Slog
News & ArtsTuesday, March 19, 2013
Savage Love SL Letter of the Day: Two Butt Plugs
Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Mar 19, 2013 at 3:58 PM
I have a purely technical buttplug question inspired by your latest SLLOTD. I'm in a monogamous heterosexual relationship. We don't use protection except during pregnancy control. Is there any reason beyond STI issues that we shouldn't share a buttplug?
Sextoys Are Pricey
My response after the jump...
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Yes: cooties.
Most butt plugs aren't that expensive. You can get two high-quality basic butt plugs for sixty bucks. Surely you can afford that. (If you can't afford it, maybe you could get a second job and save up for that extra butt plug?) And since you're straight, SAP, splurging on two butt plugs means you can each have one in while you have vaginal intercourse—and how awesome would that be?
But if you absolutely, positively cannot afford two butt plugs—if the choice is between an extra butt plug and feeding your family—you can always roll a condom over your sad single butt plug before sticking it in the wife. Then when it's your turn, SAP, pull that condom off (turning it inside out in the process), roll a fresh one over it, and stick that sad single butt plug in your own ass.
One butt plug will never be as much fun as two, SAP, and eventually the expense of using two condoms each time you take turns plugging each other will exceed the cost of the second butt plug. So why not just splurge on two, huh?
1
Or, you know, boil it for 5 minutes between partners. Not super practical for a multiple-butt plugging sexy time. If you both clean your butts out with a nice gentle enema before play, you could pop it in and out of your two butts. I'm no doctor but if neither of you is sick, there's probably no risk of sharing the same plug. (Just don't put it in any vaginas after it's been in a butt.) Plus, there is the potential benefit... DIY fecal transplants.
2
And while you're at it, SAP, why not an IUD or something? If you're only using condoms for birth control when you think she's fertile (and it sounds like that's the only form of birth control you're using), why not be extra cautious?
[this has nothing to do w/ the butt plug, obviously; I'm stuck on the birth control only part of the time thing]
[this has nothing to do w/ the butt plug, obviously; I'm stuck on the birth control only part of the time thing]
4
@1- But that would ruin a perfectly good pot, and god damn who wants to use their kitchen for boiling butt plugs?
Also, fecal transplants are useless unless you have C.diff colitis! Why do you keep bringing this up????? Why????
Also, fecal transplants are useless unless you have C.diff colitis! Why do you keep bringing this up????? Why????
6
I think the user isn't asking out of squickiness, so much as out of genuine concern for what may be considered a fetish, or maybe as an end to an argument. "HONEY! Are you using my Butt Plug AGAIN?!"
7
Cooties? I thought butt sex wasn't supposed to be icky. I mean, I know it's icky, but I thought that was the butt-sex party line. Also, Dan, could you enlighten us non-butt-sex people on what you mean when in the past you've said santorum should not result from butt-sex "when done right"? Just how far up there are you cleaning and how?
I feel like sometimes we're supposed to pretend butt sex is totally not gross and sometimes we're allowed to acknowledge that, well, ok, it involves the butt and poop and yeah that's definitely got its gross aspects unless you have a thing for poop.
I feel like sometimes we're supposed to pretend butt sex is totally not gross and sometimes we're allowed to acknowledge that, well, ok, it involves the butt and poop and yeah that's definitely got its gross aspects unless you have a thing for poop.
8
Can we start a Kickstarter project here? We can all throw in, like, $2 towards a second butt plug.
13
@3 thank you, while the rest of the alt media is writing a "where were you on the day of shock-n-awe?", Fizzelle & Savage seem to have hung up there political commentary hats and stuck to what they know: butt plugs and romance novels.
15
Going cheap on sex toys is never a good idea. The same people who want to share a buttplug to save on costs also end up buying shitty porous jelly toys that harbor bacteria, as I've seen in my store. Don't cheap out on sex toys and don't share, you dolts.
16
@7- Butt sex isn't icky if basic processes beforehand occur. A little rinse and a clean anus are all it takes to get out of 99% of icky things. But nobody is saying a poop chute is anything but that, and there are microbes involved that one really doesn't want in the eyes & vag.
What bugs me and was well defined in yesterday's letter, are the number of fools who think going into buttsex au naturale, including dirty holes and rectums, is how it's done. Gross.
Do a quick bathroom trip if you're gonna do the buttsex. It's not that difficult and well worth the trouble.
