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Monday, March 18, 2013

Great Moments in Gay Parenting

Posted by on Mon, Mar 18, 2013 at 10:00 AM

greatmoments.jpg

Playing lawn darts with D.J. in the park behind his grandmother's condo. Lawn darts were banned by the Consumer Product Safety Commission in 1988. But my mom never threw anything away.

 

Comments (68) RSS

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1
I loved my lawn darts as a kid. And I still have both eyes.
Posted by M. Wells on March 18, 2013 at 10:07 AM · Report this
brandon 2
I'm 90 percent sure you raised him well enough to not stick one in his eye, nose, or stand in the path of on as it is being thrown.

Only 90 percent though.
Posted by brandon on March 18, 2013 at 10:09 AM · Report this
3
Lawn darts don't kill people...people kill people.
Posted by Fogey on March 18, 2013 at 10:12 AM · Report this
4
Lawn darts were so amazingly fun to play with, but so deadly.
Posted by gloomy gus on March 18, 2013 at 10:16 AM · Report this
seatackled 5
This picture is going to make a lot of caring, loving husbands go look for sex in men's rooms now, so thanks for destroying America, Dan.
Posted by seatackled on March 18, 2013 at 10:16 AM · Report this
6
Brothers and male cousins having lawn dart wars give a bad name to everyone. Instead of banning lawn darts, we should ban wars. Just saying.
Posted by SeattleKim on March 18, 2013 at 10:16 AM · Report this
brandon 7
I think DJ looks more like Terry than Dan. I'm just sayin'....Terry probably fucked the milk man.

Posted by brandon on March 18, 2013 at 10:17 AM · Report this
8
P.S. I belatedly thought of an intra-commenter joke. Here it is.

"Because they were banned, 5280 gives them out to trick-or-treaters every Halloween".

Thank you.
Posted by gloomy gus on March 18, 2013 at 10:19 AM · Report this
Fnarf 9
No, no! You're supposed to play on opposite sides of the house, throwing them over the roof. Surprise!
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on March 18, 2013 at 10:21 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 10
The story you retweeted about Daniel made me cry.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on March 18, 2013 at 10:22 AM · Report this
11
That's great, Dan! Now you can escalate to those little drones, like they use on the people in Iraq.

Have you found him a recruiter yet?
Posted by Linda J on March 18, 2013 at 10:23 AM · Report this
Zebes 12
Wait, gay dudes get lawn darts?

I'm converting! I'm converting right now and I'm never fathering Catholic babies again!
Posted by Zebes http://www.badrap.org/rescue/index.html on March 18, 2013 at 10:24 AM · Report this
13
Because of this picture, manly games like lawn darts have been tainted with effeminacy. Strraight men will never play with these again, which will further erode the presence of strong masculine role models for children and hasten the decline of traditional marriage. Good work Dan.
Posted by Clayton on March 18, 2013 at 10:24 AM · Report this
14
Love it. Hope you drove him home in a convertible Corvair.
Posted by gawd on March 18, 2013 at 10:26 AM · Report this
gttrgst 15
Awesome. You're such a gaygent provocateur. Bottle rocket fights next?
Posted by gttrgst on March 18, 2013 at 10:28 AM · Report this
DOUG. 16
Nice grass.
Posted by DOUG. http://www.dougsvotersguide.com on March 18, 2013 at 10:32 AM · Report this
SoapMacTavish 17
Careful, you could put an eye out with one of those!
Posted by SoapMacTavish on March 18, 2013 at 10:34 AM · Report this
Pick1 18
YES! My grandpa had lawn darts and badminton at his house. It was the best way for us kids to pass the time.

