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Friday, February 15, 2013

Poetic Justice

Posted by on Fri, Feb 15, 2013 at 4:10 PM

A very bigoted—and very recently registered—Slog commenter fancies himself a poet. FaggotHater contributed these eight hateful lines to the comments thread on my last post about the very bigoted Diana "Gays Serve No Purpose In Life" Medley:

Disgusting fags we hope you die;
Eliminating perverts would make no one cry;
You gross and queer;
Because you take it in the rear;
You are extremely sick;
Because you get off from poop on your di—;
The only role for nasty as [sic] faggots;
Is in the ground feeding maggots.

Normally I wouldn't give buttsecks-obsessed ass-sniffer like FaggotHater here a signal boost. But regular Slog commenter Reverend Tap's response—also in the form a poem—is so fucking brilliant and I had to highlight it:

Your poem, posted in this thread,
Must have rung nicely in your head.
You'd say your piece in rhyme and verse
To fill our poor queer hearts with dread.

Alas, it did not happen so;
Your triumph now a tale of woe,
You made it clear you're gay-averse
But only entertained your foe.

No rhythm; basic, feeble rhyme;
One wonders that you took the time
To censor "dick" while leaving "fag"
In this rhapsody so sublime.

A scant eight lines you wrote, and yet,
A typo plagues your grim octet.
Attacking folks for who they shag
Requires more skill to make them sweat.

I must suggest you stick to prose;
Your greenness at poetry shows.

"Where racist, sexist and homophobic speech is concerned," says the ACLU, "more speech—not less—is the best revenge."

Thanks for fighting hate poetry with more and better poetry, Reverend Tap, and for avenging us all. I might've gone with, "Because your poetry? It blows," for a last line, but I like my poetry like I like my men: just a little vulgar. But your response to FaggotHater was a thing of beauty, Reverend Tap. Thanks for putting that asshole bigot in his place.

 

Comments (43) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
Knat 1
Point: Rev. Tap.
Posted by Knat on February 15, 2013 at 4:23 PM · Report this
2
So great!
Posted by gloomy gus on February 15, 2013 at 4:25 PM · Report this
Sargon Bighorn 3
I really wish I had not slept through poetry appreciation in high school. I'm convinced now I'm missing something.
Posted by Sargon Bighorn on February 15, 2013 at 4:26 PM · Report this
4
Mr Savage - Your last line may be vulgar, but it has superiour rhythm.
Posted by vennominon on February 15, 2013 at 4:39 PM · Report this
5
This. Is. BEAUTIFUL.
Posted by magicdoyle on February 15, 2013 at 4:45 PM · Report this
Fnarf 6
The GO BACK TO FRANCE PUSSY YOU FAGETS guy has a new friend!
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on February 15, 2013 at 4:47 PM · Report this
nocutename 7
"A typo plagues your grim octet" Right on, Reverend Tap!

And this dreadful piece of doggerel makes it clear that homophobic bigots focus obsessively on poop.
Posted by nocutename on February 15, 2013 at 4:47 PM · Report this
8
Well played Rev Tap. Well played.
Posted by SeattleKim on February 15, 2013 at 4:58 PM · Report this
Hover Dog 9
For WHOM they shag.

Sorry. I'll see myself out.
Posted by Hover Dog on February 15, 2013 at 4:59 PM · Report this
10
FH, you're upset by poop and butts. This is common and understandable (for people under 6). You may be able to deal with this through therapy or simply getting a life. If you're unwilling to work on it, just take it for what it is. You can avoid poop by not having pets or kids and consuming only clear liquids. No need to extraneously attach your feelings about poop to other people. But if you really do feel the need to hate on others for playing with poop, why not stick to a more applicable group, such as poop fetishists or babies?
Posted by beccoid on February 15, 2013 at 5:02 PM · Report this
Fnarf 11
@10, maybe he's just a confused Carnival Cruise customer.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on February 15, 2013 at 5:04 PM · Report this
12
@9 -it's okay. I gave him the same note and I'm his wife.
Posted by laurelgardner http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5877570 on February 15, 2013 at 5:04 PM · Report this
13
I wish these people would learn that poems should SCAN as well as rhyme.
Posted by Pope Buck I on February 15, 2013 at 5:05 PM · Report this
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn 14
Bravo!
Posted by Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn http://youtu.be/zu-akdyxpUc on February 15, 2013 at 5:09 PM · Report this
15
Holy crap...Reverend Tap wrote an honest-to-god Shakespearean sonnet in response (I mean, literally, that's the form...one of the few things i actually remember from high school English). So awesome!
Posted by alexandria on February 15, 2013 at 5:11 PM · Report this
leek 16
It's true that Dan's last line scans better, but such a minor quibble when the rest of the poem is so glorious. Huzzah, Rev. Tap!
Posted by leek on February 15, 2013 at 5:22 PM · Report this
Lissa 17
So beautiful! That cheered me up so much!
Posted by Lissa on February 15, 2013 at 5:25 PM · Report this
seatackled 18
@15

