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News & ArtsThursday, March 14, 2013
At Large On Being Solicited for Sex
Posted by Jen Graves on Thu, Mar 14, 2013 at 7:40 AM
The other afternoon, I was in the parking lot of a boarded-up motel on Aurora at 41st taking notes about a Grrrl Army mural on prostitution ("Do what you wanna do just know that you're not...alone"). A shiny black Passat pulled into the lot and sat there. I realized the driver was waiting for me to come over.
I'm just curious. So here's a question for the non-sex workers out there: How many times has this happened to you? Has it ever flashed into your head that you could just get in the car? What crosses your mind?
2
Maybe you should have gotten in and found out. You could say it's for the sake of journalism. And, hey, you most likely wouldn't have gotten beaten or killed.
3
A friend was on Aurora, waiting at the busstop, with a very large art portfolio, and a car pulled over for her. Guess they thought the portfolio was camouflage.
4
Never happened. Short hair and glasses, plus never spending time on Aurora, are enough defense. I would have sauntered over and then shamed him in a sweet tone.
5
When I first came to Seattle I was driving on Aurora and there was a woman maybe eighteen or nineteen hitching a ride. So I stopped and picked her up, thinking it was dangerous for a woman to be hitching. But since I've always been gay and at the time a bit naive about hookers, I didn't understand when she asked if "Do you want to party?" I asked where the party was. She looked at me like the rube I was and asked to get out. It was a short time later when I realized.
6
Am I a bad person for thinking that Jen doing curbside art criticism would be FANTASTIC?
If I ever join a sketch comedy troop, this is the first thing I'm suggesting.
If I ever join a sketch comedy troop, this is the first thing I'm suggesting.
7
This happened to me in the ID before. I was waiting for someone outside of a shop; some fellow tried to strike a deal.
8
This was decades ago but I found myself watching a John Sting the police had set up not far from there. I was too far away to see details or hear anything but watched for maybe 10 minutes.
I was impressed mostly by 3 things: How the policewoman was dressed in very everyday clothes, how she wasnt acting special (except to walk over TO the cars and talk and that she was staying mostly in one parking lot) and just how quickly they were reeling them in.
I was impressed mostly by 3 things: How the policewoman was dressed in very everyday clothes, how she wasnt acting special (except to walk over TO the cars and talk and that she was staying mostly in one parking lot) and just how quickly they were reeling them in.
11
@9 is a real piece of shit. It must be wonderful to be filled with such hate so early in the morning. Nice life.
@4. Nothing wrong with short hair and glasses!
@4. Nothing wrong with short hair and glasses!
12
Male here; used to happen to me all the time when I lived in Philadelphia and for various reasons had to walk through the block in center city where all the male hustlers hung out. (Which, weirdly, was in the middle of an otherwise extremely upscale neighborhood. Okay, maybe not so weird when you think about it.) Didn't bother me much, and the dudes in the cars were always somewhere between polite and extremely tentative, but when a journalist attempted to interview me (seriously) about my life as a hustler, I decided it was probably time to start wearing better clothes.
13
@9 - People like you impose an arbitrary penalty on public speech. Jen (and any other writer) deserves to be able to post stuff without having to worry that her appearance is going to be brought into the discourse. I hope your identity is exposed so you can suffer the public shaming you see fit to heap on others and from which your anonymity insulates you.
14
(er, contextually important: this was circa 1988 and I was a teenager. Pretty sure the odds of this happening to me now are approximately zero.)
15
When I lived in Las Vegas (about half a mile from the strip in a crappy weekly motel) I was on my way to the corner store when I was stopped by a hispanic guy on a bike, who asked me, "Business?" and I said, "What?" and he said, more emphatically, "BUSiness?" and then I realized he thought I was a prostitute (I was wearing too tight torn jeans and an old sweatshirt, and it was kind of a hookery area), and I said "OH! Noooo!" and he rode away. And there were several times when guys drove slowly next to me as a I walked down the street, presumably also hoping I was in business. But they never said anything to me, as it was clear that I was not.
And while waiting for my roommate to finish losing his/our money at a casino (God, Vegas was a crappy time in my life) I thought about prostitution as a means of getting some quick cash many times, but never seriously.
And while waiting for my roommate to finish losing his/our money at a casino (God, Vegas was a crappy time in my life) I thought about prostitution as a means of getting some quick cash many times, but never seriously.
16
I'm not proud of this, but I picked up a one-night stand one evening because I was horny, and afterwards he left me money on the nightstand. Which I obviously didn't take, and then there were complications. I'm a fat middle-aged woman and I was dressed very conservatively--midcalf-length suit, low heels, no makeup. It must have been the part of town.
17
I got approached by a prostitute when I stopped at a stop sign driving through South Minneapolis about 15 years ago.