What bugs me and was well defined in yesterday's letter, are the number of fools who think going into buttsex au naturale, including dirty holes and rectums, is how it's done. Gross.
Do a quick bathroom trip if you're gonna do the buttsex. It's not that difficult and well worth the trouble.
17
14, if that's your reaction, then stay away from SSLOTD. Stick to Goldy's kvetching about the Times & you'll be fine.
18
It sounds fine. Don't you share your fecal flora with your partner more or less completely after 6 months anyway?
19
Hot bleach water is good at killing everything. More restaurants should use it when cleaning their floors and counters. I think it would work on a butt plug. Rinse well after each bleach washing.
21
To me there seems something very intimate, slightly kinky, and totally erotic about two sex partners sharing the same butt-plug. I've never used one before but reading this SLLOTD makes me want to get one. Just one, to share with my partner. Thanks for the great idea SAP.
22
You people are making this way too complicated....
Homosexuality is totally natural.
Just ask the penguins.
So do anal like penguins do anal:
douche your ass with bleach,
triple condom, and latex gloves,
spread plastic sheeting over the bed,
then go enjoy natural normal love the way nature intended.
Homosexuality is totally natural.
Just ask the penguins.
So do anal like penguins do anal:
douche your ass with bleach,
triple condom, and latex gloves,
spread plastic sheeting over the bed,
then go enjoy natural normal love the way nature intended.
23
You didn't actually answer the question. Unless "Yes: cooties." counts as an adequate answer. But if they just get cootie shots then they're fine right? I seriously would like to know if there is any reason two healthy people shouldn't share a butt plug.
28
@frogangel: I seriously would like to know if there is any reason two healthy people shouldn't share a butt plug.
Based on my 3 minutes with google, it seems that what little research there is on this subject suggests the effects of transferring fecal matter between butts is benign and in some cases beneficial, as "fecal transplants" are used to treat certain bowel problems.
Based on my 3 minutes with google, it seems that what little research there is on this subject suggests the effects of transferring fecal matter between butts is benign and in some cases beneficial, as "fecal transplants" are used to treat certain bowel problems.
29
If both are healthy, sharing a butt plug would only be a negligible health risk.
Having anal sex without a condom is more dangerous: slightly raised risk for UTIs (I think that is why SAP mentioned that they don't use protection other than as birth control).
Having enemas regularly would probably also pose a higher risk: flushing the bacteria from the distal parts of the colon up to more proximal parts (before having it all flush out) can cause an infection even though the bacteria wouldn't cause an infection when they stayed at the end of the colon. The colon is not just a "poop chute" but a very diverse ecosystem with lots of different niches.
So, people who regularly bare-back and have enemas are just squeamish if they think sharing an easily cleaned butt-plug is icky. Nothing wrong with being squeamish but it is not really scientific.
Having anal sex without a condom is more dangerous: slightly raised risk for UTIs (I think that is why SAP mentioned that they don't use protection other than as birth control).
Having enemas regularly would probably also pose a higher risk: flushing the bacteria from the distal parts of the colon up to more proximal parts (before having it all flush out) can cause an infection even though the bacteria wouldn't cause an infection when they stayed at the end of the colon. The colon is not just a "poop chute" but a very diverse ecosystem with lots of different niches.
So, people who regularly bare-back and have enemas are just squeamish if they think sharing an easily cleaned butt-plug is icky. Nothing wrong with being squeamish but it is not really scientific.
30
28, this happens to people w/ colon cancer going through chemotherapy. sometimes the treatment must reach a level where it begins to kill the beneficial bacteria that lives in the colon. the procedure is basically taking stool from a donor and inserting it in the patient.
31
Holy god, @30. I think that's the most disgusting thing I've ever read on Slog. I can't - it just - arrgh, never mind. I can't put it in words. If it was me that the doctor said had to go through this, I'd think really long and really hard about it. Stick poo- Never mind.
32
@30 "taking stool from a donor and inserting it in the patient" no it isn't!
It involves dilution to a practically clear liquid and injecting higher up the intestine.
It involves dilution to a practically clear liquid and injecting higher up the intestine.
33
Dan, seriously, you couldn't have explained the difference in safety between different sex toy materials? Some toys (silicone, glass, steel) can be completely sterilised after use because they are non-porous and do not harbour bacteria. Others can't.
