JOE FRANCIS If you jump over him on water skis, your TV show is sure to fail!
In case you missed it, the last time that demonic smile at right showed up on this here blog, it was for Joe Francis's conviction of assault and false imprisonment, which came about when a trio of women pressed charges against Francis after he brought them to his home and "a physical altercation ensued" "as he allegedly attempted to pull one of them away from the others," according to the LA Times. Creeepy.

After his conviction, he gave this fucking brilliant interview to the Hollywood Reporter:

"I want that jury to know that each and every one of you are mentally f—ing retarded and you should be euthanized because, as Darwin said, you have naturally selected yourself," he shouts. "You are the weakest members of the herd. Goodbye!"
He said the jury "should all be lined up and shot" and said of anyone who criticized him, "look at their penis and tell me if it's small. Tell me!"

Then he tried to get his girlfriend (?!?!?) to tell the reporter how big his dick is. She declined.

The next day, he sent a press release to media outlets, including The Stranger—just in case they hadn't seen that interview!—which started out: "I deeply regret the remarks attributed to me in the interview with the Hollywood Reporter." (Yeah, bro, I bet you do.) He continued: "They were hurtful and do not reflect my true feelings," then he claimed "100%" innocence and apologized to "all the jurors, the court, the City Attorney and my attorneys for my comments that were manipulated by the media, and please know I am truly ashamed of my conduct."

Now, in Joe Francis Douchegate Part 1,000,347, comes the news that he is "the unwilling star of a raunchy hardcore sex tape" that was obtained by a mysterious someone and is being shopped around to media. Through his lawyers, he's trying desperately to block its release. His lawyer, David Houston, told TMZ without a hint of irony, "It is not only unfortunate, but it is a crime. As such, this office will take all necessary steps to determine who in fact has done this and who is attempting to distribute the video."

As that article mentions: "One plaintiff won a $5 million settlement when 'Girls Gone Wild' distributed footage of her breasts being exposed in a bar against her will."

In conclusion: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.