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Thursday, February 14, 2013

Film I Loved A Good Day to Die Hard; No One Else Loved A Good Day to Die Hard

Posted by Megan Seling on Thu, Feb 14, 2013 at 12:48 PM

Generally when I review a film, I have enough of an advance to write a completely unbiased review—none of my friends have seen it, no one on Facebook has posted about how they loved or hated it, other writer’s haven’t published their own reviews, so I can get out all my thoughts before becoming self-conscious about whether or not I'm right or wrong. But since the press screening for the latest installment of the Die Hard franchise, A Good Day to Die Hard, was Tuesday night, and then the film showed yesterday as the finale to an all-day Die Hard marathon, I've already seen a bunch of Twitter and Facebook comments about how terrible the film is. Everyone hates it! Like, REALLY, REALLY HATES IT. Which is making me second-guess how good I thought it was.

Instead of questioning myself, though, instead of thinking I’m the problem, I have one question for the haters: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT?

A Good Day to Die Hard is great! There are massive explosions and crazy white terrorists! Glass shatters, bullets fly. There’s a car chase that just might be the longest car chase in cinematic history since The Blue Brothers. John McClane makes corny jokes (as always), and someone in his family is pissed at him (as always), and the bad guys get what they deserve (as always). It’s everything a Die Hard movie should be!

Yes, one could argue (and has argued) that this one is, perhaps, the most ridiculous of them all, perhaps shattering the line between loveable action flick and bloated, unnecessary Hollywood crap. And it is kind of ridiculous that the plot climaxes at goddamn Chernobyl of all places, but what did you expect? It totally makes sense in the grand scheme of the franchise. Just take a look at the evolution:

Where did the first, most beloved film, Die Hard take place? A single building, Nakatomi Plaza. Die Hard 2? A bigger, more important building, Dulles International Airport. Die Hard: With a Vengeance? All of New York motherfucking City. Live Free to Die Hard? The whole goddamn country was under siege! So of course A Good Day to Die Hard goes where it hasn’t gone before, to the location of a historic disaster, where, it turns out, several countries, maybe even the world, are threatened should the bad guys get their way. Of course that’s what it does!

Unlike so many other aging action movie franchises, A Good Day to Die Hard wasn't filled with jokes about how old John McClane is (I'm looking at you, Skyfall—that shit got old), and they just let the old guy kick some ass. McClane did sarcastically say "I'm on vacation" before having to beat someone's face in about five times too many, but what dad doesn't repeat the same tired joke? And one particular death scene wonderfully paid homage to the first Die Hard, before exploding into an even more radical and bloody end. I can say no more! But the whole theater clapped and cheered and it was awesome.

If you didn't already ditch the franchise after Live Free or Die Hard—which, yes, had Timothy Olyphant (swoon!), but also had goddamn Justin Long (blech!) and tried way too hard to be "modern"—then A Good Day to Die Hard won't be the nail in the coffin either. And unlike the rest of you traitors, I won't turn my back on John McClane until Die Hard blasts off into to space or involves aliens (cough cough—Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull—cough cough). That's when shit'll have gotten unforgivably absurd. Until then? Yippee ki yay, motherfuckers.

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A THOUSAND TIMES YES

Posted by gloomy gus on February 14, 2013 at 12:53 PM

It doesn't help that the title sounds like someone jokingly conflating two action series: "Star Fast and Furious Trek 4". Or maybe it does help, I dunno.

Posted by Eric from Boulder on February 14, 2013 at 12:57 PM

I'll see it, but I've been skeptical about the sudden introduction of a son into the plot line since The Fucking Brady Fucking Bunch gave us fucking Oliver.

Posted by heywhatsit!? on February 14, 2013 at 1:02 PM

Where did the first, most beloved film, Die Hard take place? A single building, Nakatomi Plaza. Die Hard 2? A bigger, more important building, Dulles International Airport. Die Hard: With a Vengeance? All of New York motherfucking City. Live Free to Die Hard? The whole goddamn country was under siege! So of course A Good Day to Die Hard goes where it hasn’t gone before, to the location of a historic disaster, where, it turns out, several countries, maybe even the world, are threatened should the bad guys get their way. Of course that’s what it does!

Calling it: Die Hard 6 ends with him saying Yippy Ki Ay, motherfucker as he blows up an alien mothership invasion.

