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Saturday, February 23, 2013

Vatican Denies Pope-Toppling Gay Sex Scandal

Posted by on Sat, Feb 23, 2013 at 11:01 AM

Last night, the story broke. This morning, the Vatican says that those rumors about gay orgies, photographs of priests having gay sex used as blackmail, and priests in drag are just "gossip." Here's the BBC:

The Vatican's chief spokesperson has criticised the media for reporting "misinformation" about the Church.

Father Federico Lombardi said some were trying to profit from a time of disorientation in the Catholic Church to spread "gossip" and "slander"..."Whoever has money, sex and power at the forefront of their mind sees the world through these parameters and cannot see beyond, even when looking at the Church," he said.

"Their view cannot look to the heights or go in-depth to understand the spiritual dimensions and motivations of existence," he added.

Well! That clears everything up. How dare those dirty atheists pretend the church has ever been motivated by money, sex, or power? That has obviously never been the case, ever. Can we just take a moment and try out a mental exercise here? Imagine that Lindsay Lohan is in the middle of a scandal. Now imagine that Lindsay Lohan sends a text message to TMZ reporters that accuses the media of not "look[ing] to the heights or go[ing] in-depth to understand the spiritual dimensions and motivations of existence." Sounds like bunch of made-up self-important horseshit, doesn't it? Now pretend it's Tom Cruise, issuing a statement through the Church of Scientology. Sounds like someone desperate to change the conversation, doesn't it?

The thing is, if the story is true, there are male prostitutes out there who have tried to blackmail the church with photos. If the church is correct and these rumors are just rumors, this whole thing will blow over. But if any of this is real, it's not going to stay covered up for long.

 

Comments (21) RSS

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seatackled 1
They did not have sexual relations with those men.
Posted by seatackled on February 23, 2013 at 11:41 AM · Report this
Purocuyu 2
I normally wouldn't thank anybody for posting pictures of old men in drag with prostitutes, but just this once, go on and just post them.
Posted by Purocuyu http://littlevictorygarden.tumblr.com on February 23, 2013 at 11:41 AM · Report this
3
For a moment, I thought that read "Pope-Topping Gay Sex Scandal." We'll have to wait for confirmation on tops and bottoms.

I can't wait for accounts and photos to emerge, so Savage can break down their technique and etiquette. Also, stay tuned for dead bodies.
Posted by Che Guava on February 23, 2013 at 11:49 AM · Report this
MacCrocodile 4
Well I'm convinced. The Vatican has historically been very honest and forthcoming, and is therefore a very trustworthy source.
Posted by MacCrocodile http://maccrocodile.com/ on February 23, 2013 at 11:50 AM · Report this
Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In 5
I can't believe you people are swallowing this horse shit. It makes no difference whether it's true or not. None at all.

The only issue is whether Ratzi is going to be frog-marched into The Hague to answer for crimes against humanity, for running the world's largest child molesting organization.

That's a little more important than a few orgies, gay or straight.
Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on February 23, 2013 at 11:52 AM · Report this
ArtBasketSara 6
C'mon people..name like even ONE sex scandal that the Church has been convicted in? Ya...that's what I thought.. Case closeted! ..er, I mean closed...
Posted by ArtBasketSara on February 23, 2013 at 11:52 AM · Report this
7
I realize the Vatican are a bunch of despicable assholes, but I don't see how you can be mad at them for denying this scandal. I mean, that's just what you do with scandals, you deny them, doesn't matter if they're true or not. How would it help the church if they were open and honest about fucking a bunch of gay prostitutes? Would you be less angry? I'm not saying the Catholic Church is in the right here, they're just playing by the time honored formula of the public scandal: First comes the accusations, then the denial, then the evidence surfaces, then a half-hearted apology.
Posted by Brandon J. on February 23, 2013 at 11:59 AM · Report this
8
I agree with Dan. If there were no substance to the rumors, the obvious answer would be "Oh, yeah? Bring it on, bitches."

Let's hope it topples more than the pope.
Posted by Lymis on February 23, 2013 at 12:05 PM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 9
I wanna see a photo of a Vatican priest getting the depths of his existence plunged. The church has always been a gang of thieves, liars and perverts. No better than the rest of us. They can claim god alright. Only their god is sick and twisted. Just like them.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on February 23, 2013 at 12:24 PM · Report this
very bad homo 10
It can't be wrong to laugh about this, when it feels so right.
Posted by very bad homo on February 23, 2013 at 12:24 PM · Report this
Phoebe in Wallingford 11
All the comments in Paul's post last night about this story apply to this post.
Posted by Phoebe in Wallingford on February 23, 2013 at 12:35 PM · Report this
Michael of the Green 12
I'm sure that all those who have potentially damning photographs or evidence of such things will be summarily "dealt with" by the Vatacan's Sin-Eaters, the agents of Opus Dei, or the Priory of Sion. You think the Scientologists are bad? Amateurs.
Posted by Michael of the Green on February 23, 2013 at 12:50 PM · Report this
Knat 13
Whether the story is true or not, if this means more people are going to be openly mocking organized religion (especially this organized religion), I'm all for it. I have no great expectations that Pope Palpatine will ever see criminal charges for his involvement in covering up child abuse, but if he goes to his grave convinced that this has done significant harm to his church, that will do.
Posted by Knat on February 23, 2013 at 12:57 PM · Report this
14
How do you say "lemon party" in Latin?
Posted by rainbird on February 23, 2013 at 2:12 PM · Report this
skidmark 15
If the three cardinals really did gather 300 pages of testimony from a network of gay priests, then did not those gay priests just come out by proxy?
Posted by skidmark on February 23, 2013 at 4:03 PM · Report this
oh_man 16
So... Basically Paul, you're writing about some random report of which there's no proof about (yet). But you're pissed off at it anyway, you wish it was true, and some rant about Tom Cruise (?).

Wow.
Posted by oh_man on February 23, 2013 at 6:05 PM · Report this
17
Actually, "pope toppling" is a recognized sport that began when a deranged woman in a red jacket jumped over the barricade in St. Peter's not one, but two, Christmas eves in a row and sent the pope teetering and finally crashing to the ground in front of the altar. The television stations in Italy had a field day running and rerunning the clips of the pope's slow descent, miter still fixed firmly to his head. Best two Christmases ever!
Posted by cheakamus on February 23, 2013 at 6:29 PM · Report this
Posted by cheakamus on February 23, 2013 at 6:36 PM · Report this
20
This is treading dangerously close to Glenn Beck's birther "I'm not saying this is true, but other people are saying it, and I'm just asking questions" approach to rumor-mongering. The fact that it sounds plausible doesn't make it true.

No photos, no story.
Posted by Proteus on February 23, 2013 at 10:10 PM · Report this
21
If the gay sex involves grown up, willing men, who cares? This would only be a scandal if it involves children/underage boys.

Who actually believes that priests are celibate?
Posted by Patricia Kayden on February 24, 2013 at 5:58 PM · Report this
Theodore Gorath 22
If the church being uncovered as nothing but a giant child-rape factory did not stop people from sending them money and worshipping the ground they walk on, a few gay orgies will not change anything either.
Posted by Theodore Gorath on February 25, 2013 at 6:52 AM · Report this

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