Buying a second butt plug is all good and well if you only plan to own one butt plug each. But if you're a toy collector, it's going to get awfully expensive to own two of every kind. And how are you supposed to remember which butt plug belongs to which partner?
If your partner's cooties don't stop you from putting your dick or fingers in them, then I don't really see the cootie fear. Use safe materials and clean them properly between uses, and you don't have to worry about it.
Buying a second butt plug is all good and well if you only plan to own one butt plug each. But if you're a toy collector, it's going to get awfully expensive to own two of every kind. And how are you supposed to remember which butt plug belongs to which partner?
If your partner's cooties don't stop you from putting your dick or fingers in them, then I don't really see the cootie fear. Use safe materials and clean them properly between uses, and you don't have to worry about it.
34
@2 - I don't think that the LW asked for advice about birth control methods. And for someone who is happy with tracking a cycle and using condoms during the fertile window, there is really no reason to switch to another method.
35
@31 - you will be even more delighted to learn that as part of natural birth our mothers inoculate us (proximity of the birth canal to the rectum) with a dose of bacteria. I forget what the numbers are "exactly", but human stool is something like 30% bacteria by weight, and bacterial flora (fauna?) outnumber human cells like 10:1. These are in fact symbiotic and quite important.
I think the cooties are a non-starter too (beyond the admonitions about ocular and vaginal inoculation), but there is no need to look for a better reason to have two than you don't have to take turns or share - you can both have one in! Best evah. Many toys are made of materials easily sterilized between uses.
I think the cooties are a non-starter too (beyond the admonitions about ocular and vaginal inoculation), but there is no need to look for a better reason to have two than you don't have to take turns or share - you can both have one in! Best evah. Many toys are made of materials easily sterilized between uses.
36
Oh, and @3: thanks for that link - even though it was entirely depressing.
The misdirection behind the Iraqi invasion was painfully obvious to lots of us before the war, and it had nothing to do with being Neville Chamberlains or afraid of bombs and unwilling to fight for anything.
It makes me want to ask Dan:
Ok, we bombed, we invaded, we blew $2T (so far) and we "liberated" the Iraqis from a sociopath and his sociopath sons. Is Iraq more stable now? How is Iraq different today from Syria? How much did it cost us in blood and treasure to accomplish that in Syria? How about in Lybia?
This was never a question about "doing the right thing" - it is about doing something pragmatic - making a difference where you can really make a difference and not engaging in pointless exercises. This was not about being pussies afraid to drop bombs (ok, yes, some of the opposition to the war is fairly described that way).
The outcome - besides mostly handing Iraq over to the Iranians at long last - is not yet really clear. Joe Biden will very likely prove correct ultimately when a "country" created by a British officer with a ruler and a map breaks apart into the three real organic polities which exist inside the triangle he drew.
The misdirection behind the Iraqi invasion was painfully obvious to lots of us before the war, and it had nothing to do with being Neville Chamberlains or afraid of bombs and unwilling to fight for anything.
It makes me want to ask Dan:
Ok, we bombed, we invaded, we blew $2T (so far) and we "liberated" the Iraqis from a sociopath and his sociopath sons. Is Iraq more stable now? How is Iraq different today from Syria? How much did it cost us in blood and treasure to accomplish that in Syria? How about in Lybia?
This was never a question about "doing the right thing" - it is about doing something pragmatic - making a difference where you can really make a difference and not engaging in pointless exercises. This was not about being pussies afraid to drop bombs (ok, yes, some of the opposition to the war is fairly described that way).
The outcome - besides mostly handing Iraq over to the Iranians at long last - is not yet really clear. Joe Biden will very likely prove correct ultimately when a "country" created by a British officer with a ruler and a map breaks apart into the three real organic polities which exist inside the triangle he drew.
37
Has anyone on SLOG tried the Lux LX3+ vibrating prostate stimulator?
http://www.thepleasurechest.com/lux-lx3-…
It has zero reviews on Pleasure Chest or Amazon or anywhere else I've looked. Although everyone's anatomy is different, these are pretty expensive toys to try out on a whim ($130 for the Lux) and I'm wondering what this is like if anyone out there has tried it. FYI I want direct prostate stimulation with a minimum of anal sphincter contact, as I definitely don't like butt plugs, getting rimmed, anal penetration even if the guy has a very skinny cock / finger. It looks like it's narrower than most cocks or fingers at the point that would contact the sphincter, as it vibrates one doesn't have to wiggle it like the Aneros, so... maybe a good fit as it were?
