Slog

News & Arts

Line Out

Music & the City
at Night

« Lindy West Blows Up My Interwebs Ag… | Prominent Is As Prominent Does »

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Animals The Rats of Tehran

Posted by Charles Mudede on Thu, Feb 28, 2013 at 8:06 AM

Holy fucking shit. Iran is all worried about getting its hands on some nuclear weapons when its biggest city is dealing with the biggest rats ever seen.

Tehran, the capital of Iran, is battling an invasion of "genetically mutated" giant rats.

Iran has sent in sniper teams to clear Tehran's streets from the massive rodents weighting up to five kilos plaguing 26 district of the Iranian capital, the city's environmental agency said.

"They seem to have had a genetic mutation, probably as a result of radiations and the chemical used on them," Ismail Kahram, Teheran city council environment adviser and university professor Ismail Kahram told Qudsonline.ir.

"They are now bigger and look different. These are changes that normally take millions of years of evolution. They have jumped from 60 grams to five kilos, and cats are now smaller than them."

The "mutated rats" have been running rampant in the capital, as cats are scared off by their giant size and traditional poison appear to have no effect on them.

Don't we get our cats from Persia? These noble and ancient creatures are refusing to fuck with these rats? Get your priorities in order, Iran. You need more than snipers; you need to throw the whole Revolutionary Guard into this war or wars.

FacebookShare

Comments (24) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

Chupacabra

Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe

on February 28, 2013 at 8:22 AM

This is really about Rodney Tom, isn't it?

Posted by TheRain on February 28, 2013 at 8:28 AM

These aren't mutated rats, but more likely, and more mundanely, just Gambian Pouched rats, which have also recently invaded New York City and Florida. They are also used in Afghanistan to hunt for land mines.

Posted by ryanayr on February 28, 2013 at 8:29 AM

Sorry, but I'm not buying it. This sounds like a story concocted to get us back for the Onion story that said Ahmadinejad was more popular than Obama.

Posted by Pope Peabrain on February 28, 2013 at 8:29 AM

Posted by ryanayr on February 28, 2013 at 8:30 AM

Maybe they're rats that have been bitten by radioactive spiders.

Posted by seatackled on February 28, 2013 at 8:37 AM

The chance of the size of these rats being caused by nuclear or toxic waste is essentially zero.

It would be essentially a miracle for the genome to be mutated in such a way to cause comic book style gigantism, and nothing else.

Fucking nonsense.

Posted by Theodore Gorath on February 28, 2013 at 8:41 AM

@3: at least that would explain why the cats of Tehran, exposed to the same mutagens, aren't the size of cheetahs.

Posted by originalcinner on February 28, 2013 at 8:42 AM

I don't believe in the Rodents of Unusual Size.

Posted by PTrig on February 28, 2013 at 8:45 AM

Regardless of the origin of those rats, those are fucking huge. The rat in that picture is bigger than both of my cats. I can perfectly understand why those noble and ancient creatures are refusing to fuck with these rats.

Posted by redemma on February 28, 2013 at 8:57 AM

The real story is that the photographic evidence that the Ratcatchers of Tehran are White Sox fans. Sounds about right.

Posted by picaroon on February 28, 2013 at 9:00 AM

There's a simple solution to this: mutate the cats!

Posted by Marph on February 28, 2013 at 9:03 AM

Just introduce a family of lizards into the environment that eat the rats. When the lizard population grows too large, then release wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes to eat the lizards. To take care of the Chinese needle snake infestation, send in a species of gorillas that thrive on snake meat. The beauty of the plan is that when winter rolls around, all the gorillas freeze to death!

Posted by Urgutha Forka on February 28, 2013 at 9:25 AM

We'll feed the rats to the cats and the cats to the rats and get the catskins for nothing.

Posted by Matt from Denver on February 28, 2013 at 9:49 AM

Evolution is just a theory. God miracled those rats to Tehran.

Posted by Che Guava on February 28, 2013 at 10:07 AM

That's a fishing photo. Meaning: hold insufficiently large object at arms length between you and the camera. Fishing charters do this as a matter of policy. 20lb salmon looks like 40lb salmon. Not crazily large rat becomes ultra-mega-mega rat.

Posted by aureolaborealis on February 28, 2013 at 10:37 AM