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Monday, February 11, 2013

News The Monday Morning News

Posted by Goldy on Mon, Feb 11, 2013 at 8:45 AM

Wants to spend more time with his family? In a nearly unprecedented move, 85-year-old Pope Benedict XVI announced his retirement today, effective at the end of the month. Assuming he makes it until February 28, Benedict will be the first pope to step aside since Gregory XII in 1415. (Now if only some of our Supreme Court justices would show the same common sense as the pontiff.)

One million dollars. That's the reward Los Angeles police are offering for information leading to the arrest of former cop/suspected cop-killer Christopher Dorner.

I wonder if House Republicans will hold up relief aid? Dozens were injured and hundreds of buildings were damaged after a tornado plowed through Hattiesburg, Mississippi last night.

Mail in your ballot! Seattle school levies are on the ballot in tomorrow's special election, so unless you hate children, vote yes on both and mail in your ballot today!

You mean Mumford & Sons wasn't a popular 1970s sit-com? A lot of performers whose names I don't recognize won Grammy Awards last night. Yay for them!

Well regulated militia. Multiple people were shot at a Delaware courthouse this morning, including two women and a male security guard. The AP is reporting that the alleged shooter was killed by police after he killed his wife.

Even weller regulated militia. Three men were shot early Monday morning during a confrontation in a Tukwila apartment. None of the injuries are reportedly life threatening.

Also, PepsiCo is evil. Because Americans aren't fat and stupid enough, PepsiCo is introducing Kickstart, a Mountain Dew flavored carbonated breakfast beverage packed with caffeine, vitamins, and possibly even some real juice. Mountain Dew drinkers "didn't really see anything that fit their needs" among the current breakfast drink choices, explained a PepsiCo marketing executive.

Cause of death: Indigestion? Philippine villagers are mourning the death of Lolong, a one-ton crocodile, the largest in captivity. Before its capture, Lolong had been blamed for the death of several people.

No doubt gun rights advocates are outraged at Gabrielle Giffords for exploiting the Gabrielle Giffords tragedy:

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A new carbonated breakfast drink? You have to wonder what qualifies as vitamins. Or better, what part of a horse is in there?

Posted by Pope Peabrain on February 11, 2013 at 9:06 AM

Taco Bell has been selling Mountain Dew and OJ, in the few locations where they offer breakfast, for a while now.

Posted by Renton Mike on February 11, 2013 at 9:13 AM

Wait putting out a breakfast drink makes them bad? Im not saying its healthy but I see no reason to condemn then for it.

Posted by Seattle14 on February 11, 2013 at 9:22 AM

@2: I've been doing that for a while now, when I need a caffeine fix for morning classes. All the stimulants of Mountain Dew, with the agreeable taste of orange juice!

Posted by venomlash on February 11, 2013 at 9:28 AM

Mountain Dew already has a vitamin-fortified energy drink called Amp. Tastes exactly like Mountain Dew and everything. I don't make a habit out of it, but on those mornings where it feels like there just isn't enough caffeine in the world to get going, it'll do the trick.

Posted by Hernandez

on February 11, 2013 at 9:34 AM

I loves me some Mountain Dew, and I don't really care for tea or coffee. That makes me exactly the type of person they're trying to sell to, but that drink sounds absolutely vile.

Posted by Knat on February 11, 2013 at 9:48 AM

The kind of people who say 'I'm going to drink soda for breakfast' probably aren't making especially healthy diet choices no matter what the selection is like.

Posted by Zebes

on February 11, 2013 at 10:00 AM

Sign. More well. Not even weller.

Posted by Foonken2

on February 11, 2013 at 11:00 AM

Is Mountain Dew + OJ a sort of virgin mimosa, but with caffeine?

Posted by originalcinner on February 11, 2013 at 11:04 AM

@5: I am pretty sure Amp is just that old soda Surge in a different bottle. Does anyone else remember Surge?

Posted by Theodore Gorath on February 11, 2013 at 11:05 AM

Sign? SigH!

Posted by Foonken2

on February 11, 2013 at 11:22 AM

U.S. Birth Rate Hit Historic Low in 2011, CDC Says

In 2011, 3,953,593 babies were born in the U.S. -- 1 percent fewer than in 2010 and 4 percent fewer than in 2009, according to Brady Hamilton, PhD, of the CDC in Atlanta, and colleagues at the agency and the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health in Baltimore.

That number, combined with population data, yielded a crude birth rate of 12.7 per 1,000 people, the lowest rate ever reported for the nation, they reported online and in the March 2013 issue of Pediatrics.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/us-birth-ra…

Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe

on February 11, 2013 at 11:25 AM

@8 and @11, I assume that's deliberate.

Posted by Sandiai on February 11, 2013 at 11:32 AM

Mountain Dew is already a fully-qualified breakfast beverage: in addition to caffeine, it contains orange juice!

http://www.nerdparadise.com/uploads/file…

Unfortunately, right after corn juice in the list.

Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on February 11, 2013 at 11:42 AM

@13 ;)

Posted by Foonken2

on February 11, 2013 at 12:31 PM

While factually true, the resignation of Gregory XII wasn't about a Pope stepping down, it was a carefully negotiated end to the great western schism. There were two other popes running around at this time. In fact, he was elected upon the condition that he would resign.

Interesting side-note, every previous "resignation" has accompanied deep political maneuverings. I wonder what the fuck is going on in the Vatican to inspire that old pedo to step down.

Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on February 11, 2013 at 3:42 PM