Slog

Slog Music

Music, Nightlife,
and Drinks

Monday, February 11, 2013

That Motherfucking Power-Hungry, Self-Aggrandized Bigot In the Stupid Fucking Hat Announces His Retirement

Posted by on Mon, Feb 11, 2013 at 6:45 AM

So long, Benedict:

Citing advanced years and infirmity, Pope Benedict XVI stunned the Roman Catholic world on Monday by saying that he would resign on Feb. 28 after less than eight years in office, the first pope to do so in six centuries.

Did Pope Benedict use his safe word or did the Catholic laity use theirs? Either way, the world's longest-running Dom/sub scene is on hold.

In a just world, of course, Joseph Ratzinger would be stepping down in the wake of his indictment.

 

Comments (66) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
My guess is he is doing this to make sure the "right" sucessor is chosen. Other popes have had to trust that the reactionary cardinals they put in place would do the "right" thing. This, in turn, probably suggests that he does not trust them. Keep in mind that they had to go with someone incredibly old last time. This reminded me of the last days of the Soviet Union, when they selected leaders who quickly died off because they were so ancient. In the end, they were forced to pick a young reformer, Gorbachov. Benedict wants to make sure the next guy is not Gorby.

The other, and more fun, option is that he wants to spend his remaining time with his unacknowledged partner.
Posted by LML on February 11, 2013 at 6:55 AM · Report this
Chef Thunder 2
I did Nazi this coming
Posted by Chef Thunder on February 11, 2013 at 6:56 AM · Report this
3
Mr Savage does not disappoint.

I am reminded of Eleanor of Aquitaine from The Lion in Winter in the following passage:

ELEANOR: ...Henry's bed is Henry's province: he can people it with sheep for all I care. Which, on occasion, he has done.

HENRY: Still that? When Rosamund's been dead for seven years?

ELEANOR: Two months and eighteen days. I never liked her much.

HENRY: You count the days?

ELEANOR: I made the numbers up...
Posted by vennominon on February 11, 2013 at 6:59 AM · Report this
4
@2 Cue the rimshot!
Posted by ultrasuedecushion on February 11, 2013 at 7:09 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 5
Now all the bullshit accolades. I want an indictment!
Posted by Pope Peabrain on February 11, 2013 at 7:13 AM · Report this
6
For all the claims made of the Pope's divine empowerment here on Earth, how do you square that with just handing in a resignation?

I'm pretty sure that's not conforming to God's regular outplacement plan.
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on February 11, 2013 at 7:23 AM · Report this
Sir Vic 7
So once Joey Ratz is no longer a "head of state", will he dare to leave the protection of Vatican City?
Gotta think there are a few prosecutors out there who would love to bring that old perv to justice.
Posted by Sir Vic on February 11, 2013 at 7:33 AM · Report this
8
I'm pretty sure this is a precursor to a scandal so big even God himself couldn't mitigate it.
Posted by Tom Dickman on February 11, 2013 at 7:36 AM · Report this
care bear 9
Ciao, Papa Ratzi.
Posted by care bear on February 11, 2013 at 7:37 AM · Report this
Cato the Younger Younger 10
The best news is that this will pave the way for a far more right-wing asshole to be the Pope. Expect a gay-killing Pope from Africa or Latin American to bath in the seed of Saint Peter's peter.
Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on February 11, 2013 at 7:39 AM · Report this
11
@8, yeah, that's what I was thinking... This isn't the end of the story...
Posted by EricaP on February 11, 2013 at 7:40 AM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 12
This simply does not happen. There's got to be more to this than meets the eye. Make the popcorn, because I think there's a big show coming.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay http://www.danlangdon.com on February 11, 2013 at 7:41 AM · Report this
Matt from Denver 13
I thought the same thing as @ 1 - that he's doing it as much to ensure the succession of his chosen candidate as anything else.

