons of events for 20-30 year olds to try to match them up. Ultimately, a fair share of Jews either doesn't try or gives up, often becoming alienated from Judaism (that, too, a hot topic). So yeah, making demands that would already be hard to match and then cutting out 98% of the population - not gonna work.
Posted by adam.smith on September 17, 2013 at 7:48 PM · Report this
20
"The problem is that these women tend to be attracted to larger, physically stronger men."

Can't this asshole get some steroids (or at least some protein shakes) and hulk up if he wants to attract these impossibly hard to find women that he craves that are apparently at the gym or something?
Posted by cpjones79 on September 17, 2013 at 7:50 PM · Report this
Dr. Z 21
Learn how to draw (or learn a 3D rendering program like DazStudio or Poser) and be content to live out your impossible Centaur fantasies vicariously, through your visual imagination.

Let real life sex be about loving your partner for who they are, without superimposing a bunch of impossible baggage on them.
Posted by Dr. Z on September 17, 2013 at 7:51 PM · Report this
22
@14 Okay, that makes sense.
Posted by EricaP on September 17, 2013 at 7:54 PM · Report this
23
All of you suggesting that he go to the gym and bulk himself up to attract a stronger/fit lady are missing a very important part of the kink equation: He wants to be dominated by this woman--and if he bulks up and starts working out, he's (very likely) going to be stronger than his partner. That's not going to work for him.

But seriously, although I might be too short for this guy, I make a kick-ass latke! As they say, there's a lid for every pot. Even a weird, nerdy, Jewish kinkster pot.

Posted by lily on September 17, 2013 at 8:16 PM · Report this
undead ayn rand 24
@5: If all you have is a hammer...
Posted by undead ayn rand on September 17, 2013 at 8:31 PM · Report this
Reverend Tap 25
@23: That depends significantly on HOW he works out; maximizing bulk and maximizing strength are two very different animals, and the bodybuilders are generally not the strongest folks in the gym.
Posted by Reverend Tap http://www.libr8.org on September 17, 2013 at 8:32 PM · Report this
lolorhone 26
A friend of mine had a list (technically entitled The List) of attributes she required her future husband to have. It was two pages long. What I said when I saw it? "Good luck with that." How many of those attributes from The List does her current husband possess? One- he has lovely teeth. She has never been happier. Relax your Standards and Practices, man.
Posted by lolorhone on September 17, 2013 at 8:42 PM · Report this
27
@7 I think you're right that he has a fear of intimacy. If he found his centaur, and she had any desires of her own that were not in line with his fetish, would that make them incompatible in his eyes? If so, then he's not interested in finding a real person.
Posted by EricaP on September 17, 2013 at 8:54 PM · Report this
secretagent 28
We all have our kinks, but when your kinks start to interfere with your goals in life such as partnership, raising children, and sharing important religious and cultural commonalities, you might need to take a look at those kinks. I am definitely kinky, don't give a shit about sharing religion and culture, never want kids, and am ambivalent about partnership, just to be clear on where I stand on priorities. Nevertheless, even I know that those are important to some people and clearly to this guy, and a sexual inclination (let's not argue again that specific kinks are actually an orientation) should not trump *everything* else.

How about you get yourself to a therapist, dude? Which isn't code for you're crazy - therapists are not just for crazy people. They're also for people who aren't getting what they want from their lives and need to figure out how to go about it better. I personally have a serious attraction to a particular type of man that is almost guaranteed not to give me any but one thing I want in a relationship. They turn me into an orgasm pinata, however, and sexual satisfaction vies pretty seriously for number 1 spot in my list of priorities. After years of this, off to a therapist to figure out what the hell I'm doing, what's really important to me, and how to try to get my vagina and my heart into some kind of agreement. Because I actually do want to be happy, and sometimes that takes some adjustment in yourself and not of the rest of the world.
Posted by secretagent on September 17, 2013 at 9:05 PM · Report this
Hulk 29
CENTAURS?! PSHAW! HULK RATHER FAWN OVER EMILY RATAJKOWSKI!!!

http://24.media.tumblr.com/4e1e8609e1d91…

LESS CHANCE OF MERE MORTALS HOOKING UP WITH HER THAN PARTICIPATING IN A CENTAUR-UNICORN ORGY ON MOON... WITH HULK!!!
Posted by Hulk Http://www.tinyurl.com/lonely-hulk on September 17, 2013 at 9:43 PM · Report this
nocutename 30
@14: I think the fact that he's complaining about the scarcity of women who meet his numerous criteria means that "feminine" is indeed code for "slender."
Otherwise, your suggestion would seem to be a perfect solution. EricaP's suggestion of dating a transwoman (@12) would seem to be a good work around, but something tells me that he hasn't considered that. And the fact that they couldn't have his children is a drawback for him. He wants kids. That are raised Jewish. By/with a nerdy, intellectual, "normal" feminine-looking, tall Amazonian dominatrix wrestlerette.

