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Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Potty-Mouthed "Christians" Threaten to "Spoil" Our Little Porn Festival

Posted by on Tue, Aug 20, 2013 at 9:07 AM

Originally posted yesterday at 3 p.m.

First things first: the deadline for submitting a film for HUMP! 2013 is getting closer! Details on entering HUMP! are here. Second things second...

From: XXXXX.XXXXX@yahoo.com
Date: June 1, 2013 1:18:25 AM PDT
To: "hump@thestranger.com"
Subject: hump spoilers

Hi. Just so you know. Christians are showing up to spoil the event. So, we'll start off with a big "Fuck you." I think Paul said that shit somewhere in the New Testament. Anyway, what you guys are doing promotes slavery, prostitution, child molestation, rape, incest, bestiality, and pretty much every gross and detestable thing that "men" can come up with. We can pretty much lump you guys in with Hitler.

We are planning a peaceful counter movement. So, I guess I should start by apologizing for telling you and your staff to "fuck off." My bad. I need Jesus and so do you. There it is bitches. See you in four months.

Jesus Is King

JIK's email popped into my inbox a couple of months ago.

We've had picketers at past HUMP!s—okay, we had one picketer at a HUMP! screening in Portland once—and it wasn't a problem. People have a First Amendment right to picket whatever they care to picket. And if JIK and his friends wanna protest at HUMP!, well, that's their right. They don't have a right to "spoil" HUMP! for the rest of us, however, and the beefy security guards we employ at HUMP! are there to make sure no one spoils HUMP! But I wish JIK had the courage to attend a screening of HUMP! before deciding that we're as bad as Hitler and that Paul sent us a "fuck you" in the New Testament. (I said there was bullshit in the Bible and religious conservatives were on Fox News crapping their pants for three straight nights. JIK's guy's a "Christian" and he says there are "fuck yous" and "shits" right there in the NT? My, my, my.)

There is a lot of terrible, misogynist, dehumanizing porn out there. One of the questions I'm constantly tackling on the "Savage Lovecast" is how to find non-terrible, non-misogynist, non-dehumanizing porn. (Pay attention to sex-positive, porn-positive feminist writers, bloggers, thinkers and filmmakers like Violet Blue and Tristan Taormino, and the whole gang at Our Porn, Ourselves. They know where the good, hot, and ethical stuff is.) But HUMP! is anything but dehumanizing. The short films we screen at HUMP! are very deeply human. Even the hardcore stuff—even the BDSM stuff we screen at HUMP!—was obviously made by small groups of friends and lovers who are having a blast making a little porn together. There are no slaves up on screen at HUMP! (except the pretend kind), no one is raped at HUMP!, no children are molested, no animals are harmed. (The first rule of HUMP!: "No poop, no animals, no minors.")

JIK is one of those people who thinks porn does terrible things to women, to children, to animals, to society. But the evidence is in and increasingly clear that anyone who wants to bring down rates of sexual violence—anyone who wants to protect women and children and animals—should be pro-porn:

Liberal access to porn is good for society in general but particularly so for women. There are many studies about this but I am just going to mention one because it gives us the closest we get in social science to a controlled experiment. In the Czech Republic, after the fall of communism, the iron grip of authority was relaxed. This also meant more liberal access to porn as well as laxer crime suppression generally. Crime rates in every single area except sex crime—all types of them—increased. (Diamond, M., Jozifkova, E., & Weiss, P. (2011). Pornography and sex crimes in the Czech Republic. Archives of sexual behavior, 40(5), 1037-1043.) It is highly plausible that fantasy can function as an outlet for desire. Steve Pinker has recently documented how violence—including sexual violence—has been decreasing across the board. Has consumption of violent fantasy decreased? Quite the reverse.

I wanna break in here and say that while, yes, some of the porn we screen at HUMP! is quote/unquote "violent"—a.k.a. safe, sane, and consensual BDSM porn—videos featuring "power exchange" scenes are a small percentage of the total. The offerings at HUMP! run the gamut from animation to humor shorts to charming home sex tapes to funny dance videos to hot group sex to BDSM to centaurs. Gross and detestable? Hardly. The films we show at HUMP! are sweet and delightful.

A HUMP! audience.
  • A HUMP! audience.

Equally delightful? The audiences at HUMP!