No, I don't think it's a Shakespearean sonnet. I think that those have three quatrains with alternating rhymes plus a rhyming couplet, for a total of 14 lines, each of five iambs.
So the rhyme scheme is something like ABAB CDCD EFEF GG.

Rev Tap's is actually a little more complex, imo. It's four quatrains and a couplet, with three rhymes in each quatrain and then the third lines of each pair of quatrains rhyming. And it's four feet instead of five per line. I wasn't much good with scansion, so I couldn't tell you if it's iambic.
Posted by seatackled on February 15, 2013 at 6:15 PM · Report this
19
It's iambic tetrameter (four feet per line) or "blank verse," as opposed to a sonnet which is always iambic pentameter (five feet per line). And a sonnet is always fourteen lines (three quatrains and a couplet), while this poem adds an extra quatrain.
Posted by Pope Buck I on February 15, 2013 at 6:35 PM · Report this
20
How repulsive! If you're going to write a poem that does nothing but slam someone, at least get the number of syllables right. Poems have rhyme and rhythm, fool.

If seeing one man give another a peck on the lips in a public place leaves FH's head reeling with visions of poop on dicks and other perversions, then the problem is with him and not with them. Seeing a man and a woman kiss in public doesn't conjure visions of disgustingness, does it? (I'm talking about pecks on the lips. If you're gallumphing around like a mad scientist fused your digestive tracts together at the lips like something out of Human Centipede then you gotta take it somewhere private no matter who you are.)
Posted by DRF on February 15, 2013 at 6:41 PM · Report this
21
@18: You're right it is not in classic sonnet form. Rev. Taps' being in iambic tetrameter, plus the fact that the the third line in each stanza is linked in rhyme to another stanza, reminds me of Frost's "Stopping by Wooods on Snowy Evening", although the rhyme scheme is a slightly different
Posted by Eric from Boulder on February 15, 2013 at 6:57 PM · Report this
22
I would have gone with

Roses are red, violets are blue,
Most homophobes,
Suck cock too.
Posted by mnamna on February 15, 2013 at 7:05 PM · Report this
Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In 23
15, 18, ummm..... no. This is a sonnet as much as Justin Beiber is a song-writer or Pauly Shore is an actor.

There are a variety of rhyming schemes that can be used in a sonnet, but the important part is that it is fourteen lines comprising of three quatrains and couplet. Vital is the meter. Ten syllables, emphasis of the even-numbered ones. eg. shall I comPARE thee TO a SUMmer's DAY?

The above poem is 18 lines, one quatrain too many for a sonnet. Worse, it has eight syllables per line, and while it works well for rapping, it certainly doesn't work for sonnets. The cadence is repetitive w/ no natural flow. Hey, give him props for putting the closeted self-hating violent thug in his place. It rhymes. But a sonnet it's not.
Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on February 15, 2013 at 7:06 PM · Report this
seatackled 24
FH's profile has a second poem that's actually worse, poetically speaking, than the one Dan reproduced. It includes the same poop-on-di-- line.
Posted by seatackled on February 15, 2013 at 7:29 PM · Report this
25
Shall I compare thee to a stupid git?
Thou art more vulgar and intemperate.
Rough words do but reveal thee for a twit,
Whose wits do wander, sadly desolate.
Pro-tip: A grasp of grammar helps the most,
though logic clear eludes thy tortured mind,
Argumentum ad hominem you boast
and veiled threats, but nothing more refined.
"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate,
and hate to suffering," quoth one wise soul,
Though one suspects that latencies to sate
Explain why you obsess o'er certain hole.

Satire is best when it is self-inflicted,
Though, coming from your ilk, quite well predicted.