We should be dead from that time we tried to combine the two...
Posted by Pick1 on March 18, 2013 at 10:35 AM · Report this
Karla Canadian 19
Loved those!
Posted by Karla Canadian on March 18, 2013 at 10:37 AM · Report this
20
What does this have to do with bundt cake?
Posted by Bundt cake lover on March 18, 2013 at 10:37 AM · Report this
21
My first impression: Wow, that looks like fun and like it might improve hand-eye coordination. My second impression: Yup, it's illegal.
Posted by DRF on March 18, 2013 at 10:38 AM · Report this
seandr 22
Lawn darts are a great solution to any squirrel problems you might have.
Posted by seandr on March 18, 2013 at 10:38 AM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 23
Once you score enough points in Lawn Darts, you move up to the "advanced" levels: Molotov Cocktails.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on March 18, 2013 at 10:39 AM · Report this
snacktruck 24
You can lose an eye with these things! And I love them and the photo! Awesome - we attached firecrackers to ours when tossing them to the rings across the yard.
Posted by snacktruck on March 18, 2013 at 10:40 AM · Report this
25
What year was the photo taken? Seems like I read The Kid soooooo much longer ago.
Posted by WrteStufLA on March 18, 2013 at 10:44 AM · Report this
stinkbug 26
My parents only believed in Tic-Tac-Throw :(
Posted by stinkbug on March 18, 2013 at 10:47 AM · Report this
27
I'm shocked Dan, this is clearly part of your sinister gay agenda, how long before your "son" takes one of those lawn darts to school with him and commits the next lawn dart massacre?!
Posted by LawnDartsAreNotToys on March 18, 2013 at 11:06 AM · Report this
Reverse Polarity 28
Ah... fond memories. Deadly as hell, but oh so much fun (as long as you had enough self restraint not to throw them at each other).

BTW, I thought you had an unwritten rule that you never posted pics of DJ's face online. Have you abandoned that rule? Was it only my imagination?
Posted by Reverse Polarity on March 18, 2013 at 11:07 AM · Report this
chaseacross 29
Still safer than my dad's failed "Lawn Rifle" toy line.
Posted by chaseacross on March 18, 2013 at 11:19 AM · Report this
30
If only lawn darts were outlawed, outlaws would only want lawn darts.
Posted by RonK, Seattle on March 18, 2013 at 11:29 AM · Report this
31
Um, why? I mean, sure, they're fun - but the CPSC had a definite point; they're goddam weapons. Why not have him play with assegais, or handguns, while you're at it? What's wrong with sticking to frisbees, or boule?
Posted by Warren Terra on March 18, 2013 at 11:35 AM · Report this
32
@ 21. The sale of new sets is illegal, and it might be a problem to sell them used too..

The ban on their importation or sale did NOT make the possession or use of existing sets illegal. It is even okay to import complete sets of replacement parts--it is the fully assembled darts that are banned.

Having said that, a nosy-nelly neighbor or passerby might give someone a headache if they called the cops to report seeing someone, especially a minor, playing with them.
Posted by Functional Atheist on March 18, 2013 at 11:36 AM · Report this
zachd 33
@31: ... I may have a lot of brain damage, but I remember playing catch with lawn darts when I was a kid. My brothers and I somehow managed to live through it. They definitely hurt (kill?) if you do it wrong (underhand goodish, overhand bad), but I feel like you're not going to maim someone without a little bit of effort. Then again we were complete dumb-asses (as is everyone at that age) and probably just got really lucky.
Posted by zachd http://zachd.com on March 18, 2013 at 11:57 AM · Report this
34
When I was a kid my mom worked in a hospital. One day a kid was brought into the ER with a lawn dart iembedded in the side of his head. I've never been able to shake that image. So...I'm glad you're all having fun and everything but... dang those look sharp!
Posted by tacomagirl on March 18, 2013 at 12:00 PM · Report this
35
Wonderful timing. I just finished The Commitment today and this must be from that era. When I got to your mother's big speech near the end, I cried. Now I'll shed tears along with you each time you mark the anniversary here.
Posted by KCFrance on March 18, 2013 at 12:00 PM · Report this
SoapMacTavish 36
Funny how easy it is to get lawn darts banned but congress can't even ban high capacity clips for rifles. If only the lawn dart lobby was a powerful as the NRA........
Posted by SoapMacTavish on March 18, 2013 at 12:17 PM · Report this
ScienceNerd 37
We used to play "lawn dart chicken". It is a very simple game. One person throws the lawn dart into the air, the last person to dive for cover wins.
Posted by ScienceNerd http://stanichium.tumblr.com/ on March 18, 2013 at 12:20 PM · Report this
Chefgirl 38
A friend of mine in a band wrote a song about Lawn Darts back when they were first yanked from the shelves.

Hey, a link! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4UnpbWM-…

Lawn Dart - Ed's Redeeming Qualities. Album: More Bad Times
Posted by Chefgirl on March 18, 2013 at 12:20 PM · Report this
eclexia 39
I am confident that this kid has enough common sense not to damage his eyes with a lawn dart.

