The Sequester Stomps on Air Traffic Controllers: 149 air traffic control towers across the country will be closed as a result of the government unnecessarily fucking us all with the sequester. Starting in April, pilots at many small airports will be responsible for coordinating take-off and landing by themselves.
The DEA Says Heroin is Back in Style: Especially in Grant County, WA where heroin use and heroin seizures have spiked in the last 2 years.
Guns Don't Kill People, Guns Kill Coyotes: 10,000 Coyotes, to be exact. Utah pays civilians $50 dollars for each dead coyote carcass collected in their "Predator Control" incentive program.
Police Shoot South Seattle Suspect: Bellevue's SWAT team shot a man suspected in a string of robberies after he allegedly tried to "drive them over" with his car.
Fire Rips Through Condo Building in North Seattle: Firefighters were unable to save much of the building, but they did rescue one woman's shivering Bichon Frisé.
Greek Gunmen Raid Prison: The gunmen allegedly attacked a prison tower with firearms and grenades, allowing 11 Albanian prisoners serving sentences for robbery and theft to escape.
Gitmo Rennovations: The Pentagon has asked for $49 million to build a new wing for "special detainees" at Guantanamo Bay, bringing the full bill for renovating the torture-center to $195.7 million in taxpayer dollars. The Pentagon says these upgrades are necessary since Congress decided to leave the prison open "indefinitely."
North Korea Believes There is Nothing Wrong With North Korea: North Korea says North Koreans are "happy with pride and honor that they have one of the best systems for promotion and protection of human rights in the world."
Senate Passes $3.7 Trillion Budget: It took a full night of sleepy senators bickering and debating amendments, but at 4:56 this morning Washington's Patty Murray announced the budget's passage.
The NRA Grades Washington State Legislators: Maria Cantwell and Patty Murray got F's, and some republicans from Eastern Washington got A's. A's come with a $2,000 reward.