HUMP! audiences are straight, gay, bi, lesbian, trans, cis, vanilla, kinky, able-bodied, disabled, and all over the BMI. And the films screened feature straight sex, gay sex, bi sex, kinky sex, sexually empowering images of trans people, disabled people, big people, and small people. What I love most about HUMP! is not so much what happens on the screen—although I love that too—but what happens in the theater during the screenings. At the end of each two-to-five minute film... the audience roars, claps and cheers for whatever they've just seen. It's a theater full of straight people cheering for gay porn, gay people cheering for straight porn, vanilla people cheer for kinky porn, kinky people cheer for vanilla porn, cis people cheering for trans porn. HUMP! is as much a raucous celebration of sexual diversity as it is a pervy porn festival. HUMP! is affirming in a the best possible way: affirmation isn't the festival's mission. It just seems to happen naturally.

And maybe that's JIK's real problem with HUMP! It's not that women and children and schnauzers are being abused at HUMP!—they're not—and it's not that HUMP! is a Hitlerian evil that must be confronted before people who don't like porn are herded into camps and forced to watch awful, terrible, dehumanizing short films like this HUMP! Award winning short...

No, it's not what's up on the screen that threatens "Christians" like JIK and his pals. They're threatened by what's happening in the audience. All the palpable love flowing back and forth between gay and straight people, vanilla and kinky people, cis and trans people during screenings is proof that "Christians" like JIK are losing the debate about human sexuality. They've already lost the debate. And the fact that they can no longer dictate the sexual choices made by other people pisses them off almost as much as the fact that overwhelming majorities of the people they claim to speak for—the straights, the Christians, the heterosexuals—disagree with them and think they're ridiculous.

The deadline for HUMP! 2013 submission is Monday, September 30, at 3 PM. Details here.

 

Comments (58) RSS

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Lloyd Bullard 58
Don't these "Christians" have any thing better to do? Like help the homeless, help the elderly.
There's a million things to do out there. Picketing the festival. Com'on.
Posted by Lloyd Bullard on August 24, 2013 at 7:24 PM · Report this
57
I just love how he went directly for Godwin's law- didn't even make it to the second paragraph. New thread, nothing useful left to read here!
Posted by firelizard19 on August 21, 2013 at 12:27 AM · Report this
lolorhone 56
@55: Dear. Sweet. Merciful. Jesus.
Posted by lolorhone on August 20, 2013 at 11:42 PM · Report this
Posted by NaFun http://www.dancesafe.org on August 20, 2013 at 11:12 PM · Report this
mikethehammer 54
To wheresoever does said stainless steel hook disappear? I mean, there's not a bodily cavity that'll provide a happy answer to the question. Maybe it was a magician's show and it was one of those bottomless hat illusions?
Posted by mikethehammer on August 20, 2013 at 6:49 PM · Report this
wisepunk 53
@48 think of a blunt 18 inch stainless steel hook, and it does a disappearing act.
Posted by wisepunk on August 20, 2013 at 5:57 PM · Report this
Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In 52
34, OMG, that is hysterical. This needs a blockquote.
Men are manipulated by these industries which bleed us by using a natural need and urge and filling it with pablum.


Yep, Bailo, once you've emptied your paypal account, sent all your money to evil porn sites, your wrists exhausted and every tissue in the house used up, you can lay back and curse them all for manipulating you into doing so. Especially by filling it w/ pablum! Why, those breasts weren't *real* at all, were they??? Curses! You win this time, internet!
Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on August 20, 2013 at 5:04 PM · Report this
McGee 51
"Down with this sort of thing." "Careful now."
Posted by McGee on August 20, 2013 at 4:43 PM · Report this
lolorhone 50
@43: This is beginning to sound like The Noodle Incident from Calvin and Hobbes.
Posted by lolorhone on August 20, 2013 at 1:58 PM · Report this
lolorhone 49
@48: I don't know about it! I was asking treacle.
Posted by lolorhone on August 20, 2013 at 1:54 PM · Report this
48
@33 Oh come on! That's all you can say about it!? Some of us are shivering with antici... pation!

So until someone explains it I will hypothesize:

It was a large hook that curved up into a dildo, was inserted in someones ass, and then said person was raised up off the ground with it, perhaps swung around a bit?

Am I warm?
Posted by Terpsichorean on August 20, 2013 at 1:44 PM · Report this
Sargon Bighorn 47
I think he wants a free ticket myself, but sometimes I think the worst of people.
Posted by Sargon Bighorn on August 20, 2013 at 1:13 PM · Report this
46
When is HUMP! um, coming, to NYC?

Davey Wavey is doing a global tour -- surely Dan Savage has more fans, enough to cover costs plus a nice first class ticket for Dan, husband & co. on a global HUMP! tour -- HUMP! London, HUMP! Singapore, HUMP! NYC, HUMP! Los Angeles. Or just add NYC.
Posted by delta35 on August 20, 2013 at 12:29 PM · Report this
Sabotage 45
@34: Speak for yourself.
Posted by Sabotage on August 20, 2013 at 12:21 PM · Report this
Skye Blu 44
34- ohh those poor poor mens, unable to stop the money (and their dicks) leaping out of their pockets... someone should save the poor helpless creatures from themselves. Maybe they should give over their checkbooks to their mommies or wives for safekeeping.
Posted by Skye Blu on August 20, 2013 at 11:17 AM · Report this
treacle 43
@33 - Sorry lolorhone. There's no way to effectively describe what we saw, especially in a Slog comment. And I also don't want to traumatize the easily triggered (although I find y'all's freak-outs hilarious, as I did the original short). But what they did with it was quite remarkably impressive.
Posted by treacle on August 20, 2013 at 10:13 AM · Report this
Alison Cummins 42
keshmeshi,

It’s not porn the way “My Secret Garden” wasn’t porn. The only reason you don’t think it’s porn is that centaurs aren’t your thing. The point is to celebrate that all sexual people have our thing.
Posted by Alison Cummins http://cleanmyscreen.peghole.com/ on August 20, 2013 at 9:49 AM · Report this
Alison Cummins 41
vennominon,

As Annie Sprinkle used to say, “If you’re uptight you shouldn’t come to my show because you won’t enjoy yourself.”

Not that you’re uptight, but you shouldn’t do something that you won’t enjoy.
Posted by Alison Cummins http://cleanmyscreen.peghole.com/ on August 20, 2013 at 9:45 AM · Report this
Allyn 40
You know, I'm still traumatized by the CBT video from last year. Otherwise, Hump was great fun and I can't wait to go again.

I hope JiK can make it. I'd love to chat with him for a while before and after the show.
Posted by Allyn on August 20, 2013 at 9:35 AM · Report this
39
Argh. Anti-sex religions aren't anti-sex because they want to protect women and children. They are anti-sex because power-hungry people in religious organizations over the ages have realized that stoking people's insecurities about sex is a good way to gain quick power. Similarly, they like stoking fear of women, minorities, smaller religions, etc, because it's easier to maintain power when the people below you are too busy oppressing the people under them to fight you.
Posted by beccoid on August 20, 2013 at 9:31 AM · Report this
Helix 38
I wish I lived in Seattle so I could go to this. It seems like great fun.
Posted by Helix on August 20, 2013 at 8:46 AM · Report this
smajor82 37
THIS is degrading to women:

Corinthians 11:8 – 9
8 For man did not come from woman, but woman from man;
9 neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.

Corinthians 14:34 – 35
34 women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says.
35 If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.
Posted by smajor82 on August 20, 2013 at 6:00 AM · Report this
36
Ohh... one more story. I lived in a working class suburb of Milwaukee. They opened a porn store across the street from the Christian bookstore. Everyone was in upheaval about the whole thing. The billboards came out, asking parents how they would explain porn to their innocent children. My dad turned around and said "kids, porn is where people watch other people fucking." End of discussion. Easy.
Posted by MinnySota on August 20, 2013 at 12:14 AM · Report this
35
Almost without exception, the Christians who have a huge problem with porn have *ahem* a huge problem with porn. As in, they have the nastiest collections, pay lots of money for internet porn (!), and it's affecting THEIR ability to function in society. Ergo, the rest of us can't have it either. It would be like an alcoholic saying that because THEY can't drink responsibly, no one else can. And all those things they claim porn does? Yeah, those are things it causes THEM to do. So much easier to rail against Dan Savage than admit that maybe YOU'RE the problem.
Posted by MinnySota on August 20, 2013 at 12:07 AM · Report this
34

Porn and prostitution are violence towards men.

Men are manipulated by these industries which bleed us by using a natural need and urge and filling it with pablum.

Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe http://_ on August 19, 2013 at 11:11 PM · Report this
lolorhone 33
Mr. Ven @29: If participating in an amateur porn festival could in any way become a trigger for your conversion therapy trauma, you have no obligation to do it. On the date, treat yourself to a Juicy Boys marathon and perhaps a good bottle of bourbon (I say this with no clear idea of what your taste in porn or liquor is so apologies if I'm way off-base).

