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Friday, March 22, 2013

Tampons, Live Slugs, Garlic, Dimes, and Other Items that Get Stuck in Vaginas

Posted by on Fri, Mar 22, 2013 at 1:49 PM

Thank you, Slog tipper Casey, for sending along this story roundup of women getting items stuck in their vaginas. It is an eye opener:

Anna advised that I squat on the floor like one of those natural childbirth La Leche people, and it worked. It was there. It was far. I had never reached that far. It was gross-far, nearing the anus zone far. The tampon was soaked. I dripped on the floor. It was thick and brown and foul. I wanted to say it smelled sort of like Vegemite tastes, but that's too kind. I wanted to say it reeked of August at the Pearl River Harbor, where I'd lived as a kid and where my brother had sworn he'd seen a dead body floating. It was so much worse, though. The only odor I really felt was equivalent was a Cantonese street food called "stinky tofu," a fermented tofu renowned for smelling like rotting fish meets sewage meets Black Death. (Hong Kong motto: why worry how foul something seems when you put it inside you if you know you'll manage to make it nastier on its way out?) Every droplet on the floor seemed to unleash the stench of a mile long stretch of stinky tofu stalls, and every few minutes it would be too much to bear and I'd have to wash my hands and spray more Glade start over again.

Two years later, Tkacik wrote about losing a second tampon in her vagina...

I once had to help a very good friend remove a sea sponge from her twat but I'll spare you the gory details (okay, one gory detail: spaghetti tongs). The article cites women's vaginas consuming tampons, a live slug (!!!), dimes, a cell phone, even garlic with the unforgiving finality of the La Brea Tar Pits. I had no idea this was a common occurrence, let alone a social epidemic.


Comments (15) RSS

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And, let's not forget pistols...
Posted by gnossos on March 22, 2013 at 2:10 PM · Report this
Oh my god, thank you for posting that. I laughed so hard there were tears streaming down my face. Seriously, holy shit.
Posted by Totalpukoid on March 22, 2013 at 2:20 PM · Report this
I worked at Planned Parenthood for almost a decade and so many (so many!) women forget about that last tampon of the cycle. They also usually have no idea that there's a tampon that's been stuck there for a month. You'd think the kind of women who forgets this sort of thing would be some sort of cracked-out loser, but no, they're usually well-groomed, smart(ish), generally with-it women.
Posted by couchetard on March 22, 2013 at 2:20 PM · Report this
Fnarf 4
You think that's weird, you should see the stuff guys get stuck in their penis -- like ten feet of tennis racket string:…
Posted by Fnarf on March 22, 2013 at 2:57 PM · Report this
sirkowski 5
My aunt nearly died from a forgotten tampon infection.
Posted by sirkowski on March 22, 2013 at 2:58 PM · Report this
venomlash 6
These women either have really long vaginas or really short fingers.
Posted by venomlash on March 22, 2013 at 3:03 PM · Report this
Womyn2me 7
While a nurse in a University Health Center, I have chased tampons before. worse than tampons is chasing a condom. jesus those things are next to impossble to grab ahold of. Spaghetti tongs or rather their medical equivalents are vital.
Posted by Womyn2me http://http:\\ on March 22, 2013 at 3:15 PM · Report this
ArtBasketSara 8
:O ....
Posted by ArtBasketSara on March 22, 2013 at 3:57 PM · Report this
melanies 9
Posted by melanies on March 22, 2013 at 4:08 PM · Report this
stinky 10
Well, this is how you can justify upgrading to a phablet.
Posted by stinky on March 22, 2013 at 4:36 PM · Report this
You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me 11
And that is why I stear clear of vaginas...
Posted by You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me on March 22, 2013 at 5:14 PM · Report this
My husband once in his youthful exuberance literally blasted the end of a condom off inside of me. Ever industrious (even at the age of 17), I used a tampon to retrieve the errant cap of rubber from the depths of my vagina. And I NEVER trusted the condoms handed out by the health department again. Ironically, a few years later I discovered that the nice lady at the health department who had given me that handful of condoms was his mother, who was at the time the public health nurse. She was not the custodial parent and had moved out of state shortly after that incident; I made the connection when I met her a few months before the wedding. She could easily have unknowingly contributed to the conception of her first grandchild.

And seriously, ew.
Posted by catballou on March 22, 2013 at 5:47 PM · Report this
Megan 13
Man, the Moe Tkacik bit made me remember how awesomely hilarious Jezebel used to be.
Posted by Megan on March 22, 2013 at 8:05 PM · Report this
Fistique 14
You can get your hand up there, I assure you.
Posted by Fistique on March 22, 2013 at 8:40 PM · Report this
biju 15
Stinky tofu done right is actually quite delicious
Posted by biju on March 23, 2013 at 9:43 PM · Report this

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