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News & ArtsWednesday, March 6, 2013
Chow People Outraged That Disgusting New Food Is Not Available for Them to Eat
Posted by Paul Constant on Wed, Mar 6, 2013 at 4:24 PM
The Huffington Post says that some people are upset that their local Taco Bells do not have Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos in stock:
The fast-food chain had announced on Facebook this week that fans would be able to buy its highly-anticipated Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos on Wednesday, a day earlier than planned. But then some fans began posting on the Facebook page complaining that their local restaurants didn't have them yet. They said they were told by local employees that the tacos wouldn't be available until Thursday.
"VERY disappointed!" one fan wrote. "Boo to you," wrote another. One fan posted a letter to the chain online, detailing how he and a friend made a trip to their local Taco Bell after midnight Wednesday to get their first taste of the new tacos. He said they ended up getting the regular Doritos Locos Tacos because they were "basically committed anyway."
Online activism at its finest! I have never seen so many people disappointed over the fact that they're not about to suffer from crippling diarrhea.
3
I don't know if I have the constitution of an ox, or if maybe food-snooty assholes tend to also be delicate baby flowers, but I have never in my life experienced any gastrointestinal discomfort from eating Taco Bell.
4
tortillas, beans, salt and oil aren't going to give you diarrhea. maybe they are made with hate and thats causing your aura to have a bad reaction.
6
Taco Bell's bean burrito is easily the least offensive and most digestible fast food product around. I can't speak for their beef or chicken-based food items but if this were made with beans instead of meat and I didn't have a visceral disgust for Doritos I would definitely give serious consideration to eating one.
7
This reminds me of the way people lose their shit when the local schools announce that classes are still being held despite that 5 or 6 inches of snow we got. Everyone knows it takes a foot or more to close school, yet they still react as if it's 20 below and five feet have fallen.
Ours is a very spoiled society.
Ours is a very spoiled society.
8
A snooty food thread?!
I shall have Jeeves fetch my monocle, post-haste!
*harumph harumph harumph*
I shall have Jeeves fetch my monocle, post-haste!
*harumph harumph harumph*
9
paul constant, a "man" who shove spring rolls into his spring hole, outraged that other people like stuff he doesn't, and use social media for reasons he wouldn't.
have another spring roll, fatty.
have another spring roll, fatty.
10
Taco Bell Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Ingredients:
Ground Corn treated with Lime, Vegetable Oil (Corn, Soybean, and/or Cottonseed Oil), Water, Corn Flour, Salt, Maltodextrin (Made From Corn), Corn Starch, Tomato Powder, Sunflower Oil, Lactose, Whey, Skim Milk, Corn Syrup Solids, Onion Powder, Sugar, Garlic Powder, Monosodium Glutamate, Cheddar Cheese (Milk, Cheese Cultures, Salt, Enzymes), Dextrose, Malic Acid, Artificial Color (Including Red 40, Blue 1, Yellow 5, Yellow 5 Lake, Yellow 6 Lake), Buttermilk, Natural and Artificial Flavor, Sodium Acetate, Sodium Caseinate, Spices, Citric Acid, Disodium Inosinate, Disodium Guanylate, and TBHQ (Preservative). Beef, Water, Seasoning [Cellulose, Chili Pepper, Onion Powder, Salt, Oats (Contains Wheat), Maltodextrin (Corn, Potato, Tapioca), Soy Lecithin, Tomato Powder, Sugar, Soybean Oil, Sea Salt, Yeast Extract (Contains Gluten), Spices, Garlic Powder, Citric Acid, Caramel Color, Disodium Inosinate, Disodium Guanylate, Potassium Chloride, Cocoa Powder Processed with Alkali, Natural And Artificial Flavors, Trehalose, Modified Corn Starch, Inactivated Yeast, Lactic Acid, Torula Yeast, Natural Smoke Flavor], Salt, Sodium Phosphate, Less Than 2% Beef Broth, Potassium Phosphate, Potassium Lactate. Milk, Cream, Modified Corn Starch, Lactic Acid, Maltodextrin, Gelatin, Modified Tapioca Starch, Sodium Phosphate, Citric Acid, Potassium Sorbate (A Preservative), Natural And Artificial Flavor, Guar Gum, Mono & Diglycerides, Locust Bean Gum, Carrageenan, Vitamin A. Iceberg Lettuce, Tomatoes, Cultured Pasteurized Milk, Salt, Enzymes, Annatto (Color), Anti-Caking Agent. CONTAINS SOYBEANS, WHEAT, MILK.
