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Thursday, February 21, 2013

SL Letter of the Day: Salad Tossers

Posted by on Thu, Feb 21, 2013 at 5:31 PM

Originally published May 11, 2006:

I'm a 22-year-old woman with a 21-year-old boyfriend of 11 months. He loves eating my ass. He goes for my ass when I wake up, after I get out of the shower, when I get home from work. At first it felt good as hell, but now it's too freaky. We haven't had vaginal sex or cunnilingus for a month! I made up every excuse possible for him not to do it, but he became violent and went into a rage accusing me of infidelity. I love him, but the whole ass thing freaks me out. Should I stay or should I go?

Grossed Out In Baltimore

My response after the jump...

Smart women everywhere regard baseless accusations of infidelity—particularly ones that come packaged in violence and rage—as proof that it's time to DTMFA, GOIB.

Butt first: There's nothing wrong with a man who wants to eat a woman's ass—or toss her salad, as the straight kids say. And no, ladies, there's nothing gay about a boy sticking his tongue up a girl's butt. Like most every sex act, save solo or cyber, eating ass carries health risks—all the usual STIs along with intestinal parasites (it does, however, present a relatively low risk for HIV transmission). Tossers can minimize their risks by eating only freshly showered butt and by reserving rimming, as the gay kids call it, for regular partners that you know to be in good sexual health.

Back to your boyfriend, GOIB: His thing for your ass isn't the problem. Sure, his sexual selfishness is problematic, but that issue is eclipsed by your boyfriend's willingness to resort to violence in order to manipulate you sexually. That should freak you out more than the ass-eating thing. If he's flying into violent rages to get you to submit to his sexual demands, then he's an abuser and you need to dump the motherfucker already.


Comments (52) RSS

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No one calling this out as an obviously fake letter?
Posted by Hoyt Clagwell on February 24, 2013 at 12:10 AM · Report this
lolorhone 51
@29: Proper education is indeed a vital issue in contemporary America. The lack of it can lead to a life of crime, jobs without benefits, and the tendency to troll a gay man's sex advice column.
Posted by lolorhone on February 22, 2013 at 4:06 PM · Report this
@troll #29-36
Can't figure out why you give a shit.
Posted by anon reader on February 22, 2013 at 2:59 PM · Report this
Here's another one about one of the Sky-Man's humble servants and morality instructor for all you depraved homosexual dead-ends. We can always count on your leaders as moral exemplars (assuming we don't get one of those bullshit "Christians are only human just like you" copouts that mean "We can do whatever we like because we are saved.").…
Posted by maddogm13 on February 22, 2013 at 1:53 PM · Report this
Boy, I love it when the Xtian closet cases are out in force! Y'all go on beating off over your Kickass Jesus Comix from the good Reverend Driscoll.
Posted by maddogm13 on February 22, 2013 at 1:50 PM · Report this
@43 your idea is good, but the presence of your easily horrified debating partner makes me want to speak in only the filthiest scatological terms. The kind that would keep him awake all night in a throbbing mixture of disgust, self loathing and overwhelming sexual excitement.
Posted by saladtosser on February 22, 2013 at 1:14 PM · Report this
Someone please start writing "Everybody Pees."
Posted by kwodell on February 22, 2013 at 10:46 AM · Report this
My favorite kid's book is "Everybody Poops."
Posted by kwodell on February 22, 2013 at 10:44 AM · Report this
@37 -- good point but the letter was a downer, potential for physical abuse, asshole boyfriend, she didn't see the red flags. Much more fun to talk about rimming and now, one hopes, golden tea.
Posted by delta35 on February 22, 2013 at 10:37 AM · Report this
@41 drinking piss -- now there's something that's my cup of tea. Golden tea?

We need a nice nickname other than WS or goldenshowers that's specifically for pee drinking and equal for male, female, same-sex, other, all variations. Would you care for some golden tea with your tossed salad, M'am / Sir? (Very Downton Abbey, no?)

Plus urine is largely sterile, has no STIs even if a partner has STIs. If a partner has a bacterial UTI, you won't get it in your gut, you'd have to get the urine on / in your urethra even to have a chance of getting the UTI which is pretty unlikely.

OK, I predict the troll is going to explode in 3, 2, 1, ...

