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Monday, February 4, 2013

Savage Love SL Letter of the Day: Rocky Mountain Rainbows

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Feb 4, 2013 at 4:20 PM

I was watching the Superbowl last night with friends, and one of the commentators referred to a pass play in a previous playoff game (Denver vs. Baltimore) as the "Rocky Mountain Rainbow." My friends and I started giggling furiously—but in a totally manly way—because we were all thinking the same thing: Which sex move can we make up (or appropriate) to be henceforth called the "Rocky Mountain Rainbow"?

We were bloated by pizza, wings, and corn syrup, which is probably why the best we could come up with was imagining that at the climax of sex between two men, the top would pull out and try to come in an arc over the man titties of the bottom (the Rocky Mountains) to a destination beyond them.

Our effort was pretty juvenile, as we are all mostly straight men. I leave the task up to you and your readers, what can we now furiously giggle at and proudly call a "Rocky Mountain Rainbow."

Please do it, Dan. I want to say "Rocky Mountain Rainbow" as much as possible.

Rocky Mountain Rainbower

My response after the jump...

••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Google tells me that "Rocky Mountain Rainbow" was one of a number proposed names for Joe Flacco's 70-yard game-tying pass. I couldn't tell you which game that pass tied, what position Joe Flacco plays (presumably it's one of the ball-throwing positions), or what team he's on—well, actually, I could tell you all of that crap if I was willing to continue reading stories about the football season that concluded yesterday. But I'm not willing to do that.

And I don't have to keep reading, RMR, because the first thing that popped up when I googled "Rocky Mountain Rainbow" was an online poll at the Baltimore Sun—one of those legally-binding online polls—asking Sun readers to pick a name for that 70-yard pass. And "Flacco Fling" narrowly beat out "Rocky Mountain Rainbow," "Mile-High Surprise," "Purple Mountain Majesty," and "Something Else."

So that pass is the "Flacco Fling" and "Rocky Mountain Rainbow" is up for grabs.

Now all of the proposed names for that 70-yard pass would make great sexual euphemisms—particularly "mile-high surprise" (the mind reels)—but your proposed definition for "Rocky Mountain Rainbow," RMR, isn't particularly memorable. It's serviceable, sure, and it's gay-secks-obsessed in that cute way straight boys have, i.e. equal parts fascination and revulsion. But it's just not sticky enough. To really stick in the mind a sexual euphemism either has to stand for something vividly and unforgettably gross and/or assholey, a la "dirty sanchez," or it has to be useful, a la "pegging" or "santorum." A gay dude pulling his dick out of another dude's ass at at the moment of climax so he can blow his load up and over a pair man titties? As that's unlikely to ever happen in real life, RMR, the term isn't useful. And as it's not that gross, the term is forgettable.

I'm going to punt on this one, as they say, and kick this one out to my readers. They're the geniuses who came up with pegging and santorum, after all. So let's hear your proposed definitions for "rocky mountain rainbow," gang, and—what the hell—your best ideas for "mile high surprise" too. Lay them on us in comments.

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Silly people. Everyone knows a Rocky Mountain Rainbow is when a squeamish guy goes down on a woman after having had sex with her and she unexpectedly starts her period, thus combining a cream pie and red wings. If he's squeamish enough, he will see the rainbow.

Posted by Geni on February 7, 2013 at 4:33 PM

Rocky Mountain Rainbow: the smear of menstrual blood (and often cum) left on a man's balls after period sex. "Jane gave Tom a Rocky Mountain Rainbow, but by the time he'd finished going down on her, she'd left a double rainbow all the way across this guy... so intense!"

Posted by pretty basic stuff on February 6, 2013 at 8:59 PM

I am upset that Dan has not returned to this thread to declare @21 the obvious winner.

Posted by beef rallard on February 6, 2013 at 4:10 PM

Rocky Mountain Rainbow: When a guy teabags a drunk and passed-out friend, only to have his friend wake up and vomit all over his balls.

Posted by shinydirt on February 6, 2013 at 11:39 AM

This is an easy one and I sort of concur with the previous comment. At least the vomit part.

A Rocky Mountain Rainbow is the act of forcing your partner to give you oral sex to the point of him/her vomiting, preferably on the dom's genitalia.

Usability?: "I'm gonna give my man a Rocky Mountain Rainbow this weekend after the game."

Or: "I wanna see/feel that Rocky Mountain Rainbow before I come on your face."

Rocky Mountain Rainbow sounds soooo much better than "forcing your partner to puke while giving head."

Any questions?

Posted by Buckkster on February 6, 2013 at 10:34 AM

A rocky mountain rainbow occurs during anal sex when the giver induces vomiting in the receiver at the point of orgasm, in order to heighten the sensation (from the contraction of the sphincter muscle as the receiver vomits). This act occurs during both gay and straight anal intercourse.