Ground Corn treated with Lime, Vegetable Oil (Corn, Soybean, and/or Cottonseed Oil), Water, Corn Flour, Salt, Maltodextrin (Made From Corn), Corn Starch, Tomato Powder, Sunflower Oil, Lactose, Whey, Skim Milk, Corn Syrup Solids, Onion Powder, Sugar, Garlic Powder, Monosodium Glutamate, Cheddar Cheese (Milk, Cheese Cultures, Salt, Enzymes), Dextrose, Malic Acid, Artificial Color (Including Red 40, Blue 1, Yellow 5, Yellow 5 Lake, Yellow 6 Lake), Buttermilk, Natural and Artificial Flavor, Sodium Acetate, Sodium Caseinate, Spices, Citric Acid, Disodium Inosinate, Disodium Guanylate, and TBHQ (Preservative). Beef, Water, Seasoning [Cellulose, Chili Pepper, Onion Powder, Salt, Oats (Contains Wheat), Maltodextrin (Corn, Potato, Tapioca), Soy Lecithin, Tomato Powder, Sugar, Soybean Oil, Sea Salt, Yeast Extract (Contains Gluten), Spices, Garlic Powder, Citric Acid, Caramel Color, Disodium Inosinate, Disodium Guanylate, Potassium Chloride, Cocoa Powder Processed with Alkali, Natural And Artificial Flavors, Trehalose, Modified Corn Starch, Inactivated Yeast, Lactic Acid, Torula Yeast, Natural Smoke Flavor], Salt, Sodium Phosphate, Less Than 2% Beef Broth, Potassium Phosphate, Potassium Lactate. Milk, Cream, Modified Corn Starch, Lactic Acid, Maltodextrin, Gelatin, Modified Tapioca Starch, Sodium Phosphate, Citric Acid, Potassium Sorbate (A Preservative), Natural And Artificial Flavor, Guar Gum, Mono & Diglycerides, Locust Bean Gum, Carrageenan, Vitamin A. Iceberg Lettuce, Tomatoes, Cultured Pasteurized Milk, Salt, Enzymes, Annatto (Color), Anti-Caking Agent. CONTAINS SOYBEANS, WHEAT, MILK.
11
I bought some Grape Nuts at my local Safeway the other day, and the cashier hinted she appreciated me being so cool about it. Huh?
Apparently Grape Nuts were unavailable for a short time and people were going apeshit. I expect this from the Cool Ranch crowd, but Grape Nuts folk? Settle down.
Apparently Grape Nuts were unavailable for a short time and people were going apeshit. I expect this from the Cool Ranch crowd, but Grape Nuts folk? Settle down.
12
I'm less concerned that people didn't get the taco shell they wanted than the fact you felt it necessary to report this and berate them for it.
13
@3,
Me neither. I would characterize Taco Bell as bland and boring, but not a gastrointestinal disorder waiting to happen. I give that honor to KFC.
@11,
My father ate Grape Nuts for breakfast every morning for at least 20 years. I personally think they're nasty, but some people can't live without them I guess.
Me neither. I would characterize Taco Bell as bland and boring, but not a gastrointestinal disorder waiting to happen. I give that honor to KFC.
@11,
My father ate Grape Nuts for breakfast every morning for at least 20 years. I personally think they're nasty, but some people can't live without them I guess.
14
Every once in awhile, Paul feels like going somewhere to get a big giant salad (as if those are always nutritious and free of gastroenteritis-causing pathogens). He hates Subway. He hates Taco Bell. What's worse than being fast food averse--which I think we can all understand--is that he sounds like the conservative caricature of liberal elitist foodie. Yay. This is about as worthwhile as his political insight.