She had an old quilt wrapped around her and was drinking a 40 oz Old English 800. She was totally stoned, had only one snaggle-tooth left, and looked like complete shit.
She tapped on the passenger side window, I though she was just homeless and begging for change, so I cracked the window open and she says, "do you want some company? I give an excellent deep throat for only fifteen." I just said, "sorry, no thanks" and she shuffled off.
NOT "Pretty Woman." At all.
She had an old quilt wrapped around her and was drinking a 40 oz Old English 800. She was totally stoned, had only one snaggle-tooth left, and looked like complete shit.
She tapped on the passenger side window, I though she was just homeless and begging for change, so I cracked the window open and she says, "do you want some company? I give an excellent deep throat for only fifteen." I just said, "sorry, no thanks" and she shuffled off.
NOT "Pretty Woman." At all.
18
Just once, when I was a teen waiting for the night owl bus at Second and Pike. Fella pulled over and asked me for directions to the Alexis Hotel, then played confused and asked if I'd ride there with him to be sure he found it. He said he had a nice fireplace in his suite I was sure to like.
19
I was waiting for the bus at 6th & Pike with my sister-in-law. What we were wearing doesn't matter, but it was nice and would definitely be considered modest. A guy on foot approached us and propositioned us. We told him to get bent. He probably did.
20
It's happened twice to me--once a couple decades ago at 2nd & Pike (waiting for a bus in the middle of the afternoon) and last summer across the street from my house (I live off Rainier Ave S & have shooed hookers out of my driveway more than once).
Both times I felt so astonished I don't think much at all crossed my mind. The more recent one was funnier, because my reply to his request mentioned my husband, causing the dude to cartoonishly freak out and zoom off, laughing. It felt like the astonishment was mutual.
Both times I felt so astonished I don't think much at all crossed my mind. The more recent one was funnier, because my reply to his request mentioned my husband, causing the dude to cartoonishly freak out and zoom off, laughing. It felt like the astonishment was mutual.
21
I'm constantly offering women money for sex. In fact, this morning my neighbor turned down my offer of $300 for a handjob, even after I made clear I'd wait until she finished her jog and took a shower.
22
Years ago I was having a roof rack put on my car at a place on aurora. I was 25ish, casually dressed and walking my choc.lab from the rack store to PCC and the old Greg's bike shop. A couple dudes circled and seemed to be way too curious. I was new to Seattle and had NO idea Aurora was a hooker zone. When I told my now husband about the weirdness, I learned all about Aurora and we both had a good laugh
23
It's happened a lot, but never under the clear context of prostitute & john roles. In my twenties, I often worked later shifts and while walking home or waiting for a bus and a car would pull up and a man or men would offer me a "ride" or something more explicit. Sometimes I would also get the same offers from men walking by. I always wondered why they did it. I didn't dress provocatively, I was just a petite woman. Anyway, being objectified by strangers in such a callous way was pretty upsetting. Yet, it wasn't the initial come on that got to me. It was the constant threat of anger, hostility or twisted persistance that might ignite following my refusal or avoidance. It's in that response where you would see the disgusting and terrifying fucker's desperation and vile hatred of women. Once you've see that side of intent on more than one occasion, you wouldn't even stomach the thought of getting into the car.
25
i was outside the twilight late one night, at the end of the alley out by the sidewalk, and a guy pulled up in a big black mercedes and got out to talk to me, sized me up and offered that i should come work for him. everything about the situation told me what he meant, but he didn't say it outright.
26
I was once approached by a car in a residential neighborhood in middle Michigan. I was momentarily confused, but wholly un-interested, so I politely declined and the black gentleman in the BMW sped off. Never happened again, and no, I personally wouldn't do it. Much prefer Lustlab for sexing, and generally don't like money4sex situations.
27
This happened to me once, in San Francisco, when I was 18. It was after midnight and I was walking home from the BART station. I was wearing baggy pants and a hugely oversized wool sweater. Guy pulled over and called to me from his car. There were some other folks on the street who were clearly sex workers, so I don't know why he picked me (baggy clothes, walking briskly) over them (tight miniskirts, hanging out on the street).
28
Yeah, I dropped the car off to be repaired at Aurora and 120th around 11 AM and walked five blocks to the bus stop. Twice a guy in a car stopped and talked to me..."Hey baby"...short hair, glasses, almost 50 and mom jeans. But at least I can tell myself I still got it.
29
A car drives up and sits there and you think you're being seen as a hooker? You must be in heaven going into a bar were everyone is sitting there waiting for you.
30
I used to rent a house on 41st, right off of Aurora (Fremont side of the footbridge). When I would get home from work and park I would get prostitutes trying to get in my car once every couple of weeks. They usually seemed stoned out of their minds.
