Children Like This Give Gun Owners a Bad Name: A four-year-old boy was fatally shot in a Sedro-Woolley home Sunday morning, a shooting that authorities originally said was an accident after the boy was "playing in a room alone when he got a hold of a family member’s gun." But cops are now hunting a convicted felon who fled from the home.

Innocent Victims Like This Give Churches a Bad Name: Police say a woman was sexually assaulted during a church service. The perpetrator allegedly slipped in through a back door of the in South Lake Union orthodox church, sat next to the woman, "lifted the woman’s skirt and sexually assaulted her before the woman’s male relatives again grabbed him and held him until officers arrived."

Gravity Like This Gives Roller Coasters a Bad Name: "A witness to the death of the woman who fell from a Texas roller coaster last week said she overheard the victim tell an employee before the ride departed that her lap bar might not be secure." The lap bar released, the witness says, "and she just tumbled."

Sucker Candidates Like This Give Political Consultants a Bad Name: Mayoral nobody Charlie Staadecker has paid $66,000 to campaign consultant/fundraiser Colby Underwood, reports Seattle Times' Brian Rosenthal, who adds, "the campaign has so far directed 70 percent of its spending toward fundraising efforts and consulting fees—about double the racewide average, according to disclosure documents."

Politically Incorrect Clowns Like This Give White Power a Bad Name: Senator Rand Paul's staffer with a white supremacist past has decided to quit the office, because he's a distraction, or something, but he's not a racist, he was just being politically incorrect. After all, he says, there is a "significant difference between being politically incorrect and racist."

They Better Be Paying Him a Shocking Amount of Money: Nate Silver is leaving the New York Times to work for ESPN and contribute to Keith Olbermann—the opposite of Silver by every metric—on ESPN. Silver will contribute to ABC News' election coverage.

Shit the Bed: The prince-humping duchess is in motherfucking labor. Here's a baby-spewing live blog.