That said, those who truly love power never give it up. Mao could never stay retired, or bear to see his handpicked successors (two of whom were killed, one in prison and one attempting to flee China) actually take up the reins. So we'll see how this shakes out. He is 85, after all.
Posted by Matt from Denver on February 11, 2013 at 7:45 AM · Report this
sheiler 14
@2 for the win, for all time
Posted by sheiler http://sheilerama.com on February 11, 2013 at 7:56 AM · Report this
Rhett Oracle 15
Ratzed out...
Posted by Rhett Oracle on February 11, 2013 at 7:57 AM · Report this
Max Solomon 16
@10: i don't think we'll see an african pope in our lifetimes. no, this will be another european, probably an italian. they are the only euros who give a shit at this point.
Posted by Max Solomon on February 11, 2013 at 7:58 AM · Report this
Joe Szilagyi 17
The leading candidate according to odds keepers and insiders is Peter, a black Cardinal from Ghana. A very influential prophecy, from Malachy, says Benedict (by number) was the next-to-last Pope, to be succeeded by a man named Peter who will be the final Pope, in echoes of Saint Peter. Except that this Peter may be the anti-Christ, or as bad, and would lead to the destruction of the Vatican, Rome itself, and possibly the Church.

The prophecy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prophecy_of…

The Peter: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Turks…
Posted by Joe Szilagyi http://twitter.com/joeszi on February 11, 2013 at 8:02 AM · Report this
18
My money is on Dolan.
Posted by Clayton on February 11, 2013 at 8:04 AM · Report this
julie russell 19
Retiring, Dan? Oh..oops. Only read the headline
Posted by julie russell http:// on February 11, 2013 at 8:05 AM · Report this
20
Sigh. Once again, after reading this post and the comments, I'm reminded how liberals have just as much class as conservatives.

Good dog, American politics has gotten depressing. Chimps throwing feces in the zoo have a more elevated discourse.
Posted by Corydon on February 11, 2013 at 8:16 AM · Report this
21
@20, you're a big fan of der Popenfuhrer, huh?
Posted by GermanSausage on February 11, 2013 at 8:18 AM · Report this
22
@6: Popes are definitely the most confusing thing about Catholicism. You have one person who is appointed to speak for God, but men choose them. If God doesn't like their decision, does He get a veto?
Posted by redemma on February 11, 2013 at 8:19 AM · Report this
23
"I can do better."--God
Posted by tiktok on February 11, 2013 at 8:21 AM · Report this
ArtBasketSara 24
@17 Or it could be a Canadian....

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/story/2013…

Posted by ArtBasketSara on February 11, 2013 at 8:26 AM · Report this
ArtBasketSara 25
http://za.news.yahoo.com/bookmakers-tip-…

Oh Canada! the pride I will feel! Wait, I'm not sure pride is the right word...
Posted by ArtBasketSara on February 11, 2013 at 8:29 AM · Report this
ArtBasketSara 26
But since we have a horse in the race...oh man, I can't wait too cheer on our team! This Pope Bowl is going to be awesome!
Posted by ArtBasketSara on February 11, 2013 at 8:33 AM · Report this
27
there's been a lot of financial hanky-panky that's coming to light now with the European Union cracking down on money laundering.
Posted by Marrena on February 11, 2013 at 8:36 AM · Report this
Dr_Awesome 28
What do you call a Pope that retires?

Ex-Benedict.
Posted by Dr_Awesome on February 11, 2013 at 8:40 AM · Report this
29
Oh, now you've done it, Daniel. You've gone and bullied the poor Pontiff out of office! You're so on about things getting better and such, but what about aging, bigoted, religious leaders, eh? Who will speak for the betterment of their sorry states?

Shame on you! Call out the glitterbomb squad!

(P.S. Don't let the big, gold door hit where you wished the Lord hadn't split ya, Benny. Signed, one Catholic queer).
Posted by The Head-shaking Lesbian on February 11, 2013 at 8:50 AM · Report this
30
I'm backing Andrew Sullivan for the job. He's at least Catholic.
Posted by Randomfactor on February 11, 2013 at 9:11 AM · Report this
BrotherBob 31
@28, I love you.[Begin rant] Ratzinger was the head of the Inquisition. His successor will make him look like Anne Frank. Y'all shouldn't do the Snoopy dance yet. It may not be the end of the world but it very well may be the end of the Roman catholic church in the world. Look out, American nuns! The next pope will be taking your endowments and Mother Houses and putting your asses on the street. [end of rant]
Posted by BrotherBob on February 11, 2013 at 9:16 AM · Report this
32
You have to remember that the reason Ratzinger was elected in the first place was that John Paul II had put him in charge of the Vatican's investigation into the pedophilia scandal. So,that meant he basically had the goods on all of the other Cardinals and blackmailed himself into office.
Posted by Ziggy66 on February 11, 2013 at 9:18 AM · Report this
zivilisierter Wurm 33
Woah. I didn't realize retirement was an option for popes. I thought your choices were "die of old age" or "poisoned by Medicis."
Posted by zivilisierter Wurm http://peregrinari.tumblr.com/ on February 11, 2013 at 9:19 AM · Report this
DOUG. 34
I thought the pull-out method was a sin for Catholics.
Posted by DOUG. http://www.dougsvotersguide.com on February 11, 2013 at 9:26 AM · Report this
Fortunate 35
He can step down?

