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Monday, May 6, 2013

I Shouldn't Do This...

Posted by on Mon, May 6, 2013 at 1:32 PM

...but sometimes I can't help myself. An ongoing email exchange:

Hope you get AIDS Fagget

It's "faggot."—Dan

LOL commie

LOL illiteratie.—Dan

Best illiterate than a cock sucker with AID. Hope you get AID fag.

Let me help you with that: "Better illiterate than a cocksucker [one word!] with AIDS. Hope you get AIDS, fag."—Dan


Comments (63) RSS

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Daddy Love 63
I didn't know that Boehner was still emailing you...
Posted by Daddy Love on May 11, 2013 at 5:02 PM · Report this
"61 - Urgutha Forka,"


[By the way, when I was a child during the early 1970s, "cock" was alternate slang for, "pussy." Caucasian males are the ones who utilize "cock" to mean peter].

Posted by CHRISTOPHER ALLEN HORTON on May 9, 2013 at 10:57 PM · Report this
Sabotage 61
He hopes you get AID. Help of some type. Maybe you're moving soon?
Posted by Sabotage on May 9, 2013 at 11:31 AM · Report this
He wants you to get AIDS?! That's an awfully specific medical condition. Dan, have you been getting blood transfusions again?

Perhaps he is a dyslexic rep for one of the big pharmaceutical companies selling the anti-HIV cocktail, or has a very misguided strategy of increasing demand for NIH research funding.
Posted by temujin on May 8, 2013 at 4:34 PM · Report this
He hopes you get AIDS!? That's an awfully specific medical condition. Dan, are you secretly getting blood transfusions and not telling anyone?

He probably thinks God sent AIDS to kill gay people. Because He hates degenerates like...Ryan White?
Posted by Temujin on May 8, 2013 at 4:30 PM · Report this
Some closets are built out of wood. Some closets are built out of drywall or plastic or even metal. This guy's closet is made out of e-mail. A closet made out of electrons and self-loathing -- how very modern of him!

Cut him some slack on the spelling. He's probably only got one hand free when he's typing to Dan Savage, and it's not his good hand.
Posted by wellokaythen on May 8, 2013 at 3:33 PM · Report this


Posted by CHRISTOPHER ALLEN HORTON on May 7, 2013 at 7:52 PM · Report this
aureolaborealis 56
@55: I think "cocksucker" is more likely referring primarily to gay men, and secondarily to prostitutes. Or switch the order. I agree with the rest of what you said, but I think your link function is faulty.
Posted by aureolaborealis on May 7, 2013 at 6:02 PM · Report this
@32: I think "cocksucker" is a way to call someone a "woman" because, after all, only a woman would suck a cock. I hate insults directed at men/boys that try to equate women/girls as less than ("you throw like a girl", "ok, ladies" (when a coach thinks his team is playing poorly), "you are a pussy", "crying like a bitch"). Some of these have become more gender-neutral but that was not always the case (or not in my narrow experience). Those insults are never ok, just like using "Faggot" is not. But the retorts offered by Dan and other commenters are pretty great and I secretly hope for another exchange like this so that I can see another series of good comebacks.
Posted by From the South (as in CA) on May 7, 2013 at 11:01 AM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 54
@44 Thanks for 7 minutes of joy.
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on May 7, 2013 at 8:41 AM · Report this
Puty 53
@44: I love David Thorne. "Pie Chart" is one of the all-time great correspondences.
Posted by Puty on May 7, 2013 at 8:07 AM · Report this
Sketch 52
Why is this tagged "cats"? Surely Dan's not suggesting it was a cat who e-mailed him? Even LOL cats have better spelling!
Posted by Sketch on May 7, 2013 at 6:56 AM · Report this
sissoucat 51
@44 Thanks for the link. Awesome read !
Posted by sissoucat on May 7, 2013 at 2:50 AM · Report this
Posted by venomlash on May 6, 2013 at 10:41 PM · Report this
curtisp 49
Yes you should have done that. It was fun.
Posted by curtisp on May 6, 2013 at 10:34 PM · Report this
SoapMacTavish 48
Stop picking on retarded people, it's not funny. shows a lack of sympathy for the less fortunate.
Posted by SoapMacTavish on May 6, 2013 at 9:34 PM · Report this
Go to Tootle and type in "your a foggot " and you'l see that Dan is uncharacteristically behind the curve.
Posted by Clayton on May 6, 2013 at 9:10 PM · Report this
Is it bad that I'm jealous of that loser for the privilege of exchanging e-mails with Dan? :P
Posted by somejerk on May 6, 2013 at 7:53 PM · Report this
He hopes you contract an infection that will require you to take some medications that your health insurance will cover? He must not hate you very much.
Posted by I have always been... east coaster on May 6, 2013 at 7:35 PM · Report this
If you haven't seen this take on email exchanges with mouth breathers, treat yourself to a look at this site by brilliant Aussie, but now US resident David Thorne.
Posted by CheekyMs on May 6, 2013 at 6:59 PM · Report this
Dang. Trying to sling insults while illiterate ain't pretty.
Posted by Patricia Kayden on May 6, 2013 at 6:39 PM · Report this
That's it, Mr. Savage! The English language needs stalwart defenders!
Posted by DRF on May 6, 2013 at 6:21 PM · Report this
I feel that the standard response should be just to cite Johnny McGovern.