I don't know . . . I actually don't think that his list is so very long . . .
Posted by nocutename on September 17, 2013 at 10:33 PM · Report this
Sandiai 31
NSFW, Hulk.
Posted by Sandiai on September 17, 2013 at 10:34 PM · Report this
Sandiai 32
"No one gets everything he wants in a partner."

Says the man married to Terry-freaking- Adonis. (I know, I know, we don't know everything about Terry, but shheez!).
Posted by Sandiai on September 17, 2013 at 10:40 PM · Report this
33
Gee, I should have saved my reference to the Accomplished Woman.

Mr Rhone - I hope it was a very superficial or very specific and demanding list; I'm getting an image of your friend happily married to a gun-carrying evangelical racist sexist homophobe who doesn't read anything but the Bible, not the sort of image designed to give me a good night's sleep.
Posted by vennominon on September 17, 2013 at 11:04 PM · Report this
34
Seriously Hulk, very hot but NSFW. Not that I'm at work now, but still.

This guy needs to relax, stop fighting so hard and let a nice jewish woman dominate him, or at least tie him up securely before he fights. Strength is one of those transient things anyway; even if she's stronger now, she may not be as she ages. A bit of rope will let him struggle to his hearts content while lending the illusion that she's holding him down.
Posted by wingedkat on September 17, 2013 at 11:12 PM · Report this
horatiocain 35
Most Jewish girls are short, skinny, and atheist.

You Are Fucked.
Posted by horatiocain http://jerkcity.com on September 17, 2013 at 11:18 PM · Report this
36
@35, you obviously don't belong to my synagogue, where they're more like short, plump, and atheist.

And @19, it's more like 1%.
Posted by sarah70 on September 17, 2013 at 11:38 PM · Report this
Printer 37
Well, you want a dominant woman, try joining (some) martial arts club(s). You might not get a larger woman but you will find women who might be willing to dominate you and will know what its like to manage strength on someone. Intellectuals? Try a university martial arts club. Mine is full of nerds and intellectuals. Jewish, though? Not so much although there was at least one. Figure out which thing you require most- two out of three ain't bad. And I think that ultimately you will have to do the "pick two" Venn diagram of your situation.
Posted by Printer on September 17, 2013 at 11:41 PM · Report this
lolorhone 38
Mr. Ven @33: It was indeed a very specific, very demanding and very shallow list that she has since disavowed as a folly of youth (she was 19 when she made it). Her current marriage isn't based upon some kind of surrender of principle on her part; she has simply learned to appreciate a loving man who didn't fulfill every silly aesthetic/material "requirement" she had previously sworn up and down she would not get married without.
Posted by lolorhone on September 18, 2013 at 1:38 AM · Report this
39
@38 A friend of mine has a list like that. He has to be significantly taller than her (not out of kink but so that she can wear heels and other silly BS like that), he has to have attended specific universities, he has to be a specific number of years older than her, he probably has to be cut and wear expensive clothes. In short, she should be proud to show him to everyone. At the same time there aren't any requirements about his stance on religion, politics and general worldview. So for example, being a happy social drinker and totally non-religious and kind of a slut (in the sex positive sense of the word) she keeps finding guys who are devoutly religious and don't drink or something like that. She ends up dating guy after guy who she can't stand, also because of some silly reason, like he eats pizza in a restaurant using his hands, he's not eager on museums etc. etc.
Posted by puddles on September 18, 2013 at 2:36 AM · Report this
40
@39 and by "kink" I meant sexual or aesthetic preference but got distracted by other thoughts.
Posted by puddles on September 18, 2013 at 2:38 AM · Report this
lolorhone 41
@39: Yeah, I'm really happy that she got over it and found somebody; her single life was a disaster (of her own making). The List was just ill-advised and, ironically enough, the major source of chaos in her mate choices, seeing as how nothing on it was character or personality-based.
Posted by lolorhone on September 18, 2013 at 4:27 AM · Report this
42
@39 a video on eating pizza in a restaurant NOT using one's hands:

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-ju…
Posted by Marrena on September 18, 2013 at 5:26 AM · Report this
Alanmt 43
Sheesh. And I have having difficulty with my list of 1. within ten years of my age 2. at least a moderate level of attraction 3. financially stable.
Posted by Alanmt on September 18, 2013 at 5:38 AM · Report this
Eudaemonic 44
I met the person who did check every box on my own version of The List (not that I'd ever written it down, since I'm not that much of an optimist) shortly before I got engaged to my now-wife. And she apparently threw herself at me, according to witnesses.