I thought a Sith Lord had to be assassinated by his apprentice?

Oh well, bye, bye Pope Palpatine. Now we only have to worry about how much worse the next black hearted bastard who will seize the power will be.

Who wants to place bets that the next son of a bitch Pope will want to bring back burning heretics?
Posted by Fortunate on February 11, 2013 at 9:44 AM · Report this
36
@7 - I see from the news that he intends to spend some time at the papal summer cottage (which seems strange considering he's retiring in the dead of winter and those stone walls get mighty cold) and then return to a cloistered convent within the Vatican. Safely untouchable by outside prosecutors. I'm willing to bet Gorgeous Georg continues to dance attendance on him, though. After all, if he's going to be writing his memoirs, or whatever, he'll need his trusty "assistant" at his side.
Posted by Calpete on February 11, 2013 at 9:49 AM · Report this
37
@28 That's the second horrible groaner of a pun that's made me laugh out loud today.

I hate you. And Chef Thunder, too.
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on February 11, 2013 at 9:57 AM · Report this
reverend dr dj riz 38
@20.. is you high this early in the day ? this post and it's comments have absolutely zero to do with 'american politics'.or that divide you describe between liberals and conservatives. or even that divide between polite and vulgar. i'm a baptist so it the news doesn't count as much more than infotainment to me, but every catholic and ex catholic in my circle, ( which includes the post author ) have expressed nothing but disappointment, disgust and contempt for the reigning pontiff for, like,, always and ever. try to keep up.
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on February 11, 2013 at 10:01 AM · Report this
39
I know the current Pope has been a retrograde and reactionary leader of the RCC, but I'm willing to give the devil his due and praise this decision to resign, and to accept at face value his stated reasons for doing so.

His predecessor was a pitiful figure for his last several years, so establishing a modern precedent for Papal resignation due to advanced age and declining health is a positive step forward.

The Roman Catholic Church badly needs to make many more positive steps forward, and if this Pope is incapable of taking those steps, then the next-best thing he could do is to resign.
Posted by Functional Atheist on February 11, 2013 at 10:08 AM · Report this
40
Fom the NYTimes, at the top of page three on their internet listing:

In one disclosure, news emerged that in 1985, when Benedict was Cardinal Ratzinger, he signed a letter putting off efforts to defrock a convicted child-molesting priest. He cited the priest’s relative youth but also the good of the church.

This "Holy Man" put off defrocking a CONVICTED CHILD MOLESTER"?????!!!!?????

FUCK YOU CATHOLIC CHURCH. FUCK YOU POPE. MAY YOUR BURN IN HELL.

Excuse me while my wife and I go have a fourway involving bisexuality, adultry, sodomy, sex for non procreative buyt masively fun reasons and other things that actually would upset the Child Rapist Protecting Pope

I forget, is he for or against golden showers?????
Posted by wine~o on February 11, 2013 at 10:16 AM · Report this
41
@ 17: One can only hope.

@22: God's veto is usually called "death."
Posted by Tor on February 11, 2013 at 10:28 AM · Report this
MacCrocodile 42
@33 - Trouble is there don't seem to be enough Medicis around when you need them.
Posted by MacCrocodile http://maccrocodile.com/ on February 11, 2013 at 10:42 AM · Report this
sperifera 43
As sad as it is to consider, this Pope is actually a step forward from his predecessors. He did after all, allow the use of condoms for HIV prevention, and that's a step that no previous Pope would ever have considered.

