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Wednesday, February 13, 2013

The Wednesday Morning News

Posted by on Wed, Feb 13, 2013 at 8:58 AM

The state of the SOTU is strong. Kicking off his second term, President Barack Obama used his State of the Union Address to put forth an ambitious (and progressive) legislative agenda, including comprehensive immigration reform, responsible gun control, raising the minimum wage, and implementing universal high-quality preschool. Bravo! (Full transcript.)

#DryMouth In delivering the Republican response, Senator Marco Rubio, the GOP's Great Off-White Hope, stepped onto the national stage and then quickly stepped off to get a drink of water, in what will go down in history as "The Sip Heard 'Round the World." Also, taxes bad!

Tax and spend! At a special election yesterday, Seattle voters overwhelmingly approved $1.2 billion worth of operations and capital school levies, with 74 percent and 72 percent of the vote respectively. Now if only we could find a way to support our schools at the state level.

Tax and pave! State House Democrats will unveil a $6 billion transportation plan today.

John McCain may filibuster Chuck Hagel. Because John McCain is a dick.

Nobody expected it to end well. A charred body has been found inside the burned cabin where police had a deadly standoff with a man believed to be accused cop-killer Christopher Dorner. Investigators also found Dorner's wallet, and are currently working to definitively identify the remains.

Soylent Green is people horse! The European horse meat scandal widened, after testing revealed that the ground "beef" in supermarket chain Tesco's low-cost lasagna was actually 60 percent horse meat. Plus a little pork. And maybe a touch of phenylbutazone. But don't you worry—a self-regulating free market will handle this.

One hundred percent dog meat. Banana Joe, a 5-year-old Affenpinscher, won the top prize at the Westminster dog show, assuring a steady supply of unwanted monkey-faced dogs at animal shelters throughout the nation for years to come.

No fun. Would-be thieves crashed a van through the front entrance of the Family Fun Center in Tukwila early this morning, but left empty handed after failing to steal an ATM that was bolted to the floor.

Even less fun. Michael Powell, the brother of Josh Powell, who killed himself and his two young sons last year, and was suspected in the disappearance of his wife Susan, committed suicide by jumping from a Minneapolis building. Michael had been a staunch defender of his brother's innocence.

And finally, everyone's favorite moment of the SOTU spectacular, Senator Marc Rubio's product placement ad for Poland Spring water:


Comments (17) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
Seattle am for rich folk!

Census says King County in top tier of places with more than 5% of households making $191,000 or higher!…

Give up your dream of getting fair shake here, plebeians..
Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe http://_ on February 13, 2013 at 9:10 AM · Report this
Goldy 2
@1 Which is it? Do we refuse to pay enough property taxes, as you're always alleging? Or are we rich elitists for raising our property taxes to pay for schools?
Posted by Goldy on February 13, 2013 at 9:14 AM · Report this

Good question. By what percent did this levy increase Seattle's property tax and what is the aggregate (effective) total rate after the levy.

And yes, with all those money bags, Seattle could fund a lot more of its own infrastructure instead of begging the feds...
Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe http://_ on February 13, 2013 at 9:17 AM · Report this
MacCrocodile 4
I could not watch all of Rubio's speech. My eyes were itchy, and my nose was running because of all those straw men in the room.
Posted by MacCrocodile on February 13, 2013 at 9:41 AM · Report this
mikethehammer 5
I don't understand all the "hilarity" surrounding the drink of water. And I know it's tongue-in-cheek and meaningless, but I just don't understand what's even remotely noteworthy about becoming parched & cotton-mouthed during a period of prolonged speaking and seeking to alleviate that. I suppose he probably could have drank a bit more prior to the speech in anticipation and/or even positioned his bottle a bit more strategically, but I just don't see his failure to do so qualifying as comedy.
Posted by mikethehammer on February 13, 2013 at 9:49 AM · Report this
Max Solomon 6
the state of the union is armed and delusional
Posted by Max Solomon on February 13, 2013 at 9:56 AM · Report this
Sir Vic 7
@5 It means he's not ready for prime-time. The joke is that he, and many in the GOP, think that he is.
Posted by Sir Vic on February 13, 2013 at 10:04 AM · Report this
Phoebe in Wallingford 8
@5: It's because he had to grope down below to get it. There should have been a glass of water within graceful reach, and the sip would have been innocuous.
Posted by Phoebe in Wallingford on February 13, 2013 at 10:14 AM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 9
"But don't you worry—a self-regulating free market will handle this."

Free market? The USDA has SEVERAL not-at-all underfunded inspectors! Some meat factories are inspected as often as once a decade!! Regulatory capture never occurs in the USA!!! GOD DAMN, it's like Stalin's wet dream here!!!!
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on February 13, 2013 at 10:27 AM · Report this
Posted by Rob in Baltimore on February 13, 2013 at 10:41 AM · Report this
Yeah I'm with 5. He needed a sip of water during a speech? Hi-larious!!! Let's stick to mocking his positions, they're plenty laughable.
Now Bobby Jindahl, on the other hand, THAT was painful to watch.
Posted by chi_type on February 13, 2013 at 10:42 AM · Report this
Rob in Baltimore 12
All Rubio's dry mouth moments from the speech.…
Posted by Rob in Baltimore on February 13, 2013 at 11:00 AM · Report this
Gordon Werner 13
actually ... I believe they have discovered that the "horse meat" is actually "donkey meat" ... not that it makes it worse or better ...
Posted by Gordon Werner on February 13, 2013 at 11:15 AM · Report this
Meanwhile, in the department of watch-what-they-do-not-what-they-say:

Billionaire Banker Bandit Likely to Become Next Commerce Secretary…

Posted by anon1256 on February 13, 2013 at 11:21 AM · Report this
You know the last time the USDA did a DNA analysis on a meat product? Never. (Fuck, they can't even bother to do routine bacteriological testing. "Inspected?" My ass.)

I'm starting to understand the genius of the Hong Kong-style barbecue shops. All the tastily-cooked creatures hanging in the window have their heads on, so you don't have to trust anyone regarding what's what.
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on February 13, 2013 at 11:32 AM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 16
@13 There's an awful dick joke in there somewhere.
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on February 13, 2013 at 11:55 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 17
He's human. I thought it looked casual and not staged if that's a bad thing. Watching Boehner this a.m. was odd. He is selling himself as a great guy, not at all gruff and obstreperous. A lover of children and dogs.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on February 13, 2013 at 12:34 PM · Report this

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