That Little Boy Who Was Abducted Yesterday: Still being held hostage in Alabama by the man who shot and killed a bus driver.

This Probably Won't End Well: Iran says there will be "grave consequences" for Israel's attack on Syria.

Chinese Hackers Have Infiltrated the New York Times For Months: Reports the New York Times.

Another Shooting, This Time in Arizona: One dead, one in critical condition, one with non-life-threatening injuries, and a shooter still on the loose.

GM Recalls Over 13,000 Cars: There is a possible airbag and/or bolt issue.

Local Druggies are Chopping Down Trees: "The tree poaching has become so rampant that the Sheriff's Office now has a designated deputy who patrols the forest trying to prevent thieves from cutting down trees that have been growing for many decades."

How MIT Can Honor Aaron Swartz: "Fight to make academic journals open to everyone."

I Never Noticed How Much Dan Marino Looks Like David Hasselhoff: Anyway, Marino had a love child with a CBS employee while still married to his wife.

Are You Fucking Kidding Me?: A "gay" dog was abandoned by his owner after the owner saw the dog mount another male dog, and now the dog might be put down since he has no home. GOOD JOB, HUMANS. WAY TO BE WINNERS.

Speaking of Terrible Humans: "Pastor claimed his penis had been anointed with the 'Holy Spirit divine semen' and raped his faithful."

Sobrino Valdeci Picanto, 59, was arrested in Apore, GoiÁs, Brazil, for raping several women attending his church. He gave as an excuse that his penis had been consecrated with “divine semen of the Holy Spirit.”

A 23-year-old young woman, who prefers to remain anonymous said, “He has convinced us that only God could come into our lives through the mouth.”

Ugh times 1,000.

Best Headline of the Day?: "Fossilized shark poo hides 270 million-year-old tapeworm eggs."

"How Long Have You Had an STD?": Here's one way to handle those obnoxious videobombers who just want to get on TV during live news reports.