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Sunday, February 10, 2013

Savage Love SL Letter of the Day: Strap-On Prude?

Posted by Dan Savage on Sun, Feb 10, 2013 at 10:09 AM

Originally published May 24, 2007:

I'm married to a woman I love, but our sex life has become unbearable. We watched an HBO show about women strapping on dildos and doing their husbands. That inspired my wife to buy a strap-on dildo. Once would have been fine, but for the last year she only wants me to get off by masturbating while she does me with the strap-on. She masturbates herself while using the strap-on. She refuses counseling and insists I am being a prude. Does her selfishness signal some deeper problem?

Hurting In North Denver

My response after the jump...

I'm going to assume your letter is legit, HIND, and not the fevered imaginings of a straight guy with fem-dom fantasies. Your wife has some serious sexual-control issues, HIND, and you have some serious doormat issues. Unless you're tied to the bed, your wife can't fuck your ass if you don't let her. I get the impression you've been saying, "If you don't stop fucking my ass sometime soon, honey, I'm going to be very upset." When what you need to say is, "Once in a while, maybe, but I didn't sign up for this." The next time she bounds into the bedroom wearing her strap-on, get your ass out of bed and walk out the door.

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We watched an HBO show about women strapping on dildos and doing their husbands.

Should have opted for "Big Love" instead.

Posted by Fred Casely on February 10, 2013 at 10:25 AM

She's selfish, she refuses counseling, she's prude-shaming, wash, rinse, repeat. It's all her fault, not his. WTF?

What does the LW want? If he can't even tell the kindly, remote, gay, sex-advice columnist, he certainly can't tell his domineering wife that he wants some old-fashioned PIV.

Dan's right, he needs to "ovary up" because she's clearly not "ovary downing".

Have you asked (for what you want)? Ask.

Have you insisted? Insist.

Are you willing to make an ultimatum? You may have to.

All with the huge caveat that this is a real situation.

Posted by DAVIDinKENAI on February 10, 2013 at 10:44 AM

When a sexual partner likes something a lot, to the exclusion of everything else, sex can get monotonous. There needs to be some reciprocity. Whether the letter is legit or not, it gets at that particular problem.

Posted by chaseacross on February 10, 2013 at 10:58 AM

GROSS

Posted by tainte on February 10, 2013 at 11:02 AM

Definitely the fevered imaginings of a straight guy with fem-dom fantasies. This isn't a real person; it's a pornified caricature.

Posted by dchari on February 10, 2013 at 11:18 AM

Boohoo! My wife won't stop fucking my ass! Wahhhhhh!

Posted by Pope Peabrain on February 10, 2013 at 11:20 AM

This is like the Myth of Sisyphus... Condemned to such a monotonous task he must find contentment and acceptance in his absurd fate.

More like Sisy-wus! Right? Ha!

Posted by ArtBasketSara on February 10, 2013 at 11:33 AM

I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by Spike1382 on February 10, 2013 at 1:00 PM

Reminds me of this classic:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-…

Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on February 10, 2013 at 1:09 PM

Everyone is so fucused on the particualr act that his wife insists on repeating ad nauseam. Just replace "pegging" and "wife" with placeholders. So it reads: "for the last year my SO only wants me to get off by doing X". X is now the only thing on the menu and one partner is sick of X. Simple.

You really don't need to know their genders or what X is to know what the solution is.

Posted by Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

on February 10, 2013 at 1:46 PM

I might be an insensitive ass, but this letter made me laugh a bunch.

Posted by ScienceNerd on February 10, 2013 at 3:16 PM

Ugh. I'm so sick of these letters prefaced by your declaration that they might not be real. I get it. It could be real to someone else. But either don't publish them or leave out the scepticism. It makes you sounds like a douche.

Posted by Forgot Password on February 10, 2013 at 3:38 PM

For my part, I was reminded of the "my marriage was ruined by 50 Shades of Grey" stories that kept going around a few months ago. I guess the notion that a wife's sexual satisfaction is punitive for her husband is eternal.

Posted by Fistique on February 10, 2013 at 3:41 PM

@7 I think you just won the Internet.

Posted by DRF on February 10, 2013 at 4:36 PM

@14 Ah...at last...

Posted by ArtBasketSara on February 10, 2013 at 7:21 PM

@5:Agreed!

Posted by gromm on February 10, 2013 at 7:35 PM

@11 Not as sensitive as the LW's anyway. Ha. Ha.

Posted by LateBloomer on February 10, 2013 at 8:30 PM

fake..... But it reminds me of this classic:

Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?

http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-…

Posted by cracked on February 11, 2013 at 12:07 AM

@12 Because otherwise he'd get ambushed in the comments for 'not recognizing the letter as an obvious fake!!!'. Which, by the way, it must be.
Makes me wonder though, why run these questions that obviously only deserve three word answers: 'try talking stupid!' I feel like I still haven't had my daily SLOG-fix..

Posted by DE on February 11, 2013 at 3:37 AM

God I wish slog let you "like" comments.
Yeah, classic fake letter, right down to the almost-an-afterthought question tacked on to the end of the preceding jerkoff fantasy to make it seem like a legitimate query.

Posted by Hoyt Clagwell on February 11, 2013 at 5:08 AM

Fair's fair. For every time she does him with the strap-on, he does her up the ass. And it sounds like there's some catching up to do.

Posted by Nyckname on February 11, 2013 at 5:41 AM

Totally fake, but if it was real and the husband was too wimpy to tell the wife to go peg herself I'd say eat a lot of mexican or BBQ before date night and give her a brown-fountain when she pulls out. Nothing like an oops-poops to take butt-sex off the menu for awhile.

Posted by debug on February 11, 2013 at 1:22 PM

So fake, so obviously, boringly fake.

Also, do you know how hard it is to masturbate when you're busy fucking someone with a strap-on? Try and imagine the logistics of that.

Posted by secretagent on February 11, 2013 at 9:18 PM