I just wish I could say the same thing about his dad.
Posted by eclexia on March 18, 2013 at 12:36 PM · Report this
40
The last time DJ was that short was a decade ago.
Posted by Short or an Old Pic? on March 18, 2013 at 12:36 PM · Report this
very bad homo 41
My brother once nailed me in the back with one of those things.
Posted by very bad homo on March 18, 2013 at 12:44 PM · Report this
Dr_Awesome 42
The Future Mrs. Dr. Awesome wishes our outdoor reception/party to be an awesomely great time, filled with booze and all the country hijinks she remembers from childhood. Horseshoes, volleyball, and lawn darts.

Please, Dan, may we borrow your mother's lawn darts in, say, August?
Posted by Dr_Awesome on March 18, 2013 at 12:49 PM · Report this
43
Destroying the fabric of society by playing lawn darts, huh? What's next, making a bunt cake for an ailing neighbor?
Posted by madscntst on March 18, 2013 at 12:54 PM · Report this
sirkowski 44
And thus Gay Rights fell 50 years backwards...
[/sarcasm]
Posted by sirkowski http://www.missdynamite.com on March 18, 2013 at 1:09 PM · Report this
45

What a super sweet picture of you guys.

Posted by Velvetbabe on March 18, 2013 at 1:17 PM · Report this
rob! 46
Everybody mentions eyes... my recollection of the 20/20 or whatever story on their banning involved the horrific fact that they produce enough concentrated force on the metal point to easily penetrate the *SKULL*. Gah.
Posted by rob! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZBdUceCL5U on March 18, 2013 at 1:38 PM · Report this
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn 47
Funny how so many people think the problem was getting poked in the eye. It's the head, not the eyes. They fly up and come straight down, with a sharp metal tip pointed right at the top of your skull. The metal part weighed at least a quarter pound, half a pound almost. They go right through your skull into your brain, almost as if they were designed for it.

The Anarchists Cookbook has a suggestion for making something like this to terrorize large crowds. Sick.
Posted by Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn http://youtu.be/zu-akdyxpUc on March 18, 2013 at 2:17 PM · Report this
Fifty-Two-Eighty 48
Nah, Gus, I don't give out lawn darts. But stop by next October for a few pungee sticks.
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty http://www.nra.org on March 18, 2013 at 2:23 PM · Report this
49

When I was the age DJ appears to be in this photo (1970's) everything that is illegal now was legal. Nobody fucking had bicycle helmets, for fuck's sake, or skateboarding helmets (or if they did, nobody wore 'em). My mum drove us all the way up to Vermont and Quebec from Boston every year, smoking her head off along the way, in an airbag-less car in which none of us wore seatbelts, or if we did, it was those pathetic little lap belts (don't think shoulder belts existed then), which in some ways were more dangerous than no belt because in a rear end accident, the snapping of your lower back could you paralyzed, or so we later heard. Back then, nobody freaking had nannies, either. My mother worked - my dad had died when I was 4 - and I was the first kid home from school by a few hours each day, and was a total latchkey kid even at that age. (Actually, there was no key- we left the doors open 24/7). The neighbors looked out for us (and of course corrected us and told on us if we were being little shits) when my mum wasn't around, and old Mrs McGoldrick across the road would sometimes make me peanut butter and butter sandwiches until she got home. Different world. Different universe, really. Sigh.

Posted by Velvetbabe on March 18, 2013 at 2:35 PM · Report this
50
Sweet pic!

DJ was / is one lucky kid to have such a great dad.
Posted by delta35 on March 18, 2013 at 2:37 PM · Report this
51
Folks, hate to break the news to all you amateurs out there but the technically correct term for lawn darts is "Jarts."
Posted by Boltz3000 on March 18, 2013 at 2:47 PM · Report this
Bauhaus I 52
It's really a funny pic, but holy shit those things are dangerous.
Posted by Bauhaus I on March 18, 2013 at 3:05 PM · Report this
53
Chefgirl@38, if your friend was Dom Leone, then I'm very sorry for your loss (and mine; he was a freakin' genius).

Re lawn darts, we were too poor to afford them, but we enjoyed a good game of mumblety-peg:

Version 1: Two people stand across from each other, feet shoulder's width apart. Each player takes turns throwing an open pocket-knife into the dirt as close as possible to the other person's foot. Moving your foot in terror meant you lost.

Version 2 (aka 'stretch'): Same set-up, but each person tries to sink the knife as close to his or her own feet as possible. With each throw, the player moves one foot to the place where the knife stuck into the ground. The game is over when one player falls over.