31
I used to encounter prostitutes a lot when I lived in Denver's Capitol Hill. The main thing that struck me was that they didn't dress sexy or slutty at all. Hollywood lies again.
Anyway, the main zone was Colfax Avenue, but one time one tried to come into my apartment that was blocks away. I had mumbled something to her mumble (just trying to go on my way) and she took that as a yes to her misunderstood solicitation. When I stopped with a "WTF" look on my face, she just turned and went away.
Yeah, that's basically the complete opposite of what Jen's asking for, but since we're all sharing stories...
Anyway, the main zone was Colfax Avenue, but one time one tried to come into my apartment that was blocks away. I had mumbled something to her mumble (just trying to go on my way) and she took that as a yes to her misunderstood solicitation. When I stopped with a "WTF" look on my face, she just turned and went away.
Yeah, that's basically the complete opposite of what Jen's asking for, but since we're all sharing stories...
32
I was waiting at a clearly marked bus stop, in one of those crappy semi-industrial belts of LA (which happened to be right across the street from my mechanic - hence the temporary lack of a car on my part). I was dressed in baggy sweats & holding a gym bag. A fat guy pulled up in a beater car & did that upwards chin jerk thing. I had to tell him to fuck off 3 times before he drove away. I've wondered ever since if all "prostitutes" here are similarly well camoflaged.
33
@13,
I hope so too, but mostly so we can all point and laugh at YGBKM's poverty. No one who bloviates that much about his superior intellect and taste makes more than 30k/year.
I hope so too, but mostly so we can all point and laugh at YGBKM's poverty. No one who bloviates that much about his superior intellect and taste makes more than 30k/year.
34
Gee, but doesn't everyone want Seattle to be just like Manhattan?
One night I was standing at the corner of 40th and Lexington, looking for a grocery store to get a sandwich. A blonde woman in a fur coat walks up to me and says, "Sixty bucks for a blowjob and a hundred for a good fuck."
I replied, "Honey, your mouth would look great wrapped around a dick, but it's not gonna be mine tonight. But thanks for asking."
One night I was standing at the corner of 40th and Lexington, looking for a grocery store to get a sandwich. A blonde woman in a fur coat walks up to me and says, "Sixty bucks for a blowjob and a hundred for a good fuck."
I replied, "Honey, your mouth would look great wrapped around a dick, but it's not gonna be mine tonight. But thanks for asking."
36
Yes, right outside my house (one block off Rainier Ave). It was summer and I was picking blackberries along the side of the street. A guy in a big red pickup pulled over and asked for directions to MLK Way and then said he had an hour to kill and wondered if I wanted to go for a ride. I guess my bowl of berries was the tip off that I was a street walker?
37
My Jiu Jitsu school is up there on north Aurora. And occasionally on hot summer days when we had the garage door open we would see (and hear) ladies doing business in parked cars. Our coach would politely go out and ask them if they could move a little down the street.
Eventually one day a car pulls up on the other side of the road full of some of these girls. A big dude get's out, all animated and gesticulating like he was going to go over there and kick our asses.
He storms across the street, walks in watches us sparring for a minute. And real quietly he say's "Hi. Um. How much does it cost to go here?"
The whole time still gesticulating wildly. Putting on a show for the girls in his car. Like he's really yelling at us.
Then before anybody can get up to tell him... he storms out get's in the car and speeds off.
Eventually one day a car pulls up on the other side of the road full of some of these girls. A big dude get's out, all animated and gesticulating like he was going to go over there and kick our asses.
He storms across the street, walks in watches us sparring for a minute. And real quietly he say's "Hi. Um. How much does it cost to go here?"
The whole time still gesticulating wildly. Putting on a show for the girls in his car. Like he's really yelling at us.
Then before anybody can get up to tell him... he storms out get's in the car and speeds off.
38
First I get to throw up in my mouth after seeing Helen Hunt nude in "The Sessions" and now Jen thinks someone wants to pay to bone her? What other atrocities does the week hold?
First I get to throw up in my mouth after seeing Helen Hunt nude in "The Sessions" and now Jen thinks someone wants to pay to bone her? What other atrocities does the week hold?
39
Like @12 I was occasionally propositioned by older men back when I was young and pretty. It was odd. Creepiest was a guy who started whining when I wouldn't get in his car, he seemed like he might have a bottle of chloroform in the glove compartment.
More recently (like 10 years ago) a hooker in Troy, New York asked me and another guy if we wanted to party while we were both walking down the street holding sleeping babies. There is a good reason Troy has a bad reputation.
More recently (like 10 years ago) a hooker in Troy, New York asked me and another guy if we wanted to party while we were both walking down the street holding sleeping babies. There is a good reason Troy has a bad reputation.