The act is so named because it originated in Colorado in the 1950s. Though still popular in both Colorado and neighboring mountainous states (especially Utah), there are distinct regional differences in the methods used to induced vomiting. In Denver, the basic method of inserting fingers into the throat is prevalent, however a few short miles away in Boulder, receivers swallow chunks of raw bacon secured to a length of cotton, which is extracted with force to induce vomiting.

A mile High surprise occurs during anal sex when the giver performs a rocky mountain rainbow on the receiver without warning, either in a bathroom stall, either on an aeroplane or during a Denver Broncos game (which happens ALL the time).

Posted by FesterAdams on February 6, 2013 at 1:58 AM

Rocky Mountain Rainbow: When a guy comes while getting ass fucked and ejaculates into his own mouth.

Posted by LaLaDoBeDo on February 5, 2013 at 10:30 PM

@7- Because most men *like* to come in their partner's hole, whatever sex said hole may be. See @49.

Posted by OutInBumF on February 5, 2013 at 7:14 PM

Rocky mountian rainbow- a women lying down sucking a guys balls while he tittie fucks her

Posted by High 5 on February 5, 2013 at 4:55 PM

@46: Thanks! The reversal on squeeing straights is part of what I was going for.

@49: I wouldn't say cumming on a girl is how sex normally ends, but it's not abnormal. Cumming in a girl may not be an option, and some gals won't go down on a guy who is covered in her vaginal secretions. Which leaves cumming on her the next-best option.

I will be dismayed if facials become normal, though.

Posted by I Hate Screen Names on February 5, 2013 at 10:26 AM

Ms Evershed @49:
What sounds distasteful to you, sounds delightful to me.

Posted by migrationist on February 5, 2013 at 10:19 AM

Wow. Mile high surprise. Sharting while joining the mile high club.
RMR: When Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, Colorado, Utah and New Mexico and Arizona all pass laws allowing same-gender marriage.

Posted by BrotherBob on February 5, 2013 at 9:09 AM

Teabagging multiple guys at once, each with different colored pubes.

Posted by smajor82 on February 5, 2013 at 8:12 AM

"Rainbow" suggests color, so perhaps something involving lipstick left on certain parts of the body.

Posted by DRF on February 5, 2013 at 8:08 AM

@7 Please don't tell me that coming on a girl has migrated from porn and is now normal. Ugh.

Posted by Ruth Evershed on February 5, 2013 at 7:42 AM

A rocky mountain rainbow is obviously a free-for-all, pile-on orgy. The participants form a mountain of flesh that is rocky because everyone in the mountain is thrusting or squirming. It's a rainbow because of the beautiful diversity of participants--gay, straight, bi, black, white, latino, asian, young (though legal!), old, etc. The mile high surprise is the awkard moment when the CPOS on top realizes that his or her significant other (in a supposedly monogomous relationship) is the CPOS that he or she wound up doing.

Posted by LML on February 5, 2013 at 6:30 AM

Ms Migrationist - I think it's largely because the LW said they were "all mostly straight men". That might account for a bit of mitigation. But there's a distinct hint of South Parkery here - "acceptance" as a gateway to being able to make nastier cracks.

Posted by vennominon on February 5, 2013 at 6:09 AM

For me @27 wins it. It's got much more useability than the others (and turns the starting scenario of straight people squeeing out at gay sex nicely on its head).

Posted by misspiggy on February 5, 2013 at 5:53 AM

grow the fuck up already

Posted by tainte on February 5, 2013 at 5:39 AM

Mile High Surprise - woman seated next to you on a flight stretches out her arms and then lets her hand come to rest directly on your cock.

Totally passes the "useful" test.

Posted by seandr on February 4, 2013 at 11:29 PM

@6, @7: Farts on a plane are definitely a mile high, but there's nothing surprising about them.

Posted by seandr on February 4, 2013 at 11:19 PM

RMR = Rape Murder Rape.
Do it in that order.

Posted by doktormikhiel on February 4, 2013 at 10:58 PM

Mile high surprise:
-Wet dream in flight
-Used condom and or semen at the scene of initiation
-When a guy accidentally shoots over and past the intended target for his cum.
-Condom tossed out an apartment/skyscraper window.
-Wet dream while mountain climbing.
-Baby delivered in flight
-Baby conceived in flight

Posted by ricaroo on February 4, 2013 at 10:13 PM

Rocky Mountain Rainbow should refer to Colorado's recent legalization of weed and the diverse rainbow of sex acts.
A rocky mountain rainbow should mean "kinky and/or queer sex while stoned".

Posted by caitiff on February 4, 2013 at 9:55 PM

I agree with vennominon @15.

Why was Dan so nice to the LW?

