I am a comfort animal—a devoted hedonist, a coffee addict, a person who many weekday mornings sits down to a full breakfast of sausage and eggs. My friends do not seem confident about the juice thing. This is, after all, a juice fast whose instructions read, in part: "If you absolutely need to eat, first try raw food because that keeps the enzymes from moving back into your digestion. But the food desire is more of a head game. You can easily survive 30 days without food." EASILY! Really. WHO KNEW. When I told my friend it meant I couldn't drink coffee, she laughed so hard she hit her head on a table.
The company representative said I could choose a three-day fast, but "many people say they start to feel really good on the third day and wished they had gone for the five-day instead." So I went for it. It consists of four 16-ounce juices a day. "Once your juice arrives, remove solid foods from your diet, flood the body with healthy nutrient-dense and enzyme-packed juice," warble the instructions.
The juice arrived this morning. But because we are nothing if not vigorously scientific here on Slog, Cienna has decided to go on her own QFC Juice Cleanse™, where she just makes up her own liquid diet based on whatever's on sale at the grocery store. Whose juice fast will be faster and juicier? We'll see. Might Cienna die? Eh, probably not. Does wine count as juice? YES.In the time it took to write this post, I drank my first green-brown juice. It made my mouth tingle with fennel. I feel cleansed-er already. And hungry as fuck.
Meanwhile, Megan Seling just sent an officewide e-mail with a picture of the four different kinds of her fucking amazing cupcakes she just brought in for everybody. She says: "I even brought my culinary torch for the brulee!" I AM NOT KIDDING.
We shall see, Slog. We shall see.
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Do it to the maximum, take it why you asking them?
Don't listen to them suckers when they say you too irrational.
See I said I'm a king and them lames started laughing
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Meanwhile, Megan Seling just sent an officewide e-mail with a picture of the four different kinds of her fucking amazing cupcakes…
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