40
I was waiting for a bus in Des Moines or Federal Way many years ago (`87 I think). An older man pulled over in his car, stared at me, motioned for me to get in. First thought was (at age 14 and being from the farmlands of eastern Washington) ... "STRANGER DANGER!" I shook my head no, he flipped me off and drove away.
It didn't occur to me until years later that my bleached hair, spandex shorts and tight shirt made me look like I was ready for a different kind of a ride, one in which HE paid ME to get OFF ...
It didn't occur to me until years later that my bleached hair, spandex shorts and tight shirt made me look like I was ready for a different kind of a ride, one in which HE paid ME to get OFF ...
42
I hate to break it to you guys, but most of these stories you're telling aren't of men who mistook you for prostitutes, they were either sexually harassing you or trying to get you into their cars so they could rape you. I mean seriously? Some of you were lucky to get out of that situation alive, especially you #39.
43
when I was 14, at JV soccer practice one of the older bigger senior kids on the varsity team tackled me and thumbfucked my butthole for a good 30 seconds. It hurt [and I'm straight] but I always looked back appreciatively upon the event [sort of like the time a rhodesian ridgeback latched onto my be-denimed leg but only left superficial bruises]
I was gonna tell one of my prostitution stories but that might be revealing too much.
I was gonna tell one of my prostitution stories but that might be revealing too much.
44
@35: the hustler uniform in philly circa the late 80s was pretty low-key. No cowboy hats, no chaps: usually just ripped jeans and a tight t-shirt: not very different from any random ratty teenage male, just usually a few years older and (once you got close up) a lot harder around the eyes.
45
It happened to me in a foreign city where prostitution is (still illegal but) practiced much more openly. I used to have a habit of leaving parties to walk around the block a couple of times and decompress. It didn't occur to me that a tiny little party dress and heels might make me look like a pro until a station wagon pulled up with a guy my dad's age behind the wheel. I was so flustered I blurted out (in the language of that city), "It's not what you think, Grandpa!" I don't know who came away more shaken from that encounter.
46
@45 Oh, and it wasn't Amsterdam or anywhere in Europe. When I was living in a small town in the Netherlands my walk home took me by one of the town's two red-light streets. I got accosted one time by an old guy asking me to help him find a hotel, as if a foreigner like me had any clue or there were any other hotels in town besides the one place everybody knew about. Derr. After that I switched walking routes.
47
Never when it was assumed that money would change hands, at least I don't think? Unless there is an obvious disparity in age or looks these things are generally quid pro quo for gay guys. Or so I've heard.
49
#42, only would a straight guy in Seattle "look back appreciatively" on getting thumb fucked up the ass. It explains a lot.
50
When I was in my mid-20s, I was visiting upstate New York and went to a bar there. A not-attractive older man started chatting me up. I was giving him the cold shoulder when suddenly he asked, out of the blue, "Do you charge?" I immediately made a beeline to the other side of the bar.
53
I would say it's happened to me a dozen times. I don't like it (one more reason why I am pro-legalization), most of the time, the guy insists. It's happened when I wear sweatpants on my way to pick up laundry (not sexy) or after going out (sexy), so it seems arbitrary.
The worse one was when I was about 20 years old, in Vancouver's crack neighbourhood. A guy in a Mercedes was very insisting. I said no many times, then ignored him, but he kept insisting. Knowing that, as a rich guy, he could get the high end prostitutes about 4 blocks away, one can assume why he would go in a neighbourhood where blowjobs are $20 or $10 of crack.
Not cool.
The worse one was when I was about 20 years old, in Vancouver's crack neighbourhood. A guy in a Mercedes was very insisting. I said no many times, then ignored him, but he kept insisting. Knowing that, as a rich guy, he could get the high end prostitutes about 4 blocks away, one can assume why he would go in a neighbourhood where blowjobs are $20 or $10 of crack.
Not cool.
54
Everyone should read @23's reply. It isn't spam.
I keep hearing about how the cops-posing-as-pros and people who were being mistaken for pros were all wearing either normal or frumpy clothes. ...so that means... anyone who's trying (or being scolded) NOT to dress like a prostitute...
My guess is that if pros dressed like pros they'd get arrested, but if they can be mistaken for just any woman out minding her own business, then 1. people are less likely to call the police and 2. they have more plausible deniability.
I keep hearing about how the cops-posing-as-pros and people who were being mistaken for pros were all wearing either normal or frumpy clothes. ...so that means... anyone who's trying (or being scolded) NOT to dress like a prostitute...
My guess is that if pros dressed like pros they'd get arrested, but if they can be mistaken for just any woman out minding her own business, then 1. people are less likely to call the police and 2. they have more plausible deniability.
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