Posted by migrationist on February 4, 2013 at 9:31 PM

@2--Oh yes. Ohhhhhhhhh yes.

Posted by Write or Wrong on February 4, 2013 at 9:31 PM

Don't forget that Rainbow Showers involve vomit. I'm quite disappointed in all of you.

Posted by very bad homo on February 4, 2013 at 8:04 PM

Not as gross out as the rest... but here's what Rocky Mountain Rainbow brings to mind for me:

When one combines ice cream play (involving rocky road of course) and period sex. Alternately for oral sex that occurs during said play.

Still pretty gross though.

Mile-High Surprise? That rare erection that occurs mid-flight despite whatever cocktails and downers one has taken to counteract flight anxiety.

Posted by Rx on February 4, 2013 at 7:59 PM

@34 - Ooh, I know what you're talking about. Apply it to balls, instead of shaft, and you've got yourself a Rocky Mountain Rainbow, amirite?!

Posted by stirwise on February 4, 2013 at 7:41 PM

Nice to be seeing "undead ayn rand" around these parts again.

"Rocky Mountain Rainbow"? I got nothing. In the Urban Dictionary, among all the obvious rainbow terms, is a specific kind of blow-job (don't go look, it has to do with lipstick colors).

Posted by Sandiai on February 4, 2013 at 7:23 PM

@32: I thought that was a Brokeback Mountain.

Posted by stirwise on February 4, 2013 at 7:13 PM

In the interest of following Dan's rules (must be real, and must be memorable), A Rocky Mountain Rainbow is a secret vacation a closeted,married man takes to hook up with a random gay dude.

Posted by Purocuyu

on February 4, 2013 at 6:40 PM

Eesh, the thought process of a bunch of high-fiving Dane Cookish 'bros.

Posted by undead ayn rand on February 4, 2013 at 6:36 PM

@22 - I think that's a winner. Combination of nuts and throwing up.

Mile high surprise... while sharting might be one, I'd say it's when some straight guy thinks he's about to join the mile high club with a stewardess on an international flight and finds out it's a ladyboy.

Posted by Tawnos on February 4, 2013 at 6:29 PM

Following up on @27, some examples:

"After a couple bottles of wine, Bill got super horny and went down on me. But after he tasted the Rocky Mountain Rainbow, he called me a faggot and ran out of the apartment."

"Don't mind Ted's drama. He just had his first Rocky Mountain Rainbow and it trying to figure out what it means."

Posted by I Hate Screen Names on February 4, 2013 at 6:28 PM

I'm just wondering about Joe Flecco's Purple Mountain Majesty. I can't picture it exactly, but it sure makes me feel inadequate.

Posted by LateBloomer on February 4, 2013 at 6:24 PM

A Rocky Mountain Rainbow is when a guy cums into a "straight" guy's mouth. This creates the "Rocky" situation of causing the "straight" boy to "taste the Rainbow," i.e. literally and figuratively consume the evidence that he is not entirely straight. And the Mountain is either the struggle of coming out to himself or the sense of exploration this discovery brings.

Posted by I Hate Screen Names on February 4, 2013 at 6:23 PM

A Rocky Mountain Rainbow was John Denver's dream of tantric spectrum group sex with Red Elmo, Orange Ernie, Yellow Big Bird, Green Kermit, Blue Grover and Purple Count. He dreamed too hard and forgot to fill the tank, leading to his own Mile High Surprise.

Posted by gttrgst on February 4, 2013 at 6:07 PM

Rocky Mountain Rainbow is a nice way of describing an RMR situation and that is when a man is so desperate he will sleep with two Republicans.

Posted by skidmark on February 4, 2013 at 6:06 PM

@23: But they have to be straight boys, right?

Posted by aureolaborealis on February 4, 2013 at 6:05 PM

Riffing on @4 and @19, I think Rocky Mountain Rainbow is when a giggly pizza-and-beer stuffed top pumps away so vigorously that he accidentally vomits on the bottom at the same moment that he's shooting his load in the bottom's ass.

It brings a whole new meaning to "taste the rainbow".

Posted by el ganador on February 4, 2013 at 5:49 PM

Mashing together a bunch of these: A RMR is when a drunken straight or "straight" guy decides to teabag another of same, and the second guy reacts by drunkenly throwing up all over the first guy's balls.

Posted by Elsewise on February 4, 2013 at 5:37 PM

Rocky Mountain Rainbow is the name for a group of totally straight male football fans sitting around a living room thinking about man-on-man sex acts.

Posted by beef rallard on February 4, 2013 at 5:26 PM

A Rocky Mountain Rainbow should be when an out gay or bi person is so successful at sleeping with a purportedly-straight person of the same gender that the purportedly-straight person almost immediately comes out as gay.

