There are so many zeros on my checking account balance that it looks like the lyrics of a Beach Boys song. I already invested in Ponzi schemes, time shares, Scientology, and $10 artisan chocolate bars—but wads of useless $100 bills keep tumbling out of my pockets!! Oh, I know. Maybe I'll go to the counter at Oddfellows Cafe, where there's a basket of itty-bitty tins of salt that cost "only $4." What a good deal on a few shakes of salt. The packages don't even say how much salt you get—a few delicious grams? Awesome. Here's a photo the "only $4" salt, and no, I don't have uzi-sized keys or anything:

super_salt.jpg

To be fair, the food at Oddfellows could use a little salt.