"You call me a fag, I say 'that's right, cuz I fucked your daddy.'"
Posted by JudT on May 6, 2013 at 6:18 PM · Report this
biffp 40
@36, I used to do that when I was a teenager working at a lumber mill. It was sophomoric, but I thought it proved the point on some level. There was an article in the Vancouver Province about the Canucks being fine with a gay teammate and participating in the pride parade last summer, and one of the quotes was that gay slurs have disappeared from the ice. People are finally growing up.
Posted by biffp on May 6, 2013 at 5:37 PM · Report this
@36 One would hope you could get a grant from the NEA (either one) for that.
Posted by Cocked-American For Cocksuckers on May 6, 2013 at 5:26 PM · Report this
biffp 38
@32, same with motherfucker, amirite ladies? oh yeah
Posted by biffp on May 6, 2013 at 5:20 PM · Report this
McJulie 37
@32 I'm going to guess that it comes from prison slang. The sucker was the lower status member compared to the suckee.
Posted by McJulie on May 6, 2013 at 4:49 PM · Report this
When I was a teenager working in a department store, a couple of the middle aged workers were talking about the bathroom graffiti. One wanted to complain to management and get them to clean it up, my friend suggested instead to take a red marker and first start correcting the spelling and grammar. After that worked, then could work on suggestions to expand their vocabulary (instead of using one particular word as a noun, verb, adjective, conjunction, article, etc.) Finally after all those lessons took root, then they could try to teach them that writing on bathroom walls was inappropriate
Posted by aml on May 6, 2013 at 4:29 PM · Report this
Okay; which post did you let the cat type? I can't tell.
Posted by vennominon on May 6, 2013 at 4:16 PM · Report this
lolorhone 34
Commies get AID now? McCarthy must be spinning in his crypt. Don't use that one on him, Dan, unless you want to field questions about why he should a fuck about a Beatle (beetil?).
Posted by lolorhone on May 6, 2013 at 4:01 PM · Report this
This seems like a missed opportunity for "Are you hitting on me?"
Posted by Lymis on May 6, 2013 at 3:59 PM · Report this
@ 12 - I still can't figure out how anyone with a cock who enjoys having it sucked (or hopes to some day have it sucked) could possibly think that it's a good idea to use the term "cocksucker" as an insult. Seems counterproductive to me.
Posted by MiscKitty on May 6, 2013 at 3:57 PM · Report this
Sounds to me like he's a repressed faggot.
Posted by Man_in_the_mirror on May 6, 2013 at 3:41 PM · Report this
@28: It's soooooooo tempting.
Posted by Dan Savage on May 6, 2013 at 3:29 PM · Report this
Bub 29
Love the comma after "AIDS."
Posted by Bub on May 6, 2013 at 3:24 PM · Report this
Dan you should really just post all the email addresses of people hassling you every week or so. I'm sure we could find quite a few sloggers who would be happy to spam them for you.
Posted by wachow on May 6, 2013 at 3:23 PM · Report this
Fight the real enemy: auto-correct.
Posted by Prettybetsy on May 6, 2013 at 3:23 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 26
I prefer hyphens myself.

Posted by Urgutha Forka on May 6, 2013 at 3:18 PM · Report this
samanthaf63 25
Classic battle of wits with an unarmed man. I can't blame you for indulging from time to time... they're begging for it.
Posted by samanthaf63 on May 6, 2013 at 3:15 PM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 24
@23 I may be an asshole, but I do spell better than that.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on May 6, 2013 at 3:04 PM · Report this
Rujax! 23
Let's see....