It was the triggering event that made me finally pop the question.
Posted by Eudaemonic on September 18, 2013 at 5:56 AM · Report this
46
@42,

I thought that the TDS segment by Louis Black about "Fuck You Texas" was a great NY homage, but that pizza video might have topped it. John did an excellent job, but *sigh*, it's nice to get Jon back.

Peace
Posted by Married in MA on September 18, 2013 at 6:58 AM · Report this
47
@44,

Not to be rude, but is your wife the list checker?

Peace
Posted by Married in MA on September 18, 2013 at 7:00 AM · Report this
48
"Too make things even more complicated" - this will be an automatic turnoff for many nerdy, intellectual women, as will LW's insistence on a "normal" life with marriage and kids unless he is willing to be abnormally egalitarian and involved as a partner and co-parent (not just as a father).

Find a Jewish woman willing to be your baby-momma who will stay home and run the house while you go pay for large yet feminine dominant women to hold you down and hang out in coffee shops with intellectual women.

LW really needs to get his priorities in order: why Jewish? Why does he want the "normal" life of marriage and kids? Why does he want a nerdy, intellectual woman? If anything, the kink is the most authentic part of his desires; the rest should be unpacked and examined for whether it's a shiny neat thing to have or a real thing he wants, which would include his side of the maintenance and buy-in.
Posted by MemeGene on September 18, 2013 at 7:24 AM · Report this
49
A few more thoughts:

Maybe LW should start hitting the gym to get more muscular and athletic looking; he's wanting a woman to be all things, and he himself admits that he maybe fits two of his many categories he expects of his future partner. If LW walked the walk a bit more, he'd have higher chances of finding someone.

Also, if LW does plan to go the "on the side" route, he had better openly offer for his wife/baby momma to do the same with people of her choice. That would actually open up his options considerably and promote a happier long-term family situation.
Posted by MemeGene on September 18, 2013 at 7:28 AM · Report this
undead ayn rand 50
@35: Tell that to Robert Crumb.

@49: He should sit at home and do nothing and try to look more nebbishy.
Posted by undead ayn rand on September 18, 2013 at 7:36 AM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 51
@20 How easy is it to get steroids that won't turn your liver into stale gorgonzola? 'Cause I'd like a few months' worth.
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on September 18, 2013 at 8:01 AM · Report this
Eudaemonic 52
@ 47: Nope. We'd been dating for a while when I met the girl who was a combination of every physical and lifestyle characteristic I'd ever found attractive in a woman before meeting my wife. If I were more paranoid, I'd have suspected "she" was actually an actress hired as an insanely elaborate prank my friends were pulling on me.

Then she threw herself at me, and I barely noticed she'd done it until people pointed it out later. So I figured when you meet your fantasy and she barely distracts you from the girlfriend you already have, it's time to get married. So we did.

Turned out those fantasy lists are garbage.

(I was still a bit jealous when fantasy-girl started dating one of my friends. But much later I heard that despite the hotness and the shared interests, she was also batshit insane. Incidentally, "Not Batshit Insane" hadn't been on the list.)
Posted by Eudaemonic on September 18, 2013 at 8:32 AM · Report this
Eudaemonic 53
Oops. The second sentence of 52 is slightly unclear; my "list" of ideal traits changed after I started dating my now-wife (or it would have, if I'd consciously thought about it).

For my friend's sake, maybe I should have put "Not Batshit Insane" on the list, given how much that girl seemed to be my List of Ideal Partner Characteristics come to life. Maybe it would've helped.
Posted by Eudaemonic on September 18, 2013 at 8:40 AM · Report this
James6 54
Why wouldn't that centaur have horse hair on at least part of his human body? Pah.
Posted by James6 on September 18, 2013 at 9:14 AM · Report this
55
@42 Oh yes I remember seeing that!
Posted by puddles on September 18, 2013 at 9:27 AM · Report this
56
Technically, centaur fetishist are NOT fucked--at least not by centaurs. That's the problem!
Posted by LML on September 18, 2013 at 9:46 AM · Report this
57
@53 agreed, it's amusing that those long lists of desired traits never say "Not Batshit Insane," when that clearly should be up at the top, before height and what college they went to...
Posted by EricaP on September 18, 2013 at 9:48 AM · Report this
nocutename 58
@56: Are there more straight female centaur fetishists, or more gay male centaur fetishists? Are there any centaur fetishists who want the centaurs to be half horse, half woman?