Example:

"Well, we'd always thought Marcia was straight, especially after the marriage and the kids, you know? But I guess her best friend managed to pull a successful Rocky Mountain Rainbow on her, and the next thing we all knew, she'd moved to a lesbian commune to become a sustainable organic farmer!"

Posted by R.Taylor on February 4, 2013 at 5:25 PM

Riffing on @4, I think the Rocky Mountain Rainbow is when a person vomits while giving a blowjob.

Posted by Faber on February 4, 2013 at 5:25 PM

Rocky Mountain Rainbow = Rev. Ted Haggard trying to have heterosexual sex. Actually every time Ted Haggard tries having sex with his wife, a rainbow dies. Rocky Mountain style.

Posted by sheiler

on February 4, 2013 at 5:18 PM

Oh, I was going to suggest that Mile High Surprise is when, 9 months after a mid-flight hook up with a stranger, she texts you a picture of your newborn. Surprise!!

Posted by BBChatone on February 4, 2013 at 5:18 PM

RMR means giggly straight boys with too much beer and pizza in their guts. MSM means something much better.

Posted by Sargon Bighorn on February 4, 2013 at 5:12 PM

Why help a bunch of straight lugs make nasty fag jokes?

Posted by vennominon on February 4, 2013 at 5:07 PM

Definitions are so boring. Nothing is ever going to beat santorum, which had the lovely convergence of lampooning a jerk and also being a practical description for a real sex thing.

Posted by sahara29 on February 4, 2013 at 5:02 PM

A Rocky Mountain Rainbow occurs when you have a Mile High Surprise (ala Fnarf) while flying over Colorado.

Posted by heywhatsit!? on February 4, 2013 at 4:51 PM

I know nothing about football, so I called my father (who is dead) and he told me that a Rocky Mountain Rainbow is simply a tackle involving a pile of more than three men when the man on the top of the mountain happens to be a gay football player. Dad told me that this is a frequent, not rare event.

Posted by Juan Alfredo on February 4, 2013 at 4:48 PM

I can't think of anything all that creative.

The air is thin up here so maybe a Rocky Mountain Rainbow could be when you have sex so vigorously you almost black out and see stars?

And Rocky Mountain Oysters are testicles, so perhaps a Rocky Mountain Rainbow could be when a guy gets CBT to the point of almost blacking out?

I have no idea what a good mile high surprise would be. Wake-up sex on a bunk bed?

Posted by Urgutha Forka on February 4, 2013 at 4:46 PM

I will now use my proposed definition in a sentence.
"If I had not pulled my face out from being buried in your pubes with your cock down my throat, your cock would have been covered in a Rocky Mountain Rainbow".

Posted by mr pinky on February 4, 2013 at 4:41 PM

I like @2 for Rocky Mountain High, the image of a woman receiving cunnilingus arching her back thrusting her breasts in the air sure sounds like a Rocky Mountain High

Posted by Hanoumatoi on February 4, 2013 at 4:40 PM

Fnarf wins—the "mile high surprise" category is now closed.

Posted by Dan Savage on February 4, 2013 at 4:40 PM

Why ain't a man pulling out to come on his partner's chest by "unlikely to happen in real life"? I'm straight, but I totally prefer cumming on a girl rather than in her. Is the cumming-on a straight man on woman thing?

Also, I would say Rocky Mountain Rainbow should be linked to Rocky Mountain Oyster (buffalo balls). So, maybe, a guys nuts are purple from being sucked on, and brown cause of runny santorum? that's particularly nasty to me. maybe a bleeding anus and the blood has trickled on to the balls? I'm nearly barfing here. But anyhow.

Posted by fetish on February 4, 2013 at 4:40 PM

Mile high surprise = sharting on a plane.

Posted by Fnarf

on February 4, 2013 at 4:38 PM

The mile high surprise is when someone opens the stall door because you two forgot to lock it, and the fellatio givers turns to look just as the lucky man cums, all over the third person.

Posted by Hanoumatoi on February 4, 2013 at 4:37 PM

A resensitizing of the gag reflex while deep throating causing "ralphing".

Posted by mr pinky on February 4, 2013 at 4:37 PM

Unless all acts are pre-approved in either list or flowchart form and checked off on by all parties ahead of time, it's rape.

Wait, no. Please try not to dilute the meaning of rape.

Posted by Q*bert H. Humphrey on February 4, 2013 at 4:34 PM

Rocky Mountain Rainbow - 1 women doing a back bend while another attempts to pleasure her until she collapses from shear ecstasy.

Mile-High Surprise - Sex in a potentially discoverable tree.

Posted by rinohog on February 4, 2013 at 4:32 PM

sex moves with a surprise motiff are usually douchey and rapey. Shame, dan.

Posted by cpt. tim on February 4, 2013 at 4:24 PM