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Friday, March 8, 2013

City / Life / Teh Internets "At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost."

Posted by David Schmader on Fri, Mar 8, 2013 at 10:10 AM

A harrowing tale of a first date gone awry, from Seattle Craigslist's Rants & Raves:

To the woman who crapped her pants in my car (Seattle)

We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at 6 rivers sharing that basket of hot wings while drinking the chili beer. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don't feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said "First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me" was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat...

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call.

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early. . .Touché. . .

I really hope this is fake, and if it is not fake, I really hope the woman pooted on purpose to end a less-than-ideal date.

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Comments (22) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

If you google "gambled on a fart and lost," you can see that this was posted to CL back in 2009 (and, who knows, it might be older than that). So, it might have happened at some point, but not recently: this recent posting is just recycled humor.

Posted by melvillean

on March 8, 2013 at 10:17 AM

Best Slog Headline Ever.

Posted by M. Wells on March 8, 2013 at 10:33 AM

A friend (no, really!) pissed herself on a first date. She was in the front seat of dude's car after a having had a few beers, laughed really hard at something he said, and then -- urine trouble now! -- pee all over the place. She was mortified, but he took it in stride, offered her some sweat pants he had in the back seat, and they continued the date. They've been married for almost 20 years now.

Posted by Kalakalot on March 8, 2013 at 10:34 AM

Like the woman in the story, @1 also likes to crap on joyful occasions.

Posted by LogopolisMike

on March 8, 2013 at 10:40 AM

Epic journalism in this post, thanks slog.

Posted by watchout5

on March 8, 2013 at 10:42 AM

I keep picturing the woman in question reading the ad, horrified, and thinking "I would call you back, but only if you promised to STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS ISSUE IMMEDIATELY. "

Posted by Pope Buck I on March 8, 2013 at 10:45 AM

Apparently I have a pretty good winning streak going..because I'm not sure I can remember having ever "...gambled on a fart and lost...". Maybe it wasn't that memorable? You think it would be.

Now I'm feeling a bit paranoid. Like the more you drive, the more likely you'll be in an accident.... :(

Posted by ArtBasketSara on March 8, 2013 at 10:56 AM

One of the downsides to getting old is having all these déjà vu moments from reading "new" content.

Posted by stinkbug on March 8, 2013 at 11:00 AM

Here's why it's fake - he sent her a package the next day, so he clearly knows where she lives, but the only way he can reach her is over CL. Also, just read it. Totally fake.

Posted by treefort on March 8, 2013 at 11:15 AM

the author is tad keppler.. and he is very real http://www.wweek.com/portland/article-10…

Posted by soggydan on March 8, 2013 at 11:22 AM

If it can happen to Al Roker, it can happen to anyone.

Posted by jzimbert on March 8, 2013 at 11:34 AM

Maybe she did it in a desperate, last-ditch effort to end the date.

Posted by tabletop_joe on March 8, 2013 at 11:36 AM

You never fart on a first date...save it til date 3.
When married no rules apply. My hubs and I have full conversations of only burps and farts...but thankfully no pants-pooping

Posted by julie russell

on March 8, 2013 at 11:41 AM

When you think about it, both the proximal and distal ends of the alimentary tract are pretty damn remarkable for handling solid, liquid, and gas correctly 99.99% of the time.

Posted by rob!

on March 8, 2013 at 11:54 AM

For those of you that never saw 'Never Trust a Fart':
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRkSXmz3j…

Posted by raindrop on March 8, 2013 at 1:15 PM

I've had a number of boys shit the bed while I was fucking them. No warning. It happens when they get totally blissed out and want a hard pounding. When the let everything go and give into the moment, everything can really let go in the moment.

Personally, I'm very matter-of-fact about it. Shit happens. Don't play in an asshole unless you can face the possible downsides. I always put down a towel when I fuck at my place. And I always reassure my boy that he's still hot, though we need to stop and shower.

But it's amazing the emotional hole it puts some guys in. No amount of emotional support can bury the feeling of inadequacy it brings out. As if they're a bad person because shit comes out of their ass.

I suspect porn plays a role. The internet is full of bionic assholes that can take prison-style gangfucks without so much as farting. Guys just expect that they should be able to do the same. Never stopping to think about things like edits, cuts, and the reality behind the camera.

Posted by Nice_top on March 8, 2013 at 1:54 PM

Chili beer sounds like instant diarrhea.

Posted by sirkowski

on March 8, 2013 at 2:12 PM

What you never do on first date is eat hot wings or anything remotely called "chili beer." Or ever. Unless you're dating your own sister in the Ozark's.

Posted by tkc on March 8, 2013 at 2:25 PM

He might try, "Desperately Seeking Car Shitter" on Craigslist.

Posted by biffp on March 8, 2013 at 3:04 PM

A Wing And A Prayer

Posted by biffp on March 8, 2013 at 4:18 PM

I had a first date who menstrated about a pint, just as she was getting out of the car to go to a friends birthday party. She didn't know anyone, she felt kind of bad. I borrowed a pair of hosts jeans. I tried to make her feel like it was no big deal. If must of worked becuase we slept together that night. I never called or slept with her again though. I wonder what she is up to this afternoon...

Posted by Simple on March 8, 2013 at 4:21 PM

I found her response. @1, is this recycled as well?

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/rnr/36…

First Dates Are Always a Crap Shoot (the car with the heated seats)

Posted by bigskypow on March 8, 2013 at 4:26 PM