Anyone tried it or can recommend similar?
http://www.thepleasurechest.com/lux-lx3-…
It has zero reviews on Pleasure Chest or Amazon or anywhere else I've looked. Although everyone's anatomy is different, these are pretty expensive toys to try out on a whim ($130 for the Lux) and I'm wondering what this is like if anyone out there has tried it. FYI I want direct prostate stimulation with a minimum of anal sphincter contact, as I definitely don't like butt plugs, getting rimmed, anal penetration even if the guy has a very skinny cock / finger. It looks like it's narrower than most cocks or fingers at the point that would contact the sphincter, as it vibrates one doesn't have to wiggle it like the Aneros, so... maybe a good fit as it were?
Anyone tried it or can recommend similar?
38
22: Dude! You're really uninformed about this topic. You should go back and read all the Dan Savage letter & podcast archives.
39
I'm not a doctor, but I do work in a microbiology lab. It could be harmful if the bacteria have different antibiotic resistances, in the event of an infection. 80% of UTIs are caused by E. coli, according to my ID textbook, and only one antibiotic can penetrate the prostrate. So if he ever gets a UTI, that could be troublesome. But this is just an internet comment speculating wildly.
Besides, getting a second toy is not that expensive. It's not like there's a shortage out there.
Besides, getting a second toy is not that expensive. It's not like there's a shortage out there.
40
@39:
But it is much more likely that he gets the UTI from unprotected anal sex than from a butt plug.
But it is much more likely that he gets the UTI from unprotected anal sex than from a butt plug.
42
One of the great things about this column is seeing where people cross the EEEEEWWWW line. Face it: sex is completely awesome if it's sex you find sexy (right person, fun act, right setting). Sex you don't want to be having is some combination of hilarious, awkward, and gross. Crazy nasty butt sex can be the best thing ever. A hug can be disgusting if it's the wrong person. Sharing butt plugs is probably gross to 90% of people, 95% of the time.
45
Anyone else notice that Dan's response to the letter immediately prior to this refers to butt plugs as "the gateway toy," and then right away he's talking about people buying more than one?
He must be right. Next thing you know, the LW will have a house full of toys of the most perverse sort, all because of that one harmless little butt plug.
He must be right. Next thing you know, the LW will have a house full of toys of the most perverse sort, all because of that one harmless little butt plug.
46
@7: Jesus man, most normal people can tell if they have to poop, and for most normal people, that's all the cleaning you need.
I've been having butt sex with my wife for over 10 years, and I can still count one hand the number of times it's been messy at all, nevermind that even those times it was hardly a big deal.
I on the other hand, have to be extra careful, but that's because I have IBS.
I've been having butt sex with my wife for over 10 years, and I can still count one hand the number of times it's been messy at all, nevermind that even those times it was hardly a big deal.
I on the other hand, have to be extra careful, but that's because I have IBS.
47
@46: Is it possible your wife has coated the inside of her rectum with ultra-ever-dry? Because I guarantee you that even after I poop, if you stick your finger up my butt, it's coming out poop-covered. "All the cleaning you need?" Only if you have very low standards for cleanliness.
48
@47:
You should get your rectum checked out.
After you moved your bowel successfully, there should be no stool left in your rectum, just minuscle amounts mixed into the mucous on your rectal epithelium.
If a finger you stick up your anus is covered in poop, that means a) you didn't clean your anus after moving your bowel; b) your stool seems to be unusually viscous/ sticky; c) the bowel movement was not complete. Case a is easily remedied, in case b or c you really should get a medical opinion.
You should get your rectum checked out.
After you moved your bowel successfully, there should be no stool left in your rectum, just minuscle amounts mixed into the mucous on your rectal epithelium.
If a finger you stick up your anus is covered in poop, that means a) you didn't clean your anus after moving your bowel; b) your stool seems to be unusually viscous/ sticky; c) the bowel movement was not complete. Case a is easily remedied, in case b or c you really should get a medical opinion.
49
I'm sorry, but that's just silly. If you cut open an empty tube of toothpaste, I suppose you expect to find the inside perfectly clean, too.
50
No, it's not silly. It's anatomy/ physiology.
The epithelium in the large intestine is covered with a thick film of mucus to protect the cells from damage and to help the digestive matter which slowly turns into faeces to move along. The further down the colon the faeces gets, the more water is absorbed from it and the more formed the faeces becomes. The faeces is covered by the mucus in a thin layer like with a cling film. Of course, there is some variation but it makes defaecation a lot less messy in healthy people than it would be otherwise.