I'm sure there's a nice, warm spot in Hell waiting for him though, right next to all of his Papal brethren.
Posted by sperifera on February 11, 2013 at 10:53 AM · Report this
RTam 44
Yes, but only for male prostitutes and even then, quite grudgingly.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2010/11/2…
Posted by RTam on February 11, 2013 at 11:10 AM · Report this
Bonefish 45
Well. I guess now we know what Pope Palpentine decided to give up for Lent.
Posted by Bonefish http://5bmisc.blogspot.com/ on February 11, 2013 at 11:34 AM · Report this
46
Fox News is trying to look for some scandal. If he was going to resign because of scandal, he'd have done it by now. No, he's stepping down because he honestly believes that someone else can do the work better than he can.

Here is hoping that the College of Cardinals chooses someone wise and good for the papacy. Whatever else you can say about it, it's one of the hardest jobs on the planet.
Posted by DRF on February 11, 2013 at 12:04 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 47
The next Pope will be a Haitian Canadian Cardinal, or a Canadian Cardinal who served in Africa.
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on February 11, 2013 at 12:06 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 48
@46 as to why he's resigning, it's pretty obvious, and it is health related. Smart move by the Pope.
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on February 11, 2013 at 12:07 PM · Report this
49
am I the only one who noticed that the junk on the black cardinals was bigger than all the others.......
Posted by Brad11111111111111111111111 on February 11, 2013 at 12:21 PM · Report this
50
@21 not particularly. But I don't have to express my opinions like a child throwing a tantrum.

@38 the Catholic Church has inserted itself into American politics, and Benedict has played a role in that. If Catholicism didn't express itself so forcefully on issues like abortion, contraception and marriage, I highly doubt this blog and its commenters would much care. This is about American politics.

Look, if all you want is giggling from the twitterati, fine, by all means, snark away. But if you actually want to keep convincing people to support our goals, maybe it's not the smartest thing to publicly abuse a symbol of their religion. Lots of Catholics may think Benedict is wrong on a lot of political questions, but they still respect and honor the leader of their faith.

Why would you risk alienating any of them just so you can make a snotty remark?
Posted by Corydon on February 11, 2013 at 12:53 PM · Report this
lolorhone 51
There are two epidemics the current pope has failed on: the AIDS epidemic in Africa and the child molestation epidemic within the church itself. Since both involve lives destroyed unnecessarily with the full knowledge of Benedict who could have done something about it, I'm not at all interested in any mealy-mouthed defenses of his record in relation to his predecessors. People are dead and souls are in tatters because of his inaction and misdirection.
Posted by lolorhone on February 11, 2013 at 12:54 PM · Report this
reverend dr dj riz 52
@50.. as i said i'm not a catholic so i don't have a dog in that fight. savage is, or rather was. most of us here know this, he's made no secret of it and has written about it as long as he's written for this paper. he made the post i defer to his snark and respect it as it's his house. 'american politics' eh ? the catholic church inserts it's influence in world politics because that's what they do. it's what the very word means, it's universal and they make no bones or apologies about it. it's NOT about american politics. the catholic church weighs heavily on ALL human issues all over the world. it's an insult to liberals and conservatives alike to describe their responses to his resignation as an excuse to bray. and it's specious to limit any concern about it's influence on just the two you mention. for starters, the church had been very very hypocritical in it's stance on pedophilia, the victims of which they are directly responsible may well number past tens of thousands.around the world. it hasn't been merely complicit in these scandals and have actively aided and abetted them for hundreds of years til yesterday.
a year or so ago this blog reported on efforts the local church had made to bully local nuns, this blog also reported on it's great efforts to defeat prop 74 from it's pulpit. it failed in part due to pushback from laity and it's congregations.yes .. you did mention marriage almost as if that and abortion were drops in a larger bucket. as a 'symbol of their religion' , benedict passes the same muster as ,say, , george w bush does as a symbol of american democracy. it's possible and likely to dismiss the man and separate him from the institution. in which case snotty snark is to be expected.
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on February 11, 2013 at 2:16 PM · Report this
curtisp 53
And God does not give a shit.
Posted by curtisp on February 11, 2013 at 3:57 PM · Report this
54
Please please start calling him what one of my nursing school classmates calls him: Pope Benedouche.
Posted by MinnySota on February 11, 2013 at 4:55 PM · Report this
55
In three words? "Fuck that guy." He can't shut the fuck up when consenting adults, gay or straight, have safe, happy, non-reproductive consensual sex amongst themselves, but when a priest rapes a kid, he's all about protecting *that* guy with a wall of silence.