Posted by delta35 on February 22, 2013 at 10:34 AM · Report this
@30-@36, it's so fun poking a troll and seeing the false logic spew out in a half dozen idiot, also unregistered comments.

So, in that spirit, in answer to @30-@36 (out of order):
- @31 things that kill are an evolutionary dead end: evolution does NOT strongly select against traits that kill you long after you've reproduced
- @30 eating your own shit bad -- not tasty, gives you bad breath, but incredibly unlikely to give you any cooties you don't already have, duh; bacteria can move backwards in the GI tract through mucous, even though they have different concentrations in different regions of the GI tract and GI motion is one-way, eating your shit is not like smearing feces on an open skin wound on your hand where there might be a chance of a new localized self-infection
- @33 being exposed to 10,000 other's people shit from unclean drinking water vs. one licking one LTR partner's washed asshole when partner has no parasites or STIs -- are you serious in equating these two?
- @30 Dan encouraged females to have unprotected anal -- uh, no
- @32, @34, @36 cannibalism & rape if it feels good / if other primates do it -- do what feels good includes you have a right to NOT do / have done to you what feels bad; that takes care of the whole specious rape argument and cannibalism argument

Anyway, troll(s), I'll stop now -- if you want to reply, you can have the last unregistered post(s), otherwise this will be an infinite loop and I have to get back to work.
Posted by delta35 on February 22, 2013 at 10:25 AM · Report this
Come to think of it, drinking her piss gets me off too.
Posted by saladtosser on February 22, 2013 at 10:23 AM · Report this
undead ayn rand 40
@37: He really needs a hobby. And to move out of his mom's basement. But also a hobby.
Posted by undead ayn rand on February 22, 2013 at 9:44 AM · Report this
Eating ass carries NO risk of transmitting HIV. Even the theoretical risk is tiny. I dunno why Dan says it's "relatively low".
Posted by ghassan on February 22, 2013 at 8:09 AM · Report this
Sketch 38
He FLEW INTO A VIOLENT RAGE and it's the ASS THING that's freaking her out?

...her priorities are very different from my priorities.
Posted by Sketch on February 22, 2013 at 8:03 AM · Report this
smajor82 37
Whoa - thought I'd see a comment thread about the letter, but apparently we have awoken the monogomy troll. This is why it's better not to feed these fucking monsters - they will never stop. Their only purpose is to find someone to argue with to fill the sad void in their lives.

Posted by smajor82 on February 22, 2013 at 7:47 AM · Report this
"*because* humans do *not* naturally abstain before marriage and mate monogamously for life, and never have. Do you even think about how evolution actually works? "

Rape is also an evolutionary prerogative. Can we bring that back too?
Posted by Rapey rape on February 22, 2013 at 7:32 AM · Report this

We are impressed by your extensive knowledge of prehistoric human sexual practice.
Please tell us more, we can't bear to wait for the movie...

"condoms, antibiotics, antivirals, and vaccines"?
STD rate continue to rise in the face of these wonders.
The segments of the species that bets on that horse may be staking all on an evolutionary dead end.

How has AIDS affected Africa? And
AIDS really is relatively hard to spread.

The next STD "Plague" may spread much more easily.
And defy treatment more tenaciously.

By all means; Party On. And report back.
Posted by Live and Learn. Or Not... on February 22, 2013 at 7:21 AM · Report this


The "If It Feels Good DO IT!" crowd always omit gang rape, incest, cannibalism and manslaughter (chimpslaughter?) from their list of Animal Approved Behaviors....

But at least delta owns shit eating....
Posted by Evolution is not a Buffet, dear on February 22, 2013 at 7:00 AM · Report this
We spend billions in foreign aid teaching third worlders not to shit in the water they drink, yet here at slog we have turd worlders who think going straight to the source of lot of our basic health problems, and sticking their mouths in it, is just fine.

Just do me a favor, when you get some horrible disease, don't blame Reagan this time.
Posted by Evolution can be a bitch for the stupid on February 22, 2013 at 6:53 AM · Report this
"Anyone who studies primate sexual behavior knows that evolution predisposed primates to a remarkably wide variety of sticking everything anywhere that feels remotely good and using sex for everything from dominance to play to friendship to reproduction"

They also rape.
Posted by You know, monkey rape on February 22, 2013 at 6:47 AM · Report this

Oh darling, epic fail for pretending your have any idea what the Troll's religious views are.

