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Wednesday, May 15, 2013

My Ken Hutcherson Google Alert Never Fails to Pay Off...

Posted by on Wed, May 15, 2013 at 3:16 PM

Today's gem: A letter from an aborted baby, co-written by Hutch himself.

 

Comments (23) RSS

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Will in Seattle 1
Stop writing about David Stern continuing to keep the stolen NBA team from Seattle.

That's what you're talking about, right?
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on May 15, 2013 at 3:28 PM · Report this
2
I call bullshit. There's no way that baby had time to learn to read and write before it died.
Posted by I have always been... east coaster on May 15, 2013 at 3:35 PM · Report this
David Schmader 3
You mean before it was MURDERED.
Posted by David Schmader on May 15, 2013 at 3:40 PM · Report this
4
The grave has a way of MATURING you?? Bwahahaa!!
Posted by sanguisuga on May 15, 2013 at 3:47 PM · Report this
delirian 5
What is going on here? How did the aborted fetus learn how to write? The only explanation is that Ken Hutcherson is a wizard and cast a necromantic spell to bring it back undead and then spent the rest of time making it into a meat puppet. And don't necromantic spells require you to use other people's trapped souls in payment for magical power over the dead and undead? Does his God know that he is doing this?
Posted by delirian on May 15, 2013 at 3:48 PM · Report this
6
If fetuses are people, can I get life insurance on it?

Just curious.
Posted by ishf on May 15, 2013 at 3:55 PM · Report this
skidmark 7
Ken Hutcherson plays with aborted fetus finger puppets.
Posted by skidmark on May 15, 2013 at 4:02 PM · Report this
pinksoda 8
That little shit deserved it for the one minute of my life I just spent reading this, that I will never get back!
Posted by pinksoda on May 15, 2013 at 4:03 PM · Report this
Rujax! 9
Who??
Posted by Rujax! http://rujax.blogspot.com/ on May 15, 2013 at 4:07 PM · Report this
10
"You see the day I took my first breath was also the day I breathed my last.

Hahahahaha! Hey, Hutch, what did you use for lungs? An embryo/fetus under 20 weeks can't breathe on its own.
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on May 15, 2013 at 4:19 PM · Report this
Paul Pearson 11
This is a conceptual rip-off of "Diary of an Unborn Child," an execrable written piece that first appeared in a Victor Buono monologue, was co-opted for publication by the Jehovah's Witnesses in 1980, and most infamously turned into a terrible song by Christian novelty artist Lil' Markie. If you choose to find that on the web and listen to it I deny all responsibility.
Posted by Paul Pearson on May 15, 2013 at 4:24 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 12
You'd think he'd be happy to be in heaven with a god instead of being forced to live in such a sinful world.

Christians don't think things through.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on May 15, 2013 at 4:29 PM · Report this
sperifera 13
If fetuses are people, can they apply for concealed carry?

Asking for a friend...
Posted by sperifera on May 15, 2013 at 4:30 PM · Report this
14
*sigh* You can't ascribe consciousness to a creature whose brain lacks the ability to be conscious. Science fail.
Posted by wxPDX on May 15, 2013 at 4:39 PM · Report this
Sargon Bighorn 15
Two MEN writing about what a woman has to do with HER body. Great, just great.
Posted by Sargon Bighorn on May 15, 2013 at 4:53 PM · Report this
McBomber 16
In fairness, Ken seems to have let a bit of his own personal remorse shine through:
"I just wish I would have known what it was that made me less than human so I could have tried to fix it. Sadly, it was my fault for not working harder on this."
Posted by McBomber on May 15, 2013 at 5:49 PM · Report this
David Schmader 17
My Ken Hutcherson Google alert just went off....FOR THIS POST. Spooky.
Posted by David Schmader on May 15, 2013 at 6:21 PM · Report this
undead ayn rand 18
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nO5dYyrcm… Lil' Markie did it better.
Posted by undead ayn rand on May 15, 2013 at 6:46 PM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 19
The thing sounds kind of whiny to me. Probably would have grown up to be a conservative. It was all for the best.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay http://www.danlangdon.com on May 15, 2013 at 8:22 PM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 20
@12 By the same token, religious people (or at least those who posit a happy afterlife) should be laughing and cheering at funerals. The fact that this is less than common makes me suspicious they have secret doubts about the rosy picture in their faith.
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on May 15, 2013 at 9:43 PM · Report this
Pridge Wessea 21
@19 - This. I love you Catalina!
Posted by Pridge Wessea on May 15, 2013 at 10:38 PM · Report this
Knat 22
Any fictional fetus is still smarter than the real Ken Hutcherson.
Posted by Knat on May 16, 2013 at 1:50 AM · Report this
23
The last paragraph sounds like a speech Jerri Blank would make at the end of an episode of Strangers with Candy.
Posted by Lana the Late on May 16, 2013 at 5:15 AM · Report this

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