In a tooth paste tube, there is no viscous film between paste and tube. Therefore, the paste adheres to the tube.
The epithelium in the large intestine is covered with a thick film of mucus to protect the cells from damage and to help the digestive matter which slowly turns into faeces to move along. The further down the colon the faeces gets, the more water is absorbed from it and the more formed the faeces becomes. The faeces is covered by the mucus in a thin layer like with a cling film. Of course, there is some variation but it makes defaecation a lot less messy in healthy people than it would be otherwise.
In a tooth paste tube, there is no viscous film between paste and tube. Therefore, the paste adheres to the tube.
51
@migrationist is 100% correct. Something is funny in your GI tract if your stool is that un-firm (has that much residual water).
52
Well that sounds downright clean! I guess all this talk of condoms on butt plugs is extraneous, and santorum simply doesn't exist in healthy people.
53
@52:
Any anal stimulation can trigger colonic peristalsis. Different people are differently susceptible. Depending how far up the colon the next faecal matter is, there is the risk that some gets moved down to the rectum during anal sex.
And despite the rectum being "clean" from faecal matter, bacteria are present in the mucus, and other bacteria adhere to the intestinal walls. So, there's still the risk of transfering bacteria.
Any anal stimulation can trigger colonic peristalsis. Different people are differently susceptible. Depending how far up the colon the next faecal matter is, there is the risk that some gets moved down to the rectum during anal sex.
And despite the rectum being "clean" from faecal matter, bacteria are present in the mucus, and other bacteria adhere to the intestinal walls. So, there's still the risk of transfering bacteria.
54
Just to be totally clear, here, you're claiming that one should be able to take a dump, wipe their ass with toilet paper, then go shove a cock up their ass and pull it out without any feces on it. Yes? Because to me, it sounds like you're in denial about the messiness of anal sex. No judgment here. It's messy, and that's ok. But to act like there is something wrong with someone else because they can acknowledge it's messy is laughable.
55
@33
"And how are you supposed to remember which butt plug belongs to which partner?"
They come in different colors. All my toys are either purple or green, while my partner's are black or red. Plus we have nightstands on both sides of the bed, so I keep my toys on my side, partner's toys are on the other. It's fairly simple.
"And how are you supposed to remember which butt plug belongs to which partner?"
They come in different colors. All my toys are either purple or green, while my partner's are black or red. Plus we have nightstands on both sides of the bed, so I keep my toys on my side, partner's toys are on the other. It's fairly simple.
57
I thought we were talking about the claim in @46 that going poop is "all the cleaning you need" before anal sex to make it not messy. And your claim in @48 that there should be "no stool in your rectum" after pooping. The finger was just an example of something that's going to get poopy when you shove it in a poophole.
58
Maybe the poopholes are different for everybody, I don't know... my SO and I have pretty regular anal sex, and I almost never experience even trace fecal matter when I go at her, or when she comes at me with a toy. When we first started the traces happened more often, but now it's next to never (I think it has to do with proximity to your last bowel movement, and neither of us are really in the mood if we haven't gone recently).
Meanwhile, years ago I remember going at a guy who left a whole turtle head on the tip of my condom. I know this is all anecdotal, but maybe it's just messier for some?
Meanwhile, years ago I remember going at a guy who left a whole turtle head on the tip of my condom. I know this is all anecdotal, but maybe it's just messier for some?
59
@57: Have you ever engaged in any of the practices you're discussing? Sounds like you haven't. But if you have, and you had a mess on your hands, you might have other problems with your pooper, which is what people here are trying to tell you. Or maybe we aren't all using the same definition of "mess" or "poop-covered."
60
No penis-in-butt play, but finger-in-butt, sure. It's messy. In the interest of being open to the idea that me and everyone who's ass I've poked has been some kind of filthy poop-butt, I googled anal sex faq and found plenty of references to making a mess, and advice to have an enema first, and recommendations of laying towels down to catch the mess. I feel like you "nope, there's no poop" people are in some kind of crazy alternate universe. Here are a couple quotes from Jezebel's guide to anal sex:
"I mean, impeccable hygiene or no, some amount of fecal matter is inevitably floating around at any given moment"
"Probs not a great idea to put a poopy wiener in your vadge or mouth. I mean, some people get off on that and are willing to take the risk, and that's cool. But if you're not one of those people, have your dude clean his junk before he does anything else with it."