We're guessing you are not a chimp. Are you advocating eating shit and drinking piss for homo sapiens?

We don't presume to know about sky-man but we know that some sexual behaviors inevitably give those who engage in them diseases that are fatal if not treated.

We have a notion that things that will kill you are evolutionary dead ends.

Modern medicine can mitigate the effects of those behaviors (and corrupt the gene pool by allowing folks who have no business doing so stick around long enough to breed...) but it does not turn unsafe unhealthy behaviors into "safe" ones.

Evolution has given you advantages over the other primates.
Don't throw them away.....
Posted by How Low Can You Go? on February 22, 2013 at 6:25 AM · Report this

Another proudly ignorant graduate of the Danny Savage School of Special Ed Sex Education....
Lets assume you and you LTR develop the same intestinal bacterial flora.
Perhaps that is a benefit if your asses french kiss each other.
Butt, dear, you don't want the contents of either of your intestines in your mouth. (perhaps that is why your tongue won't reach your ass. we wouldn't have thought it would be an issue until we read your take on it...)
And your "if" about STDs is a very very big one, one so big anyone reading this blog would be prudent to discount totally.

If Danny points out the facts about the superior safety of a abstinence/monogamy lifestyle that would be wonderful news.
Can you share where he has?
We haven't seen that.
We have seen him encourage teen girls to have unprotected anal sex, however.
And we know he is relentless in his efforts to undermine cultural support for abstinence/monogamy.
But perhaps we have missed something along the way.
Posted by Why don't kids deserve the Truth about Safe Sexual Behavior? on February 22, 2013 at 6:17 AM · Report this
13 congratulations
Posted by your momma must be so grateful she didn't abort you on February 22, 2013 at 6:06 AM · Report this
tainte 28
Posted by tainte on February 22, 2013 at 5:49 AM · Report this
... This isn't a sex-specific trait. I'm a woman and I think and behave this way, but I know women who don't and men who do.
Posted by Alison Cummins on February 22, 2013 at 4:53 AM · Report this
@25 Women think it's our fault. If our communication skills were better we wouldn't think other people were unreasonable: we'd meet them where they are. If our communication skills were better we wouldn't have fights.

For those of us who are temperamentally monogamous, we pick someone or someone picks us and then we do what we can to make it work. A little like having a kid. If your kid turns out to be a brat, you brush up on your parenting skills. You don't dump the kid.

In some circles, women are actively taught that being dumped is the worst thing that could happen to them and that they should do everything to please their man, including cheerful acceptance of abuse, to avoid being dumped.
Posted by Alison Cummins on February 22, 2013 at 4:49 AM · Report this
Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In 25
Dan points out something that's really interesting: the conceptual disconnect between annoyances and MAJOR FUCKING RED FLAGS. Is this a common thing among sexually active women, where they'll pay attention to something that's odd, and not freak out when their love interest/bf/crush/whatever becomes a violent, insanely jealous asshole. Is that so.... expected? Perhaps Alithea can give me some pointers on rape culture, to where women assume a man will turn violent and/or manipulative if he doesn't get his way.
Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on February 21, 2013 at 10:57 PM · Report this
@10 Everyone is always at some risk of STI's via non-consensual sex.
Posted by Bamboo is already a username. on February 21, 2013 at 10:55 PM · Report this
@19 right on, STIs are just infections that are often spread by sex, but not exclusively. In fact, herpes 2 (genital variety) is not unheard of on the fingers, including in MDs -- occupational hazard. And from their fingers obviously to their genitals when washing before they realized it -- and hence their partner's genitals.
Posted by delta35 on February 21, 2013 at 9:06 PM · Report this
@18, thanks for the info. on Chris Rock -- that rings a bell now! I think I've seen this on Youtube once, never realized it was the first popular usage.

And I should add, the risk of giving your partner a UTI from performing analingus is probably low, even lower if she washes her ass before being rimmed, and UTIs are usually easily cured with an antibiotic. With the exception of those rare people who are highly susceptible to UTIs and for whom antibiotics mess them up, for most people in LTRs, toss away ass-to-vag or ass-to-cock to your heart's content.