@28, 32: I'm not sure if I should ask, but what the fuck is this anal hook thing?
Posted by lolorhone on August 19, 2013 at 10:24 PM · Report this
COMTE 32
Goddammit @28! I'd almost managed to completely purge that memory! Now it's gonna be anal hook nightmares for another four or five years...
Posted by COMTE on August 19, 2013 at 8:05 PM · Report this
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn 31
The way I read this letter, he's not threatening to picket. He's going to try to slip a movie past you of him fucking his little sister with dog poop in the frame.
Posted by Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn http://youtu.be/zu-akdyxpUc on August 19, 2013 at 7:48 PM · Report this
treacle 30
Hey, speaking of previous Hump shorts being posted on YouTube or elsewhere: Would the Stranger be willing and able to post a link list of the all the previous Hump shorts that are on YouTube or elsewhere? That would be most welcome by us appreciative hoards. I can only think of three others that were released publicly in some way.
Posted by treacle on August 19, 2013 at 7:40 PM · Report this
29
While I will defend (preferably not to the death, but that is the quote) anyone's right to watch and enjoy the any (or no) porn of his/her/its/their choosing, I'm not entirely sure I trust Mr Savage and cohorts not to force me into watching something triggering. And, having been through one of the nastier brands of conversion therapy and emerged with my gold star intact, I think I've earned my trigger, try to wear it with pride, and consider it a feature, not a bug. As Mr Savage, however charmingly he paints the event (and it is a charming fantasy, which he paints with great skill) insists on its being a bug, I must, with some regret, oppose his world view of Palpable Love. Some days, I wish he were right. That's as far as I can go. But any new order that will require me to cheer for straight porn might as well save time and behead me now. Sorry.
Posted by vennominon on August 19, 2013 at 6:38 PM · Report this
wisepunk 28
That's not a hump audience. That's a hump audience viewing the goddamn anal hook. That is burned into my memory forever. FOREVER.
Posted by wisepunk on August 19, 2013 at 6:22 PM · Report this
sirkowski 27
slavery, prostitution, child molestation, rape, incest, bestiality,

All of this is in the Bible. Most of it approvingly.
Posted by sirkowski http://www.missdynamite.com on August 19, 2013 at 6:16 PM · Report this
undead ayn rand 26
@15: Yeah, he's SeattleBlues with a pottymouth.
Posted by undead ayn rand on August 19, 2013 at 6:01 PM · Report this
undead ayn rand 25
Christians don't make threats like that. Dude isn't going to show up, he's playing the dickless wonder at home, internet troll that he is.
Posted by undead ayn rand on August 19, 2013 at 5:56 PM · Report this
24
We can all agree, though, that the guy wearing white socks and sandals is an abomination before god, right?
Posted by Just no socks and sandals on August 19, 2013 at 5:44 PM · Report this
kim in portland 23
I remembering having a great chat with that protester in Portland. I believe he was worried that everyone would catch spiritual swine flu. Anyways, protesters, if it happens, are a cheap way to generate free press.
Posted by kim in portland http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/11/fast-paced_video_provides_a_fu.html on August 19, 2013 at 5:41 PM · Report this
Dougsf 22
@20 My God, I wish we'd been half that clever.

As teenagers, we drive-by egged the protesters outside Planned Parenthood. Reeeeeeal mature, i know—I probably used to tell this story as if we did this every weekend—but honestly, we only did this once.
Posted by Dougsf on August 19, 2013 at 5:27 PM · Report this
treacle 21
@16 - Everything arrives late in Omaha & Council Bluffs. Punk Rock was just showing up in the late 80s.

As for the Xtian soi-disant "protest", bring it on. I'll be terribly amused. I'll probably even go talk to them for a bit to see how unknowledgeable they are upon the topic which they doth protest.

@18 - If they buy tickets, they'll be supporting porn. The Stranger can simply add more show times to accommodate the humpy masses.
Posted by treacle on August 19, 2013 at 5:14 PM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 20
Matt dear, I am fairly certain it was the 90's. I moved from Iowa City to Seattle in 1990, and I think they didn't show up until after then.

And to be sure, Council Bluffs didn't mind porn - they just didn't want it on Broadway. It was Nebraska that was all uptight (and cars with Nebraska plates that filled the porno places parking lots each night) Iowa has much more liberal vice laws.

Doug dear, we teenagers can't have made it easy for the porno minded adults: the big pastime was to cruise up and down Broadway (the Main Street!) in our cars and yell "HI DAD!" at the men buying tickets at the Crest Adult Art Theatre.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay http://www.danlangdon.com on August 19, 2013 at 5:05 PM · Report this
Dougsf 19
@10 - Before the internet, perhaps people could plausibly deny anyone they knew would visit such seedy rackets as an adult bookstore or theater? There's no getting around it now.

I guess in the Evangelical world, "keeping up with the times" means finding new things to rail against.
Posted by Dougsf on August 19, 2013 at 4:25 PM · Report this
18
Eek, as long as they don't by tickets, whatever. I need to go see HUMP!, and if I can't because of those jerks I'm gonna be pissed.
Posted by Zog in PDX on August 19, 2013 at 4:25 PM · Report this
Dougsf 17
"...I never thought it could happen to me. I went into the city to protest evil amateur pornographers, when suddenly..."