18
I say, I like the cut of your jib my good fellow @8. Now if you will pardon me, I must make haste to my nearest "Taco Bell" and purchase some of this "food" so that I might later throw it away with contempt.
What! You say you don't have "Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos"?? Inconceivable! The very thought of it! Driver! Fetch my lawyers!
What! You say you don't have "Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos"?? Inconceivable! The very thought of it! Driver! Fetch my lawyers!
19
Lookout! Paul's high horse has broken loose from from the stable and is running amok! Everyone take cover!
21
To be fair, most post-fast-food diarrhea is caused by poor employee hand hygeiene, rather than germy ingredients. That being said, it is rather sad that people would line up at midnight of a product launch for a bad taco.
22
So, when I was little my mom bought Grape Nuts and I decided I wanted to have some. The box is small and they're pretty expensive so my mom, rather than saying "No that's an expensive cereal" decided to go with "Okay, but only poor a little because Grape Nuts multiply in milk."
I was 7 so I totally believed her, and was like SO FULL after only half a cup of the stuff because in my mind I saw it multiply.
Fast forward 15 years when my roommate at the time buys them and is pouring them and to almost overflowing.
"Woah dude! That's going to be way too much when they multiply!" I say.
He stared at me for a second and my brain finally processed all of this and I died a little inside when I realized for 15 years I had believed something so stupid.
I was 7 so I totally believed her, and was like SO FULL after only half a cup of the stuff because in my mind I saw it multiply.
Fast forward 15 years when my roommate at the time buys them and is pouring them and to almost overflowing.
"Woah dude! That's going to be way too much when they multiply!" I say.
He stared at me for a second and my brain finally processed all of this and I died a little inside when I realized for 15 years I had believed something so stupid.
24
@22: Fear of your Grape Nuts multiplying in milk may not a good reason be pour only a small amount into the bowl, but the fact that half a cup of the stuff has 210 calories is.
25
I was at SXSW last year when Doritos Locos made their big debut. Thee Satisfaction and Jimmy Cliff were playing at Hype Hotel, so I waited in line for a million years to get into the party. It was sponsored by Taco Bell, Monster Energy Drinks, and Tito's Vodka. It was also one of those "no re-entry" type of affairs.
So, given that I hadn't eaten dinner and I like to get drunk, and that literally nothing was available to eat or drink besides Doritos Locos tacos and vodka/energy drinks, I had a gut-busting number of Doritos Locos and crappy speedball-inspired cocktails. Really over the top. I was completely wired on fat, salt, caffeine, booze, and whatever demonic herbal viagra Monster was trying to push on us.
Side effects: Heart palpitations, a complete inability to sleep that night paradoxically coupled with inebriation, and a persistent erection that could cut glass. But no diarrhea.
Honestly, the Doritos Locos were the best part of the night. (Aside from Jimmy Cliff.)
So, given that I hadn't eaten dinner and I like to get drunk, and that literally nothing was available to eat or drink besides Doritos Locos tacos and vodka/energy drinks, I had a gut-busting number of Doritos Locos and crappy speedball-inspired cocktails. Really over the top. I was completely wired on fat, salt, caffeine, booze, and whatever demonic herbal viagra Monster was trying to push on us.
Side effects: Heart palpitations, a complete inability to sleep that night paradoxically coupled with inebriation, and a persistent erection that could cut glass. But no diarrhea.
Honestly, the Doritos Locos were the best part of the night. (Aside from Jimmy Cliff.)
26
While I personally favor libertarianism, I distrust corporations even more.
In the 1800's and for a few years in the 1900's, cocaine, opium and heroin were legally sold drugs in the US and much of the world. These substances found their way into cough drops and cold syrups with dosage instructions for children as young as 3 on the label. They also wound up in soft drinks.
Now, an adult making a free ill decision as to what to do with their body should be free to do impossibly stupid and perhaps even suicidal things. But that choice is taken away from you by addictive substances. Corporations that market products specifically toward people during their youth when they are less able to resist manipulation take that freedom away from them. You cannot justify hooking a toddler on heroin. And yet, that is exactly what they did.