I don't really give a shit about his theology, it's his priorities I take issue with.
Posted by JudT on February 11, 2013 at 7:00 PM · Report this
56
Why don't you show some guts and insult religions other than Christianity? You know, like the one from the Middle East. Or are you afraid they'll kill you...or worse, that you'll be politically incorrect?
Posted by Truth B Known on February 11, 2013 at 7:50 PM · Report this
lolorhone 57
@56: This isn't about Christianity so much as any religious practitioners that spread hatred, disseminate misinformation, and hide behind assumed sanctity. The Catholic Church is merely the biggest and most influential of these, and therefore are (rightfully) taking the most shit. You won't catch me cheering for Islamic extremists blowing up schools for women and shooting teenaged girls in the head for promoting the concept of equal access to education either. But quit the "everybody's always picking on me" mopey bullshit on behalf of all of Christendom: the vitriol is well-deserved and based upon a massive amount of damage done.
Posted by lolorhone on February 11, 2013 at 9:57 PM · Report this
58
@31:

If his successor will make Benedict/Ratzinger look like Anne Frank, then that will surely be the beginning of the end of the Catholic church. Not that they're not already seeing the beginning of the end anyway. Their congregation has been bolting for the door for the past 50 years anyway.
Posted by gromm on February 11, 2013 at 11:30 PM · Report this
blackhook 59
Buh-bye Pope Rat!

Hope you keep having fun with your young male attendants behind closed doors, you weird freak!
Posted by blackhook on February 12, 2013 at 3:17 AM · Report this
Reverend Tap 60
@56: As of 2008 (most recent data I could easily find) 76% of adults in the US were some variety of Christian, while 0.6% were of "the one from the Middle East." Being Christian is still a near-requirement for holding any significant elected office, Christian special-interest groups and megachurches have a tremendous influence on our society as a whole, and indeed one of the two major political parties in this country is primarily directed by people who derive their political platform from their interpretation of Christian teachings.

When you have all the power, you get to deal with people taking potshots at you, particularly if your record isn't squeaky clean. I'm sure there will be a lot more posts about Muslim issues as soon as Islam becomes a dominant force in American life.
Posted by Reverend Tap http://www.libr8.org on February 12, 2013 at 3:48 AM · Report this
61
Pretty good song. But it was very similar to the "uncle fucker" song from South Park the movie.
Posted by j_smith89 on February 12, 2013 at 8:14 AM · Report this
dwightmoodyforgetsthings 62
My bet is that Bennie the Rat has a degenerative brain disease. He knows he's losing it, so this is his best option to control things before he stops remembering what decade it is.
Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings http://www.reddit.com/r/spaceclop on February 12, 2013 at 3:22 PM · Report this
dwightmoodyforgetsthings 63
@56- "The one from the Middle East"... Seriously? You mean Zoroastrianism? Judaism? Christianity? Islam? Bahai?

We are picking on a religion from the Middle East. But I understand you want us to be picking on Islam. Sunni or Shiite? How about the Sufi? Should we concentrate on Wahhabism? Do you know what any of those words mean?
Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings http://www.reddit.com/r/spaceclop on February 12, 2013 at 3:37 PM · Report this
64
"That Motherfucking Power-Hungry, Self-Aggrandized Bigot In the Stupid Fucking Hat Announces His Retirement"

It gets better. Unless, of course, you are a Catholic, in which case you are free game for bullying.
Posted by Ralph Hythloday on February 20, 2013 at 9:48 AM · Report this
65 Comment Pulled (Trolling) Comment Policy
66
@56 Dan was the original "bomb the fuck out of those Muslims and invade their countries" guy here at the Stranger. In the face of the Iraq war's obvious stupidity, he's become just a little more thoughtful, but only just.
Posted by cracked on February 21, 2013 at 10:57 AM · Report this

Add a comment

Advertisement

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC
1535 11th Ave (Third Floor), Seattle, WA 98122
Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy