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Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Life / Teh Internets BREAKING: Oversharing on Facebook Is Bad for Your Relationships

Posted by Grant Brissey on Wed, Feb 13, 2013 at 12:12 PM

If you need another reason to stop spouting crap out onto F-book consider this:

For the discloser himself or herself, disclosing a lot may lead to lower intimacy and satisfaction, because the more you do it, the more you perceive there are a lot of potential mates out in the world — so a lot of alternative mates that you can choose from,” [Kuwon Lee, a doctoral student in psychology at KU who conducted the studies] said. “That may lessen the value of your own relationship.

In other words, love the one you're with and quit telling everybody on the internet about all your problems. These results were found in three separate studies at Kansas University, so I'm not even going to question the methodology. JK! No word on whether or not they had a control in place to account for the probability that people who have a propensity to overshare are just terrible relationship candidates in the first place. Either way, you know that one friend you have on F-book, the one who's always all like "Woe is me" and "Why does this always happen to me!?" You know who I'm talking about. Just send them this article along with a note that says something like "I was going to share this on Facebook, but then I got scared. Heehee!"

Maybe your friend will get it, or maybe they'll be too busy being self-absorbed and they'll just reply "Interesting!" without having even read it. At least you tried. I, for one, have reduced my F-book checking rate down to about one per day. Where are you at?

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Comments (14) RSS

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Interesting!

Posted by shabadoo on February 13, 2013 at 12:17 PM

I'm gonna stick with loving the one I'm with...but also lusting after strangers AND posting about it when so inclined. It's fun and amuses me.

Posted by julie russell

on February 13, 2013 at 12:21 PM

Hmmm...I prefer the "woe is me" posters to the "look how awesome everything is about my life" with bonus "sickly sweet motivational quotes/advice/declarations". Ugh!

Posted by ArtBasketSara on February 13, 2013 at 12:31 PM

No word on whether or not they had a control in place to account for the probability that people who have a propensity to overshare are just terrible relationship candidates in the first place.

Those studies have probably already been done in the past. I'm too lazy to look up the references in the article to verify though.

Posted by Urgutha Forka on February 13, 2013 at 12:42 PM

After about 3 minutes of looking at Facebook, I am ready to throw my computer into the ocean. No other website makes me feel that dirty.

Posted by very bad homo on February 13, 2013 at 12:54 PM

I got on FB in 2007 to follow friends who had moved to India and weren't going to communicate any other way. Since they got back in 2009 I think I've visited FB three times. I'd suggest reading Failbook instead -- it's probably more entertaining than anything your real (or fake only-on-FB) friends are saying or doing.

Posted by Wandergeist on February 13, 2013 at 1:14 PM

I had one Facebook "friend" (we're more like acquaintances in real life) who has a habit of oversharing, is incredibly unsuccessful in dating, and includes that lack of success in his oversharing. Any woman interested in dating him, upon seeing his Facebook wall, would be wise to run for the hills, and, as far as I know, they all have, given the timeline of: he starts dating someone, they get to a point where she's likely friended him on Facebook, he's complaining about being single again.

Anyway, his self-loathing and misanthropy was finally too much even for me, and I recently unfriended him.

Posted by keshmeshi on February 13, 2013 at 1:36 PM

Oversharing and statements of irresponsible pessimism (e.g. woe is me-ing and blaming your misfortunes on bad luck instead of your own actions) are not necessarily the same thing... though they tend to happen together.

Posted by Gomez

on February 13, 2013 at 1:55 PM

What's worse? Oversharing or vaguebooking?

Posted by care bear on February 13, 2013 at 2:00 PM

If you use the internet and come to the conclusion that there are more potential mates for you I would expect that you're either using the internet wrong or you've sent out such a high volume of dick pics that someone's bound to at least say hi back.

Posted by watchout5

on February 13, 2013 at 2:00 PM

One thing about Facebook.

You can delete it all!

In that way, it's more like saying stuff to your friends...and hope they'll never remember or repeat it.

Unlike most if not all of the rest of the Internet.

Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe

on February 13, 2013 at 2:17 PM

@9 I'd have to say vaguebooking is more annoying. A lot of the oversharers I'm friends with on Facebook are oversharers in any venue: on the phone, at a party, anytime they ingest alcohol, etc. Sometimes it's uncomfortable to read/hear, but it's easier to accept it's just part of their personality. Vaguebooking, on the other hand, is the FB equivalent of writing a weird blog post to troll for comments.

Posted by Hernandez

on February 13, 2013 at 2:21 PM

I find oversharing to be painfully obnoxious. both when people are overly pessimistic and doom-laden (bitching about how they can't keep a job or partner), or when they are constantly positive and talking about how great their life has been since "x" happened or whatever. but that's the persona a lot of people want to put out apparently. there have been plenty of people I've deleted for this, but usually they are also people I don't interact with any longer IRL anyway.

as for myself, I use my Facebook wall for shameless self-promotion, misanthropic observations, and flat out ranting like a madman. none of that seems to be the kind of stuff my girlfriend would prefer I just share with her.

Posted by LEE. on February 13, 2013 at 10:25 PM

Once a year is my average on FB.

I couldn't stand the constant updates and look-at-mes. But I'm anti-social and generally lazy, so that may have more to do with it than an appreciation of and attachment to the one I'm with.

Posted by Allyn on February 14, 2013 at 12:10 PM