This shit just writes itself. Also, if there's any truth to LW's threats—and there isn't—you could always just add more showings.
Posted by Dougsf on August 19, 2013 at 4:19 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 16
@ 10, that was in the 90s? Seems a little late, given that the Meese Commission (the high water mark of the Christian/Feminist war on porn) was during Reagan's admin. Understand that I'm not questioning; just surprised that either a) the anti-porn witch hunt arrived late in Council Bluffs, or b) some of that was still going on so late.

Then again, I lived in Boulder in the early 90s, and recalled anti-porn protests outside that city's lone sex shop. (The lone strip club was located at the far north side of town, where the bikers hung out, so they left that one alone.)
Posted by Matt from Denver on August 19, 2013 at 4:15 PM · Report this
The Empty Yellow Houses of Fort Lawton 15
JiK sounds like a troll if ever there was one, though.
Posted by The Empty Yellow Houses of Fort Lawton http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fort_Lawton on August 19, 2013 at 4:06 PM · Report this
14
"People have a First Amendment right to picket whatever they care to picket."

Actually, the First Amendment only prohibits the government from restricting assembly, speech, etc. The Stranger can totally kick these hypocritical "Christians" out of HUMP if you want to.
Posted by SuperSteve on August 19, 2013 at 4:02 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 13
I find it objectionable that a short that was not porn by any objective measure won an award.
Posted by keshmeshi on August 19, 2013 at 3:59 PM · Report this
12
If he is worried about rape, incest, child molestation and prostitution, he definitely should not read the Bible.
Posted by Squirrel Cop on August 19, 2013 at 3:59 PM · Report this
evilvolus 11
Poe.

100% Poe.
Posted by evilvolus on August 19, 2013 at 3:58 PM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 10
Sister-woman Vel-DuRay, who is a certified piece of work, is of the mindset that any woman who does porn is doing it because she is on drugs that her husband/boyfriend/pimp got her hooked on. She will not entertain the notion that some women like to be a star.

What I don't get is when I was growing up, my hometown had at least four adult bookstores or porn theatres. Across the river in Omaha, there were at least two more that I can recall. The country was much more Christian then, and much more uptight about sex, but you never really heard much about porn from the churches.

In the 90's a new mayor came into town and pushed the porn out (it's now concentrated in one big megastore down by the county line just across the river from a military base. Like everything in the midwest, it's freakishly clean.) and over in Nebraska, you started seeing these church-sponsored "Real Men Don't Do Porn" billboards, featuring faces of Nebraska Football players and the Cornhusker's retired coach-turned-Congressman Tom Osborne (who ranked a little bit higher than Jesus in most Nebraska households back in the day)

I'm certain Nebraskans and Iowans are consuming more porn than they did in those days, if for no other reason because it's easier to get, so why are the churches so uptight? Is it because they can't stand the competition?
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay http://www.danlangdon.com on August 19, 2013 at 3:54 PM · Report this
9
christians are the worst everything.
Posted by Adrian Ryan on August 19, 2013 at 3:50 PM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 8
Nothing is more demeaning or abusive to women than denying them needed healthcare.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on August 19, 2013 at 3:41 PM · Report this
7
That is a pretty big downside.
Posted by SeattleKim on August 19, 2013 at 3:38 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 6
@5 - Oh, don't do that. If you're outside with a sign, you'll miss the porn going on inside.
Posted by MacCrocodile http://maccrocodile.com/ on August 19, 2013 at 3:32 PM · Report this
5
Dan, thank you for putting his version of "Christian" in quotes. No, he absofuckinglutely does NOT speak for all of us. As long as things are consentual and not emotionally traumatizing I am fully supportive. And last I checked, I am a Christian. Please Hump away.

Maybe I should be there with a counter picket. Must think on this.
Posted by SeattleKim on August 19, 2013 at 3:29 PM · Report this
TomJohnsonJr 4
(@3, that's not her vagina...)
Posted by TomJohnsonJr on August 19, 2013 at 3:25 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 3
HUMP! Spoilers:

Turns out it was humans.
Jizz did it.
They were horny all along.
Rosebud was her vagina.
Posted by MacCrocodile http://maccrocodile.com/ on August 19, 2013 at 3:24 PM · Report this
2
Yahoo!
Posted by Valkyrie on August 19, 2013 at 3:24 PM · Report this
TomJohnsonJr 1
Hooray!
Posted by TomJohnsonJr on August 19, 2013 at 3:13 PM · Report this

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