SL Letter of the Day: Rocky Mountain Rainbows
by Dan Savage
on Mon, Feb 4, 2013 at 4:20 PM
I was watching the Superbowl last night with friends, and one of the commentators referred to a pass play in a previous playoff game (Denver vs. Baltimore) as the "Rocky Mountain Rainbow." My friends and I started giggling furiously—but in a totally manly way—because we were all thinking the same thing: Which sex move can we make up (or appropriate) to be henceforth called the "Rocky Mountain Rainbow"?
We were bloated by pizza, wings, and corn syrup, which is probably why the best we could come up with was imagining that at the climax of sex between two men, the top would pull out and try to come in an arc over the man titties of the bottom (the Rocky Mountains) to a destination beyond them.
Our effort was pretty juvenile, as we are all mostly straight men. I leave the task up to you and your readers, what can we now furiously giggle at and proudly call a "Rocky Mountain Rainbow."
Please do it, Dan. I want to say "Rocky Mountain Rainbow" as much as possible.
Rocky Mountain Rainbower
My response after the jump...
Google tells me that "Rocky Mountain Rainbow" was one of a number proposed names for Joe Flacco's 70-yard game-tying pass. I couldn't tell you which game that pass tied, what position Joe Flacco plays (presumably it's one of the ball-throwing positions), or what team he's on—well, actually, I could tell you all of that crap if I was willing to continue reading stories about the football season that concluded yesterday. But I'm not willing to do that.
And I don't have to keep reading, RMR, because the first thing that popped up when I googled "Rocky Mountain Rainbow" was an online poll at the Baltimore Sun—one of those legally-binding online polls—asking Sun readers to pick a name for that 70-yard pass. And "Flacco Fling" narrowly beat out "Rocky Mountain Rainbow," "Mile-High Surprise," "Purple Mountain Majesty," and "Something Else."
So that pass is the "Flacco Fling" and "Rocky Mountain Rainbow" is up for grabs.
Now all of the proposed names for that 70-yard pass would make great sexual euphemisms—particularly "mile-high surprise" (the mind reels)—but your proposed definition for "Rocky Mountain Rainbow," RMR, isn't particularly memorable. It's serviceable, sure, and it's gay-secks-obsessed in that cute way straight boys have, i.e. equal parts fascination and revulsion. But it's just not sticky enough. To really stick in the mind a sexual euphemism either has to stand for something vividly and unforgettably gross and/or assholey, a la "dirty sanchez," or it has to be useful, a la "pegging" or "santorum." A gay dude pulling his dick out of another dude's ass at at the moment of climax so he can blow his load up and over a pair man titties? As that's unlikely to ever happen in real life, RMR, the term isn't useful. And as it's not that gross, the term is forgettable.
I'm going to punt on this one, as they say, and kick this one out to my readers. They're the geniuses who came up with pegging and santorum, after all. So let's hear your proposed definitions for "rocky mountain rainbow," gang, and—what the hell—your best ideas for "mile high surprise" too. Lay them on us in comments.