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Friday, February 8, 2013

Juice Fast, Day Five: The Juice Stole All My Headline-Writing Abilities

Posted by on Fri, Feb 8, 2013 at 2:09 PM

A snack!
  • A snack!
I am on the last day of this five-day, life-energy-sapping juice fast. I have not had solid food, aside from a few choice pieces of produce, since last weekend. Nor have I had coffee (okay, except for one time, and it was just a single inch). Nor any alcohol. I am going to eat dinner tonight. DINNER! I don't know what I'm eating yet, even though it's almost all I've thought about since Monday. I can't wait. Then I'm going to a show, and I'm going to party like usual, unless I fall down first. Which may happen.

Someone asked me yesterday if I'd do this again. HELL TO THE NO. Of course I wouldn't do this again. Did you hear me say I didn't eat solid food since last weekend?!? But that's not because I think it was totally worthless. I just think I've learned everything I could possibly learn.

Everyone keeps asking me why, why the fuck would you do this? Great question! Because it was crazy? Because Cienna said she would do it, too? (I'm collecting that cheeseburger ASAP, you lousy cheater.) Because it was a project? I don't know, exactly. Not because of cells and toxins and enzymes. I don't think there's any real scientific basis for the usual juice cleanse health claims. But maybe to see if "food desire" really was "just a head game," as the instructions laughably told me. And because it seemed insane and impossible and sometimes it's fun to see if you can do something that seems impossibly insane. Just to test yourself. I wish I had more wisdom to offer, but did I mention I haven't eaten real food since last weekend? I am a drooling juice jerk at this point.


Comments (16) RSS

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pfffter 1
Thanks for your experiment, Anna. I've really enjoyed your juice fast posts. Hope you have a great dinner and get hella drunk and have fun at your show tonight!
Posted by pfffter on February 8, 2013 at 2:16 PM · Report this
You did it because you could; and for our enjoyment in reading about it. Go Anna!

Uh, but you might want to ease back into solid food...making sure a bathroom is near after you have eaten...
Posted by Bugnroolet on February 8, 2013 at 2:33 PM · Report this
i juice fast for at least three days at least three times a year and i have since the early 90s. so.
Posted by Adrian Ryan on February 8, 2013 at 2:33 PM · Report this
What a lovely teapot.
Posted by Joe Glibmoron on February 8, 2013 at 2:43 PM · Report this
eclexia 5
You might want to go easy for the first meal. As in, something easy to digest. Maybe some chicken soup.

If you go all out for steaks, cheese, cream and that sort of thing as big fast-breaking, it might cause a bit of digestive discomfort. As well as having consequences to those you share space with.
Posted by eclexia on February 8, 2013 at 2:58 PM · Report this
What @5 said. I'd recommend some nuts and maybe some fruit/soup. Also, congratulations!!!
Posted by randoma on February 8, 2013 at 3:20 PM · Report this
treacle 7
5 days is a long time if you've never fasted before, so congrats for that! Some people prefer to fast one day a week, a bit easier to manage and still quite good for you.

Also, another yes for easing back into solid food. Rice and veggies is a good step. Pho would be a really good idea too, probably even with meat. And not too much at once. Whatever you do, stay away from large amounts of grease/oil.. like burgers and fries. That will hurt more than anything. Go easy on alcohol too, stick with beer, IMHO, if you have to drink at all. Otherwise, don't drink until you have at least 3 good meals in you.

Unsolicited advice! Whee! Good luck!
Posted by treacle on February 8, 2013 at 3:29 PM · Report this
treacle 8
You know, I'd also like to mention that diving into a 5-day fast while maintaining regular workaday energy output.. and IN THE MIDDLE OF THE COLD WINTER.. is pretty brave. Obviously most of your caloric input goes to maintaining body heat, as you're probably acutely aware by now. Far easier to multi-day fast in the summer. So, extra props for that!, although it probably contributed to your negative impression of fasting.
Posted by treacle on February 8, 2013 at 3:40 PM · Report this
If you decide to do a moose cleanse, I have a great recipe for birch bark and watercress salad.
Posted by Joe Glibmoron on February 8, 2013 at 3:54 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 10
Once, I had to spend a couple of weeks eating nothing but roots, nuts, berries, and insects.

I would never go on a juice fast.
Posted by Will in Seattle on February 8, 2013 at 3:55 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 11
@9 moose is tasty, btw. Much better than venison.
Posted by Will in Seattle on February 8, 2013 at 3:56 PM · Report this
eclexia 12
@9, I've had antelope. It was a bit antelope-y for my tastes. Deer sausage is nectar of the gods to me.
Posted by eclexia on February 8, 2013 at 4:15 PM · Report this
Pridge Wessea 13
@10 - Is that all they would feed you at the asylum?
Posted by Pridge Wessea on February 8, 2013 at 4:52 PM · Report this
If I'm not eating, it means I'm having a potentially psychotic rise. I can't afford to not eat, or not sleep, or shock my body with deprivation. It IS insane- literally, it's a symptom. That's what feeding tubes are for. Which...I guess, is analogous to juice. Food is amazing. Eat the food. Do it.
Posted by stilettov on February 8, 2013 at 10:36 PM · Report this
Max Solomon 15
man, you're still just a slave to the solid food corporations. break the chains already.
Posted by Max Solomon on February 9, 2013 at 9:32 AM · Report this
Uh oh, no follow up or anything at all authored by Minard since this post 3.5 days ago...
Posted by Brashion on February 11, 2013 at 6:54 PM · Report this

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