What's the most depressing thing about DList Magazine? That's a hard one. It's not the fact that it's been around for five years and no one's ever heard of it, although that is depressing. It's not the oddity of calling something "DList" when every piece of writing inside is upbeat and promotional, although, true, that doesn't make much sense. It's not the Miami-meets-Las-Vegas-meets-a-migraine suite of graphic design and typeface choices, although migraines are bummers. It's not the artistic direction behind the photograph of Charity Mainville that accompanies her "Editor's Letter" at the top of the most recent issue, although, I mean, Jesus, what kind of sadistic art director was behind that? Those poor feet. It's not the freefloating, undiagrammable rhetoric, the syntax somehow both clunky and evanescent—with sentences like, "DList Magazine has transformed a piece of artistic literature to place upon your coffee tables for others to relish quarterly"—although I've read that sentence many times aloud and, really, I mean, I'm at a loss.

No—the most depressing thing about DList Magazine, newly helmed by the impossibly named Charity Mainville, is that Charity Mainville clearly does not want to be in Seattle. Like, really. Like, a lot. This is not her town. In the editor's note accompanying DList's "winter 2012/2013" issue (see her editor's note by going here and clicking through to page 9), she says that her goal is to create "new content and new events that cater to the fashion savvy, career-driven, intellectually minded, socially active people of the Northwest," and she goes on to say:

I'm not saying it's going to be easy to convince those who are skeptical and have preconceived notions of what the Seattle area has to offer. Trust me, it wasn't easy for me to decide to give my crazy fun life in sunny Vegas up for the rainy, "there's nothing to do," Seattle area. But I'm not one to back down from a challenge. I saw an opportunity to bring an open market a new ideal: "It's not where you are at, but who you are with." We are here to remind you to have fun living and forget about the standards society imposes. I want every person that lives in the Seattle area to be proud of what this city has to offer.

This is a plangent cry for help. This is clear-cut anguish rendered into prose. Possibly the anguish is exacerbated by those heels but it's anguish nonetheless, guys. I think as a community we need to do what's right and offer Charity our understanding and our charity (and our moving trucks!), so that she can go back to having fun living, which she moved here to remind us all to do. Having fun living does not mean living in "nothing to do" Seattle. Obviously. I'm on deadline today, but does anyone have a second to start a Kickstarter for this poor soul? I will gladly promote it here on Slog. I'm just really worried about her. Her twitter feed doesn't help things.





Please, someone, help her. Let's get her home.