There. Happy now? :)
Posted by avast2006 on February 15, 2013 at 7:38 PM · Report this
seatackled 26
@25

"tortur'd"
Posted by seatackled on February 15, 2013 at 7:50 PM · Report this
the idiot formerly known as kk 27
@19: Sorry, poetry (particularly rhyming poetry such as this) written in iambic tetrameter is not blank verse. Rather, blank verse is poetry written in iambic pentameter that does not rhyme. Most of Shakespeare's plays are written in blank verse.
Posted by the idiot formerly known as kk on February 15, 2013 at 7:57 PM · Report this
28
If you want to see social commentary in verse done up right and proper, google "Digital Cuttlefish."
Posted by avast2006 on February 15, 2013 at 8:05 PM · Report this
29
I just want to say, the second poem is much better. Part if it is that AABB is the worst type of poem, limericks weep about it.
Posted by Sinclair on February 15, 2013 at 8:45 PM · Report this
30
@25 *hat tip*
Posted by Machiavelli was framed on February 15, 2013 at 9:47 PM · Report this
31
let's see what we can make of this mess (without doing too much violence to the author's intent);

Ode to the Twenty Two Percent

Disgusting fags, alas, you will die;
Predictable fate of perverts. T'would be vain to cry.
You are gross. And queer;
(yuck!) You take it in the rear!
You are (or soon shall be) extremely sick;
Because you get faeces on your dick;
The inevitable role for nasty ass faggots;
Is in the ground. Food for maggots.

[signed] E.coli
Posted by Circle of Life on February 15, 2013 at 10:07 PM · Report this
Sandiai 32
Damn, avast2006. Really good.
Posted by Sandiai on February 15, 2013 at 10:45 PM · Report this
33
Really, nothing wins hearts and minds like a name such as FaggotHater. Good job shooting yourself in the foot. People like you made passing R-74 so much easier. (Or maybe you homophobes quit trying a long time ago?)

Well done, Rev Tap. I am impressed.
Posted by floater on February 15, 2013 at 10:46 PM · Report this
34
http://www.poets.org/page.php/prmID/197 Check out the list of poetic forms -- click on the name of an example.

Rev Tap and Avast -- you have made the day of many English teachers. Keep up the good work!

And what did poor Mr. Hater get for his work? A lovely discussion of poetry.
Thanks Dan
Posted by 8808 on February 15, 2013 at 11:27 PM · Report this
Reverend Tap 35
Holy crap--thanks for the shout out, Dan!

Wow, and everybody else is analyzing my goofy little poem all serious-like. Kind of surreal. For the record, I wasn't following any named rhyme scheme I'm aware of, I agree that Dan's final line scans better than mine, and I just have to laugh that a typo snuck into my post right after I called FH out on his.
Posted by Reverend Tap http://www.libr8.org on February 16, 2013 at 12:22 AM · Report this
Unregistered User 36
I am too lazy
too create my own poem
so I post a link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlVBg7_08…
Posted by Unregistered User on February 16, 2013 at 1:01 AM · Report this
37
@32: Thank you, though I think Rev Tap's was more inspired. It's easy to jump in as a copycat and plagiarist/parodist of an existing poem. Much harder to be first on the scene and fully original. (That said, please don't let me discourage any additional well-deserved spankings for FaggotHater. I'm sure it would be highly entertaining. Takers?)

Well done, Reverend! For some reason (something about the rhyme scheme) I am hearing your poem set to Dwarvish song, a la Bilbo's drawing room...?
Posted by avast2006 on February 16, 2013 at 1:11 AM · Report this
38
It wasn't a typo... I'm guessing the author of the poem is Australian, where it's common to use the word "as" to modify an adjective....

"This vacation is fun as!"

"This pizza is good as!"

"Ew! That wart on your face is nasty as!!"
Posted by aussie_n_seattle on February 16, 2013 at 7:10 AM · Report this
nocutename 39
This comment thread is why I read this column.
Thanks, Avast!
Posted by nocutename on February 16, 2013 at 8:20 AM · Report this
Ophian 40


@36 for the Haiku win, however:

Such compressed poems
with seventeen syllables
can't have much meaning
-D. Hofstadter
Posted by Ophian on February 16, 2013 at 8:33 AM · Report this
BLUE 41
Rhyme gives poetry a bad name
Posted by BLUE on February 16, 2013 at 9:19 AM · Report this
Lissa 42
This thread makes me so happy. And it's probably making FH want to eat their liver.
Posted by Lissa on February 17, 2013 at 7:20 PM · Report this
43
@22: nicely done; my thoughts exactly!
Posted by transient on February 19, 2013 at 6:48 PM · Report this

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