It doesn't sound to me like my experience is too abnormal. Newsflash: anal sex often involves poop.
"I mean, impeccable hygiene or no, some amount of fecal matter is inevitably floating around at any given moment"
"Probs not a great idea to put a poopy wiener in your vadge or mouth. I mean, some people get off on that and are willing to take the risk, and that's cool. But if you're not one of those people, have your dude clean his junk before he does anything else with it."
It doesn't sound to me like my experience is too abnormal. Newsflash: anal sex often involves poop.
61
@60: I've played this game quite a bit over the years, and there has been one 'mess' and the occasional need for a discreet kleenex or wet wipe. I think that's probably due to usually taking care to take a dump before hand. If things look like this, then you're doing it wrong.
And I think what Jezebel might call a 'poopy wiener' might really be any wiener that's been in an ass, rather than a shit-spackled nightmare.
The point of all this is that ass play doesn't have to be shit play, and most people are pretty good at keeping the two separate.
And I think what Jezebel might call a 'poopy wiener' might really be any wiener that's been in an ass, rather than a shit-spackled nightmare.
The point of all this is that ass play doesn't have to be shit play, and most people are pretty good at keeping the two separate.
62
@60:
If you've just had a bowel movement, there shouldn't be a "poopy mess" in your rectum. A few speckles of faecal matter? Maybe.
Never put a finger or penis that's been in an anus into a vagina without cleaning it first- that's not because of faecal matter but because of bacteria.
If you've just had a bowel movement, there shouldn't be a "poopy mess" in your rectum. A few speckles of faecal matter? Maybe.
Never put a finger or penis that's been in an anus into a vagina without cleaning it first- that's not because of faecal matter but because of bacteria.
64
@63: Let's review: anytime you go anywhere near an ass, you end up with a shitty mess. Therefore that must be everyone else's experience. Anyone who disagrees is lying, and there's absolutely nothing you could possibly do to change your inevitable shitty outcome to something more pleasant. Got it. Thanks for your valuable input in this matter.
65
Sorry, no, that's a pretty shitty (har har) summary. It's obvious that anal sex can be done without a shitty mess (I've seen it on video!), but what I take exception to is the claim that most people take a dump and then magically have a completely poop-free rectum. And if you don't, there's apparently something wrong with your health. That's a bit WTF.
Here's what I'm saying: 1) go take a dump, 2) wipe your ass, 3) jam your index finger up your ass (get it all the way in there), and 4) wipe your finger on a piece of toilet paper without leaving brown stinky smudges. If it's true that taking a shit is "all the cleaning you need", then this would be no problem. If you were to hypothetically do this experiment, would the result be A) there is no poop whatsoever on the toilet paper, B) there is a tiny, tiny amount of poop, but if you look close you can see it, C) ok, the amount of poop is small, but if you were to wipe your dick on the curtains, it would definitely leave a stain, or D) chocolate banana rolled in nuts. I am saying reality is C. You seem to be claiming that reality is A or B, but characterizing me as saying D, which kind of makes it difficult to communicate.
Here's what I'm saying: 1) go take a dump, 2) wipe your ass, 3) jam your index finger up your ass (get it all the way in there), and 4) wipe your finger on a piece of toilet paper without leaving brown stinky smudges. If it's true that taking a shit is "all the cleaning you need", then this would be no problem. If you were to hypothetically do this experiment, would the result be A) there is no poop whatsoever on the toilet paper, B) there is a tiny, tiny amount of poop, but if you look close you can see it, C) ok, the amount of poop is small, but if you were to wipe your dick on the curtains, it would definitely leave a stain, or D) chocolate banana rolled in nuts. I am saying reality is C. You seem to be claiming that reality is A or B, but characterizing me as saying D, which kind of makes it difficult to communicate.
66
@65:
I say it is B. However, what you wipe on the toilet paper is not poop but the mucus lining your rectum which has been stained slightly brownish by faeces.
But what you had previously described sounded much more like D than anything else.
And yes, once you ejaculate into someone's pretty clean rectum, the ejaculate, together with the astroglide or vaseline you probably used will mix with this slightly brownish mucus. It still shouldn't be much of a mess, but a tissue will come handy.
I say it is B. However, what you wipe on the toilet paper is not poop but the mucus lining your rectum which has been stained slightly brownish by faeces.