I can almost see those pre-teen "horsey-girls" becoming centaur fetishists, because then they could romantically ride the horse of their dreams while simultaneously riding with the man of their dreams. And they look sexless, so the possibility of sex seems to be out of the picture (though actually, if you wanted the giant dong-thing and don't care if it looks like a human's and don't mind being mounted by a horse, centaurs are a sexual option).
Posted by nocutename on September 18, 2013 at 10:21 AM · Report this
Indighost 59
@36: o_o My dream! Where is your synagogue?!
Posted by Indighost on September 18, 2013 at 10:34 AM · Report this
nocutename 60
@59: Plenty of us here in the Bay Area. Though I'm not especially short.
Posted by nocutename on September 18, 2013 at 10:51 AM · Report this
61
All right, I'm late to the party, but I don't think this dude's pickyness is as unworkable as Dan does. He needs to do several things:

-Go after athletes and/or women who weightlift. Join a mixed weightlifting class or something. Even women who are physically small and "weak" looking will look pretty fucking impressive after you see them in action. Female bodies can do a lot but not look like much because they don't bulk up like Ahnold.

-Get an agnostic or atheist woman who is respectful of history and culture and she'll let you raise the kid Jewish. If, say, she is a grad student in the humanities she'll be likely to understand why your heritage matters to you to pass on to your kids and she'll also hit the "intellectual" criterion. What makes a person Jewish isn't their biological parentage (unless you are an Orthodox piece of shit).

-Be extremely flexible about the "nerdy" qualifier. Nerds are fucking IN right now. Maybe she hasn't read all the comics but she's seen all the comic book movies? Introduce it to her. She likes Settlers of Cataan and Dominion but hasn't played other board games? Play them together. She enjoys reading books about biology but not physics? Roll with it, maybe get her to watch a physics documentary every once in a while. Fuck, dude, there are so many ways to be nerdy and so many fun date things about nerdery that this is barely a limitation.
Posted by sahara29 on September 18, 2013 at 11:13 AM · Report this
Eudaemonic 62
@57 So true. My own theory is that by the time people are old enough and wise enough to add "Not Batshit Insane" to the List, they're also know better than to have a List in the first place.
Posted by Eudaemonic on September 18, 2013 at 11:37 AM · Report this
63
I'm a large, tall, strong, sexually dominant woman who wants a normal life. I'm not Jewish though, and I'm fat. The only strong dominant Jewish women I've met happens to be a lesbian.

A lot of submissive men out there seem to have a list of very specific things they want. It's kind of strange. There is more than one way to be submissive/dominant. I think some people's minds are narrowed by looking at too much of their favorite porn and thinking that's the only thing that works for them.
Posted by TheLastComment on September 18, 2013 at 2:09 PM · Report this
64
I would suggest writing down the stuff he wants in a partner and then figuring which are the 'must haves' and which is the stuff he can live without or compromise on.

Can he handle having a short, thin, woman with a dominating personality? Does she actually have to be stronger than him or can he scratch that itch with roleplaying? Is being Jewish or willing to convert a must, or would he be happy with a partner who respects his religion even if they don't take part?
Posted by msanonymous on September 18, 2013 at 2:59 PM · Report this
66
If it hasn't been said already... http://oglaf.com/heterogeneous/
Posted by scrappy_girlie on September 18, 2013 at 4:03 PM · Report this
Cynara 67
@29: Hulk, bleah, hairless anorexics just should go out of style, even ones with big tits.
Posted by Cynara on September 18, 2013 at 6:15 PM · Report this
sissoucat 68
@67 You meant : hairless anorexics with big fake tits.
Posted by sissoucat on September 19, 2013 at 2:27 AM · Report this
69
I've known a lot of intelligent nerdy ladies in my life, I've known some attractive female body builders and athletes, I've known Israelis and NY Jews aplenty.

Based on my careful analysis, he needs to date an Ultimate Frisbee player from Long Island who went to Cornell or NYU.
Posted by wxPDX on September 19, 2013 at 4:42 PM · Report this

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