And for others, hey, life's short. I guarantee something will kill you before you're 122 years and 164 days -- world's longest lived person, probably you'll go much sooner. Might as well have some fun on the way, right? And Jeanne Calment (d.122yr 164 days) drank port, ate a kilo of chocolate a week, and smoked until she was 117.
Posted by delta35 on February 21, 2013 at 9:02 PM · Report this
I just can't help myself tonight. And another thing, @10, the whole reason STIs evolved and spread is *because* humans do *not* naturally abstain before marriage and mate monogamously for life, and never have. Do you even think about how evolution actually works? Oh right, your type doesn't think. I am so sick of religious Taliban types mis-using Darwin.

Now, the *cultural* invention of monogamy could indeed reduce STI rates -- but so could the cultural inventions of condoms, antibiotics, antivirals, and vaccines. Party on!
Posted by delta35 on February 21, 2013 at 8:48 PM · Report this
Sorry, meant to be @16 with my last comment
Posted by saladtosser on February 21, 2013 at 8:44 PM · Report this
Actually, @10 is wrong that practicing abstinence until marriage and monogamy within it prevents sexually transmitted infections - although it does lower the risk. First, if you don't both get tested first, either of you could have gotten one in childhood, but let's assume testing before marriage. Either you or your partner can get one through non-sexual means and can share one with each other. Obviously urinary tract infections are going to be a concern (often asymptomatic in males, but a male can keep giving it back to the female partner causing her serious health problems). But there are other risks.

For example, if you aren't vaccinated against hepatitis b (or even if you are, but the risk is much lower if you are) you can catch hep b through any opening in the skin. Hep b can survive in week-old room temperature dried blood. And then you can spread it to your partner or to an unborn child.

Personally, I don't consider herpes to be an STI/STD though, since it's just from skin to skin contact. When babies get it from diaper changes, I have trouble thinking of it as an STI/STD. But obviously there are ways to catch and spread herpes even within a monogamous relationship.

But there is a reason that people are warned to always wear their latex gloves when dealing with an injured person - even a young child. You might assume that a young child doesn't have any blood-borne diseases, but it's not a guarantee. And if either partner catches something through blood contact then they can spread it to their partner.

We call them sexually transmitted infections because it is one of the easiest and most common ways that they spread, but it is not the only way. And you run an even higher risk if your partner is in a higher risk profession, such as being a doctor.
Posted by uncreative on February 21, 2013 at 8:44 PM · Report this
@8 Not to concerned about the risk. Going to ass last kind of messes up our flow, but hey thanks. Life without risk would suck anyway.
Anyway, Chris Rock's "Tossed Salad Man" bit about a guy from an HBO special who talked about rimming as a particularly degrading form of prison rape were the first two times I ever heard it. This was the early 90s
Posted by saladtosser on February 21, 2013 at 8:43 PM · Report this
Oh, and @10 troll, fail at pretending your religious views are proven by Darwin. Anyone who studies primate sexual behavior knows that evolution predisposed primates to a remarkably wide variety of sticking everything anywhere that feels remotely good and using sex for everything from dominance to play to friendship to reproduction (same, other, group -- especially bonobos). Just to go the zoo, you'll see chimps drinking piss, eating shit, jacking off, all kinds of stuff. I'd recommend San Diego. The chimps have learned they can scare the crap out of little kids by waiting patiently when a little kid has his/her nose pressed to the glass, then suddenly leaping for the glass and ramming their bodies up against it. You might start to doubt your beliefs that humans were created all special-like by sky-man.
Posted by delta35 on February 21, 2013 at 8:40 PM · Report this
@8 "So the majority of the time I eat her ass, I just spend a bit of time there and then move on to other stuff." Actually, that *is* risky, as you can transfer a bacterium from rectum to vagina/urethra (or male urethra), causing a UTI (urinary tract infection).

Better to go to the ass *last*, or ass to mouth to ass but avoid genitals -- as you can't give a partner a GI he/she/ee already has (again, assuming you are both similar status for other infections, as you *can* infect a partner's throat with an STI they had in their butt but not previously in their mouth).

Anyone know *when* tossing the salad came into widespread popular usage? Oxford English Dictionary doesn't have it, and urban dictionary only gives the dates it was first posted on urbandictionary -- not the dates of first usage. I don't remember hearing it much before the early 2000s...
Posted by delta35 on February 21, 2013 at 8:35 PM · Report this
@10 ignorant jackass who thinks they know about STIs but don't -- WRONG. "Please expect to catch (and give) something and please do not whine when you do." Not necessarily true, Dan's answer was the safer sex standard but actually it can be low risk. If you live together in an LTR and eat the same stuff, usually you have similar GI and pathogen exposure. So the risk of getting some GI thing that you don't already have is fairly low, and if you're both STI-negative, analingus is thus safe. (Not my cup of tea to give it, incidentally, nor even particularly to receive. Just saying.)

