TUESDAY, AUGUST 13 Speaking of idiots wreaking havoc with guns, the week continues with a story out of Ohio, where this past weekend 26-year-old Michael Piemonte was attending a concealed-carry gun class with his wife, Alison. "Such classes are required for anyone wanting [to] carry a concealed weapon in the state," reports CNN, describing a lecture-type class attended by 29 students, with Piemonte and his wife sitting in the front row. "While the instructor was demonstrating self-defense techniques, the gun went off. The bullet struck Piemonte in the arm." "It took me a couple of seconds to realize that I had been shot," Piemonte told CNN, which reports the shooting has been classified by police as accidental. "I'm just glad my wife did not get hit." Us, too. (Dear everyone: Please complete this thematically apt Mad Lib–type situation and e-mail the results to firstname.lastname@example.org: "Getting shot by a gun-safety instructor is like getting [BLANKED] by a [BLANK]!!!" Best entries here next week.)
Entries have been streaming in, most of them good and generally factually accurate (e.g. "Getting shot by a gun-safety instructor is like getting fucked by the pope.") But there's a world of next-level detail to be mined, along the lines of Zoe Isadora's "Getting shot by a gun-safety instructor is like getting knocked up by your abstinence-education teacher."
Amatuer, professional, and semi-professional comedians: Go nuts.