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Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Walking Disaster Wins Election in South Carolina

Posted by on Tue, May 7, 2013 at 5:43 PM

Mark Sanford has won the South Carolina special congressional election, easily defeating Democrat Elizabeth Colbert Busch. Anyone want to take any guesses as to what Congressman Sanford's first scandal will be?

 

Comments (43) RSS

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Bauhaus I 1
Sad news. I thought Sanford was lagging in the polls. I guess in some parts of the country Republicans are here to stay no matter what.

Sorry, Stephen.
Posted by Bauhaus I on May 7, 2013 at 5:47 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 2
Gerrymandering in action. It really is no exaggeration or a violation of Godwin's Law to say that some districts would elect Hitler if he had an R behind his name.
Posted by Matt from Denver on May 7, 2013 at 5:57 PM · Report this
3
Moral of the story: conservatives don't give a fuck about family, whether their politicians actually do what they're supposed to do instead of leaving the country, and hindsight.
Posted by Bloated Jesus is Bloated on May 7, 2013 at 6:01 PM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 4
Stupid is as stupid does.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay http://www.danlangdon.com on May 7, 2013 at 6:31 PM · Report this
eclexia 5
You people are not answering the question!

I'll take buying painkillers of the street for $5.
Posted by eclexia on May 7, 2013 at 6:31 PM · Report this
6
Perhaps he has made a clean break with his sordid past and is beginning on a new life as a clean and incorruptible politician. Perhaps the Rapture is near....Perhaps flying pigs will invade Pennsylvania....
Posted by pupuguru http://www.godsweed.org on May 7, 2013 at 6:42 PM · Report this
Max Solomon 7
pretty much nothing. he is in love with his new wife.
Posted by Max Solomon on May 7, 2013 at 7:05 PM · Report this
Sean Kinney 8
Nikki Haley makes Sanford look like a statesman. This is South Carolina people.
Posted by Sean Kinney http:// on May 7, 2013 at 7:13 PM · Report this
seatackled 9
Well, he's due in court Thursday for trespassing on his ex-wife's home.
Posted by seatackled on May 7, 2013 at 7:24 PM · Report this
California Kid 10
Meth lab in basement
Posted by California Kid on May 7, 2013 at 7:29 PM · Report this
11
@2 @3 Yup. All the talk of "morals" and family values is just that. I mean, these people voted for Newt Gingrich, Mr. Open Marriage, over Mitt Romney. I swear they would vote for Hitler. Their type did eighty years ago.
Posted by floater on May 7, 2013 at 7:46 PM · Report this
Puty 12
Exposing himself to joggers while driving too fast (AND under the influence) in a school zone.
Posted by Puty on May 7, 2013 at 7:48 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 13
My guess is he'll get caught drunk driving.

That said, it does show what utter hypocrites republicans are...

"I think it would be much better for the country and for him personally (to resign)... I think what he did in this matter was reprehensible... I feel very comfortable with my vote."
-Mark Sanford, on his vote to impeach Pres. Clinton on the Monica Lewinski affair.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on May 7, 2013 at 7:50 PM · Report this
14
Naw, he'd just ask Jesus to forgive him and cry salty tears on TV, and he'd be re-elected in a trice.

It's South Carolina, through which I would not even drive.
Posted by judybrowni on May 7, 2013 at 7:52 PM · Report this
dirac 15
I guess there's more important scandals to me: like appointing a bankster to Treasury and your major funder to commerce. But carry on with salacious hypocrisy and wedge issues!
Posted by dirac on May 7, 2013 at 8:05 PM · Report this
seandr 16
South Carolina is the 3rd most conservative state in the union (behind Mississippi and Alabama). Colbert had as much of a chance of being elected in that state as a Republican being elected mayor of Seattle.

And, sorry, but having an affair isn't a fucking scandal.
Posted by seandr on May 7, 2013 at 8:28 PM · Report this
Just Jeff 17
You think maybe he'll support immigration reform so he can bring his Argentinian mistress to the U.S.?
Posted by Just Jeff on May 7, 2013 at 8:31 PM · Report this
eastcoastreader 18
what? no clever SLOG poll?
Posted by eastcoastreader on May 7, 2013 at 8:35 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 20
Sanford will announce a couple of scandals, but do it right after US Senator Lindsay Graham (R-SC) comes out as a gay Senator.