@10 was right on one point, "People who practice abstinence until married and monogamy thereafter and PiV sex do not run a risk of STDs." True, although there is a low probability of transferring herpes 1 from mouth to genitals even if you're not giving blow jobs (via the fingers -- and are you really saying a partner shouldn't even touch your cock to help guide it in after she brushed her lips?).

All sex educators point this out, including Mr. Savage.
Posted by delta35 on February 21, 2013 at 8:30 PM · Report this
TVDinner 14
Mmmmmmm...intestinal paaaaaaarasites....
Posted by TVDinner http:// on February 21, 2013 at 8:15 PM · Report this
lolorhone 13
@10: At least us ignorant folk can spell 'goddamn' correctly.
Posted by lolorhone on February 21, 2013 at 8:12 PM · Report this
eastcoastreader 12
sometimes I think that DTMFA could be amended to be DTMFRN "dump the mother fucker RIGHT NOW"
Posted by eastcoastreader on February 21, 2013 at 8:02 PM · Report this
lolorhone 11
The boy has sexual monomania, jealousy issues, AND violent tendencies and she needs to be told to DTMFA? This is the very definition of a DTMFA situation.
Posted by lolorhone on February 21, 2013 at 8:01 PM · Report this
1. Sticking ones tongue up a rectum is an unhealthy practice.
Please expect to catch (and give) something and please do not whine when you do.

2. People who practice abstinence until married and monogamy thereafter and PiV sex do not run a risk of STDs. It is Darwin's way of telling you those are normal healthy behaviors for homo sapiens.
Danny should know this.
Posted by godam you people are ignorant on February 21, 2013 at 7:58 PM · Report this

Have you ever tried using toilet paper to wipe your ass?
Posted by next we'll tackle spoons and forks..... on February 21, 2013 at 7:49 PM · Report this
I love licking my wife's butthole. She enjoys it, but not as much as I do. So the majority of the time I eat her ass, I just spend a bit of time there and then move on to other stuff. Every now and then, she will spend a bunch of time grinding her ass on my face while I jerk off. It's called give and take. Or not being a douchebag. It works wonders in a relationship.
Posted by saladtosser on February 21, 2013 at 7:43 PM · Report this
rob! 7
@5, not meaning to diminish your perfectly logical point, but more in a going-along-to-get-along vein: I was just brushing up on my Chinese etiquette prior to lunar new year and was reminded that you give and accept gifts, and even business cards, with both hands. Butt, in the Muslim world, you don't want to eat with the left hand, which is reserved for wiping your ass.
Posted by rob! on February 21, 2013 at 7:30 PM · Report this
@5 No kidding. Would you stick your fingers up your ass after a dump and them lick 'em? Even my dog would think that's foul.
Posted by Does he kiss you on the lips with that mouth? on February 21, 2013 at 7:24 PM · Report this
I Hate Screen Names 5
@4: No kidding. Like just about everyone on the planet, I eat using the same hands I wipe my ass with. I don't see the logic that finds mouths (or cocks, or pussies, or asses) "contaminated" but finds our hands virgin-pure.
Posted by I Hate Screen Names on February 21, 2013 at 7:01 PM · Report this
@1, name tag

I kiss my mother with the same mouth I suck my boyfriends cock with. You don't have a tooth brush?
Posted by pussnboots on February 21, 2013 at 6:22 PM · Report this
Reverse Polarity 3
Absolutely right, Dan. As soon as I read the words "violent and went into a rage", I was yelling at my monitor: DTMFA!!! Why are you worried about the whole ass-eating thing when you are living with a violent abuser?!? Seriously. Leave now before he hurts you.
Posted by Reverse Polarity on February 21, 2013 at 6:02 PM · Report this
Posted by weeheew on February 21, 2013 at 5:59 PM · Report this
You people need new hobbies...
Posted by Does he kiss you on the lips with that mouth? on February 21, 2013 at 5:57 PM · Report this

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