Today, the food industry is manipulating people with dangerously poisonous food. Research is done into what foods will have the greatest addictive effect, and what packaging will lure people in most easily. I have never seen a skinny person drinking Diet Coke. I do see fat people chugging the stuff all day long. This cannot be a coincidence.
Tobacco companies do the same. Everybody wants a product that the customer just cannot say no to, even if it's poison. They are little better than when Bayer manufactured and sold heroin on the US market, or when Coca Cola sold cocaine.
My libertarianism is modulated by my socialism. I am in favor of free will and adults making adult independent and free choices. I am not in favor of them being manipulated and having their decision making powers reduced by marketing or by chemistry. And I do not favor poison masquerading as food.
In the 1800's and for a few years in the 1900's, cocaine, opium and heroin were legally sold drugs in the US and much of the world. These substances found their way into cough drops and cold syrups with dosage instructions for children as young as 3 on the label. They also wound up in soft drinks.
Now, an adult making a free ill decision as to what to do with their body should be free to do impossibly stupid and perhaps even suicidal things. But that choice is taken away from you by addictive substances. Corporations that market products specifically toward people during their youth when they are less able to resist manipulation take that freedom away from them. You cannot justify hooking a toddler on heroin. And yet, that is exactly what they did.
Today, the food industry is manipulating people with dangerously poisonous food. Research is done into what foods will have the greatest addictive effect, and what packaging will lure people in most easily. I have never seen a skinny person drinking Diet Coke. I do see fat people chugging the stuff all day long. This cannot be a coincidence.
Tobacco companies do the same. Everybody wants a product that the customer just cannot say no to, even if it's poison. They are little better than when Bayer manufactured and sold heroin on the US market, or when Coca Cola sold cocaine.
My libertarianism is modulated by my socialism. I am in favor of free will and adults making adult independent and free choices. I am not in favor of them being manipulated and having their decision making powers reduced by marketing or by chemistry. And I do not favor poison masquerading as food.
27
If you, like myself, have made it this far
down the list of comments, you are either
stoned, drunk, or in serious need of a fat-
ass taco from taco bell.
down the list of comments, you are either
stoned, drunk, or in serious need of a fat-
ass taco from taco bell.
28
@10,
That list cannot be correct.
"Salt" is listed as an ingredient three times (and twice more inside the "seasonings" sub-ingredients).
"Water" is listed twice.
"Milk" makes four appearances - Skim milk, Buttermilk, plain old regular milk, and cultured pasteurized milk.
Also, the "seasonings" sub-ingredient list contains "spices"... um, need some clarification there.
Finally, ingredient lists are always written in order of how much of the ingredient is included (which is why all the flavorings and colorings come last... there are only minute amounts of these). There's no way those tacos have more citric acid than lettuce or tomatoes.
It looks like a bunch of ingredient lists for different foods all pasted together.
That list cannot be correct.
"Salt" is listed as an ingredient three times (and twice more inside the "seasonings" sub-ingredients).
"Water" is listed twice.
"Milk" makes four appearances - Skim milk, Buttermilk, plain old regular milk, and cultured pasteurized milk.
Also, the "seasonings" sub-ingredient list contains "spices"... um, need some clarification there.
Finally, ingredient lists are always written in order of how much of the ingredient is included (which is why all the flavorings and colorings come last... there are only minute amounts of these). There's no way those tacos have more citric acid than lettuce or tomatoes.
It looks like a bunch of ingredient lists for different foods all pasted together.
31
@ 24, 210 calories isn't a big deal for breakfast cereal. I'm sure this dorito taco (or is it burrito? I can't be bothered to go back and look) has a four or five times the calories, with only 1/10th of the nutrition...
32
@31: Keep in mind that's for half a cup; most people put more than that in their bowl. For comparison, a whole cup of bran flakes has 128. When you add milk and fruit, it starts to add up.
33
@ 32, you have a point, but Grape Nuts is really chewy. I wasn't kidding when I said it makes your face hurt after a while. You'd have to be someone who swallows before it's all chewed up to avoid that. (That's also kind of nice, because it makes you eat slower and you feel full by the time you're done.) So half a cup really ought to be plenty.
But yeah, people will pour more than that because AMERICA!
But yeah, people will pour more than that because AMERICA!
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