Posted by Joe Szilagyi

on February 14, 2013 at 1:10 PM

We are at the point where it is unimaginable to conceive of a corporate movie where a gun is not drawn or held in hand in every scene.

Posted by Sean Kinney

on February 14, 2013 at 1:15 PM

I liked Live Free or Die Hard okay, but then in the climactic scene they actually bleeped the tagline of the series to get a PG-13 rating.

Posted by fletc3her on February 14, 2013 at 1:16 PM

The only Bruce Willis movie I ever want to see is one in which he is run over by a car and killed FOR REAL in the first few seconds.

Posted by Fnarf

on February 14, 2013 at 1:28 PM

@4- Exactly, the only way to get bigger after saving the world is to save the galaxy. I predict a Star Trek/Die Hard crossover- "Live Long and Die Hard".

Next level after beating aliens, Time Travel: John McClane travels back to the 1920s to take the place of an assassinated US president in "Die Harding."

Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings

on February 14, 2013 at 1:50 PM

nice review.

one thing tho: it seems to me that "becoming self-conscious about whether or not I'm right or wrong" should be either "about whether or not I'm right" OR "about whether I'm right or wrong."

Posted by hihj;oi on February 14, 2013 at 2:33 PM

Yippee ki yay, Mister Falcon

Posted by Urgutha Forka on February 14, 2013 at 2:41 PM

@8: You are a genius. Hollywood will deliver your two billion dollars in large stacks of hundred-dollar bills by tomorrow morning at the latest.

Posted by Paul Constant

on February 14, 2013 at 3:18 PM

Great. Now these guys are gonna have to come up with another verse.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTyw6cq86…

Posted by Jason Josephes

on February 14, 2013 at 3:19 PM

I am with @7, but I just don't see how it'd be possible to wipe that perpetual (no matter the circumstances) smirk off his face as he is about to get run over.

Posted by anon1256 on February 14, 2013 at 3:24 PM

@7 you know you love Hudson Hawk.

Posted by wisepunk on February 14, 2013 at 3:31 PM

I can't possibly imagine I'll see it, but read Slate's review this morning and it contained this wonderful line...

"This time, McClane ventures out in search of trouble, all for the love of his semi-estranged son (“The things we do for our kids,” he mutters as he attempts to drive a truck off a helicopter.)"

Slate also provided a link to this entertaining trailer for a Die Hard spoof set in a supermarket starring Ben Stiller. Seriously!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pla…

Posted by mikethehammer on February 14, 2013 at 3:56 PM

I'm sometimes embarrassed to admit that I like the Die Hard series. Yes, I know that Bruce Willis is a terrible actor, and I can never take him seriously. But his perpetual smirk is perfect for the silly role of John McClane, and he seems to work it just fine as he ages.

I haven't seen this one yet, and even the trailers look pretty stupid. But what were you expecting? All of these movies are pretty stupid. But they're fun stupid, and this one looks fun stupid too. I'll probably see it, regardless of shitty ratings. And then I'll probably be embarrassed that I saw it.

Posted by Reverse Polarity on February 14, 2013 at 4:17 PM

@11- Upon further reflection "Die Hard and Prosper" may be a better Star Trek/Die Hard crossover title.

Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings

on February 14, 2013 at 5:57 PM

@17
No, the "Live Long and Die Hard" is better. The recent trend is to take a known phrase and end it with "Die Hard" pretty much as a punchline.

Though "To Live and Die Hard in L.A." could be a good title.

Posted by seatackled on February 14, 2013 at 11:49 PM

In the next installment, DIE HARD OF DIXIE, John Maclaine, working now as head of security at the Large Hadron Collider, gets accidentally sent back in time, where he encounters recently-freed-slave Django Freeman...

Posted by Andy Niable on February 15, 2013 at 2:39 AM

I loved your review...because i liked the movie too.

I would like to ask to those who have already seen the movie to suggest a good alternative slogan/tagline for it (in the style of the existing ones: Ypiee Ki-Yay Mother Russia and Like Father! Like Son! Like Hell!)

Posted by caio on February 15, 2013 at 4:18 AM

Posted by caio on February 15, 2013 at 4:24 AM

Saw it yesterday, and it was a terrific example of the form. Whoever that fellow is who plays the son, he has a very bright future. Pretty in the face and a Tom Hardy-level torso.

Posted by gloomy gus on February 17, 2013 at 9:26 AM