They said if I "absolutely need to eat," I should "try raw food" because something something enzymes. So last night I had an avocado. It was beautiful! I have never appreciated an avocado more. If nothing else, this not eating is making me love food so much more than ever before, which I didn't think was possible. So that's good. (Right? Wait, what? No. I don't know. JOOOOSE BRAIN.) Yesterday, I tried to get someone at my house to make a fresh pot of coffee just so I could smell it.
I'm trying to ration better for daytime, so I saved half of last night's juice dinner for this morning. And Kelly O gave me some barley tea that tastes like crackers—it's like a snack! Whenever I talk about having a tea snack, Cienna almost cries. And then she eats something.
Yesterday, as I was losing the will to live, I went to Strawberry Moon Juice's website. I was looking for some sparkling copy telling me what, exactly, the point of all this was, which I realized I'd forgotten to think about in the first place. I wanted to believe, even if it was through a juice-haze. There was NOTHING. There's a blog that mentions studies or articles on fasting, but I guess I wanted the full Gwyneth, something dazzling about cleansing and freshness and how it will prevent cancer and make me smarter/better. Nope!
Instead, I feel alternately poetic (lines from Sylvia Plath poems about sickness and injury keep running through my head) and desolate. I am cold and tired all the time. I have a headache. I have to walk past two pizza restaurants on my route home.