Not that this will be news to anyone, except clueless Republicant voters.
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on May 7, 2013 at 8:50 PM · Report this
21
If we're having a pool, I'll take a bribery scandal. It will be fairly brazen since after the election he'll believe he can get away with anything.
Posted by bitwise on May 7, 2013 at 9:05 PM · Report this
venomlash 22
Walking disaster? Moar liek "hiking disaster".
Posted by venomlash on May 7, 2013 at 9:06 PM · Report this
disintegrator 23
@22: Damnit! You beat me to it. And I felt really clever about that one, too...
Posted by disintegrator on May 7, 2013 at 9:24 PM · Report this
24
C'mon Seandr. Having THAT affair was a scandal, utilized public funds for a coital jaunt, and launched a new euphemism. Hiking the Appalachian Trail, baby. That's your GOP.
Posted by DawginExile on May 7, 2013 at 9:27 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 25
@ 24, seandr's an outspoken defender of CPOS's on the Savage Love posts, so much so that one has to conclude that he is one himself. He probably gave to the Sanford campaign.
Posted by Matt from Denver on May 7, 2013 at 9:38 PM · Report this
26
SourGraping in action.
It really is no exaggeration or a violation of Godwin's Law to say that some districts would elect Hitler if he had an D behind his name.
Posted by "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, ..." on May 7, 2013 at 9:45 PM · Report this
sperifera 27
My money is on him being a sub in a BDSM relationship.
Posted by sperifera on May 7, 2013 at 9:59 PM · Report this
Tacoma Traveler 28
South Carolina has voted that it is better to be the nation's laughingstock than it would be to vote for a Democrat.
Posted by Tacoma Traveler on May 7, 2013 at 10:03 PM · Report this
levide 29
@16

I agree. Abdicating duties, though, is a different story.
Posted by levide on May 7, 2013 at 11:27 PM · Report this
seandr 30
@24: Do you think Bill Clinton should have resigned for getting his dick sucked by a subordinate? Or JFK? Straightforward cases of sexual harassment given the power differential in those relationships, right?

Posted by seandr on May 7, 2013 at 11:38 PM · Report this
seatackled 31
@24
Yes, Bill Clinton and JFK definitely should have resigned for leaving their stations to get laid in a foreign country as everyone wondered where they were.
Posted by seatackled on May 7, 2013 at 11:53 PM · Report this
seandr 32
@31: Well, If you're going to leave your station, pussy is a pretty good excuse in my opinion. Lord knows I've missed a few business calls.
Posted by seandr on May 8, 2013 at 12:08 AM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 33
I totally agree with seandr that affairs are a stupid distraction. So the guy wanted to fuck an Argentinian chick instead of his wife... shocker... !... life is short.

The thing I hate is the hypocrisy of it. Sanford railed against Clinton for being a slimy immoral POS for letting Monica polish his knob, and when Sanford does the same exact fucking thing... his retard followers, unbelievably, buy his horseshit.

He cries. and he says god forgives him. and he's just so forgivable because he's repented and he's learned his lesson. vomit.

Fuck that shit. Sanford is a shallow worthless hypocritical loser.

But it doesn't surprise me at all that he got voted in because South Carolina is populated by brainless retards.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on May 8, 2013 at 12:49 AM · Report this
Knat 34
We could have had a good long stretch of regular bits on the Colbert Report had she won, but I trust that Stephen and his writers will still find a way to have some long term fun with this.
Posted by Knat on May 8, 2013 at 2:50 AM · Report this
Matt from Denver 35
@ 33 absolutely nails it. You don't see CPOS dems presenting themselves as paragons if virtue. Well, except for Al Gore, but he wasn't running for office anymore when he cheated.

Anyway, do flings = affairs? Bcz Clinton & JFK had flings, while Sanford and many other 'pubs seem to have affairs.
Posted by Matt from Denver on May 8, 2013 at 6:02 AM · Report this
Sir Vic 36
Sanford made a lifelong enemy of Stephen Colbert with the slanderous push-poll questions. He is going to be the running joke on the Report until he resigns, and a curse word in the Colbert family forever.
Sanford didn't have a soul left to sell this time, so you'd have to think he just sold his future votes in Congress instead.
Posted by Sir Vic on May 8, 2013 at 6:11 AM · Report this
37
oh dear

the Slog seems quite ButtSore toward S Carolins,

no doubt over those Boeing jobs that flew South.....

It would seem even brainless retards can build jets better than Seattle union hacks.....
Posted by it must really suck to be you on May 8, 2013 at 6:57 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 38
There will be a secret recording of him trying to hire a hit man to kill his ex-wife.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on May 8, 2013 at 8:26 AM · Report this
39
The Appalachian trail extends into Maryland, so he could continue hiking it once he gets to D.C. I love that Repubs can forgive their adulterers but make a fuss over Rep Weiner and Pres Clinton.
Posted by Patricia Kayden on May 8, 2013 at 8:51 AM · Report this
40
I think it would be fun to have a way to check with his office daily to see if anyone knows where he is and what he's doing. The real problem with his little jaunt was that he took off without dealing with his duties. Of course he's going to the House, where for the most part we're happier if we don't know where the hell they are.
Posted by Mugwumpt on May 8, 2013 at 10:12 AM · Report this
very bad homo 41
He'll be caught with a young hooker.
Posted by very bad homo on May 8, 2013 at 12:59 PM · Report this
kk in seattle 42
His first scandal definitely will be voting to amend the Constitution to prohibit same-sex marriage. You know, to protect the sanctity of . . . well, maybe the scandal will be that he gets laughed off the floor. Never happened to ol' "Diaper Dave" Vitter, but the Senators seem to drink more at lunch, which makes them more forgiving.
Posted by kk in seattle on May 8, 2013 at 10:12 PM · Report this
kk in seattle 43
@41: Remember the Edwin Edwards rule: it's not really a scandal unless he's caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy.
Posted by kk in seattle on May 8, 2013 at 10:15 PM · Report this

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