But what you had previously described sounded much more like D than anything else.
And yes, once you ejaculate into someone's pretty clean rectum, the ejaculate, together with the astroglide or vaseline you probably used will mix with this slightly brownish mucus. It still shouldn't be much of a mess, but a tissue will come handy.
67
I would argue that the distinction between "rectal mucus that has been stained brown by feces" and "poop" is pretty academic and really doesn't do anything to dispel my notion of anal sex as "messy."
68
FFS.
Since this comment thread got lame (thanks Beef!), I personally have engaged in butt sex that involved no more prep than a shit and a spritz, and which resulted in no evidence of poop, either on my dick, or on a Kleenex after wiping my dick off (which I do after PIV, too, btw).
Twice.
Must be some kind of planetary alignment or something. Or could it be just that it's usually like that?
Since this comment thread got lame (thanks Beef!), I personally have engaged in butt sex that involved no more prep than a shit and a spritz, and which resulted in no evidence of poop, either on my dick, or on a Kleenex after wiping my dick off (which I do after PIV, too, btw).
Twice.
Must be some kind of planetary alignment or something. Or could it be just that it's usually like that?
69
I think I might vote for C. It would not be cool for someone to wipe their dick or dildo on my curtains after anal. But then I'd feel the same way after vaginal sex, which sometimes involves spots of blood (if my cervix got banged), and always involves curtain-staining vaginal secretions.
I'm fortunate in that no one has ever wanted to wipe their dick on anything but a kleenex or wet-wipe after sex with me. My partners have all been cool with whatever mess resulted from sex.
From discussions here with cockyballsup, I gather that men who expect to receive anal usually do an enema before the sex. I think heteros often weren't thinking about anal until inspiration struck, in the moment, so they are less likely to have prepared with an enema. And are more likely to either forge ahead, messiness be damned, or to substitute PIV for anal if they feel anal would be especially messy.
I'm fortunate in that no one has ever wanted to wipe their dick on anything but a kleenex or wet-wipe after sex with me. My partners have all been cool with whatever mess resulted from sex.
From discussions here with cockyballsup, I gather that men who expect to receive anal usually do an enema before the sex. I think heteros often weren't thinking about anal until inspiration struck, in the moment, so they are less likely to have prepared with an enema. And are more likely to either forge ahead, messiness be damned, or to substitute PIV for anal if they feel anal would be especially messy.
70
@69: I think there's an element of body awareness that comes with experience. You get to know when it's a good idea and when it might not be a good idea and what can be done to change that.
Beef has arrived at the decision that his/her point is that taking a shit isn't always all that's ever needed to avoid a mess for everyone every time. Which is hard to argue with. However, some of the earlier comments seemed to be saying that anyone claiming to have ever had butt sex that didn't end up looking like some kind of sheisse video was lying.
Beef has arrived at the decision that his/her point is that taking a shit isn't always all that's ever needed to avoid a mess for everyone every time. Which is hard to argue with. However, some of the earlier comments seemed to be saying that anyone claiming to have ever had butt sex that didn't end up looking like some kind of sheisse video was lying.
71
I used wiping it on the curtains as an example because it's the punchline of an old dumb joke (something along the lines of: how do you make a woman scream? fuck her in the ass. how do you make her scream louder? pull out and wipe your dick on the curtains. Not a very good joke, but I still think the idea of wiping your dick on the curtains is pretty funny).
And no, this comment thread didn't get "lame" because of my line of questioning, it's providing more information and clarifying that certain absolute statements aren't quite as absolute as people have made them out to be. The actual column was pretty light on factual information and relied mostly on ick-factor, which I found disappointing. More discussion doesn't hurt. If you think it's lame, don't participate.
And no, this comment thread didn't get "lame" because of my line of questioning, it's providing more information and clarifying that certain absolute statements aren't quite as absolute as people have made them out to be. The actual column was pretty light on factual information and relied mostly on ick-factor, which I found disappointing. More discussion doesn't hurt. If you think it's lame, don't participate.
72
@71: Wait, what? The column relied on the 'ick' factor, but you were pursuing a reasoned line of inquiry? If you were actually looking for information, and you were actually taking in information, you gave no sign of it.
And I'm done. You're apparently not wearing your troll skin today, but I still feel like I'm feeding a troll. Go forth and be icked out by always-messy butt sex!