After watching Aliens (1986), we also started playing that "knife game" where you put one hand palm down, fingers spread, and use the other hand to stab a knife quickly back and forth between your fingers. Or you can turn it into "Chicken" by daring someone else to stay still while you play the "knife game" on their hand.
Posted by EricaP on March 18, 2013 at 3:36 PM · Report this
54
(I'm just saying that people figured out how to have fun with sharps even before bundt-cake wielding gay dads promoted lawn darts on indecent websites.)
Posted by EricaP on March 18, 2013 at 3:38 PM · Report this
55
You guys are stupid cute.

And congrats, @42.
Posted by chicago girl on March 18, 2013 at 3:42 PM · Report this
The Psion 56
Heaven help me if I ever adopt, but I will treasure the 'jarts' I got from my parents to make sure s/he will be able to play.
Posted by The Psion http://blog.michaelcrane.net on March 18, 2013 at 4:24 PM · Report this
Sandiai 57
SUPER cute kid and dad.
Posted by Sandiai on March 18, 2013 at 4:44 PM · Report this
58
Darling boys.
Posted by Patricia Kayden on March 18, 2013 at 6:04 PM · Report this
59
Must remember to ask my aunt if she still has my grandparent's Jarts (brand lawn darts). I guess we didn't have enough imagination to use them for anything other than their intended purpose.
Posted by stanley83 on March 18, 2013 at 6:28 PM · Report this
60
Lawn Darts might just be a gateway toy. Perhaps you persist in ruining American family life by getting DJ The Dangerous Book for Boys.
Posted by restlessnative on March 18, 2013 at 6:48 PM · Report this
61
Meh, my parents were more worried when they found us up on the roof, after dad taught us how to use the ladder. But not too worried, it was a ranch, after all (and then when we moved to the 2-story, you could climb out onto the patio roof from my bedroom window..still only one floor up, and I guess their thought was that we'd find any places that needed repaired right quick)...
Posted by Ms. D on March 18, 2013 at 7:28 PM · Report this
DAVIDinKENAI 62
So for max points, you land it in the middle of a Bundt cake?
Posted by DAVIDinKENAI on March 18, 2013 at 7:31 PM · Report this
63
Me and the sibs played with them when we were young. Even then I knew these fuckers were dangerous.

For real fun me and the older brother would stockpile objects in our mini forts in the rec room , turn out the lights and hurl them at each other. Bonus weapon was the metal darts from the heavy metal dart guns our dear father gave us. You could load them in the barrel then remove the rubber tip. Ah memories.
Posted by alisamc http://amcstubbornturtle.blogspot.com/ on March 18, 2013 at 11:08 PM · Report this
Eva Hopkins 64
This photo couldn't be much cuter. I'm sure Dan told D.J. to be super careful with these utterly sharp & heavy toys.
Posted by Eva Hopkins http://www.lunamusestudios.com on March 18, 2013 at 11:43 PM · Report this
I Fucked Your Dad 65
Yeah. Lawn darts were a load of fun until I lost my foot.
Posted by I Fucked Your Dad on March 19, 2013 at 12:39 AM · Report this
-B- 66
I was thinking about lawn darts yesterday. We used to play with them all the time when growing up. We never had any accidents and I come from a family of 8. My brother and I were pretty crazy with many things but with Lawn Darts we never had the urge to do anything stupid with them.
Cool picture Dan.
Posted by -B- http://brianboulton.com/ on March 19, 2013 at 9:46 AM · Report this
milemarker 67
This picture makes me homesick to see my kid. She turned 37 this week and lives twelve hundred miles away. I see her on Facebook a couple of times a week but its not enough. She was younger than D.J. when I met her other dad. Now we're grandpas. She had a red tee-shirt like D.J. when we took her to the beach for the first time, back when she was 8 years old. We walked in the surf and she would not get any further than ankle deep because the motion of the water scared her. Then a big wave came in really quickly and knocked her over and scared the living crap out of her. After she collected herself, she made a basket out of her shirt and started loading it with sea shells. I snapped a picture of her - soaked to the bone, but so happy with her treasures, standing there on the beach and smiling. I had the picture enlarged to about 15X20 and it stayed on my wall for 25 years. I gave it to her when she moved to Texas.

Sweet, Dan.
Posted by milemarker on March 20, 2013 at 3:35 AM · Report this
theseamster 68
#51 is completely correct.
Posted by theseamster on March 20, 2013 at 7:48 PM · Report this

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