Was that:

a) Fifty-Two-Eighty
b) Supreme Ruler of the Universe
c) Some other pea-brain asshole?
Posted by Rujax! on May 6, 2013 at 3:00 PM · Report this
chaseacross 22
We live in a better time in this narrow regard: homosexuality is less a stigma in the wide culture than being ignorant and superstitious. Dan has tremendous social capital, this ignorant troll almost none (theoretically -- I'm assuming it's not a Senator or a bank president). There are lots of problems in our country, mortal problems, and GLBT people don't have the acceptance they deserve yet, but all the same, good job, America.
Posted by chaseacross on May 6, 2013 at 2:58 PM · Report this
biffp 21
What a maroon?
Posted by biffp on May 6, 2013 at 2:40 PM · Report this
Knat 20
This is fun and all, but why all the different tags for the post?
Posted by Knat on May 6, 2013 at 2:38 PM · Report this
When the wife and I were having our first three way, her jaw got tired and she asked me if i wanted to help her give her lover a BJ. Being the good little submissive cuckold i am, i said sure. We finally finished him off together and we got scared as he passed out for a minute! This was maybe 4 years ago. Last weekend, we went to a house party and i must have had 4 different cocks in my mouth, as well as a liovely pair of breasts and 2 pussies

Of course, I can get married unlike most gays in the United States. Must be because of your sinful behavior!
Posted by wine-o on May 6, 2013 at 2:33 PM · Report this
treacle 18
I've read that returning the engagement with a completely absurd/surreal line of conversation --especially when you are confronted in the street-- can really confuse/defuse the attacker to the point where they just leave you alone. It helps if they are drunk, because confusion is easier to achieve. But apparently works on most people.

Practice an absurdist string of conversation items in advance, and pull it out when some asshole starts gay-bashing (or woman-bashing, or any bashing at all): "My favorite duck is orange" - "I lost him around here, have you seen him?" - "Help me find my orange!" - "Orange is the best because it's not any other color... or duck!" etc. etc.
Posted by treacle on May 6, 2013 at 2:30 PM · Report this
fletc3her 17
You really deserve a better class of troll.
Posted by fletc3her on May 6, 2013 at 2:25 PM · Report this
My stock response is, "That's MISTER Faggot to you "
Posted by MyDogBen on May 6, 2013 at 2:18 PM · Report this
I always thought it was spelled "Faggit"?
Posted by Ibentrudaropes on May 6, 2013 at 2:15 PM · Report this
And will you be engaging more with Nancy Grace on her show tonight, Dan?
Posted by Ibentrudaropes on May 6, 2013 at 2:12 PM · Report this
If you ever wonder how Dan got to be a television personality, remember that this is a level of discourse that he cannot resist
Posted by eptified on May 6, 2013 at 2:01 PM · Report this
sperifera 12
I love that they use cock sucker (sic) as a derogatory term, yet every gay guy I know wears that one on his sleeve with pride.

"You're a cocksucker." said the bully.

"Why yes I *AM* thank you by much!", said me with a satisfied smirk on my face.
Posted by sperifera on May 6, 2013 at 1:57 PM · Report this
Whenever I see these sorts of posts, the Shakespearian misquote "Methinks he doth protest too much," runs through my mind.

Posted by swing state voter on May 6, 2013 at 1:57 PM · Report this
very bad homo 10
Not all Faggets get AID, you know.
Posted by very bad homo on May 6, 2013 at 1:54 PM · Report this
How do you even get to be an adult in this country with that kind of grammar and spelling? It seems like it would actually be super hard work to be that fucking stupid. Like, you would have to TRY to not learn anything.
Posted by MinnySota on May 6, 2013 at 1:53 PM · Report this
just fuck his ass and let him see the light
Posted by Rowlf on May 6, 2013 at 1:52 PM · Report this
TomJohnsonJr 7
I get the feeling your correspondent is thumbing these missives one-handed on a vintage flip phone while his free hand fiddles in his lap. While driving on I-5 somewhere in Central Oregon, steering with his knees, listening to the podcast. Lit cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth.
Posted by TomJohnsonJr on May 6, 2013 at 1:49 PM · Report this
Dougsf 6
@3 you pretty much summed up the whole deal there.
Posted by Dougsf on May 6, 2013 at 1:49 PM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 5
Another "Christian" who practices " love thy neighbor"? Or a self hating closet case? Take your pick.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on May 6, 2013 at 1:48 PM · Report this
There's always that question--trolls generally just want attention, so isn't it a best practice to ignore them?

On the other hand, the troll only truly "wins" when he gets under your skin. So poking fun, if one's in the mood to play, can also be valid, so long as one doesn't empower the troll by becoming enraged.
Posted by Functional Atheist on May 6, 2013 at 1:46 PM · Report this
The really far-gone homophobes are fun to mess with. I had a wonderful exchange in which it was determined that gay people are demon-possessed and that because a penis fit into a vagina, homosexuality was bad, because of science. Also, science is useless, because humans are fallible (but apparently preachers aren't?).
Posted by nanoboy on May 6, 2013 at 1:42 PM · Report this
Normal Adjacent 2
Also, shouldn't fag get capitalized because he's using it as a proper noun to be a nickname for you?
Posted by Normal Adjacent on May 6, 2013 at 1:41 PM · Report this
despicable me 1
Turd grade edumacation
Posted by despicable me on May 6, 2013 at 1:37 PM · Report this

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