And I'm done. You're apparently not wearing your troll skin today, but I still feel like I'm feeding a troll. Go forth and be icked out by always-messy butt sex!
73
@EricaP:
I think enemas are a good idea because a lot of people are probably not able to have a bowel movement just because they want to have anal sex in about an hour or so. Since a lot of peope with regular bowel movements seem to have them in the morning, and a lot of people have sex at night, there seems to be a bit of a timing challenge. And in that case, when the faeces isn't yet in the rectum but close enough, it could get really messy.
So with the enema that stuff a bit further up the colon is also taken care off, and people don't have to strain in vain on the toilet.
I think enemas are a good idea because a lot of people are probably not able to have a bowel movement just because they want to have anal sex in about an hour or so. Since a lot of peope with regular bowel movements seem to have them in the morning, and a lot of people have sex at night, there seems to be a bit of a timing challenge. And in that case, when the faeces isn't yet in the rectum but close enough, it could get really messy.
So with the enema that stuff a bit further up the colon is also taken care off, and people don't have to strain in vain on the toilet.
74
it's always interesting to hear the talk about enemas... EricaP - i'm not so sure that this is a het / homo difference. i live in NZ, and i've been living with/ in amongst queer guys all my adult life. i also prob have more anal than any other single thing... and as far as i know or have ever heard from RL people, enemas are only for (extreme)fetish play... and americans.
my experience(both first second and hand info) is that the odd 'accident' can happen if you're inexperienced(or with someone who doesn't know what they're doing), but that generally there is unlikely to be anything that can't be wiped up in about 30 seconds, and pristinely clean is pretty normal - even after serious fucking - so long as you use condoms and lube.
i'm quite interested to hear the views of any other NZer's on here - kiwibear?
my experience(both first second and hand info) is that the odd 'accident' can happen if you're inexperienced(or with someone who doesn't know what they're doing), but that generally there is unlikely to be anything that can't be wiped up in about 30 seconds, and pristinely clean is pretty normal - even after serious fucking - so long as you use condoms and lube.
i'm quite interested to hear the views of any other NZer's on here - kiwibear?
75
@72, and conversely, I still feel like I'm speaking to someone in denial. Yes, butt sex is not always messy, but claiming that it's never messy and that if it is, you should see a doctor is fucking stupid and smells like an attempt to shame the prudes. Yes, some people are put off by the messiness of anal sex more than others, and you can feel free to say "it's a little poop, get over it", but to claim there's "no fecal matter" involved, and that there must be something MEDICALLY WRONG with you if there's a mess is completely disingenuous and fairly offensive.
I know this sounds crazy, but when you tell someone that there's something medically wrong with them if they have poop up their butt, they might get a little annoyed and want to tell you you're full of shit.
I know this sounds crazy, but when you tell someone that there's something medically wrong with them if they have poop up their butt, they might get a little annoyed and want to tell you you're full of shit.
76
and... migrationist is totally correct. a healthy bowel movement should leave your colon more or less clean. the odd incident is just shit that happens, but if it's always filthy / sticky / unfinished, there is definitely a health issue. no question about that. but it may be as simple as an unhealthy diet.
77
@75:
Reading comprehension fail.
No one said that there never was poop in your bum. We tried to explain that your example of shoving a finger up your ass *just after taking a shit* should not result in a mess because *just after taking a shit* the rectum should be EMPTY.
This in now way means that anal sex cannot ever be messy. But the likelihood that it is a poopy mess is very small in healthy adults *just after taking a shit*.
Of course, there are factors involved in anal sex that make it messier than shoving a finger up your ass: lube and spunk. But lube and spunk by themselves aren't poop, either. Even if they leak out a bum.
Reading comprehension fail.
No one said that there never was poop in your bum. We tried to explain that your example of shoving a finger up your ass *just after taking a shit* should not result in a mess because *just after taking a shit* the rectum should be EMPTY.
This in now way means that anal sex cannot ever be messy. But the likelihood that it is a poopy mess is very small in healthy adults *just after taking a shit*.
Of course, there are factors involved in anal sex that make it messier than shoving a finger up your ass: lube and spunk. But lube and spunk by themselves aren't poop, either. Even if they leak out a bum.
78
Ok guys, you just keep telling people that if their butt has any poop left in it after pooping, they're unhealthy. I will continue to be amazed at your ability to squeeze shit through a tube without leaving any on the inside of the tube.
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