Imagine Ocean's 11, but with thousands of sequences of people withdrawing money from cash machines. A sophisticated international bank heist team stole $45 million from thousands of ATMs. And authorities will never bring the suspected ringleader to justice, now that he's been found dead in the Dominican Republic.

Death: 1,034, Life: 1. Sixteen days after the building collapsed, a woman has been found alive in the rubble of a Bangladeshi garment factory. In less cheery news, the number of bodies recovered hit 1,034 yesterday. About 3,000 people were believed to be in the building when it collapsed.

I dunno, the whole spire thing just strikes me as cheating. A 408-foot spire has been attached to the top of the One World Trade Center, bringing it to its full symbolic height of 1,776 feet, and making it the tallest building in the Western Hemisphere. Sorta.

No reports of pepper spray. Israeli police held back thousands of ultra-Orthodox Jewish protesters who threw rocks and chairs at women praying at the Western Wall in violation of Orthodox tradition. An Israeli court recently ruled that women had a right to pray at the site revered as a remnant of the last temple.

But you still can't use an iPod on takeoff. The Federal Communications Commission has outlined plans to create high-speed WiFi networks on airplanes.

Because there's nothing more therapeutic than hitting a dog. An expert panel of the American Heart Association has concluded that owning a dog can reduce your risk of heart disease by increasing exercise and blunting the physiological reaction to stress. So enjoy your early death, Dan.

Are you watching, Bernanke? The Japanese economy may finally be climbing out of a two-decade-long slump, thanks to the new government's inflationary policy. The central bank aims to increase inflation to two percent by doubling the amount of money in circulation.

The NBA can go fuck itself. The NBA is reportedly pressuring the Maloof family to sell the Kings to a Sacramento ownership group despite their binding agreement to sell the team to Chris Hansen at a far higher price. Go figure.

Nice "work" if you can get it. Initiative profiteer and admitted liar Tim Eyman paid himself $112,000 last year. That we know of.

The most shocking political scandal since Benghazi. Seattle Mayor Mike McGinn has admitted that the plaques to be created in his recently announced "Weapons to Words" program will be made from guns melted down from future gun buybacks, not the first one. The first buyback's guns have already been melted down into rebar. Which is a big deal, because!

Apparently, no toddler shot anybody yesterday. Congratulations, America!